Sounds like you had a $hitty day. You're entitled to your feelings, and I don't think you're being overly sensitive.
As for the stranger, I'd try to let that go. People like that are like mosquitos, they buzz around and bite you now and then, and it itches for a little while afterward, but really they're just so small and insignificant. And there's tons of them, so you can't really get away from them.
Now, your aunt and uncle, that is complete and utter bull crap. I think I'd be more ticked off than hurt. How dare they talk to you like that? They think it's ok to make fun of or bully someone that they're supposed to love? It's not ok for anyone to put people down, especially family members.
I had a somewhat similar experience two years ago where a very dear family member told me that I was getting "a little chunky" in front of 1/2 my family. I was so embarrassed! I said something like "thank you for pointing that out, it really makes me want to spend more time here with you" (in a very sarcastic manner). I later had a heart to heart with that family member and told her how hurtful her comment was and how inappropriate it was of her to say it in front of everyone. One of the things I said to her was something like, "you wouldn't have said that to a stranger because that would have been rude - so why did you say it to me?" She was apologetic and I think that by the end of it she understood my feelings.
Anyway, I hope today is a better day and that you come into contact with fewer ignorant people.
Oh, and congrats on your loss so far! 30 pounds is fantastic!
You are not being overly sensitive. In fact, furious at the stranger (and your uncle) is a perfectly reasonable response.
I think to respond in the moment (if this horrible sort of thing ever happens again), it would help to have a response ready--one you can feel good about making:
I'm curious. Do you have to practice to be that rude?
Do your parents know that you're rude to total strangers?
Wow. Must be nice to be perfect.
<very snooty> Were you talking to me?
Do I know you?
What makes you think that's a reasonable thing to say?
I couldn't tell someone they're an asshat--even if they are. But I am capable of being very condescending and very 'look down my nose' at someone while not losing my temper.
On the other hand, if it were my uncle, I'd probably tell him that my weight was totally off-limits as a topic of conversation--that was inexcusable.
I'm always horrified when I hear these stories. The only person who has told me I am fat is my younger brother--and I was embarrassed and annoyed--it wasn't helpful at all.
hmm6, I have read your post twice - once when I got up this am, and again here at work. Both times I have felt stunned into speechlessness by the total insensitivity, and cruelty of those comments made to you.
I would be devastated, too. Please try not to let these ******[I can't think of a bad enough word] derail you. Keep up the good work. Thirty pounds is a very significant achievement.
When I was still a teenager I'd worked very hard and had lost a significant amount of weight for the first time in my life. I was staying with relatives and overheard them talking about preparing dinner from the next room. My uncle laughed and stated that I "could stand to skip a few meals," not knowing I could hear him. That really, really stung, even more so than if he had said it to me directly, especially when he had to know how hard I'd been working.
Much more recently I was politely trying to stay out of someone's way, and an annoyed lady very clearly called me a "fat hippo" from the safety of her car (I was a pedestrian in a store parking lot). I had just gone through a miscarriage and it was really one of the last straws of an incredibly horrible season.
But chin up! I'm sharing because we've all been there and we can all relate. You're not being overly sensitive, just remember that these people will do it to anyone they can target. They're the ones that should be belittled, not you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikel1979
As someone with moderate general anxiety and social anxiety, crying isn't just about being sad. Really, any intense feelings can make me cry, but a lot of anger is pretty much a sure thing to make me cry. I rarely cry when I'm sad.
My anxieties can be crippling like that; if I get too angry or outraged over anything it becomes extremely difficult to directly deal with it since I can't control my crying. And crying is often seen as weak or pathetic when it's not really the case at all.
I was browsing the weights section today at Target, minding my own business looking at the dumb bells, yoga mats what have you, and then I noticed some weights were on sale so I pick them up to get a feel for them and these guys walk by (who are amazing shape btw) and one of them says to me in this MAJOR condescending tone "You know that won't get you out of your obesity right? better take a look at that instead (pointing to a cart filled with food items next to me)" and his friends start smirking in the back. I had no idea what to do, my eyes welled up in tears and I just muttered "not my cart" and darted away.
I was so humiliated. The cart next to me wasn't even mine! How can a complete stranger feel that it's ok to talk to someone like that? or even phrase it that way? I feel like I've come to a point now where I just can't stand the remarks I get like this from people. I understand he was maybe maybe trying to be helpful but there are a million other ways to phrase it, and his little attitude just made it seem so rude.
Literally everything from that point got worse, I had tears coming down my face and just wanted to get out of the store. I was walking towards the exit, and those things by the door start doing their little siren noises because I'm walking out the door with the yoga mat and forgot to pay for it! But I apologized and when the lady saw me (she recognized me since I'm there all the time) and asked me if I was ok since she saw me crying and I couldn't even get myself to tell her because I thought I would burst into tears and make a scene.
So I leave Target, go home and decided to go out with my family for a family get together to get my mind off my horrible afternoon. I get there and all is well until I start talking to my aunt about birthday cakes. My mom used to make cakes professionally for weddings and such so she's asking me if I picked up any skills from my mom and then my uncle walks by and says " oh no can't you tell this one just eats them!!" and my aunt laughs and I try to laugh it off, but I just felt worse and excused myself to go to the bathroom. It literally took every ounce of me to hold back those tears. I just felt so beaten and sad especially after the earlier incident.
I am not one that has had days like this often, I read about them on 3fc now and then and they are just awful but this weekend had to be the worse. The first time in my life when I feel like I'm making big changes, people feel like they can just knock them down whenever they want. And this morning I was 2lbs heavier probably from all food I ate the night before, ugh just one of those weekends
Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing now because it's making me all sad again, but just had to vent. I had mentioned this to a friend and he told me I was being a little overly sensitive, am I? Because I really don't think I am.
Anyway, thanks for listening 3fc peeps!
You are not being too sensitive! I just had tears in my eyes reading about your day! Those guys are jerks! I'd like to think I'd say something awful back to them like a bunch of words I cant write on here, but I'd probably do the same as you and walk out, but then I'd go buy a gallon of ice cream somewhere else and then go home eat and sulk about it lol.
So sorry that this happened to you. I think I would have put him up against the wall and gave him a piece of my mind! I used to put up with things like that, but as I have gotten older, I have found that no one sticks up for me, but me. I look people straight in the eye and say hello to them, no matter who they are....no one is better than anyone else, no matter what they think. Hang in there, you are doing great!
As someone with moderate general anxiety and social anxiety, crying isn't just about being sad. Really, any intense feelings can make me cry, but a lot of anger is pretty much a sure thing to make me cry. I rarely cry when I'm sad.
Agreed, any intense feelings can make me cry. But I do cry when I'm sad too :-) Non-cryers will never understand!
I'll never forget my friend telling me about her 4-year-old stepson and how he always cried at EVERYTHING. So one day his father says to him "why are you crying? why do you always cry?" and he says innocently "I don't know... the tears just come out of my eyes?" LOL.
I'm so sorry your day was so crappy. You are not being overly sensitive at all! Just remind yourself the guys at Target are total dbags and not worth your time or energy. I will never understand family who thinks they can be super rude under the guise of "help." I believe family should be nicer to each other than strangers, but it doesn't seem to work that way. Try not to let it bother you. You are better than that!
Oh my gosh, I am SO sorry. I wish I was there to hug you, and I don't even know you. I'm sorry that IGNORANT people are able to make people like us feel bad. Those kinds of people are not even fit to be near you or talk to you. You are SO much better than them. Sorry, I know this may not be the healthiest way to view it, but your post made me so angry. Angry because I have been there, and I know there is probably nothing I can say to you to make you feel 100% after that or that you/I could so to those people to make them realize what a$$ hats they are!
But.....breathing, breathing....
There will be better days. You are doing an AMAZING job. Please don't give up and know that you are NOT alone in this, not at all.
I am sorry you had to go through that! A**hole! Sometimes its worse when family members do it to you too because they should see the progress you have made! 170 lbs is NOT FAT! And you already have lost weight and will continue to! Feel good about the progress you have made and know that what you are doing is harder then whatever those buff guys or your uncle have ever done!
I would have been crying too. I suffer from anxiety in social situations, and if I worked up enough gumption to check out exercise equipment at a busy store like Target, and had those goons harass me like that - I would have left in a hurry without buying anything too!
I wish I could say I would have given them great comebacks that would have left them in tears, but for me, those comebacks always come in hindsight. At the moment, I'm lucky if I can muster a few mumbles.
Don't let it get to you - YOU know that you are on your way to a new you. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows it yet. In time, they all will!
[*]I'm curious. Do you have to practice to be that rude?[*]Do your parents know that you're rude to total strangers?[*]Wow. Must be nice to be perfect.[*]<very snooty> Were you talking to me?[*]Do I know you?[*]What makes you think that's a reasonable thing to say?
Thanks guys, I'm feeling a lot better and a little more empowered after reading your responses
I don't like being confrontational with people, but I was in such shock hearing those words come out of his mouth, I felt like I didn't know what to do and I didn't want his friends to see me start crying over the comment. I really wish I held it together better but next time for sure!
The guy I was speaking to earlier told me I should take it as "constructive criticism" but honestly screw that, the more I think of the situation the more I feel like he was trying to belittle me rather than give me feedback.
As for my uncle, he hasn't seen me in ages I was probably around the 150s when I last saw him, so even though I have lost weight to him I'm still fat, not that I should care, because I'm not doing this for anyone but myself, but it still stings.
The social events with my fam are really bad, I need to find a way to deal with it better. Last time when my cousins were visiting and we had a get together (I was 200lbs then) my aunts would try to set up my other cousins with eligible guys they knew (my aunts have a habit of doing this) but they would never do it to me, and instead ask me what I'm doing to take care of myself, ask me if it's my clothes that I chose to wear that make me look fat.
The absolute worse was a few years ago when I was with my now ex bf, his brother was getting married to a gorgeous girl (seriously she was super model status) and his aunt would say to me "you should lose weight so that ryan doesn't wish he would have a gf like that"....it was awful. It honestly seems common sense to me that this would be a sensitive issue to anyone dealing with their weight, yet people still feel it's ok to be this way. Oy people suck sometimes.
But I feel a lot better after telling you guys! Seriously, thank you all! I really appreciate all the responses! Wish people in my life were more like 3FC!
