I just took my sleeping pill and it's starting to kick in, but I need to get this out before I go to sleep cause I might not remember it in the morning. Sorry if typing is weird.
I just wonder why I never get hit on by guys? I mean I know I'm not skinny, but I'm not huge either. I've never thought I was particularly pretty, but I have been told I'm attractive. I want heads to turn when I walk by attractive men. I want to get hit on. I want male attention. Is it just that I'm overweight? Maybe it is cause I'm unattractive. It just makes me sad that I don't get male attention. Sigh...I just..want to be skinny..It seems like it will solve so much. I feel just lonely now. But that can't be helped right now.
Gotta keep on keepin on and lose the weight so maybe then i'll start getting attention. I dont know, Im just depressed.
I used to have similar thoughts cross my mind all the time -- until I got some attention from the opposite sex, the kind I did NOT want. That cured me...
Besides, guys can be shy too, so the fact that you're not getting attention doesn't mean that nobody is paying attention.
Earlier tonight I read something profound in the livejournal of another member: feeling attractive or unattractive is learned behaviour – and as such, can be unlearned.
I think a lot of it is self-confidence and how you project yourself to others. If you appear to be shy/ashamed to others, then that is how they will see you. If you hold your head high and appear confident, then more guys will find you attractive. I know this is true from personal experience. Also, do you dress well and fix your hair and stuff? When I was very fat, I did not bother with that stuff at all, and NEVER got any attention from guys. Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I wanted to wear clothes that looked better on me and fix my hair and then I started getting a lot of attention.
I used to think the same thing. I will admit, when I started losing weight seven years ago it was 100% for vanity. I thought I'd lose weight and that would solve all my problems, but it didn't. I learned I had to solve my problems myself, take a few risks. I couldn't just sit back and play the victim of life. (Please don't misinterpret - I'm not trying to imply that's what you do, I'm just telling you that's what I did.) But my journey became about much more than weight loss. Now that I've reached my goal I'm proud of my body, but because I know how strong I am, and that I can depend on it to carry me through life well.
That being said, I went from getting no male attention to...getting almost no male attention (or at least not positive - really, I'm not going to hop in the truck of the guy who pulls off the road to cat call me and ask me if I'm single while I'm out for my run). The only decent guys, romantically speaking, who I've met since I made maintenance weight (I wear a size 6 now) were ones who saw me when I was just hanging out with friends, SMILING, having fun, and wearing dirty grubby clothes. It's never been when I've gone to the bar for the express purpose of meeting guys. I've always been shy and used to have very low self-esteem. I'm sure a few guys were deterred by my weight before. Who wants them, really? I'm with the others who said it's all about attitude. It's how you carry yourself. It's your smile. How does the Maya Angelou poem Phenomenal Woman go: "It's the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet..." And though I've dated a bit more recently, I'm still technically single here. But I'm a lot happier.
I also have larger friends who get plenty of male attention, and they are all confidence. And skinny, beautiful friends who are shy and bashful, and get much less male attention. Haleys, focus on yourself, and the rest will come. I hope you feel better. *hugs*
Girlfriend, men are every bit as self conscious as women. Don't get into this cycle of am I pretty enough or skinny enough....that is a load of crap! Many people are never 'enough', but do you value yourself enough to feel you deserve other's attention?
It really is all about attitude. Love yourself and who you are at this moment. If you don't, who will? Believe me, you won't get that from a man, and if you do it will be short lived.
There are plenty of places to get yourself in the game....so get out there!! Do you wait for them to come up to you? Be proactive...be true to yourself and what you need in a mate and take some chances.
Thank you all so much, I feel better now that I kind of slept it off and your words really helped. I do take good care of myself and do make sure I look decent when I go out, but since I don't have a lot of confidence in myself, like you all said, I'm sure other people can tell that.
Megan, I love that poem by Maya Angelou, thank you for reminding me of it, I just need to keep looking at that, it's amazing.
I'm going to just continue on with the weight loss and taking care of myself and someone will come along when it is the right time.
Thank you all so much. You have no idea how much you helped.
I think a lot of it is self-confidence and how you project yourself to others.
BINGO !!!!
I've seen big beautiful women turn head of men just by holding their heads up and smiling. Making eye contact and smiling, saying hello yourself can't hurt either trust me
*sigh* People are this forum are just too coddling, and it's often at the expense of the truth. The simple fact is, most men do not like overweight women. There are a select few who personally enjoy that kind of thing, and a select few for whom weight does not matter. But for about 97% of men thin is in and that's simply the way it is. Not to say that confidence doesn't play a role, but it's not as much as many of you are making it out to be. Sorry if I sound at all harsh, but like I said before I think some people on this forum are just TOO nice with the result of being out of touch with reality.
Where on earth did you get 97%? And, have you asked men what they prefer? Granted, most men are not interested in a woman who is over 300 lbs., but my cousin has been over 200 for most of her life (and she is only 5'2") and she has always had boyfriends, in all shapes and sizes, too. Confidence does play a major role. I think a lot of men do not want "skinny" girls. I think they want fit girls. Most guys would mush rather have a Kate Winslet than a Nicloe Ritchie. They want shapely girls. You are right, most do not want obese women but if you go around and act like you are worthless b/c you are fat then no one would ever give you a chance. At least if you have confidence in yourself and look like you feel good about yourself, the chances of you meeting someone are better than if you schlep yourself around with your eyes down and shoulders slumped.
I just don't think that's true. Sure, some men are all about thin women and that's fine, but every one of my guy friends I've asked about this (and that's quite a few) say that there is a range that is attractive, and it's different for every man. I have a friend that is maybe 215, and she carries it all really well, mostly in her curves. She's never, ever without a date and she turns heads constantly. Walking down the street with her is guaranteed to get at least a few honks. Heck, she even won a beauty contest. So to say that thin is a prerequisite for being attractive... sorry, but I think that's naive and potentially hurtful.
Healthy and confident on the other hand is attractive. If you treat yourself well and have self esteem and a good minset and personality, you're already at an advantage.
Look at how many really thin women complain about not being able to get a date. It's not all about weight, trust me.
I disagree too, that in order for you to be attractive to guys, is you have to be thin. Most guys I know like women to have curves, and not be so skinny. Its all in how you carry yourself. If you walk with your head down, dressed in too baggy clothes and feeling sorry for yourself, you aren't going to get attention, weather your thin or fat.
My boyfriend has NEVER dated a skinny woman, and has always said he likes women with curves. He'd rather have a J Lo than a Mary Kate Olson or a Paris Hilton.
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You are right, most do not want obese women but if you go around and act like you are worthless b/c you are fat then no one would ever give you a chance. At least if you have confidence in yourself and look like you feel good about yourself, the chances of you meeting someone are better than if you schlep yourself around with your eyes down and shoulders slumped.
thats basically what I was trying to say too.
I also think age has a lot to do with it. As you get older, I think weight becomes less of an issue with guys... at least from my experience.
sexyacura, I am losing for myself 100%, but sometimes I just feel depressed about my weight, as far as I know, that's NORMAL. 150 seems chunky for 5'9"? No clue what you're talking about as my doctor told me 150 is a great goal weight for me and that was actually very rude of you to say something like that.
Haley, I don't know what sexyacura was thinking. Most women at 5'9" and 150 pounds are quite slender and look terrific. In fact a lower goal would be unrealistic and discouraging. Excessively low goal weights are a self-fulfilling setup for failure.
Please don't let one misguided comment bring you down. I've been reading your posts for a while, and it's clear to me you're an intelligent, lively, and quite mature young woman. I knwo it's the pits to feel unattractive to men. There are probably more guys out there interested in you than you'll ever know. When I was in university I felt very sorry for myself because I had almost no dates and no lasting relationships. Years later I met someone from the same school who said he used to watch me walk by, but didn't dare talk to me because I was so cool and hung out with the "in" crowd. (I have NEVER knowingly hung out with ANY in-crowd in all my 55 years. But from a stranger's perspective...)
Anyway, I hope you'll chase those blues away. You've lost 15 pounds since June, a terrific accomplishment. And you've made many friends on this forum, and touched more than one heart.
Haleys - I just read these posts to my husband and when I read him Rtael's post he said "Bullpoop!"
He also said that he is really turned off by skinny women especially when their ribs are sticking out and they have a flat ***. He prefers curvy women. There- straight from the horse's mouth!
I am 5'7 and my goal weight is 155lbs so I think you will be just fine at that weight. 150 is not chunky at your height so don't let anyone tell you so.
Also - I have a friend that is 5'9 and weighs about 212 lbs and she never lacks for male attention. I still got a lot of attention from men even when I was 185lbs at 5'7!
This happens to both of us because, although we are not skinny, we both carry ourselves well, have confidence, have a good sense of humour, make an effort to look nice and we are always chatting and laughing with people (men and women) even if we have just met them. We can walk into a room and dominate the place even if there are thinner, younger or prettier girls in the room. If you are fun to be around then people will want to hang out with you.
Feeling bad...
