Hehehe... you know... I've always said... there's nothing worse than a reformed smoker. Or a reformed fat person. They're the ones that will give you the most crap. It's not the people who have never smoked who get on smokers about their habits, it's the ones who USED to smoke and no longer do.
Nothing worse. Absolutely.
That is so true! I used to smoke but quit because I just couldn't take it anymore. Weird huh? Anyway I kept getting on my hubby about once a month or so about him quitting as well. Finally half way through his tour in Afghanistan he went to his doctor there and got pills and patches and quit. He said it was worth it to shut me up!
I don't feel good about doing that, but I am really happy he quit smoking. It took him about 2 years to do it from when I first started to bug him.
Now I've been talking alot to my mother about her and Dad starting on their weight loss journeys. I don't know if it will work or not since they are about 2000 miles away, but I have to try. They both have weight related health issues and my dad is diabetic and needs a new kidney because of it. So it's not just a weight thing that worries me... it's a health thing.
I think it really depends on what her health is like. If it is a really bad issue then it might be worth the tension and bad feelings it might cause. If she is healthy and just overweight then I wouldn't chance bugging her. I do agree that you can have her try certain healthy recipes, do active things with her, or just be supportive anyway you can without it being an issue.
I know that the more people who talked at me about needing to lose weight the more I ate. Something inside has to change for oneself before the weight will come off. The leading by example thing worked for my hubby though. I started my diet in January, alone, for me, because I got "the click." Late February he starts talking about portion control, eating better, and now exercises for an hour several days a week. He's lost about 20 pounds, too (in less time than it has taken me, the lucky creep!).
Just do your thing and talk about how great you feel... maybe she'll decide to come to you for advice - when she's ready.
As a bunch of people have already said, if you're fat you know it and you don't want someone else to confront you about it. I used to feel the same way. However, I think the only thing you could say that could possibly make a difference would be something like (during a discussion about your weight loss) "...yeah I feel great now. You know, if you ever decide you want to lose a little weight I could help you come up with a plan if you want" and then leave it at that. This way you have offered help and support in a non-judgemental, non-confrontive manner. Also, you would have made it clear that it would be *her* decision.
If I were in your position, I wouldn't initiate any conversation regarding weight loss. Hers or mine. Even if she mentioned it to me ("Wow, you've lost a lot of weight"), I'd be careful not go overboard in my response.
If/when she ever asked me "How have you done it?" or some variation of that, THEN I'd go into a bit more detail. As much as I may WANT to spur her, motivate her, get her going, I'd try to follow HER lead.
I know for me, if anyone even subtly suggested, I'd have one of two reactions: resentment or depression (not "clinical" depression, just that "blue for a day or so" type of thing). I wouldn't want to cause anyone else to have those feelings.
I think everyone has to come to this on her/his own, and for whatever reasons (vanity, health, comfort, etc.). If she does (and she may never), THEN you can offer support and information. IF she asks.
My sister-in-law, whom I love dearly, is very heavy. And I'd love for her to lose weight as well (she's finally started, I'll get to that in a minute) but I never pushed her about it. She knows how much I've lost and how I did it and she knows I eat much healthier now, but that's because she ASKED me about it.
Never start lecturing people about losing weight, ever. So you lost your weight, that's wonderful. You've quit smoking, that's great too. Now leave it there. Don't lecture other people about their bad habits. They don't want to hear it. And it will only end up causing them to resent you. They're already uncomfortable around you, I guarantee it. The people I know that are still heavy, I can see it in their eyes when I walk into a room. Because I'm a reminder to them that it CAN be done, they just don't have the motivation to do it themselves. In fact, the heavier people I know avoid me now. And I know why. I remember exactly how it felt to be fat and standing around skinny girls and even worse, a skinny girl that once was fat but lost all the weight. And then when that skinny person that used to be fat starts rambling on about how they did it and that everyone else should do it, my first reaction was to walk away.
If they want your advice, they'll ask for it.
Now, back to my sis-in-law, she's lost 32 pounds so far and I'm so proud of her. She's eating healthy, she's watching her portions, she's even getting like me, weighing and measuring everything. And she decided to do it ON HER OWN. It's possible the advice I gave her helped - the advice she asked me for - then again it's possible I had nothing to do with it at all. It doesn't matter. The point is she's realized she's got to get that weight off and she's doing it because she wants to. Not because her SIL (me) pushed her and nagged her. Nobody wants to lose weight because they feel they have to. And if your SIL's try 'dieting' because someone else has told them they should, they're going to feel it's a chore rather than something fun.
It's just like trying to teach a child to walk... sometimes you have to hang back and them take those first steps on their own.
When people tell me I'm fat I just say, "Thanks, but did you think I don't own a mirror?" It's really irritating, MOST irritating when it's coming form "well meaning" relatives. augh.
My doctor gave me the kick in the butt that I needed to start losing weight. Without this i'd certainly still be over-weight. He was rude and caused me to cry but I thank him for it now. It was a real wake-up call for me. However, I have family members that need to lose weight and I wouldn't suggest it to them. It would cause a holy war in my family. If and when they decide to lose weight I'll give them all the support that I am capable of.
I know what you are going through. My husband needs to lose a few pounds. He's about 30 pounds overweight. Which isnt bad but he has such a low self esteem and he's always talking about how jelious he is Im losing weight. He's proud of me dong get me wrong. But if he wanted to lose the weight he would. You cant push anyone into doing it. Im hoping that soon he will see how with alittle hard work it is possible to lose weight and he will follow in my foot steps. I would never say anything to him about losing weight because I just wouldnt want to cross that boundry. Everyone who is overweight knows they are overweight. They dont need to be told. I dont know how many times I have heard doctors tell me I need to lose weight. It doesnt matter what a doctor would tell me. If I didnt have the right mind set and I wasnt ready I wasnt going to lose the weight. It has to come from in you. Hope this helps.
No way. My mom and sisters tried to tell me that I should lose some weight, it just made me mad. I had to tell them that my weight was OFF LIMITS as a topic. I lost weight because I wanted to, not for any other reason.
I'm like lala - If someone said, "Boy, you really should lose some weight!" Or in my mother's case, "It's time to put the brakes on!" Then that would make me want to eat even more! In fact I ate chocolate cake for breakfast one day and her reaction was amazing! Made me want to carry on with chocolate ice cream for breakfast-dessert!
I still haven't got over my mother thinking I should lose weight, so now I eat lots in front of her - like, "Look mum! I'm thin AND I'm eating chocolate cake!" Of course that backfires when you put on 7lbs in 3 days!
Anyway enough mememememememe! But like other posters have said, arrange your outings around a nice stroll, take healthy picnics, sort of lead by example, but don't be too direct!
There really is nothing you can say or do and IMO I wouldn't say anything to them. Just show a good example.
I KNEW I was overweight, I KNEW I was getting fatter and fatter, I KNEW I needed to lose weight and everytime my mother or my grandmother told me nicely it make me feel AWEFUL about myself and I would get even more depressed. My Grandma even bought me like 4 months for weight watchers, that worked for a couple weeks.... There is nothing no one could of told (unless maybe that I would die if I didn't do something).
I have a little sister, she is 10 years old (I am 20) and overweight. She is wearing clothes that I wore at 15/16ish - they are loser on her as she has no chest etc, but she can still wearing them without looking like she is swimming in her big sister's clothing. She wears my old pants and my shirts. I don't know how much she weighs, but when I see pics of me at 10 I am sure she weighs more then I did then. I am so worried for her, I don't want her to have to go thru high school feeling like I did. My grandmother told her to stop eating chips and candy and said too her, "stop it! you don't want to grown into a fat girl do you?" well that made her cry. So I tried to have a talk with her... very nicely I talked with her about how I felt at her age and how hard it was and how perhaps she could work on it slowly and her and I could go shopping, etc. She pretty much ingored me; however, my mom said she seemed kinda depressed that night. I felt bad. And I won't bring it up to her again. But what I do bring it with my mom (while my sister is around) is how I am losing weight, feeling better, wearing smaller clothes. I hope she clues in - I am doing the best that I can without makeing her sad.
It really is hard to see loved ones overweight - but now I know why my family tried to tell me sooner. It is hard to hear it from someone who too is over weight because you just wanna say "take your own adivce!" and when it is from someone with no weight problems you wanna tell them to shut up because they don't know how hard it is.
my whole life i have been chubby and my family was always on my back about exercising and eating properly. well that only pushed me awayto the point where i was sneaking food, bingeing, hiding snacks, everything. even to this day i have some resentment and i dont feel like losing weight just to spite them but i know its not good for me at all and it will make it that much harder when it finally does click that i need to do this for myself. when i was 13 my aunt made me jog with her. there were some days when i cried the whole time and i hated her for it. well guess what, i stopped talking to her for like 5 years and now our contact is minimal. when i was 14 i was put in a weight loss camp and i had fun while i was there but i gained it all back and more within 7 years. every year id come back to high school a little bit heavier from the summer and i would get picked on, asked what happened to me, etc. i am so sick of it and i wish everyone around me would just shutup about my weight. i wish i walked around with a cardboard box around my body so people would just never know what was under there and would never get the chance to say anything to me. i know i could easily take all this and turn it around to motivate me to exercise and do better so i wouldnt have to feel that way. but i havent reached that point yet- i feel like nothing has clicked and i wish it would so i could get on with this and start doing what i have to do to be confident. i am taking small steps every day but nothing ever sticks. its just something i always knew i had to do but i cant get started for some reason... maybe it's denial? i dont know. but all i know is, all the people who have ever said anything regarding my weight, whether rude or not, i have some kind of resentment towards. i hate that i do, but i do and maybe that will change after i lose weight myself. i dont know. but it is something i know will happen because i want it bad enough. if something doesnt click soon, i will make it click
I had stated in my comment, that my doctor was the one that got me to start losing weight. I should explain that I am sick and need a liver transplant. He told me that I would die without one, because I was too over-weight to qualify for the procedure. Said, the surgery and recovery would kill me anyway if I didn't get myself in the best possible shape. So, yes, I'd probably still be waiting for that "click" if it wasn't for him. I think this could be just enough incentive for anyone to take the weight off, especially when they still have young children to raise. I had previously had other doctors tell me to lose weight, but I wasn't sick then and it just went in one ear and out the other.
Nope - I knew for awhile that I needed to lose weight, and made half-hearted attempts at it.... but something in me had to click, and I had to want to do it for myself. If they ever say anything about wanting to lose weight, let them know you're there for them if they need help, or just someone to talk to who will understand what they're feeling. Otherwise, bringing up the subject when they're not ready to talk about it waill probably only create a rift between you, and they'll lose the person they could talk to when they decided to make the change for themselves.
Of course that backfires when you put on 7lbs in 3 days! 
