Curvycurly, I am so sorry. When I lost my sister, it felt like I was transported from my normal world into a strange, weird, Dali-like world. I felt crazy and everyone else just kept acting like all was normal ... then I felt more crazy! And I only had one teen to take care of and a stable partner to do it with it, not 3 little sisters by myself.
Please do be gentle with yourself. I wonder whether you have any quiet moment at all to check in with yourself. Maybe you can tell whether you want to take a break from your own plan. Maybe you can tell whether you want to try to stick with your plan, or modify it. Maybe you can't tell. I ate on auto-pilot during grief, when I felt like eating, so maybe trying to have whatever foods are healthier for you sitting around the house would help.
I joined a grief support group right away and that helped me, hearing what other people did, and ways they reacted. The social worker who ran it was excellent and had, like, 30 years of resources for all of our families. She was fantastic. She led us to talk about sleep, family, eating, spending, etc. which helped me be aware of what I was doing - I was such a zombie, I needed to answer her questions so that I could tell what helped me and what hurt me.
Big, squishy hugs to you.
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