I've had a similar experience with my Ma in the past. She is, and always has been, quite overweight. She has always said I am "too skinny" and am "starving myself" when I am at a medically appropriate weight for my height. Because she is so used to being large, anyone of a normal size is suspect for being "too thin." It's irritating when she pushes and pushes on the issue. My doctor says (when I'm at my favorite weight) that I'm at a great size. In fact, per my height I can weigh as little as 135 and still be healthy. (My favorite weight is 145-150ish)
I don't know if people in the USA have this mentality, but over here, whenever some is doing very good, people (even friends) will try to make snide remarks about that person, trying to diminish the importance of their accomplishments, or even worse, turn them into something bad.
This usually happens because people are either ashamed of their own situation or jealous of others. It the kind of mentality where if someone appears strong and motivated and is getting good results, others (that don't have willpower or are just complacent) will try to bring the other person down as well.
So my advice to you is to never ever listed to those kinds of persons. Making mean remarks to make a person feel bad about a tremendous accomplishment is just wrong. Listen to people that are objective or listen to your doctors. Don't listen to the fat co-workers/friends/family with their faces stuffed in a box of donuts, telling you you're unhealthy or skinny or anorexic!
Oh yes, this definitely happens here in the US too. People are threatened by other's successes and don't like change.
Sorry I went MIA from my own thread! It hasn't been the best week for me...
Anyways, thank you all for responding to my vent and validating what I was feeling I know I'm not the only one to feel this way or experience something similar from a well intentioned loved one.
Love being able to post things like this to folks who understand
I think you all should be proud that some people find you too skinny. For me, being told I'm too thin is one of the best compliments I could ever dream to get. So enjoy the compliments, keep eating healthily and let the lazy people envy you
I grew up in a family that thought weighing 140 at 5'3" was healthy. When they saw me at 135 they thought I was skinny and didn't need to lose more weight. When they heard I wanted to be 15 pounds lighter, they acted as though I'd said something far worse. 120 is just fine for a shorty like me.
Yea, i've gotten it a lot (and have posted a few times on 3FC about how kind of traumatizing it was for me) because in my mind i interpret "you're getting too thin" or "ARE YOU STILL LOSING WEIGHT?!!" as "you are looking ugly". I don't interpret it as jealousy although that would probably make me feel a bit better but since my face has changed a lot with my weight loss, i interpret all comments about my weight as i'm ugly. A lot of the time they'll back up telling me, no..you look good but i do not feel complimented because i've worked hard only to be told things like that? Not saying i need validation from anyone other than those very close to me and like one has stated and has been brought up in my posts about this subject, i think a lot of it is comparison to the old you. I would really like to hear what people who didn't know me fat, would think about me.
Also society is certainly trending obese and we're certainly not used to what it really looks like to be a healthy weight.
I do agree with what GlamourGirl has said "but why is it anymore rude to CORRECTLY tell someone they ar fat than it is to INCORRECTLY tell someone they are thin?" although that's not my personality type and would never have the guts to say that!
Last edited by 3fcuser291505109; 11-29-2013 at 07:13 PM.
Both my sisters are normal weight bordering on underweight. They have always struggled with anorexia rumors, but they have merely been blessed with fast metabolisms. It has always been so hurtful for them, so I never say anything like that to anyone.
That said, even they have made comments when they thought I was losing too much weight too fast. People get used to seeing you a certain way and it's hard for them to accept you any other way. Luckily they will get used to it in time.
I don't talk about my weight loss with anyone unsympathetic. I try not to call attention to my diet or exercise. If I am questioned about what I am doing, I will talk about it in terms of my health. If that doesn't work, I am blunt and tell the other person that it is none of their business.
That said, even they have made comments when they thought I was losing too much weight too fast. People get used to seeing you a certain way and it's hard for them to accept you any other way. Luckily they will get used to it in time.
I don't talk about my weight loss with anyone unsympathetic. I try not to call attention to my diet or exercise. If I am questioned about what I am doing, I will talk about it in terms of my health. If that doesn't work, I am blunt and tell the other person that it is none of their business.
Yes, this, i freely admit that i have done that to people losing weight and to my own mother and my best friend, i do not know WHY and it certainly wasn't meant to hurt them or chastise them and believe it or not it wasn't out of jealousy, either. And i don't understand the rationale behind it because no one i commented on was underweight. Being on the receiving end has sure taught me just to SHUT my mouth.
Food and dieting makes people uncomfortable. That's why it's always best to steer any conversation towards fitness and exercise instead. Just say something like "no, I'm eating loads it's just that I'm training for a 10K!" People are willing to forgive exercise.
Also, OP I want to ask, how old are you? Sometimes if you are little older, like over 30 being underweight does change your appearance considerably. This might just be my opinion but a little fat is very forgiving to your skin. Young women can lose weight and look great but for us over the hill even losing a little weight can make us look gaunt. Could that be what your grandmother is responding to? For example I have a friend that I've known since our early 20's. She was always superfit, running marathons and eating healthy. She looked amazing, her skin glowed but she was never too too skinny. Now I think she's lost a bit of weight, is continuing marathons and other fitness endeavors and obvious still looks great but her face is looking a little ragged. Every time I see her I feel like she would look so much better if she put on 5-8lbs, I hate thinking that but there you have it.
I watched some old Little House episodes last year. The boys were skinny and wasp-waisted. Now people would say they are too thin, but that was normal back in the 70's! On one episode there was an obese man (cue sad Little House music), but watching today, he looked more normal!
One of my sons is in middle school and 85 pounds. All his friends are 120 or 140. I took him to the doc, worried he was underweight, and the doc said, "No, this is what we want to see and seldom do!" He was Normal, which isn't normal anymore!!
People always say awkward things when they notice you've changed in appearance, I think.
My roommate is your height and weight - she has been losing a pound a week or something and doing lots of weight training and cooking. She looks SUPER HEALTHY to me and her aunt asked if she had a thyroid problem!
Food and dieting makes people uncomfortable. That's why it's always best to steer any conversation towards fitness and exercise instead. Just say something like "no, I'm eating loads it's just that I'm training for a 10K!" People are willing to forgive exercise.
Also, OP I want to ask, how old are you? Sometimes if you are little older, like over 30 being underweight does change your appearance considerably. This might just be my opinion but a little fat is very forgiving to your skin. Young women can lose weight and look great but for us over the hill even losing a little weight can make us look gaunt. Could that be what your grandmother is responding to? For example I have a friend that I've known since our early 20's. She was always superfit, running marathons and eating healthy. She looked amazing, her skin glowed but she was never too too skinny. Now I think she's lost a bit of weight, is continuing marathons and other fitness endeavors and obvious still looks great but her face is looking a little ragged. Every time I see her I feel like she would look so much better if she put on 5-8lbs, I hate thinking that but there you have it.
I think this is part of my situation.I am at a perfect weight for me I know people think I am to lean.....it brought out all my wrinkles! I am 61 the face does not hold elasticity...but would rather be trim with wrinkles.
I think this is part of my situation.I am at a perfect weight for me I know people think I am to lean.....it brought out all my wrinkles! I am 61 the face does not hold elasticity...but would rather be trim with wrinkles.
You're a runner! Less is more for runners. Thick people never win long distance races :P
I know I'm not the only one to feel this way or experience something similar from a well intentioned loved one.
