For the ripe 'old age' of 48 let me tell you it is not too late. I didn't even really date until my 30s and didn't meet my wife until I was 39.

I also want to say this from a man's perspective on dating. I ALWAYS put is the person a nice person first. Empathic, giving, caring, absolutely number one. Then after that a lot of other things; interests, goals, politics, humor, wit, attractiveness.

I also when dating noticed at first physical attraction. But I can tell you with a not-nice personality that wears off really fast. Maybe not as fast at 18 but certainly when you get older.

And IMHO people who came together primarily because of attractiveness just do not last as couples very often. They can, if those other aspects are there, but if not zero to very small chance.

So any man of quality will be interested in a lot of things. And truth be told, losing weight is probably a lot easier than developing empathy, caring, sincerity, etc. Although those are not set either.

I would actually find it weird and run for the hills if any man was just basing dating on physical attraction. So if you find guys are attracted to everything, instead of finding that weird, that is the way it should be.

[Inkrid]

The youth and beauty thing I think counts for 50%. If the other 50% isn't there, "eh"...

My cousins came to town the other week. I LOOOVE my cousins!! I was so looking forward to hanging out with them. Then one of them says, "Come over at 8AM and there'll be a photographer there to take family pictures."

All I could think of was:

1. 8AM
2. Getting the whole family beautiful before 8AM.
3. My "new" step-family was invited. They are all gorgeous.
4. My cousins themselves all look like they just stepped out of a soap opera or magazine.
5. Everyone would be talking about how super-successful some of them are.
6. P.S. I'm a SAHM and fat.

I felt nauseous, and felt my legs turn cold and got a headache and start sobbing. My friend kindly pointed out, "Honey, you're not sick, you're having a panic attack."

I did go, but AFTER the hoopla died down, later that PM.

OMG I hate this.

[Kendah72]

Wow! It feels reassuring to see so many other people have the same feelings as I do about situations.

I avoid sitting in a restaurant booth because I feel so uncomfortable, and like people are looking at me.

I avoid chairs with arms as well. I went to eat with a friend at a hip new restaurant, and spent the evening miserable because the arms of the chair was cutting into my legs.

I avoid any chance of running into an old boyfriend like the plague! I have not gone to events for fear of running into someone.

Sadly, I also avoid having my photo taken. This is especially sad because my wonderful boyfriend is a photographer, and I used to love being his subject. Although he still wants to take my photo, I wonder deep down inside what he is thinking when he does.

I avoid going to see my nurse practitioner, which is hilarious considering I am a nurse practitioner myself! I don't want her to fuss at me about my weight.

I avoid shorts and short sleeve shirts. I have friends constantly ask, "Are you not hot wearing that?"

Kenda

[nextphase]

I avoid almost nothing!

1. Shopping for new clothes.
I only do this because I'm so committed to losing weight that I refuse to buy new, expensive things at this size that I fully expect not to fit a month, two months, a year from now.

2. Shopping for rockin' lingerie.
I *love* sexy lingerie. My midsection is a disaster right now and my thighs are uncomfortable in stockings & a garter belt. (Although, I do still wear them, because I think they're sexy and when it's cold, a girl must wear stockings!)

3. Photos with my kids.
Well, sometimes. I don't *totally* avoid these because I want my kids to see that I did things with them when they were young. And my kids don't think I'm fat. :-)

I was avoiding running because I was afraid my knees would not be able to handle the weight and pounding, but I've just been taking it slow instead. I started out a one mile, 5x a week and now I've worked up to 2.5 miles, 3-4x a week. My ultimate goal is 5 miles, 3x a week. Forever. We'll see. I feel great right now.

I'm 40# over the weight I'd like to be. And, once I get there, I'm going to throw away every single article of clothing I own (slowly, lol) and replace it all with the beautiful, expensive articles of clothing that I've always wanted. If I have 10-20 articles of clothing, I am sure I can mix & match that into 50 different outfits. I will probably take 3 years to be able to afford the articles of clothing that I want without have a negative effect on my home & family.

Oh, and I wear a bathing suit -- even a two piece. I don't care. I see people at the beach who are bigger than I am rocking a two piece, so why shouldn't I enjoy the sun and the ocean with my kids?

My weight is not the only thing that defines me.