Every week there's a party? Goodness, that's excessive. They don't want you to bring in anything, but instead they want you to contribute to the cake, by which I take it to mean bring in money?
Girl, I also work for the govt, and I'm having furloughs every single pay period. Just got my paycheck yesterday and it's really been cut down because of it. I don't see how folks are able to afford a party, let alone every week.
I would just tell her this...NO. I'm busy, I have other things to do, and frankly, I can't afford this. Just keep saying no, and sooner or later, they'll leave you alone.
Unless someone is holding you down and opening your mouth by force and shoving cake into it then you're not being forced to eat cake. Nobody can force you to eat anything, you know that. People can whine, accuse, make you feel guilty, make you feel out of place, but they cannot physically force you to eat cake. Could you maybe be perceiving aggression towards you and responding with aggression? Because it's hard to believe that everyone is mad at you for not eating cake. You can go to the party, you can contribute to the cake, you can bake the cake. But you don't have to eat the cake. Take a step back and try to realize that it's probably not what they're all upset about. Maybe they're upset that you seem to be balking at the parties and you're perceiving it that they're mad about what you're eating.
My mil is kinda weird and aggressive about food. She's the type that you have to finish everything on your plate, and I'm the opposite type. I refuse to eat a lot of things that she cooks for whatever reason. Mostly because she cooks the same thing over and over and over again and if I didn't like it last week I won't like it this week either so why should I waste my calories on it? She says the stupidest things like 'ice cream doesn't have any sugar in it" and "I've never dieted a day in my life and look how slim I am " (uhm, no you're not).
The best response I have found is "no thank you" and then silence. Silence is golden. Silence is the only thing that gets anyone to shut up. Because if they keep talking and you stay silent eventually they start to look craaaaaaazy. I mean seriously, you said "no thank you" and they're going on and on and on about it and eventually they'll realize just how stupid their one sided conversation is.
The absolute worst thing you can do is engage in banter over it. "I can't eat because...." is already way none of their business. No means no and shouldn't come with any explanations. That's how the thinner people do it my friend, they say no and then make you look like the crazy food lady for going on about it.
Ha, a show for the interns? Like "if you work here you'll be really overweight and eat cake 3 days a week?"
That sort of thing actually really turned me off the agency where I worked as a summer intern - fortunately there my supervisor was a marathon runner. Are you by any chance a state worker?
So my co-workers are all overweight and really have the food as reward attitude. Although they deny it.
At one point a few years back I had work to do... and I told my boss I wasn't coming to a party that another co worker was throwing at work. I practically fell over when he told me that work could wait, and I was coming. I know you might think that was good but it just meant I had to stay late and get the job done. So basically I was ordered to eat. It was at that point that I started pushing back. Trying to find ways around our many many many many eating events that I go to "or else." Having like 1 tiny slice of cake. Eating only 1/2 of it. Taking the serving... pretending to eat it.... then throwing it out -- so everyone can see that I did.
Today I was told of YET another party on Monday for another birthday. I reacted with my usual... ugh, but my co worker all all pissy about it and said maybe I should bring in cake sometime.. like I just do this so I won't have to buy cake... it was everything I could do (and I have to because she rules the roost) not to scream bloody murder and call her a bad word. No I don't want cake at all. Why do we have to have cake? Why do we have to have a party at all. We are there to work... I have made it abundantly clear I don't want to go.. another co worker has too... but ...
I suspect it is all just a show for our interns but I am so sick of it. And particularly sick of her attitude like I am not grateful for her efforts... your right... I am not.
I don't want to live that way any more. I finally figured it out.. and I want to live a food life that I want to live. And because I now that Crud that will come down on me should I voice this will be worse than eating a slice of cake... I seriously resent it.
You must work at a bank or some other financial institution, because those are the only fools I remember being GUNG HO about company paid stress lunches, morning donuts, holiday cook offs, office potlucks, hoedowns, you name it!
I used to work at a bank. I remember it now. Every other day some co-worker would bring in donuts/tacos or something else. Forget having a bagel for breakfast and working through to lunch. By the time them smells start flowing through the office, you WILL be hungry again.
Oh and by the way, I like how the co-worker who brings in a full box of Krispy Kreme donuts every day is praised for his or her insanity. Yeah thats right go ahead and praise the jerk-off who will have you looking like a whale in 3 to 4 months. This is crazy.
I really know how the OP feels. For me its hard enough keeping to a diet, without being tempted every five minutes.
The best response I have found is "no thank you" and then silence. Silence is golden. Silence is the only thing that gets anyone to shut up. Because if they keep talking and you stay silent eventually they start to look craaaaaaazy.
Unless someone is holding you down and opening your mouth by force and shoving cake into it then you're not being forced to eat cake. Nobody can force you to eat anything, you know that.
Yes you guys are right on that. However, it is perceived as my being "mean" to the host and then, to defend her, my boss will make me pay in other ways. Such as: Making me stay late; going through my work with a fine tooth comb. I didn't eat the cake, I had a few bites, and I used my *I* don't like fruit excuse, and of course I BOTH had my work reviewed with a fine tooth comb AND was made to say late. Twofer !!!!
You could tell a little fib and say that every time you eat cake it makes your sugar go up and your doctor warned you about this but you have been trying to keep it quiet and not worry others.
The truth is whenever anyone eats sweets their sugar goes up, but to them it will sound like diabetes and the empathy will be on you. They may ask a few questions like "do you have diabetes?" "no" "my doctor has been keeping an eye on it for a while and I just didn't want to say anything and seem selfish, ya know?"
Who can argue with a medical doc's opinion? (even when there really isn't one).
Who can argue with a medical doc's opinion? (even when there really isn't one).
I must work with jerks because I honestly don't think they will care - actually one time I asked for an accommodation in walking -- when I was bigger - because it was hurting my ankles. I was required to get a note. And behind my back, my employer called the doctor and asked for clarification because they couldn't "understand" the note.
I could not believe that my doctor did talk to them. I have no idea what he said. I called and told them how they should not have talked to my employer -- certainly without talking to me first. They claimed they were just clarifying the note but I said, I still don't know what you said or didn't say and what you said or didn't could have compromised my job. But they didn't care.
After getting as little help as was humanly possible and my feet still hurting me, I chose to lose the weight. And here they are... doing whatever they can to see if they can't have me gain some back.
I must work with jerks because I honestly don't think they will care - actually one time I asked for an accommodation in walking -- when I was bigger - because it was hurting my ankles. I was required to get a note. And behind my back, my employer called the doctor and asked for clarification because they couldn't "understand" the note.
I could not believe that my doctor did talk to them. I have no idea what he said. I called and told them how they should not have talked to my employer -- certainly without talking to me first. They claimed they were just clarifying the note but I said, I still don't know what you said or didn't say and what you said or didn't could have compromised my job. But they didn't care.
After getting as little help as was humanly possible and my feet still hurting me, I chose to lose the weight. And here they are... doing whatever they can to see if they can't have me gain some back.
Humn... you guys are really motivating me here.
From what you've described, you do work with jerks and your boss is the biggest jerk of all. Polish up your resume and start pounding the pavement for a new job. Life is way too short to put up with that kind nonsense.
I think people just want to be reassured they aren't being judged--so they can enjoy whatever it is they want, without feeling guilty. I just say, "Mmmm, that looks really good!! Then take a piece--and maybe a bite--if I need to, and set it aside when the person moves on.
Even though you're asked to show up, do they need that you just eat? While we don't normally have parties, etc. sometimes people will bring in baked goods and sweet to share. One manager in particular is really sweet and motherly and loves to bake something special either to celebrate things or when someone had a bad day/week.
I must work with jerks because I honestly don't think they will care - actually one time I asked for an accommodation in walking -- when I was bigger - because it was hurting my ankles. I was required to get a note. And behind my back, my employer called the doctor and asked for clarification because they couldn't "understand" the note.
I could not believe that my doctor did talk to them. I have no idea what he said. I called and told them how they should not have talked to my employer -- certainly without talking to me first. They claimed they were just clarifying the note but I said, I still don't know what you said or didn't say and what you said or didn't could have compromised my job. But they didn't care.
After getting as little help as was humanly possible and my feet still hurting me, I chose to lose the weight. And here they are... doing whatever they can to see if they can't have me gain some back.
Humn... you guys are really motivating me here.
This kind of sounds illegal. Can you go to your HR department to complain? I would definitely file a complaint about that. And like another poster said, time to get another job where you won't be harrassed. I thought work was supposed to be about getting work done, not eating cake.
This kind of sounds illegal. Can you go to your HR department to complain? I would definitely file a complaint about that. And like another poster said, time to get another job where you won't be harrassed. I thought work was supposed to be about getting work done, not eating cake.
So um... that was HR that decided that they needed "clarification" and called the doctor.
Suffice to say that in about 1 years they will be all gone. It is callled mandatory retirement. So that is why I am staying. But they aren't going to make it easy on me.
It seems it work is about getting work done when my work isn't done. I am like Cinderella in that world.
So true!
