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Old 10-31-2004, 01:02 AM   #1  
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Last edited by jujubee2344; 11-09-2004 at 01:04 PM.
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Old 10-31-2004, 09:51 AM   #2  
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Juju, I'm not sure how to put this, but gonna try. As I started reading, my initial thought was leave the boyfriend. If he's saying things to make you feel bad, he's a possible abuser, mentally at least. However, as I got further, you say you're just 10 pounds overweight and that other people, strangers even, are saying insensitive things. That leaves me wondering if you could be perceiving somethings as negative. Sometimes it can all be in our outlook. You need to take a good close look at it. Are they really being mean or are you perceiving it that way.

However, either way, YOU need to take control of how it makes you feel, whether they're mean or it's just your perception of it. If the boyfriend and his mom really are being mean to you, you need to get out of that situation.

As for his mom losing without all the exercise, everyone loses differently.

As for you gaining, if you've been walking a lot more than usual, you've probably built muscle, and that will weight more than fat and will redistribute the weight. Which means you could have gained an inch in the tummy, but lost it in the rear. It also means you may need to adjust your exercise/nutrition to meet your needs if this isn't working. But you can't give up on it quickly or you'll know if it would have worked or not.

When you get on eating binges, try drinking two large glasses of water before sitting down with the munchies. You'll eat less of them. Before the party, have a large salad and plenty of water. Fill up before you go. Then if you eat some of what is there, it's not as bad as eating a lot of it.
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Old 10-31-2004, 01:23 PM   #3  
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Take a deep breath.

OK, now take another.

Honey, you are SO full of self-hatred and negative energy that you're not giving anyone else the chance to form an opinion -- you've already done it for them. Most people don't like you or NOT like you because you are *gasp!* 10 pounds overweight! They like you or not based on your attitude and demeanor. If all of your sense of self-worth is based on the scale, and you act as though 10 extra pounds makes you a waste of good carbon, then that's exactly how other people are going to treat you. Even if they don't, your extremely low opinion of yourself will color everything they do and say.

I see so many people, especially younger women, caught in your trap. You are convinced that the secret to happiness and companionship is being model-thin, and that only thin people have any value in the world. So, anything less than that and you are convinced that you are an unworthy human being and that everyone hates you. You try to lose weight because that's the ONLY way you think you can regain any semblance of a life. But when you don't see results INSTANTLY you feel the whole exercise is pointless, that everyone sees you as a failure and they are "not supportive," and that you are a gross pig. You fulfill that prophecy by binging -- binging just proves to yourself that there's no point in trying, that you're a failure, and if other people know about it they get exasperated with you. You get to heap even more abusive language on yourself and perpetuate the cycle.

Try this:

Life your life. Believe it when your boyfriend says he loves you. I mean, my god, you actually have a boyfriend who says he loves you? Do you know how valuable that is? Maybe he doesn't talk to you any more because he's tired of listening to you wallowing in that mudpuddle of self-hatred. That's not to say he couldn't be more supportive, but honey, we all have to do what we have to do with or without support; you can't blame other people for the food you put in your mouth. Work on building a healthy lifestyle that includes activity, and reasonable amounts of wholesome food. Do this not because it will make you "lose weight" but because it's the right way to treat your body. Learn some balance in your life -- work on that pessimistic, self-hating attitude and try to appreciate the good things going on in your life. Spend some time every day meditating or journaling and try to bring yourself some peace about what you can change and what you can't. Affirm to yourself every day that you are making positive changes that will help your whole life. Remind yourself that it's possible to be attractive and vivacious and likeable even if you're not 20 pounds underweight, even if you're OVERweight. Start acting like a person who understands she's worthy of her place in the world, who is worth good grooming and attractive clothes and interacting with people without assumptions of hidden agendas. Even if you don't feel this is true, ACT like it, and pretty soon you'll come to understand it IS true.

The key is not in your boyfriend or your boyfriend's mother or sales people or could-be models at a party. The key is in YOUR hand. You can decide you are going to approach your life with positive energy, or negative energy. And trust me, positive energy WORKS; negative energy just makes things worse.
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Old 11-01-2004, 04:59 PM   #4  
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I was PMSING when I wrote that. I do not think that I am thinking the mom is saying mean things when she comes out and comments on how I shouldn't eat this or that or I should work out. Also she claims that his (biological)dad won't like me unless I am perfectand I do hope this is it for me since he is the best boyfriend I have ever had. He is not abusive like my last couple of boyfriends where I was knocked around a bitand he isn't pressuring me that much for stuff I don't want to do. Also yes I may be technically only 10lbs overweight but I have been this heigh before and much much smaller(3-4 dress sizes). "Don't be so concerned about how much you weigh. Instead be concerned about how much of that weight is FAT." I have a friend who is 6'2 and 230lbs but his waist is 32. In short he is muscle so he may be technically "20lbs overweight" but he really is not. The mother is around the same size as me and she likes to say she was a size 5 (she was) until she had kids. I shouldn't want kids b/c at my size since I am young and this is how small I will ever be I will become huge. My boyfriend thinks she is just being nice or giving me tips or whatnot since his mommy could never do anything hurtful. My boyfriend when I talk to him about dieting he makes me feel stupid by saying it's just food or making fun of the fact that I have been working out alot recently (he apologized yesterday). Also when a sales woman suggests you are too fat to be in a store (mainly EXPRESS so do not buy there) by saying "I don't think we carry your size you should try another store" it is not in my mind. Honestly I couldn't care less if I weighed 10lbs more as long as I was muscular and not fat. I do not know. I was a bit crazy in that post but I couldn't take all of the critisim and lack of support and then everytime I go shopping I feel worse about myself either because the salespeople are rude or because my friends are across the room and I am all alone and on top of that I gained an Inch after working out harder than I ever have in years. I am sorry I ever wrote that crazy rant. I just have to keep at it and see what happens I guess.

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