College professor was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders;
using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all of the children the same kind of
lifesaver one at a time and asked them to identify them by color and flavor.
The
children began to say:
"Red..................cherry"
"Yellow...............lemon",
"Green................lime",
"Orange...............orange".
Finally, the professor gave them all Honey Lifesavers. After eating them
for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well" he said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may
sometimes call
your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled,
"Everybody, spit them out - they're a_ _holes!!!"
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain
5 lbs.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what
you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your
body and your fat are really good friends.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and
setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two
sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know,
sometimes I just forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But
I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to
forget to eat.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and
then they marry him.
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30
can fit into their stuff.
When I was younger I hated going to weddings............
...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grand-motherly types used
to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and giggling, telling me,
'You're next.' They stopped that after I started doing the same
thing to them at funerals.
Last edited by Watermelon; 04-11-2001 at 09:37 PM.
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her
girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man
entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from
him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly
toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for
staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything,
that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.
'Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man
replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse
and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's
hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly,
meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
