What an awful, insidious, cold hearted bast*#&. He isn't worthy to breathe the same air as you. You know, I've found that most men who are nasty like this are insecure and covering up some inadequacy (and it's probably in his pants). He is so obsessed with size, isn't he? Well that must be it. Next time say this to the jerk: "Well I'm sorry you are so bitter because your penile enlargement didn't go as well as you hoped it would go, but that's no reason to be obsessed with MY size."

And your mum is a hypocrite.

And I'd rather be fat than live with an ugly heart.

Amy, I'm so sorry he made you feel bad.
Hang out here at 3fc with us and be strong. Don't let an idiot stop you from becoming a healthy, fit chick!

It truly blows me away that some people can be so heartless. Honey, you are 25 years old, you are at the beginning of a long journey called life. Live it happily and healthy. You have time to get this weight off, and you will. Continue living for yourself and your child. If your mother is not supportive, then simply love her for what she is able to offer you right now. She also must be dealing with alot of the same feelings that you are. It is sometimes easier for some people to agree with hurtful statements about someone else when the statements also fit themselves. Please do not give anyone or anything (food, etc.) power over who you are. Stand tall, girl, you are defined by your heart, not your weight!

Barb

Thanx guys

I really appreciate everything you've said. It means so much to me that there are people here who actually understand what I am going through. Misti, I'm actually in the process of saving for a place for my son and I. A long time ago, I decided that moving out would be the best thing for me - you know, o get a little distance from the toxicity. I think that because I've literally grown up around it I feel that I can't fight them...

I struggle everyday, trying to see the good in me (weight aside) and love myself and it really is hard and it's worse when you hear someone else verbalise such negativity. The worst this is when I was at my lowest point, I used to beat myself up and pretty much hate myself. Other days, I think 'My goodness, it's just weight, it's not what makes you you' and then people like him just stamp all over my newly-found self-esteem.

Kykaree, I was a member of a slimming world class about a year and a half ago, but I stopped going because my Mum used to come with me...she said it was for 'support'. It didn't really go down that way, so I left.

I still have all my books though and I follow the plan at home. I use the magazine to keep me updated on all the changes. Now that I have my own car I'm thinking of rejoining a class or doing it online so I have access the syns online calculator.

You guys have made me feel so much better and I really appreciate everything. You guys are stars!

Thanx guys

I really appreciate everything you've said. It means so much to me that there are people here who actually understand what I am going through. Misti, I'm actually in the process of saving for a place for my son and I. A long time ago, I decided that moving out would be the best thing for me - you know,to get a little distance from the toxicity. I think that because I've literally grown up around it I feel that I can't fight them...

I struggle everyday, trying to see the good in me (weight aside) and love myself and it really is hard and it's worse when you hear someone else verbalise such negativity. The worst this is when I was at my lowest point, I used to beat myself up and pretty much hate myself. Other days, I think 'My goodness, it's just weight, it's not what makes you you' and then people like him just stamp all over my newly-found self-esteem.

Kykaree, I was a member of a slimming world class about a year and a half ago, but I stopped going because my Mum used to come with me...she said it was for 'support'. It didn't really go down that way, so I left.

I still have all my books though and I follow the plan at home. I use the magazine to keep me updated on all the changes. Now that I have my own car I'm thinking of rejoining a class or doing it online so I have access the syns online calculator.

You guys have made me feel so much better and I really appreciate everything. You guys are stars!

There will always be creeps in the world, you may never have a fantastic relationship with your parents, there will always be emotional and physical obstacles to overcome. So, I think the lesson to be learned here is WHY this situation led to a binge. Figure that out and you can reach your goals despite things like this happening. My experiences may or may not apply to you but I'll throw it out there in case it will help.

There was a time I would have reacted to that situation the same way you did - stuffing my face with anything I could get my hands on. Then I realized (what others have already said) that binging didn't solve my problems or make things better. In fact, a binge ALWAYS made things worse. So, I put some thought into why I might binge because someone/something else upset me. You know what? I didn't go off plan, binge, or stop exercising because of something someone else said or did. I didn't give up because the rest of the world didn't believe I could lose weight. No. I binged and stopped exercising becasue I WANTED to. Any negative event just gave me the excuse I needed to fail without having to take responsiblity for it. Once I accepted that losing weight was MY choice, MY responsiblity, and MY obligation it became seperate from everything else that went on in my life. I never once gave up a weight loss plan because other people didn't believe in me. I gave up because I didn't believe in me. Nobody OWES me their support.

Ever since that light bulb went off things have been so much easier. I still slip up and make bad choices sometimes. But they are MY choices - not somebody elses. I can live with that.

And you know what? You'll find all of the support in the world right here. You CAN lose weight, you DESERVE to be healthy, happy, and feel good about yourself. So, ignore the jerks of the world!

Can I just add that you are raising a fantastic son? How wonderful for him to stand up to a bully for someone he loves!

That man in question is a bully and a jerk. Do not let him get to you. He is obviously miserable and the only way he can make himself feel better is to pick on someone else. I would feel sorry for him but I don't care to waste my energy.

You are making wonderful choices in your life, for your health, your son and your future. I have no doubt you will find (and are already finding!) success, and that success will be on YOUR terms and how YOU define it, not what that #*&$*(&@$( thinks is good or worthy.

Yeesh. What a jerk.

Oh Amy,

Truly my heart breaks for you! God love your son, for speaking up! How awful that your parents consider that big mouth jerk a friend! Somebody said the man was toxic, what a perfect description!!

While I agree with the support you have been given so far, sometimes it is easier to say someone cant hurt you with words, than it is to make it true. I know for me I had a really hard time with this at first. But it gets easier, now when someone does something like this to me either I get out of the situation, or use it as motivation. When you do your workouts think about how nice it will feel to se him when you are at your goal weight and he is still a miserable old man.

While it may be tempting to stoop to his level and insult his life back, don't it only breeds negativity. Instead be as nice as you possibly can to him (trust me it gets to be fun confusing people) show him that he has no effect on you.

Amy, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I had the same reaction as a lot of women here, that that guy deserved a big kick where it would hurt the most.

really true. it's maddening and sad at the same time that bullies usually are good at honing in on people who have a harder time defending themselves.

I agree too that you've raised a great little boy. He sees in you what you have a hard time seeing. That you don't deserve to take that kind of abuse from anyone, including your mom. You have the right to speak up for yourself (or walk away) whether your 600 lbs or 150 lbs. It's something I'm not always great at (despite living in Brooklyn, where people don't have much of a problem saying what they feel, heh heh).

One thing I have done is to imagine the situation and what I could have said: really, that's enough. I'm not interested in sitting here and having you abuse me, especially in front of my son. You're not convincing me you have my best interests at heart when you insult who I am.

The more you say that to yourself, the more you'll feel it to be true. The more times you calmly and firmly say it to the bullies in your life, the more likely they'll get that they won't be able to pick on you.

Hang in there!!!

My thoughts, exactly!

Unfortunately (and I know this through experience), family isn't always the healthiest group to be around, either. It sucks that neither of your parents will stand up for you in this situation. I've had situations where my parents haven't stood up for me and it is hurtful.

I hope you can find a way to move away from them. Adult parents and grandparents are most often best experienced from afar.

Amy – I totally agree with everyone else here – that man is a jerk and you should try to avoid him. The question is, knowing that he is a jerk, why did his words hurt you so much? The reason is possibly because part of you believes what he said is true. We are told from the time that we are young girls that thin is good and fat is bad. The images, the messages – they all say the same thing. If you are fat, especially if you are really fat, then there is something wrong with you. You are defective, you are unlovable, you are disgusting. With these messages constantly being forced upon us, it is almost impossible not to internalize them. I spent SO many years hating myself and feeling utterly worthless because of my weight. I believed I was disgusting and unlovable and pushed people away for most of my life.

Don’t believe it. Fight back mentally and find your strength. That man, and anyone else who is nasty and negative shouldn’t have any power over you. Don’t let them win - prove them wrong. So you turned to food for comfort that time – so what. Forgive yourself and move on. It will probably happen again – but less often. The best advice I can give is to find a support system like this site or a local group that can help rally around you when times are tough. They will be tough, but with somewhere to go and people to talk to you can find ways to work through just about anything.

This makes me totally sad to think about what you went through. I used to have some people in my life that thought it was their duty to tell me how fat I was everytime they saw me. It's hard to stand up to these people. I know. If I were you, I'd try to avoid him at all costs or stand up for myself. My own sister was the worst at rubbing my weight in my face. She even tried several times to sabbotage my dieting efforts. It didn't work. I would just ask him what concern is it of his, how much you weigh. Then inform him that it is none of his business. Once someone is put in their place, they usually STFU.

There are two ways people deal with others -- one way is when they see someone doing "better" than them, they view the person with admiration and respect. The other way is to tear them down so they feel superior relative to that person. Vic is in the latter category. OBVIOUSLY you are doing something positive, and feeling good about yourself. He is not. His response is to tear you down to his level. You can't control these people, but you can control your reaction to them. ANYONE would have a good cry about it and having a binge eating response is absolutely normal. BUT you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. It is like saying "Yeah, Vic is right. I'll show him. I'll eat this ENTIRE cheesecake. That'll get him. And AFTER, I'll feel even worse about myself, which is RIGHT because I'm NOT WORTH THE EFFORT". These are the messages you are telling yourself.
I think you heard a friend of yours say this about herself, you would be outraged and mad at her because you care about her. Love yourself like you do your friends. You wouldn't want your friend to self-destruct. And, you are your own best friend.
SO, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start over, realize that weight comes and goes and is ultimately within your control! AND, in the words of my personal hero, Judge Judy, "Beauty fades, but DUMB IS FOREVER", and honey, Vic is definitely DUMB!!!

Amy, yah I certainly understand how hard it can be to support yourself financially, especially with a child to care for. Sometimes we just have to make the best of the situations we are stuck in.

Next time something like this happens why not just smile and make some lighthearted comment -- "I'll see you later when you learn how to be civil" etc... but say it with a LAUGH... and take your dinner and your son back into your bedroom and watch TV together or play a board game, etc. Don't let them get to you and for sure DON'T pig out in "revenge" as you are only hurting yourself. Then come here to 3FC and let it out of your system LOL.