I have a story to tell. It's long, sad and unfortunately based on true events that occured last night.
I was fixing dinner for my son and I and I was almost done when the doorbell rang. It was one of my father's oldest friends (I'll call him Vic) and I've pretty much known him all my life. He's in his 50's-60's and a portly man (about 16 stones/224lbs). He's generally 'surface-nice' but he's one of those people who likes to preach about things in general terms (in my case, my weight) and knowing this, I decided to eat my dinner once he'd left, so I only put food out for my son. The reason I don't like eating in front of him is because he's one of those people that believe that if you're over 300lbs, you have no business eating anything whether it's healthy or not. I was in good spirits and I wasn't in the mood for drama.
Anyway, Vic came in and proceeded to converse with my parents. I kept my distance and stayed in the kitchen for a while. Then I suddenly thought 'This is stupid - you're 25 years old and you are your own person. You can handle whatever he'll say.' Boy, was I wrong.
Almost as soon as I entered the living room he started his attack. America's next top model (update) was on at the time (important later). Now, Vic is also one of those people who'll put you down in the sweetest of tones - ****, when it's all over he'll even hug you as though he's given you the world's greatest piece of advice. He said everything from 'I bet you can't exercise being so heavy - you'd probably break the machine!' to 'Wow, you've even got stretch marks on your arms!'
He said that it must break my heart watching shows like ANTM knowing that I'll never be that skinny. He told me that there was no point in me attending university because once I graduate, nobody will hire me at this size.
He then went on to tell me how to lose weight...
All this took place in front of my parents and my son. My mother occasionally chimed in, agreeing with him. My father said nothing. All my life my parents and I were never close. I mean I'm closer with my Dad than my Mum, but we're not as close as we could be or should be. My Mum has been calling me fat for as long as I can remember even though she weighs 18 stones/252lbs. My son (who could see I was upset) stood up for me saying 'My mum walks me to school everyday for exercise'.
It seemed like he went on forever...all I could do was sit there in disbelief trying not to cry. For the finale he demanded to know what I weighed. I was in stunned silence until my mother decided to tell him...he made this face - you know that 'oh-my-god-I'm-so-disguted' face.
I don't think I have ever felt so low in my entire life and to be honest, I completely sabotaged my healthy eating plan today. I binged worse than I ever have. And I wonder how I am going to be able to continue this journey with people like this - people that I inevitably have to cross paths with on a regular basis - in my life. I fell apart today. I let this guy tell me that what I am doing isn't good enough. I let him make me feel worthless. And I don't know what to do except cry.
Some people are toxic. Avoid this person in the future. Take your son, leave the house, go for a walk, go for a drive, go out for a frozen yogurt cone. Go to your room, read "good night moon" to your son. This person doesn't deserve your presence, don't let him have the power to hurt you again.
Thanx Glory. I just don't know why people sometimes go out of their way to intentionally hurt others. I am trying to forget his comments, but it'll take some time.
I had a mother's friend that was constantly like this- not rubbing my weight or anything- but just saying really annoying **** that wasn't any of his business. And he'll say it in the nicest tone also. That doesn't make it any better than if he said it in a mean tone. If he said it in a mean tone, I wouldve gave that ******* the hand and left. It almost seems as if people like him have absolutely nothing to do other than to pick others who they think are easy targets. You don't have to deal with his crap- get your kid outside and play some ball. If he asks for your weight, you tell him, its none of your business and you can try asking me til the cows come home and I won't give you one damn digit. I don't understand the point of picking on someone. It doesn't actually help. In fact, the next time he;s with your parents and your mom chimes in to agree with him, you ask the both of them, is this sh*t that you're doing actually going to help me? Better yet, just pick up and leave. Don't even say hi. He's rude, why should you be so nice?
As for the America's top model- I checked out the "before" studio pictures and some of them have my build- nothing worthy of modeling because everyone gets airbrushed in the end anyway.
I agree, what an *******. Next time tell him you're doing fine on your own and you don't want or need his advice. I'd probably tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine, but then again, I'm not very nice when someone's insulting me to my face. Leave the house when he comes over again, you don't need to listen to that.
This has made me so angry. What gives this man the right to make my friend (your my friend now by the way) feel like that???
I love the quote and I don't know who to attribute it to:- "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission"
It takes time and practice, but you can get to the stage where comments are water off a ducks back. You know the truth, that your overweight but are doing something about it!
I notice from your 100 club profile that you are doing Slimming World? Are you attending the classes or doing it from home? If you are doing the classes is it something you can talk to your leader about and get some in real life support?
Amy...I am so sorry for what you had to go through. I also think it's terrible that your own parents don't stick up for you, and that your mom chimed in a few times agreeing with him. He's a nogood man, and you really need to just completely avoid him if at all possible. Maybe next time, just walk right past him and go to your room and put some nice music on, or maybe you and your son can leave and go take a walk. I also think it's terrible that your son had to listen to his own mother being belittled by somebody not even worth anything! I really am sorry and feel for you...
[QUOTE=kykaree]This has made me so angry. What gives this man the right to make my friend (your my friend now by the way) feel like that???
I love the quote and I don't know who to attribute it to:- "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission"
That's one of my favorite quotes too, it's by Eleanor Roosevelt. Amy - so sorry you had a bad evening. I agree with whoever said this is a toxic person. Something I've learned only in recent years: it's ok to completely avoid a toxic person. you do not owe anyone anything; you do, however, owe yourself and your son something. Respect. He doesn't need to see you being talked about like that. And you don't need to hear it either. It adds absolutely nothing to your life. I would say don't see this man anymore. You can be very polite, but be very upfront in your reasons for not seeing him. And I think it's also a good idea to tell your mom what kind of behavior you will and won't accept. Again, I'm sorry you had to go through this. Tomorrow is a new day.
I love the quote and I don't know who to attribute it to:- "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
It's Eleanor Roosevelt. And I love it, too.
Amy, I'm so sorry this happened to you. That's terrible. This man really needs to be put in his place. Tell him to piss off. If you cant do it and be firm about it (that you wont ever listen to him talking about your weight again), then you should definitely avoid him. Dont put yourself or your son through that again.
There will always be people like that. Dont let them win. Tomorrow's another day. Start again.
he's a desperate *******...
of course you mustn't let him win feeling inferior...
you're not, you know it, you're better, a lot better than him, and he probably knows it and it's why he's so creep...
next time...if you can't go out...use the same thecnic: surely he's got a lackness...something not perfect...keep on saying with the sweetest voice how probably he's sad because of....that you're so sympathising with his lack of...remeber...you must have a face disgusted as you're sniffing a rotten egg...
if he starts saying something about your weight you can always say that you can live a nice life/that you can do something about.
but he will never be able to do something about his dumbness...
What a huge prick!!! What makes people like this feel they even have the right to sit in someones house and just do that! In future avoid this human garbage like the plague! If your parents invite him over, just state that you will not be joining them, and find something else to do with your son. If you are in a position to move anytime soon, do so. I personally would not entertain someone in my house that would insult a member of my family. But what the others said was true, this guy can't get to you inless you let him. Your weight will change you are here and doing something about it, his kind of ugly just lives on...
Just curious... but it sounds as if you are living with your parents. If you are 25 years old and their behavior is not acceptable... why don't you move out and live on your own? Maybe you are and were just visiting... in which case why on earth would you put up with that and not say "see you later" and leave?
Amy, I'm so sorry this happened to you. What a pig that man is!! I'd be inclined to get angry with him, but my psychiatrist would say, "The next time he comes to the door, tell him he upset you terribly during his last visit, and that you would appreciate it if he would cease to make comments about your weight." If he doesn't concur, don't put up with his company any more.
Your son is a sweetheart... he shouldn't have to witness insults against his mom.
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Amy - so sorry you had a bad evening. 
I'd be inclined to get angry with him, but my psychiatrist would say, "The next time he comes to the door, tell him he upset you terribly during his last visit, and that you would appreciate it if he would cease to make comments about your weight." If he doesn't concur, don't put up with his company any more. 
