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Old 09-28-2006, 06:23 PM   #1
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Default Do you ever find?

Do you ever find that some of your friends are jealous of your weight loss or weight loss efforts?

I have a friend who since I began losing weight in March has not made one comment or word of encouragement. It has been kinda bothering me lately. When she says she has lost weights I always tell her that is great and encourage her to keep going, any time I try to tell her about my journey she never says a thing. Maybe I am paranoid? Has anyone else experience this?
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Old 09-28-2006, 06:28 PM   #2
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It might not be jealousy as much as it could be embarrassment. I know that I have a hard time telling people that they look like they've lost weight. Maybe they have and maybe they haven't, but goodness how would I feel if they hadn't lost anything? Its kind of like asking a non-pregnant person when they are due.
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Old 09-28-2006, 07:28 PM   #3
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I totally know what you mean! My friend was a little more extreme... infact we are no longer friends. She doesn't want to have anything to do with me because she says I'm obsessed with weight loss, and all I care about is exercise. I watch who I talk to about weight loss now!

With regards to your friend, maybe she only see's you suceeding and not having a hard time with it. I know for me thats frustrating, and then I feel like a failure because it's an everyday, every MINUTE struggle.

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Old 09-29-2006, 05:17 AM   #4
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Nope you are certainly not being paranoid. I have the same experience except its with my two sisters.....never a word of encouragement. But you know what? Encouragement would be nice BUT you are doing this for you..not anyone else. If you do it on your own you will be so much stronger.
Good luck - you are doing great, keep it up!
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Old 09-29-2006, 10:26 AM   #5
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I don't think that you are being paranoid....there are people that will do this. I myself since losing weight have experienced this as well. One of my closest friends which happens to be my cousin seems to be doing the exact same things.
All of my other family members and friends have told me how proud they are of me, how they can really see the changes in me, how I am looking soo good and must be working soo hard.
My cousin on the other hand (that is also trying to lose weight) hasn't said one word to me about my success.
I figure she is jealous or too embarassed that she hasn't had the results. Im not by any means trying to sound like a snob cuz im not like that at all....hey I have always been the fat girl amongst my family and friends.
Yes I am doing this for myself and my future with my husband and hopefully family of our own some day. But along the way it would be nice if the people you consider yourself closest to would give you a little praise.
Don't worry about it though...just keep trucking along...you know what you have accomplished is huge!
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Old 09-29-2006, 10:32 AM   #6
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Envy, embarrassment ... both are rooted in low self-esteem. I have a friend who is the same way, never a good word about my weight loss. When she lost a bunch of weight, I was her biggest cheerleader. She had a baby and put on the weight, and now treats me like I'm an emotional cripple because I am losing weight. I don't get it.
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Old 09-29-2006, 10:43 AM   #7
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My next door neighbor, that is my friend, has had a hard time with my weight loss. She has tried exercising a lot, but hasn't lost weight. She says that with her DH and 2 children, plus 1 on the way that she can't afford to buy "special things" for her to eat. I understand her frustration but have told that what I have done is buy the same food for my whole family. We all eat a lot healthier. She says that she totally regrets not "getting started on losing weight" when I did (she wasn't pregnant then). She never says rude or nasty things to me, but her DH told my DH that it bothers her to be around me now.
My sister has by far been worse about my weight loss than any of my friends. She's the one that I get the "you've gone over-board with this, you look weak, you are anorexic and do you make yourself throw up" comments from. At first, her comments really hurt me, now I ignore her and don't let it get to me.
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Old 09-29-2006, 10:50 AM   #8
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i need help
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Old 09-29-2006, 11:04 AM   #9
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what do you need help with?
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Old 09-29-2006, 11:11 AM   #10
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Life is to short to be around people who hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable.

Just not worth the agony or time of day.
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Old 09-29-2006, 11:51 AM   #11
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I do have a couple of friends who I walk with after work both work out a curves and neither are losing weight, in fact one put on weight. But neither one is willing to watch what they eat (both have at least 1 big burger fry and coke per day) I feel bad when we discuss my weight loss because I told them if you cut out just a little it should help, especially since they have the exercise thing down now. Only recenty one told me my weight loss is starting to get noticable. The other (BIL's girlfriend) doesnt say anything, I mostly think it is because I know she wants it so bad, but doesn't want to cut out any food. I know she is regretting not cutting back on food when I did.
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Old 09-29-2006, 12:25 PM   #12
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A Whopper, single, no cheese, has 670 calories, which in my case is half the calories I should eat in a day to lose weight. So you can imagine what adding a big burger, fries, and coke does for you. It's no wonder those women don't lose weight. But, it is better that they are walking than if they didn't.

People just are always a surprise. And we can't control them at all! Some will be pleased for us and tell us so, some will be jealous and won't say a word, some will try to sabotage us for no reason that they can even name! So, we can't depend on what others do or say to keep going. That's why 3 Fat Chicks is so great--we all can really support each other's efforts here.

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Old 09-29-2006, 02:37 PM   #13
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I had the same thing happen with my WW partner. I was losing the weight a lot faster than her and she started making nasty comments and being negative about my weight loss. She picked a HUGE fight with me and I haven't seen or talked to her since. I have kept the weight off but I saw her at the mall and she has gained everything back plus some.

Another friend of mine actually bought me my first pair of "thin" jeans because she was tired of seeing me in my old baggy jeans. We were in Nordstrom's and she turned to me and said "I'm doing this because I'm so proud of you and what you have accomplished even with everything that you have been through in the past years". Now, that's a true friend and one that I cherish.

The thing that I have figured out is that it's a very personal journey and only YOU can control yourself not others. Surround yourself with those who that give you unconditional support and love.
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Old 09-29-2006, 03:09 PM   #14
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I am glad I am not the only one who has experience this, I am doing this for me not anyone else. I don't need everyone to be my cheerleader, I have figured out how to keep myself motivated even when I want to just give up so badly.

And that is thanks to everyone on 3FC who shares and motivates everyone else. I honestly don't think I could keep with my program without you guys!

We all rock!
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Old 09-29-2006, 03:19 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boyzthree View Post
Another friend of mine actually bought me my first pair of "thin" jeans because she was tired of seeing me in my old baggy jeans. We were in Nordstrom's and she turned to me and said "I'm doing this because I'm so proud of you and what you have accomplished even with everything that you have been through in the past years". Now, that's a true friend and one that I cherish.
No kidding! That is a good friend.
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