Hello Everyone,
Sorry I had to post again. I am just so frustrated!! I feel like I have no support at home with my husband and I feel all alone, expect for all you wonderful ladies that reply to my posting. It's just so hard to eat good when my husband eats junk, won't work out with me, and just wants to go out and drink (which I do sometimes but I try to stay away from that environment because I always eat after I drink). I try talking to him and it's like I will start working out and not eating fast food, but it never happens. For once in my life I am selfish. It just makes me cry.. Sorry I just think that you girls are the only ones that understand. His idea of support is saying good job every once in a blue moon. I just had to vent, thanks for listening...
Jill
So sorry to hear it, Jill! This is a hard enough journey without family making it harder. Glad you posted, you are certainly among friends who understand.
I completly know where your coming from,, my hubby only told me good job when his parents said hey are you losing weight cuz your face looks "kinda skinnier", Ive not gotten a compliment in the bedroom either since i thought he would notice there. All he buys is junk and say here I know you like this thats why I bought it.. But you need to really hear compliments and encouragement from the ones you love more than once in a blue moon even if you get support from here...Just tell him how you feel , and how much you've worked and how it hurts that it seems like he doesnt take your accomplishment seriously.
Thank you so much!!! I agree it's not enough just to get support from all of you. Everyone needs the person closest to them to let them know that they are doing a good job and support them in the best way possible...
Of course it's not "enough" to get support from 3FC. But reality is if we don't get it from those close to us we still need to stay strong and keep going and focus on the positive rather than the fact we are not receiving support. And maybe we need to be giving it to others too in their endeavors. But nobody said we didn't need it from those closest to us; but if we don't have it, we can't just sit down and quit. But it has to come from them; not because we "demand" it.
Jill, I'm sorry you're not getting support from your DH.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misti in Seattle
But it has to come from them; not because we "demand" it.
Misti said a mouthful. Some people just aren't capable of giving what we'd like. My Dad was never verbally supportive of anything we did. It took me years to "forgive him" for that, and to realize that he just wasn't able to say what I wanted to hear. He'd learned the behaviour from his own father, and it was just too hard for him to change.
I'm not saying that your husband can't/shouldn't change, because I think we're all capable of that.
Like Lady Jackyl said, just keep working on him and telling him your needs, and maybe he'll eventually break down and learn to start giving a little. Communication is everything in a relationship.
You know, since joining the forum a few years ago, I've made friends here who are of more value to me than some of my "real-life" friends. My friends here give me what I need.
Big hugs, sweetie... ... you know we're all here for you.
Just curious...does HE need to lose some weight too? If so, maybe that is why he is ignoring your weight loss.
It's terrible, but I have found myself acting that way too. When I just was not in the mood to diet, and then I would see someone with tons of willpower eating healthy, I would kind of ignore them when they would be talking about the weight they lost, and how loose their clothes were getting and BLAH BLAH BLAH. While I would be sitting there eating a whopper the LAST thing in the world I wanted to hear is how they are getting so skinny their clothes are just HANGIN' off them.. And fer sher, the last thing I was going to tell them was how GOOD they looked now. I'm just a brat that way. Maybe your husband is too.
In my home, I do the grocery shopping. The easiest way for me to make sure my boyfriend doesn't eat junk around me is not to buy it. If it's not there, then he won't eat it, and neither will I. He can buy that crap from the vending machines at work if he wants, but not in our home. I suppose if your hubby does the shopping, though, that this wouldn't be an easy task, so it depends on your situation. However, my boyfriend understands (because I've told him) that I can't have junk in the apartment--if it is there, I will eat it, whether I should or not!
I agree with Jillybean. We grocery shop together, but non healthy items dont make it in the cart, he can eat poorly on his watch, not mine lol. He gets his chips and stuff.. but the house is FULL of good choices, which avoiding his chips isnt hard at all. ANYWAYS...
He may not be saying anything because hes intimidated by your weight loss. My ex would make it really hard for me to avoid temptation, and would try to prohibit me from exercise. Its not that he was overweight, it was that he was scared for me to lose weight, I guess HE had self esteem issues. You have to communicate with him and tell him how you feel. If he doesnt respect you and your feelings after that, then I feel there are some more deeply rooted issues there.
Hey Ladies.
In our house hold I do the shopping and on occasion does the man come with me...I have told him I am not eating junk both because I want to lose weight and becuase I want to stay healthy. In the past I didn't get much support but once he realized I was SERIOUS (basically throwing out a whole fast food meal in front of him) it clicked for him. He's been supportive since.
Part of the "unsupportiveness" comes from (I think) the guys own guilty feelings. He knows he needs to eat better and exercise but YOU are the one who is strong enough to do it!
just my two cents...
Well I certainly did not mean to be unsupportive! I do understand how much we all want approval from those close to us. And it could be that your hubby is feeling a bit insecure as you are losing weight, getting in better shape and undoubtedly more attractive! Perhaps he needs some reassurances from you that he is still your NO. 1 guy!!
What do ya mean, hon!? You're totally supportive! Did you think I meant you weren't?
Ummm no I didn't think you meant that. I was actually referring to my own reflections on what I had said! Just that sometimes if we don't live in the "ideal" world we have to accept the "real" world and keep on keeping on!! And kind of like what Ready said... the guy may be insecure if his wifie gets too glamorous!!
Unsupportive Husband
Take care... 
Some people just aren't capable of giving what we'd like. My Dad was never verbally supportive of anything we did. It took me years to "forgive him" for that, and to realize that he just wasn't able to say what I wanted to hear. He'd learned the behaviour from his own father, and it was just too hard for him to change. 
Communication is everything in a relationship. 
And fer sher, the last thing I was going to tell them was how GOOD they looked now. I'm just a brat that way. Maybe your husband is too. 
