Keeping with the trend of daily posts! One of my goals is to post here EVERY DAMN DAY (or as close to it as I can get) to remain accountable. I've noticed that when I'm behaving badly, I tend to stay off the forum. So I'm going to stay on the forum and hopefully use that as another reason to behave well.
Today was a day off from work for me. Here are the highlights and lowlights of my day:
Good:
- Mental health day to veg out on the couch and do nothing
- I exceeded my water goal for the day
- Ate relatively healthy (only exception being a dip into the tortilla chips and salsa/guacamole in my fridge, but could've been way worse)
- Made a definitive budget for the next month to afford our beach trip in September
Bad:
- All I did was veg on the couch, which I've been doing an awful lot of lately (mostly due to depression)
- I ate WAAAYYYY too many chips
- I drank a Redbull for no other reason than it tasted good
I need to start moving more, and I'm not even just talking about exercising (even though that's next on my list after getting my eating habits straightened out). Simple things like cleaning up dishes and washing clothes and basic housekeeping have all suffered from my lack of desire to do *anything*. Some days it literally everything I've got to get up and go to work and not call in. People depending on me helps motivate me, but just barely. The Boyfriend has been a total God-send and has picked up the slack as much as he can, but it's not fair to let the burden just fall on him. My depression seems to has lessened recently, so I think I'm going to start telling myself if I can just do one or two things a day, I'll call it even. And then maybe 2-3 things, and then maybe more. Slowly but surely, get myself back to normal again. Today, I'm going to wash the dishes and wipe the counters.
Edit update: I did it! I did things! I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but getting the motivation to do *anything* has been impossible, so this is the most proactive I've been in who knows how long. Yay, me ^_^
Lilion: Congrats on getting moving again! Baby steps all around
Laurie: I think you also talked me into a little bit of optimism
Last edited by DreadPiratePanda; 08-15-2017 at 09:13 PM.
I had a rough day yesterday but I'm forcing myself back onto the path today.
Tuesday started with some unusual disruptions at work. Nothing really exciting but once things were sorted out I sat down and stress ate the brownie I'd packaged up to leave in a co-worker's office. Man, that brownie was really good. So I ate the other one (they come in a two pack from a major national coffee shop chain - we get the leftovers and no longer good enough to sell stuff donated to our program at work... I am constantly tempted but usually strong. Not this time though...). I had a yummy stew in the fridge for "lunch" but I wasn't hungry, thanks to those brownies. And they'd also set off a sugar craving as well so the rest of the day all I wanted was more junk food. I did track everything and in the evening I made a healthy meal the day wasn't a total blow out. But when i got in to work tonight I caved and ate two cookies. Big cookies. Ai yi yi!
But today is a new day and since midnight I've had a healthy meal and no cookies. It's gonna be a bit of a struggle for a couple days I bet. But I can do this!
Lilion - A hearing officer, eh? Sounds like an administrative law judge. Yes, that would make it much trickier. I have a lot of hearings, for an attorney, but I imagine that you are bound much closer to your office/hearing room than I am. I have had judges, though, announce that they have physical issues (most often back-related, actually) and either take extra breaks or explain that they will be pacing at times during the hearing, but that doesn't mean they're not listening. =) LOL on the bloat commercials. Yes. I think you're probably exactly right.
Amanda - Depression is sssooo challenging. I completely understand what it's like to feel intimidated by the need to do anything. Sometimes, I break tasks into itty-bitty steps. "Okay. I will not wet the bed. I need to start by moving the covers, then swinging one leg over the side of the bed, . . ." I am so proud of you for getting some stuff done yesterday! It amazes me just how heavy my limbs feel sometimes. Who can accomplish anything when it's such an effort to even lift an arm? At least for me, every task helps beat back the depression just a tiny bit. Hopefully, you can emerge from that dark cloud soon.
Vladadog - I totally feel you on the "I'll just have one brownie and stop" and then not be able to stop mindset. I am also right there with you on the "twinkie diet" thing -- where I skip the real food because I feel so bloated and gross from the junk. Glad you're back on the path! You tend to be so consistent with such regularity that I am confident you will recover quickly from this blip and be back on the straight and narrow starting today.
Diane - Can't wait to hear the daily scoop! Hope work isn't too crazy.
I had a rough day emotionally yesterday, and I did medicate with sugar some, but then I also decided to medicate with walking. A lot. Not triumphant strides, but more like trudging around for a really long time. I planned on running, but just wasn't mentally up to it. While I still didn't feel great, I avoided finishing the entire apple pie on the counter and topping it off with the chocolate muffins sitting next to it. I also ended up at 35,000 steps for the day. I hit the shower at about 10:30, and came out to see my fellow Fitbit contestant's comment, "I bet you could hit 40,000 if you really wanted." So, since I am both competitive and unable to resist a challenge, I hit the street again at about 11 p.m. and got those 40,000 steps yesterday. Fitbit tells me I walked 16.98 miles yesterday. And yet, because I also chose to stress-eat, I gained 0.2 pounds. (Okay - I know it's way more complicated than that, but still a net gain after a heckuva lot of walking.)
So, today, I am going to try to focus and be purposeful. I seem to be pounding water like a madwoman, which is not a bad channel for the compulsiveness I'm feeling, but I am also peeing way too much. =)
Goals -
1 - Good nutrition.
2 - Deal with the emotional challenge I avoided yesterday.
3 - Go for an actual run, not just talk about it.
4 - Finish the brief that I have been working on for days before noon today.
Hi all. Yep, work is busy. I've deviated a little bit from the good path of working out, so I need to get back on track tomorrow. It is Body Pump day, so I need to get there!
Diane - Glad to see the check-in. Hope you were able to get back on track this morning with working out. Body Pump, baby. I have not lifted weights in some time, so I need to do that today as well.
I did pretty well yesterday, but ended up staying up until almost 4 in the morning, so didn't weigh today, and am going to have to fight the exhaustion and the related desire to eat everything in sight. **sigh** Maybe I'll try and sneak in a nap this afternoon and lift with my husband this evening.
Goals -
1 - Finish my work project by 11:00 a.m.
2 - Get my 20K steps in.
3 - Don't eat the house down.
4 - Get some decent sleep.
Laurie: 4 o'clock! No way could I stay up that late! Hope you get a nap in.
For me, I didn't go to body pump this morning. My husband was going out of town, and I wanted to see him this morning. I got on the scale, though, and it wasn't too bad. I was expecting an increase, but it stayed the same.
Good evening, everyone! So today was a decent day.
Pros:
- Worked hard, stayed a little late, felt good about how much work I did
- Took the stairs twice (I can feel it in my legs from taking them yesterday too)
- Drank a decent amount of water and am one bottle away from goal
- Ate decent meals and snacks
- Washed all the dishes and cleaned the counters
Cons:
- Did *not* get decent sleep (mostly due to thinking I was scheduled two hours later than I actually was and realizing my mistake at 11pm last night)
- Drank not one, but two Redbulls because of no sleep (y'all, the addiction struggle is real because Redbull is delicious for me)
- Have not done any other housework
Weighed myself this morning but I'm not counting it because sleeping like crap always bloats me up. I'll weigh for real in a couple days. It's also pre-Shark Week, so bloat galore for that as well.
Vladadog: Ack! Sugar cravings are no joke, dude. Good luck with getting back on track. I have faith in you
Diane: I always count no news (no gain) as good news, so congrats on no gain lol. I'll take that as a win!
Laurie: Why were you up till 4am??? I can only stay up that late if it's been a good hard night of partying and even then, I'm in a coma for like a week afterwards.
Diane - Staying the same weight - that's not bad news at all! Glad you got to see the hubby off. Hopefully, you'll find some time and energy to make up the Body Pump class. Or maybe you'll enjoy the short respite and hit the ground running on Monday!
Amanda - I actually went to bed early Wednesday night because of low sleep the previous night and some soreness from excessive walking, but the dreaded marital argument commenced shortly thereafter. I can't sleep, usually, until everything is resolved, and it wasn't getting resolved that night, so it just took me a while to get settled again. Stupid, I know. I also have a (thankfully sugar free) Red Bull addiction, though I had gone without one for about a month. However, I indulged twice yesterday. Maybe I didn't need it, but I pounced on the excuse of sleeplessness. I love your pros and cons list, BTW.
I have not eaten dinner with my husband for the past three nights. Different reasons each evening, but it makes calorie budgeting so much easier! I am within five pounds of my lowest weight in 20 years -- almost down to my pre-June-cruise weight. Things are going well on both the food and exercise fronts, though I admit that I walked instead of lifted weights yesterday. I need to either be more serious about doing the weight lifting as scheduled or just adding some body-weight strength-training that doesn't require the gym.
Today's goals -
1 - Eat reasonably. We are having a Defenders-watching party this evening, so this might be tricky. I think maybe I'll get me some fake ice cream to enjoy during the party rather than indulge in whatever is there.
2 - Run 5 miles today.
3 - Do some push-ups and planks today.
4 - Quit eating the donut holes someone brought into work today. (I ate one. It wasn't good. I don't need any more, but kind of want more, which is always a dangerous sign. Even though I can still feel the grease in my mouth from the first one. Ugh.)
Hope everyone has a great Friday and an amazing weekend!
Dread: I also like your list of pros and cons. Good way to be accountable, but to also give yourself a little praise for what went right. I also have a little addiction to an energy drink, Xyience CranRazz. I have one every day. It is 0 calorie, so I figure there are worse things I could do.
Laurie: It is amazing how much easier it is when you're cooking for yourself. I feel the same way. And yay for you for getting the weight back down. That's the way to go!!
For me, I think I'm going to shake up my workouts some. I still want to go to Body Pump on Thursdays, but I think I might do some other weights on Tuesdays. I feel a little stagnant, so that will give me the one day to do something else, and then the other day to do some other things. I also might cut out one of the spin classes to do some other kind of cardio. We'll see, though, because I'm not a huge fan of treadmilling or ellipticals. Anyway, just seeing if a change would be fun.
Diane - I love your plan of mixing it up! You've been pretty consistent for years about Body Pump, Body Flow, and spinning for your gym time, with hiking and running for your off-gym. I am just as guilty of sticking with my constants, but I totally loved doing yoga the one time I did it a few weeks ago. I don't know how you feel about cardio classes, but my husband will occasionally get the kids downstairs to do a stump marching video, and he did a Billy Blanks video with them last week. I like Zumba sometimes, and I keep telling myself that I will teach myself to be a minimally-competent dancer. If you're looking for change-ups with weight lifting, I like New Rules of Lifting for Women, though I have to admit I'm feeling a bit burnt-out on that lately too. Maybe I'll find a Body Flow class here and you and I can switch work-outs!
I had a super rough weekend with food. I reached that stage where if I was in any type of close proximity to food, I was eating it. And feeling like crap because of it. I thought I had it licked on Sunday when we went for a bike ride and stopped for ice cream, and I watched everyone eating the ice cream without a trace of envy because I had eaten pancakes that morning, and it was enough indulgence for me. But then we got home and I ate some chicken (good choice) and followed it up with bad choice after bad choice. And I barely got in 11,000 steps. I did go for the bike ride, but my heart rate barely cracked 65 bpm on the most challenging part of the ride, and stayed at about 60 bpm for the rest of the ride. Not really scorching calories there. That's the bad part of working on fitness, of course. At the fitness level I have achieved, I really do need to do some intentional intense exercise to make a difference. Of course, I could also kick some teenage butt when we got into a race, so there's that. =)
I've also been having body image issues with the way I perceive my husband is perceiving me. I don't know if he really means the things he says, or if he's just trying to "take me down a peg" to reduce the chances that I will cheat on him, but it's hard to hear them from the one person who actually sees me naked. **sigh** I know he's super paranoid about cheating. His ex-wife cheated on him and ended their marriage to live with someone else, and he says all of his previous girlfriends cheated on him. But none of that gives him reason to suspect me, and certainly doesn't give him reason to say those things to me.
Okay. Reset today. I am going to feel better about myself. If my husband can't get on board with me feeling good about myself, then that's a marriage problem, not a "too skinny" problem.
Goals -
1 - Get 20K steps.
2 - Run for 5 miles.
3 - Get work done.
4 - No sugar today. If I do eat it, I will not enjoy it, so why bother?
5 - Weigh tomorrow morning to assess the weekend's damage.
Laurie: Sounds like you weren't too far off base over the weekend. You downplay "only" 11,000 steps, but that's still a good amount! Anyway, I agree with you to keep positive about your body image. I think you've had trouble in the past with your husband's views on getting too skinny. I think that's more of his problem, and you should feel great about all you've done and how fit you are now! Definitely better than having the extra weight!
For me, the weekend was pretty good overall for food. That's a first. My scale must have been happy about it because I showed a good loss. I'm back below 260 today. I'm hoping it stays that way. I need to keep the downward trend going.
I was super tired this morning and didn't get up for spin class. I am not going to panic about it though. I'm going to go to the spin class after work, or I'll go running. I need to do one or the other, so that I don't have that first day of the week with no effort. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do for lifting tomorrow, but I'm excited for something different. I might be sore afterward!!
Diane - It's so exciting that you rocked the food last weekend. I know we each have our own specific challenges, and that seems to frequently be a challenge for you. Nothing better than to knock it out when it's hard for us. Also super exciting that you got below the 260 benchmark. Conquering those decade numbers is a definite sign of progress. Hope your spinning/running adventure last night went well!
We had people coming over yesterday at 7 to play board games. I always make cookies for these occasions. I also didn't get a chance to slip out for a run yesterday. So, I got home about 5:30, and knew that if I wanted to run, it would have to be right then. I didn't even pause in changing into my running gear and stepping outside. As I was accessing my app to track my mileage from the porch, the rain started pouring down. I looked up the weather on my phone to see if I could figure out how long it would last, then remembered a quote from a book I recently read talking about a very successful triathlon who talked about training in every kind of weather. I then remembered how freaked out I had been when rain was predicted for the morning I was scheduled to run the half-marathon. And I decided just to run. If I didn't go then, I would miss my opportunity. So I went. And it wasn't a light rain either. I was soaked within seconds, and had to keep wiping my eyes because of the amount of rain drenching my face. And it was GLORIOUS. I didn't actually run the entire way. Instead, I did intervals with faster running and walking, but still ended up coming in within a minute of the time that I generally achieve when I run the entire way. I now know that when I run in the rain, I should wear a hat. I got home at 6:45, took a shower, made sure I hydrated, and then ate some eggs for dinner while everyone else feasted on cookies (and eggs, actually), and only ended up having one cookie (and of course, a couple of bites of cookie dough). Definitely a win yesterday!
So, this morning, I am determined to be super-focused and achieve all of my hopes and dreams. Or, at least, I have reaffirmed that sometimes things I dread are not actually nearly as problematic as I fear, and sometimes, they're way better than I could have imagined.
Goals -
1 - Work hard and fast enough that I can justify taking a quick run late morning.
2 - Make good nutrition choices.
3 - Stay away from candy/cookies, etc. I am not craving them at this moment, and eating them will just start the craving.
4 - Try to get to the gym to lift weights this evening.
5 - Weigh tomorrow morning.
Laurie: How cool is that to run in the rain!? It is so great that you were able to fight the distractions and easy excuses to avoid the running, and you were rewarded with some great feelings and accomplishment! The cookie and cookie dough were nice for a treat after such a big win!! So very proud of you! And, so glad you are posting every day! I look forward to reading what you write!
For me, I decided that I really didn't want to go to spin class last night, so I went running instead. I won't be able to go tonight, so I figured I should get it in. It was pretty good, better than I thought it would be. I just think that running is so beneficial in so many ways, I want to keep going on it. I'm not where I want to be with it yet, but getting back there! This morning I went to the gym, but did my own weightlifting instead of going to Body Pump. I think it went well. I need to go a little earlier to make sure I get it all in, because I was having to really hustle. Of course, that could be because I was running late this morning. But I felt good about it because I was able to work on my form, particularly for squats and lunges, and I haven't been able to do that in the class. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be very sore tomorrow. Already feeling it today, especially after shaky legs this morning. I'll probably still go to spin tomorrow, but I would like to run tomorrow night, too. We'll see how it goes!
Diane - I love reading your posts as well! And I appreciate your patience and kindness about my ramblings. I love that you are shaking it up with the exercise. A great run Monday night, and pushing yourself on the weight lifting yesterday morning = inspirational. And I love that you seem to be choosing from a smorgasbord of amazingness when you describe your planned and executed fitness activities instead of dreading the exercise. That's the mindset I try to be in, and it's not always easy to be there. Can't wait to hear whether you've chosen spin or running -- or both -- as your chosen exercise today.
I felt inspired to run yesterday, even though I typically run three days a week. I increased my pace at the beginning, but didn't make it all the way up the steep hill, and then did some intervals. However, when I was almost home, I realized that I had a shot to beat 45:00 minutes as my time for this route (about 4.25 miles), so I started sprinting at the end. I made it home at 45:06. Disappointing to not quite beat it, yes, but still pretty exhilarating. Overall, my pace was a 10:37 mile.
On a serious note, my marriage seems to be kind of falling apart right now, after we seemed to be making such good progress in counseling. I was also in the grocery store this morning in the cereal aisle, and some guy came and stood right next to me. Like - in my space next to me. I said, "Oh, am I in your way?" and stepped to the side. He said, "No," and stepped closer to me. I think I've had enough of men for the day. Not friend/co-worker/decent guy men, but the "get on my nerves and make my life difficult" sort.
Goals -
1 - Get to the gym to lift weights already. It's been a week since I lifted.
2 - Focus on work. Get stuff done.
3 - Get my 20K steps in.
4 - Stay away from the stuff I'm currently not craving so as to avoid starting to crave it.
5 - Start the process of "tidying" my home and my office, based on the principles of the book I just finished.
Laurie: Sorry to hear about your marriage issues. I thought you guys were doing much better, too. Dang it! Hope it all sorts itself out. Ugh to the creepy guy in the cereal aisle. Dude! Back off! But, it sounds like your running is going very well. That's a good thing for sure!
For me, I didn't go to spin this morning, but I'm going to go running after work. My husband is out of town, so no need to make dinner, so I have more than enough time. I rolled over in bed this morning and instantly felt the pain of yesterday's workout. I knew I was in trouble. So, I opted to skip Spin. I think that running might help a little more with easing the soreness. We'll see. I do feel like the workout yesterday was really good. I'll probably still go to Body Pump tomorrow, but it does have me thinking that I need to shake things up.
Food has been on point lately, and I've been seeing good losses in the mornings. I need to keep it up so that I can have a good number to report next Monday. I would be happy to get through this decade quickly. Just need to stay disciplined.
