Frustrated with co workers.. (kind of a rant)
 

So my co-workers are all overweight and really have the food as reward attitude. Although they deny it.

At one point a few years back I had work to do... and I told my boss I wasn't coming to a party that another co worker was throwing at work. I practically fell over when he told me that work could wait, and I was coming. I know you might think that was good but it just meant I had to stay late and get the job done. So basically I was ordered to eat. It was at that point that I started pushing back. Trying to find ways around our many many many many eating events that I go to "or else." Having like 1 tiny slice of cake. Eating only 1/2 of it. Taking the serving... pretending to eat it.... then throwing it out -- so everyone can see that I did.

Today I was told of YET another party on Monday for another birthday. I reacted with my usual... ugh, but my co worker all all pissy about it and said maybe I should bring in cake sometime.. like I just do this so I won't have to buy cake... it was everything I could do (and I have to because she rules the roost) not to scream bloody murder and call her a bad word. No I don't want cake at all. Why do we have to have cake? Why do we have to have a party at all. We are there to work... I have made it abundantly clear I don't want to go.. another co worker has too... but ...

I suspect it is all just a show for our interns but I am so sick of it. And particularly sick of her attitude like I am not grateful for her efforts... your right... I am not.

I don't want to live that way any more. I finally figured it out.. and I want to live a food life that I want to live. And because I now that Crud that will come down on me should I voice this will be worse than eating a slice of cake... I seriously resent it.

Even if you are required to show up, do they demand that you eat? While we don't normally have parties, etc. sometimes people will bring in baked goods and candy to share. One manager in particular is really sweet and motherly and likes to bake something special either to celebrate things or if someone had a bad day/week.

The first time she brought something in after I had started eating healthily I politely declined and told her up front I am trying to lose weight. It initially hurt her feelings, I think, but the next couple times I declined but also added "I've lost x pounds!" which she was happy for me. Now if I have a bad day she will tease me and tell me "well if you weren't on a diet, I'd make you a cheesecake!" lol

If you don't want to announce to everyone that you're on a diet, make up an excuse such as food allergies.

Oh they know I am on a diet. I suspect that is why they push so hard to make me eat. I don't want to make up an excuse... and no way they would buy that food allergies. It is about mean people and control. And yes they demand that I eat.

How awful for you! Bad enough trying to stick to a diet when all around are scoffing cake etc. but to be constantly told or badgered into eating is preposterous!
Could you perhaps deal with this by making the most delicious cake to take with you so they will see you are entering into the "spirit" of it but will be rather at a disadvantage to be able to accuse you of being a party pooper.

My advice might be useless (though I hope not!) but I encounter something similar years ago. I was a vegetarian for like 3-4 years and I worked at this job where these women would bring in various dishes for lunch or dinner (12 hour shifts) and I would turn down a lot because they had meat in it. You would think being a vegetarian would be a good reason, but they were insulted and would say stupid stuff like "why don;t you just eat meat this one time". I wasn't rude, but I was firm that they were over stepping their boundaries.

The women at your job are over stepping boundaries that a socially adjusted person would know not to over step. If they are really giving you a problem about what you are and aren't eating, you are justified to speak up. I know this might ruffle some feathers, as it did for me, but I'd rather irritate a few people that are out of line than be miserable at work. And they got a little pissy for awhile then dealt with it and we were all good. :) The direct approach isn;t for everyone, but its an idea to consider!!

They can demand that you eat but they can't force you to eat.!!!!

I understand what you are going through. But I promise you can make it a little better. What I've found time and time again, is that you can't change the way other people act, all you can change is the way you react to them.

You've made a lifestyle change, lost a lot of weight and have become a lot more health conscious and conscious of the things that drive people to eat. Unfortunately it seems that the people you work with haven't "gotten there" yet. To them I'm sure your changes are a little intimidating. That doesn't mean you need to stop what you're doing or change to please them, but maybe they feel you're judging them a little bit and that's making them try harder to make you "one of them". There is nothing wrong with celebrating, and if they want to do that by eating a bunch treats well I guess that's their right.

Of course it's your right not to participate, but I think that will only alienate them more. Maybe go to the parties, but don't stay too long, the excuse of you having a lot of work goes over better when it looks like you want to be there. Also there is nothing wrong with having a tiny sliver of cake if that's all you want. Tell them it was amazing and you wish you could eat more, but you're so close to goal you don't want to derail. Maybe even offer to help with the planning and suggest that they do half healthier treats (chocolate dipped fruit) and half traditional treats.

I hope I haven't overstepped or offended. I just don't want you to be angry with people who I hope will one day be in the same place you are, and can maybe learn healthier eating habits from your example.

good luck!

What I have found with food pushers is that nothing short of saying, "No," and sticking to that will work. When I am offered sweets and treats, I smile and say, "No thank you." If the person continues to push, I say, "I have health constraints that prevent me from eating <whatever it is>." If they still continue to push, then I get nasty, "I said no and I don't wish to discuss it any further!"

Has it made people unhappy? Yes but frankly, I don't care about that. They don't give a single little poop about making me uncomfortable and unhappy, why should I tolerate or encourage their bad behavior? I'm just too old and grumpy for that crap.

What I've found is that in the end by holding firm to my boundaries, most people eventually move beyond that nonsense. If they don't, I just don't interact with them much and when I do, I keep my well established boundaries in place.

Uhg, that sounds miserable! If they're accusing you of not contributing to their party fund, maybe you could offer to give some money towards a cake or something? You could just tell them that you don't want to eat any sweets but that you'd be happy to throw a few bucks their way? I don't know, just thinking aloud...

Aaahhh. Memories of the joys of office parties come flooding back....and make me happy once again that I'm retired!

First, I understand your lack of enthusiasm about these parties -- I always wondered how they could have a party seemingly at least once a week and still get their work done. But I digress. Yes, you absolutely have the right to refuse to eat the food. And, it does sound as though at least one of them thinks it's time you participate by bringing in the cake. One if my co-workers dealt with the partiers by bringing in a bowl of fruit or other healthy snacks. One time she had gone all out and had an iced bowl of yogurts, a veggie tray and a fruit tray. There were some complaints about it, but several people asked if we could have some of the healthier alternatives at all of the parties.

It may not work in your office setting, but it might get some others who feel the same as you do to support you in the efforts to have something to eat that is a much healthier alternative.

First, I think it's great that you are able to resist having the cake or having just a small piece of it.

I would offer to bring cake in one of the times, and bring in a healthier version of cake. We used to have to bring in snacks for our staff meetings (which was so stupid - people should just eat breakfast at home!) and I told them, when it was my turn, that since I have to bring something in, I'm bring in a healthier option. I brought in sliced strawberries and an angel food cake. Less calories than a regular cake. They didn't mind. There are also tons of recipes out there for low calorie baked goods. I would do that to get them off your back and either they will like what you bring or never ask you again ;) lol.

Sorry you have to deal with this!!

Do you eat an afternoon snack? If you have advance notice of the parties, you can time it so that you eat your snack during the party. That way you're socializing but don't need to change what you eat.

If companies are throwing parties, imo it really should be the responsibility of the company to pay for the food. Party costs add up, especially if they're frequent, and I don't think it's cool to pressure employees to spend their money on frequent "mandated" parties. Maybe occasionally (a few times a year) bring in a snack you like and would eat anyway.

Thanks for the support all. It was kind of a rant because I know nothing is going to change.

See she wants me to contribute to the cake. I already suggested that I pick the food the next time and shot me down. She wants me to spend my money on what she wants me to do. She has made no secret of the fact that she feels that a slice of cake every once and a while won't kill anyone. But my god it is literally every week. I do have a co worker who has refused to come anymore, however, she gets a pass because she works for another organization in the same building so she can't be running over to us during her work hours.

I rarely get advanced notice of the parties... I think another passive aggressive move. If I did, and I didn't have something I had to do, I would go home sick. But usually she tells me around 10 AM that we are having a party at 1 PM... and by that time I generally have meetings around 3 or 4 already set up.

I actually don't work for a company but a government thing..

Just seriously frustrating. She just told me about two weeks ago she was going to pursue a medical diet plan. Seems like she is trying to get it all in before she starts that.

My plan tomorrow is simply to eat as small as I can get away with and then go to the gym.

Every week there's a party? Goodness, that's excessive. They don't want you to bring in anything, but instead they want you to contribute to the cake, by which I take it to mean bring in money?

Girl, I also work for the govt, and I'm having furloughs every single pay period. Just got my paycheck yesterday and it's really been cut down because of it. I don't see how folks are able to afford a party, let alone every week.

I would just tell her this...NO. I'm busy, I have other things to do, and frankly, I can't afford this. Just keep saying no, and sooner or later, they'll leave you alone.

I agree with the just say no. I see no reason that you should be compelled to do something you don't want to do, but it is up to you to say no and mean it.