I thought I would introduce myself as well. I wont bore you with too much detail but here's a little about me....
I grew up in a house of very naturally skinny people. My mom tells me I am the "big boned" one of the family. In high school most of my girlfriends were worried about their weight and eventually I would seldom eat breakfast, eat nothing but a bag of skittles and a frozen juice box all day at school and then get home and eat nachos or something terrible as a snack and have dinner with my father a few hours later. I only ate when I had to - which was when my dad was around. I got really skinny and liked it. I worked a lot so people didnt really know how little I was eating. I didnt exercise at all except for some springs I would play baseball for the season. My last season I broke my wrist, likely due to my lack of nutrition. Not very many people break a wrist sliding into second base. I know my father (who I lived with) was quite worried about me and was always asking what I ate and "whipping up a salad" for me when he got home from work or asking me to "just drink one little glass of V8" before going to a friends. I started resorting to lying about what I ate and I would always spend so much time at friend's houses that it was difficult for him to keep tabs on what I was really eating. There was nothing he could do anyway.
Events like a big breakup with a boyfriend would spiral me into basically total starvation. I remember one time the cleaning lady at my boyfriend's house even commented on how skinny I was getting. She was quite worried. I think I just thought being skinny would make him want me. I didnt value my body. I got to university and I remember gaining 8 pounds (I was 105 when I arrived) and I thought I was gigantic. I think about that now and realize how dilusional I was. I went home to see my boyfriend at thankgiving and he didnt even notice but I was not happy. Living with 5 other weight concious girls in university definitely didnt help me. I got into eating properly and exercising regularly though and was quite healthy. Except in the summers, working at restaurants as a server, I would barely eat since I never wanted to food we served and I was never hungry when I got home at 3am. In my last year of university I finally found a balance of exercise and proper eating and hovered around 118-120 pounds. I was happy.
Then at the end of university, I got mono. I spent what should have been the best of my last couple weeks there in bed. That was horrible. I moved back home to my dad's and spent a month in bed after a relapse of the mono from the stress of exams and moving 4 years worth of stuff. It took a long time to get over mono and the fact that I couldn't exercise was so frustrating. I think that's when I started to really love eating. Although I can see in the past, restricting and bingeing did occur. My family is very focused on food - always talking about it, eating at all functions, etc. They have high metabolisms. Food is just a love of my family.
So I thought I had gained tons of weight after mono. Mainly I just lost the toned look I had and all my muscle turned to fat. So then I started working out again but with a job I hate and no boyfriend in a city where it seems impossible to meet anyone, I just started eating .. eating a lot. Bingeging then getting angry, dieting then treating myself/giving up. Over and over and over.
Finally I feel like I am ready to get back to my happy self. I have decided to quit my job after torturing myself for long enough. I am going on a trip to Europe that I have been dying to do for years, and I'm moving back to my home town afterwards. I'm very excited about being myself again and I hope you guys can help me through my journey. You've already been a huge help.
I said this wouldnt be long.. sorry.