[mom2cole]

When you are at work talking to guys why don't you start dropping into every conversation something about your fiance. I do this all of the time. I will go "oh my husband would love that!" or "my husband and I will have to try that restaurant you are talking about" stuff like that. I have kids I talk about them too I have only had one person continue to bug me after I started to do that and he finally quit working where I work. (he didn't speak fluent english either, so he might not have got my point) I also have my husband come and take me to lunch frequently and so my co-workers know I am happily married and I am not interested.

[LLV]

I was simply asking a question. Whether or not she was serious. Because I'd like to know WHY someone would 'stay' overweight just to avoid attention from men.

Forgive me, but I just don't understand that.

[LLV]

Originally Posted by brownsugah

why cant madscientist be serious? i totally agree with her because i was molested when i was younger and i have absolutely no doubt that that has had an effect on my subconscious in such a way that i believe somehow that losing weight will attract unwanted attention.

I didn't mean she COULDN'T be serious, I was just asking a question.

Don't everyone jump my case now simply because I don't understand it.

[Jayde]

Originally Posted by Misti in Seattle

Well when I get skinny enough I will be thrilled to have a bit of attention from men!!!

I am married. I want to look nice just like everyone else does, but I do not need any "attention" from men. A few years ago when for a brief time I was thinner, I had my share of problems in this department. It is not why I gained the weight back, but I do remember situations when I could have screamed.

I felt like I was in the twilight zone when guys who knew I was married didn't respect that. They were downright rude. I will never understand men or women who don't respect marriage.. theirs or someone else's.

Being heavy I don't often have to deal with these rude men. It was a different world when I had to keep watch.

[Misti in Seattle]

Originally Posted by LLV

I was simply asking a question. Whether or not she was serious. Because I'd like to know WHY someone would 'stay' overweight just to avoid attention from men.

I admit I don't understand it either Linda, although I too have heard it before. I can't imagine intentionally staying fat for ANY reason, I hate being fat that badly. But apparently some people really do feel that way.

[LLV]

I'm sorry, but the whole "I stay fat to avoid attention from men" thing bothers me. Why does it bother me? Because we're BETTER than that, YOU are better than that, you should NEVER risk your own health because of other people.

It's not that I can't sympathize, I just found that to be a little sad.

[Jayde]

Originally Posted by Misti in Seattle

I admit I don't understand it either Linda, although I too have heard it before. I can't imagine intentionally staying fat for ANY reason, I hate being fat that badly. But apparently some people really do feel that way.

A lot of women who feel this way don't even know it. I often wonder if I am one of them. I dig deep but still am not sure.

[LLV]

Originally Posted by Misti in Seattle

I admit I don't understand it either Linda, although I too have heard it before. I can't imagine intentionally staying fat for ANY reason, I hate being fat that badly. But apparently some people really do feel that way.

That truly saddens me. It really does.

Women should NEVER EVER EVER have to go through life being self-conscious and feeling bad about themselves because of the likes of someone else.

That's so sad, it really is

[brownsugah]

i agree that it is. i have been in therapy for years now and i an trying to overcome that so i can be happy, confident, and living life for ME

[LLV]

Okay, I'm going to tell a boring story --- but dammit, bear with me here....

During my teens and 20's, I was always nice and trim. I worked out regularly and made sure I didn't pig out on junk, although I really didn't worry about it too much. I didn't have to. I wore tight jeans, used bandanas as tops (folding them into a triangle and tying them behind my back) and skintight black mini dresses with high heels. I swear on my own mother's grave that what I'm about to tell you is true - I was meeting friends at a club one night. I parked my car, got out of it, walked down the sidewalk to the bar and went inside. About 5 minutes later, Crissy (the bartender) answers the ringing phone and shouts over at me, "Linda! It's for you!"

I get on the phone and some guy named Rich is calling me from a payphone, telling me he just about wrecked his car watching me walk into the bar.

And this is the stuff I dealt with for years... UNTIL I GOT FAT.

Even after losing all of this weight, do I get that anymore? No. Because I totally ruined myself with FOOD. I had to have that damned sub or that huge bowl of pasta or that blasted Big Mac and fries or that whole pizza or that meal from KFC or Long John Silvers. And I kept eating and eating and eating until I literally hated myself. I couldn't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. My husband would try and compliment me and tell me I was still beautiful and my reaction was always, "No I'm not."

And I didn't say that to gain sympathy or 'fish' for another compliment, I would actually get mad and didn't want to hear anymore because I KNEW he was lying. I didn't wanna hear it.

When years ago I could accept a compliment. Easy. Because I knew it was the truth.

Do you know to this day I still can't accept compliments? Again, I completely ruined myself.

This is why it hurts me to see other women 'disrespecting' themselves because of men. Or anyone else for that matter

Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get that off my chest. Don't trash yourself because of someone else. Because trashing yourself on your own is bad enough.

[Misti in Seattle]

Well I certainly don't appreciate rude men either... OR women, for that matter. But... sorry... if you DRESSED like that, what were you expecting? We do live in the real world here! A woman who goes out half exposed IS going to receive attention from men and sorry, but I can't imagine why anyone would dress that way if they did not WANT it. Personally I think there are better solutions than deliberately getting fat.

As for the "fat is still beautiful" that is commonly said, for myself personally I disagree. My fat is UGLY and that is not putting myself down but merely facing the facts and reality. I appreciate my good features and I think real beauty comes from what is inside and what we do for others anyway rather than physical appearance. Of course I'd still like to be physically attractive... but I get put down when I say this fat is UGLY and it IS!!! It is fine if others think fat is beautiful; I don't. And I don't really believe there are many people in our culture who really do believe it.

Now that I've gone out on a limb... But just my opinion.

[Jayde]

Originally Posted by LLV

Do you know to this day I still can't accept compliments? Again, I completely ruined myself.

This is why it hurts me to see other women 'disrespecting' themselves because of men. Or anyone else for that matter

Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get that off my chest. Don't trash yourself because of someone else. Because trashing yourself on your own is bad enough.

I can see that you are passionately mad. It is very saddening to think that many women are trapped in an unhealthy body out of avoiding life. It is also sad when our weight defines how we feel about ourselves in the beauty department.

[Jayde]

Originally Posted by Misti in Seattle

Personally I think there are better solutions than deliberately getting fat.

Sorry, Misti but it isn't as simple as this. Most women who do this don't do it "deliberately".

[SherryA]

Originally Posted by Misti in Seattle

Well when I get skinny enough I will be thrilled to have a bit of attention from men!!!

You may be "thrilled", until you get the wrong KIND of attention from the wrong KIND of guy. It can be very frightening, especially when you are feeling small, young and vulnerable. Living in a big dangerous city doesn't help either (I grew up in L.A.)

[geekess]

The key here is to be poliet but cooly so. Meaning you have to be a little more distance, cold and aloof. That's just the way it is.