Early I ate basically a whole Papa John's large pizza by myself. The last few pieces, I was too stuffed to eat so I ate the toppings off of it. Oh and I drank about two cans of Pepsi too. I just feel so disgusted.
I have to confess, I have done the same thing. When I moved to a new city and into a new apartment a few years ago, I felt depressed and scared because I didn't know anyone. I was starting a new job the following week, and I was on shaky emotional ground. I ordered a large papa johns pizza and devoured the entire thing.... Your post brought back memories for me.
Do you know what drove you to this binge? What were you REALLY hungry for? were you bored, lonely, tired?
I know you feel disgusted, but try to be kind to yourself.... try to identify what drove you to eat the whole pizza. Once you do, you will be able to come up with an action plan the next time you are tired/lonely, etc. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.... I feel for ya.... I've been there
We have all done that and all felt disgusted..... It is what we turn to in times of stress, joy, anger, sorrow, etc. I tell myself that I could be reaching for booze, cigarettes or drugs. It is very hard to contron what makes us happy and for me it is food. One day at a time, forgive yourself
Don't beat yourself up. But STOP and ANALYZE know what you responded to. Was it boredom, a need for pleasure, depression? Once you analyze it, come up with a plan for the next time you feel that way. It's just 1 meal...DON'T LET IT BE MORE THAN THAT.
Thanks so much for the support.
I have been thinking about it and I just cannot figure out why. I guess I need to really think about it. Even while I was eating it, I kept thinking "this is so disgusting, just stop." When I was drinking Pepsi, I kept wanting water but I kept on drinking the Pepsi.
I used to joke that pizza was only worth eating if I ate it until I felt sick. What a sick worldview, but when you think about what pizza is, it's just cheese, grease, bread and salty sauce. Zero nutritional value but an addictive flavor that leaves you just short of satisfied. It makes sense and I think that's why so few people can stop at one slice.
Sometimes, for me, it's not something earth-shaking that makes me binge. It's just that the food is there. At times, when I am in "I can take on the world" weight loss mode, I can see and smell a pizza and have zero desire for it. Other times, I want it, but can avoid it. But when I'm not focused on weight loss, distracted, or just vaguely out-of-sorts, I eat it because it's there. And I engage in all the self-talk. "Why am I eating this?" "I'm just going to feel sick when I'm done." "I have no control over food, and I'll always be fat." Blah blah blah blah. I hate the negative self talk even more than I hate the disgusted, full feeling.
It's just easier for me if it's not there. You don't give a lot of details about the reason for it being there. Left over from last night? You said early, so it doesn't sound like a social function. Unless I'm 100% on top of my game and focused on weight loss, I can't have it around. Because I may not eat it. But I might. And yes, I do the throw it in the garbage and pour dish soap on it trick. Or I just take out the garbage. Get it out of my house, out of my mind. And then I feel better, and often avoid the binge.
One binge. It's done. And not nearly as important as the choices you make for your next meal. Or the next after that.
Feel so disgusted
I just feel so disgusted.
