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Old 07-28-2015, 11:59 AM   #31  
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Jersy...so sorry you are going through all of this. I, too, went through divorce, my choice because of the unfaithful person I was married to. We went to counseling however he did not change is ways. I prayed every day for God to give me peace and one day a couple of years later, he did. I got up one morning and I no longer had the hurt in my heart. I hope you get that peace also. Hugs.
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Old 07-29-2015, 02:35 PM   #32  
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Thanks, Annie

Yeah, I need to get him out of my heart and head. It's been hard. I feel sometimes like life will never get back to normal. Whatever normal is
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Old 09-06-2015, 11:39 PM   #33  
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Jersey, I just wanted to send <hugs> your way. I've never gone through a divorce, so I cannot to pretend to know the depth of your pain, but I was recently hurt by a man that I loved and can relate to the anger and sadness that go along with a partner's choices and selfishness. Hang in there and try to embrace this as a time to take care of yourself, get heathy, and find out who you are without him. As someone else said, living well is the best revenge. Although my motivation for weight loss and health is all for me this time, I can't say that sentiment hasn't fueled many of my workouts over the past few months. Dig deep. You are strong and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fit, more fulfilled person.
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Old 09-07-2015, 12:20 PM   #34  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerseyPAGirl View Post
Thanks, Munchy Yeah, the funny thing is when he left, I still remained working out. I think what happened was I really thought he would come back. When he signed the lease to his condo for the second year, I starting getting depressed and realized this was probably the end. And what made it worse was several times he tried getting back together with me. After he broke it off the second time of trying to get back together, I completely fell apart and turned to food. After our house was sold and I moved into a condo, I didn't even want to continue living. Kept praying to God to take me home with Him. And yeah, I still feel the same way now. That's probably why it's been so difficult for me to stay on the horse; although I've been doing good since Sunday. Still riding the horse

What also hurts is that my ex has a girlfriend that he's serious about. They are in love with each other. And, she's tiny, petite and blonde. He's always wanted one of those. So....it makes me feel that much insecure.

I had to make a tough decision. I cut all ties and communication with him. I even changed my phone number so he can't call/text me. I need to heal, and I can't when we stay in contact with one another.
I totally feel you and I can speak to this. I have been through a divorce and it was messy, ugly, soul shattering and I still struggle with the disappointment of it all, including disappointing myself at times. It has been about 10 years now. In our case, I did choose to break it off after his unfaithfulness, but that was just the last straw, and I now realize I had been unhappy for awhile, and I have given up myself to cater to him. His needs, his problems, and I had lost myself and become depressed and disengaged in our relationship.

I commend you on cutting off contact! I found that every phone call, message, letter just seemed to re-open the wound for a long time. We didn't have kids so that made it easier too. I was lucky that he moved out of state too, so no chances of running into him.

I found the most helpful things for me were to acknowledge what I had given up personally in the relationship as a way of healing. I could have pointed my finger and just said he was unfaithful but I found it more beneficial to acknowledge the whole situation including my parts (ie, I let him be verbally abusive, I put up with his crap, I let him run us into debt etc.) I found the Gottman book "The Relationship Cure" to be really helpful to better know myself. Like you said, we have to work on ourselves first, before moving forward. I needed to make sure I wouldn't just repeat old patterns in a new relationship.

Fortunately, I did meet someone great, and supportive and mature and who cares for me emotionally. So there is always hope! Give yourself permission to work on yourself so that you can find someone deserving of you!

I sincerely wish you the best in this situation, and give yourself time to grieve, but also care for yourself. Sometimes when we spent so long caring for another that can feel overwhelming! But it looks like you have found some great support here too
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