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Old 05-28-2013, 09:32 AM   #16  
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Hugs! I have been maintaining a more than 100 pound weight loss more or less by sliding up & down some for two decades or so, although I haven't ever reached the original weight again & I personally have found my weight loss & maintenance journey fun. I only mention this because sometimes when people at lower weights post on these boards & don't mention a history of being heavier it seems as though they can't understand how there are difficulties being at a higher weight but I just wanted to pop in & mention that I can relate to a lot of what you say, especially anger. I am an angry person at times & have wondered if the weight journey might be silently triggering that.


What you say may or may not be valid about maybe not trying to lose weight again. Many people make that decision & it works well for them in terms of peace of mind, lifestyle & health. Some studies show that people with higher weights live longer & are healthier than those at lower weights.

I have no advice because the choice is yours. I just wanted to wish you luck whatever you decide.

Last edited by Amarantha2; 05-28-2013 at 09:34 AM.
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Old 05-28-2013, 09:34 AM   #17  
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Nothing wrong or shameful about that. If we want to stay a normal weight, we have to accept that we'll be eating less than WE want most of the time.

I haven't done any of that for the past year and a half and I've been able to maintain my 50-lb loss, something I've never been able to do before. I've designed a way of eating that minimizes (without totally eliminating) my sense of deprivation and respects my idiosyncrasies.



It's always a work in progress, but it's doable. I believe it can be doable for you, too.

F.

You make it sound downright easy.... you give me hope.
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Old 05-28-2013, 09:44 AM   #18  
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You make it sound downright easy....
Hardly that. Overall it's worth it to me, though not by a whole lot (perhaps a 55:45 ratio of yes to no). I remind myself that it's a choice I'm making -- the choice to eat more or less like a "normal" person, which does not come naturally to me. While the health benefits are real, I admit it's often the vanity benefits that keep me going.

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Old 05-28-2013, 09:47 AM   #19  
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You're writing your dissertation. That is HARD work. It also tells me you care about your future and yourself. Do you want to be around to enjoy your accomplishment?

What's really the difference between the hard work of getting a phd and the hard work of losing and maintaining weight? Not so much really - they each require planning and time. What is it that motivates you to work that hard to earn that degree?

Maybe start more slowly this time. Pick a plan you can live with. I personally don't exercise because that's something that would have kicked me off plan for sure as it would have been too much change at once.

Regain can happen. Does that mean we shouldn't keep trying to be successful? Just because your car runs out of gas, do you just leave it at the side of the road? No, you fill it up and keep going.

What's the alternative? I'm pretty sure you know what that is.
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Old 05-28-2013, 11:23 AM   #20  
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I have no advice because the choice is yours. I just wanted to wish you luck whatever you decide.
Thanks for taking the time to post a response and for your support.
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Old 05-28-2013, 11:34 AM   #21  
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What's really the difference between the hard work of getting a phd and the hard work of losing and maintaining weight? Not so much really - they each require planning and time. What is it that motivates you to work that hard to earn that degree?
I am willing to put forth the effort because I know at some point, the work will be OVER. It will END. For me, that is a key difference between getting a PhD and weight loss. With weight loss, the fight NEVER ENDS. It goes on and on and on for the rest of my life-- UGH.

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Maybe start more slowly this time. Pick a plan you can live with. I personally don't exercise because that's something that would have kicked me off plan for sure as it would have been too much change at once.

Regain can happen. Does that mean we shouldn't keep trying to be successful? Just because your car runs out of gas, do you just leave it at the side of the road? No, you fill it up and keep going.
While I understand your point, again the analogy is not quite the same, I think....systematically, it is expected a vehicle will require refueling-- it is just "how it works". In the ideal, once weight is lost it would not have to be lost over and over again-- that is not how the system is "supposed" to work--- but it is in fact how it has worked for me.

As to your question re: the alternative-- I see multiple alternatives, actually, some more or less likely than others....

1) I can learn to accept I will be fat forever and make peace with it.

2) I can continue to feel trapped in a body I despise, but do nothing to lose weight.

3) I can decide to lose weight for the 4,234th time and start restricting "X" (calories, sugar, refined foods, etc.), increasing my consumption of "X" (protein veggies, fruit, etc.) and exercising. (There are of course, multiple variations to this with varied levels of restruction/consumption/tracking/exercise/ etc).
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Old 05-28-2013, 11:36 AM   #22  
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Being fat is hard.
Losing weight is hard.
Maintaining your weight loss is hard.
Choose your hard.
Quite catchy. Thx.
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Old 05-28-2013, 11:47 AM   #23  
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Tate, I really enjoyed reading your post (even though I'm sorry that you're feeling so frustrated): Sincerity just emanates from it, and I can identify with what you wrote. I started my [hopefully] last effort at losing 45-50 lbs. in June 2011, but this was after YEARS (5-6) of either steadily gaining or staying at an unacceptably heavy weight. I, too, was tired of dieting and all the tracking, thinking about food, etc., that went along with it. I even used to tell my sisters that I would "never" go on another diet. However, I think at a certain point we're ready to get up and start again. I liken it to a CrossFit class I take: The instructor writes the workout of the day on the board, and then we all start doing it, but none of us does it at exactly the same pace. In fact, some of us have to rest between sets, but ultimately we rejoin the workout. We have to be ready, though, and the same goes with changing your lifestyle.

What seems to have worked well for me and that is different this time from all the other times that I've lost weight is that I really tried to create a program that addressed some of the problem issues that I had faced in previous attempts. EXAMPLES:

1) Flexibility: I hate planning my food. I like spontaneity in eating, and this is usually counterintuitive to losing weight. My workaround for that is having a weekly calorie total rather than a daily total. I "cycle" calories (eat more on some days than others), and this has given me more eating freedom than in past attempts.

Also, I start counting my "day's" calories with my most unpredictable meal, which happens to be dinner for me. It's easier for me to control the calories in breakfast and lunch than it is to control the calories at dinner.


2) Making time for exercise - I, too, hated the fact that I had to put time aside to exercise. One day, though, I was watching television and heard about a doctor from the Mayo clinic who had invented something called a tread desk (Google it). I do a ton of computer work at home, and I have a treadmill, so I asked my husband to set up my treadmill so that I could do computer work on it. He did that, and all of a sudden, it was nothing for me to knock out 5-6 miles a day AND get work done in the process (I am a fast walker, so I walk at 3.0 while working). Sounds crazy, but doing that one thing was the best health-related decision I have ever made. It makes exercise almost effortless. (In truth, though, I was doing this for at least a year before I made a commitment to change my eating, too). Now, I've added other things I like to my routine (i.e., joined a gym and take early-morning classes, which I really enjoy). The point is to find something that works for you. And if all else fails, and you're putting off losing because you hate exercise, don't exercise. Why must it be all or nothing? (I think many of us have this attitude, but we needn't).


Has it been smooth sailing all the way since then? No way. The first year or so of maintaining (I hit maintenance in Nov. 2011) was super easy, but it has gotten harder, mainly because I still want to eat with complete abandon, even though logically I know I cannot. I still have that struggle, but I would rather struggle with that, than to struggle with the negative way I felt about myself when I was overweight.

A final piece of advice: I read something on the boards about a week ago that really hit home for me (wish I could remember who posted it so that I could give her credit): The poster said that what we really should be aiming for is a "goal lifestyle" rather than a goal weight or goal size. Reading that was sort of a paradigm shift for me. Yes, I've heard/read all the usual "dieting" cliches about making it a "lifestyle change," etc., but this was different. Why not make changes in your life that you know you can stick with (not Draconian changes), and let the weight fall where it will? After all, isn't that a key goal---i..e, living our lives in enjoyably?

Last edited by lin43; 05-28-2013 at 11:49 AM.
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Old 05-28-2013, 11:59 AM   #24  
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(I haven't read all the other replies yet, so I hope I'm not posting duplicate advice.)

My advice would be "don't try to lose weight". If you do - great, if not - then it didn't happen. What you're writing seems to seep with being tired, you sound exhausted to me. I don't think you're in the "great big American mind set" of "doing your life over". And I don't think you should be, or should be expected to be - you are where you are. You have gained insight and wisdom into your life.

I think the best approach for you would be baby steps. Don't start counting, weighing, measuring, picture-taking, planning, discussing, reading. Don't do it all at once. Don't even do it at all. Just take one small habit you'd like to change that you would think would make you feel better about your body or your weight - not a habit you think you "ought" to have, but a habit that you feel you genuinely want to cultivate. That can be 5 minutes of walking a day, or 1 push up a day, or really savoring at least one bite of food a day. Anything. It might not even have anything to do with weight loss. I would suggest this habit to be a very "small" one - even ridiculously small. So small, that you don't think it'll impact the rest of your life. Then start implementing that one habit. Do it for four weeks, maybe for six, or eight weeks - until you either decide that habit wasn't all that you thought it would be - and you can ditch it, or it becomes automatic and you like your new habit and the new you. Most importantly: this habit should be all you're TRYING to change. Just those 5 minutes of your day. Don't get ahead of yourself, consciously try and slow down: don't add calorie counting because you feel like it. Just this one change, one at a time. Don't feel like you need to make it a half hour workout because you "ought to" - only those 5 minutes. Don't sit there thinking about those 5 minutes all day either - just do them, feel good, and continue with your life as it was/is. Over time, you might feel energized to take on more changes, but I think at the moment you really need to give yourself room to breathe and to accept. And don't think that's easy, because it might even be harder than committing 24 hours of your day to weight loss, especially if you're in an achievement-mindset (which almost everyone kind of is, including me). So, I would say your new challenge is to take it slow, do it differently, do it without the necessity to achieve, do it without the obsession and without the drive for perfection. I think you might be in the right place mentally to do this.

These posts might help give you an idea of what I'm talking about. Not all posts in this blog are great, but some re-express very profound truths:

zenhabits.net/half
zenhabits.net/7y

I'm also not trying to discourage you from trying, but your post sounds so weary to me - I don't think you would benefit from another cheerleader dancing around you and telling you to just keep going. I think abandoning the heads-on forceful approach to weight loss might help you find your own strength.
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Old 05-28-2013, 01:28 PM   #25  
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This is something I believe most people who have lost weight can relate to.

Something to consider is intermittent fasting which for me this has been life changing.

Another thing to consider is what weight you want to maintain at. Maybe it's not possible to maintain at 150 but it is possible to maintain at 200.
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Old 05-28-2013, 01:37 PM   #26  
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I am willing to put forth the effort because I know at some point, the work will be OVER. It will END. For me, that is a key difference between getting a PhD and weight loss. With weight loss, the fight NEVER ENDS. It goes on and on and on for the rest of my life-- UGH.
Anything of value doesn't really end. What seems like the end is just the beginning of something better, and that's as true for weight loss as it is a PhD. A wedding ends, but the important part, the marriage hopefully will endure. Giving birth ends, but the important part, the parenting goes on. Your PhD coursework will end, but your knowledge, wisdom, and education will continue.

Actually that's not true - the marriage, the parent relationship, knowledge, wisdom.... none of these will endure if you don't work at growing, developing and maintaining them. In all those cases, the "end" will only be the beginning of something better if you work at it, and the work will be as hard or harder than anything that came before.

The weddings, the births, the earning of degrees, losing weight...... these are all the "easy" parts. The marriage, the parenting, working in your field, weight maintenance... they're all about turning knowledge and experience into wisdom. Every one of them will wither and die without attention and work.

A wedding is meaningless if you don't work at the marriage.
You become a parent not by giving birth, but by parenting a child.
What good is your degree if you don't put it to use? And using it is going to require lifelong effort.

Turning knowledge and experience into wisdom in all these areas is the hard part - and with a little luck and a whole lot of work - there will be a whole lot of work to do until the day you die.

Life is work, but it's worth the effort.

Last edited by kaplods; 05-28-2013 at 01:56 PM.
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Old 05-28-2013, 07:12 PM   #27  
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Yeah... and that would be one of the hard parts--- they are ALL work (I dare anyone to name a diet I have not tried.... ). The other is convincing myself this really is "it". I do thank you for your feedback and for being supportive. Much appreciated.

Wow! I so feel you! When you are at wits end, and nothing seems possible or even probable! The only thing I can say, is the way you feel about counting this, or cutting that is exactly me. And since you dared me , I'm going to ask about a specific diet.

Have you tried "The Carbohydrate Addict's Diet" by Drs. Richard and Rachel Heller? My best friend lost 125 pounds, as kept it off for 5-8 years so far, and still follows the diet to this day. I've lost 160 pounds, however I started with it and have molded it to be my own "healthy living", not resembling the diet in any way anymore.

You can buy the book on amazon for $4.00, but the basic idea of the diet is you get 3 meals or 3 meals and a snack each day. All meals and snacks are low carb except 1, called your Reward Meal. Your reward meal is the same meal everyday (most prefer dinner), and at that meal you can eat ANYTHING you want, as long as your meal is balanced (approximately 1/3 low carb veggies, 1/3 protein, 1/3 carbs) and it is complete in 60 minutes or less. Most days I ate pretty well balanced, but there were days I consumed 3,000 calories of CRAP and still lost weight. But most days I didn't feel the need to binge like that because I knew I could have more the next day. I eventually added calorie counting and limited "bad" foods, but the diet can be done without it.

If you are interested in more details, get the book or message me. I really believe this diet (along with support from friends, family, and 3fc) is what made me successful this time.

Good luck!

Chris
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Old 05-28-2013, 07:24 PM   #28  
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Tate, I really enjoyed reading your post (even though I'm sorry that you're feeling so frustrated): Sincerity just emanates from it, and I can identify with what you wrote.
It means a lot to me to hear others are able to resonate with what it is I am feeling.

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1) Flexibility: I hate planning my food. I like spontaneity in eating, and this is usually counterintuitive to losing weight. My workaround for that is having a weekly calorie total rather than a daily total.
LIKE this!!!

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.... a tread desk (Google it)...
VERY cool. My office is too small for something like that, but I might consider one for home.


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The point is to find something that works for you. And if all else fails, and you're putting off losing because you hate exercise, don't exercise. Why must it be all or nothing? (I think many of us have this attitude, but we needn't).
I failed to mention, I am already "sort of" exercising. 2 or 3 times per week, I attend a Bikram yoga class. It is a 90 minute practice in a room that is between 105 and 110 degrees. 26 postures, each of which are performed twice. I really, really like it. It is hot, and hard, but for some reason I enjoy it anyway. I am in a room full of skinny "bendy" people and I cannot do the poses anywhere near what they can do, but I CAN get through all of the postures without puking and I can get through most classes without having to sit out poses on my mat.

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I still have that struggle, but I would rather struggle with that, than to struggle with the negative way I felt about myself when I was overweight.
I have yet to resign that this part of my life must always be struggle. Can there be no peace? Can I never get to the place where I can just BE without this constant fight? I suppose THAT is the "lifestyle goal" I want to have---and haven't a clue how to do it.

Thanks for sharing what has worked for you and for taking the time to provide many helpful details along with much encouragement.
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Old 05-28-2013, 07:28 PM   #29  
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Life is work, but it's worth the effort.
Yes-- and it is precisely because I am working so hard in all of the areas you mentioned (school, work, my marriage, my children) that I have precious little "ummph" left for another diet which will (if history serves) end right where it started. I agree that anything worth having takes effort. I am as yet unclear on whether or not the effort it takes to lose weight and keep it off is worth it. A lifetime of struggle.... and for what?
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Old 05-28-2013, 07:35 PM   #30  
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My advice would be "don't try to lose weight".
You definitely caught my attention with that one!

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I think the best approach for you would be baby steps.
Yes... I think you are on to something.....now to pick the habit....

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....So, I would say your new challenge is to take it slow, do it differently, do it without the necessity to achieve, do it without the obsession and without the drive for perfection. I think you might be in the right place mentally to do this.
Ok....so apparently you have secretly videotaped me? LOL

VERY insightful post..... and right up my alley. I have lots to think about--- and I will check out those websites. Thanks much.
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