Seriously regretting my own comment now in which I called him a jerk. It was really meant to be taken in the spirit of moving on and maintaining some self-confidence through this whole ordeal, and not because I somehow know or assume the guy is a bona fide jerk in real life.
Didn't really expect the thread to take this turn, so I do apologize to anyone who took offense. Nadya, I hope you can take every bit of this conversation with a huge grain of salt and not let it wreck your day - it's your life, and your time, and your happiness at the end of the day. Nobody at internet-distance can see the whole picture as well as you can. Take care.
I'm at about 153 right now, had a bit of a backslide, but apparently that's really bad. The guy in question is fit, it's not really what attracted me to him though - his face did, actually - but when the topic of weight came up, I knew that was the end of it. He wants a fit girl and whether he'll take someone who isn't fit or not depends on how out of shape she is. Apparently I'm too far gone. He didn't say so but the silence was enough so I told him not to worry about it, I wouldn't want to disappoint him.
I know, I know, I should forget about him and I will. It's not even about him, I wasn't that crazy about him, it's just how I feel about myself at this point. It killed what was left of my self-esteem.
Bad night, too much stress. I have too much going on to feel strong right now.
The reality is a large percentage of men want women that are plastered on magazine covers, because thats what the grey world has published as perfecto. The smart ones eventually wake up and realize they are not living reality, they are living a short term of desire, and the reality is these women are not perfect either. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it goes both ways, both women and men.
Apparently not since I'm being told by now a second poster that these forums aren't for that. So from here on I guess when someone is happy or upset I should harass them, I'll keep that in mind.
Forget it, all I came here for was to vent. I didn't ask one question, didn't call him one single name, and yet some of you were obviously keen on jumping on someone and I guess today that person was me.
I had no trouble understanding your posts and English is my second language...
Nadya, there are 146,416 members of 3Fc and just as many opinions and that is all these postings are. Somebody's opinion. Don't waste time getting upset about somebody's opinion. If somebody says something that is useful to you. Fine. If somebody says something you don't agree with, don't take it personally. No point in getting upset.
I guess I fall in the middle in that I am neither extreme.
I totally understand how PAINFUL rejection is. And if a guy rejected me, no matter what the reason, it would take time for me to get over it. I find it hard to believe that someone could be rejected and absolutely not care. Come on, it's an ego blow!
That said, the only thing I wanted to add was in relation to the poster who said she dated a guy she wasn't attracted too and it grew to love/marriage. Myself, I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years in this situation. I got to know him and his personality attracted me and made me want to date him. Then after I think a year and a half I started to realize I wasn't attracted to him and wanted out. I felt so bad though because now I was very attached to him and his family and he was a nice guy. Anyway, I dumped him and he cried and I felt evil and terrible. Then like a month later we started hanging out (as I missed my 'best' friend) and started dating again. BIG MISTAKE!!!! It took a year but it was the same thing. The reason it took so long was because I Felt so bad for having dumped him and then taken him back that I didn't want to end it again so it dragged on.
Anyway, long story short, he is bitter (understandably) and I NEVER SHOULD HAVE DATED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! Sadly, I do think you have to have chemistry and attraction and for me, personality just wasn't enough. I am not a shallow person (hence why I dated him for 2 1/2 years!) but it's just a fact that sexy time is an important part of a relationship and without that attraction what you really have is friendship.
My husband now is wonderful in every way and his one flaw is probably that he is too shallow. I'm trying to improve him in this area because I do think he emphasizes looks too much and I don't want to instill that in our children. But other than that, he is the nicest, most polite person and would never hurt another person's feelings.
However, would he be intimate with me if I was obese? No. Sadly no. And I do get annoyed if he makes any hints about my weight.
So yeah, long ramble short, we SHOULD not judge others on their looks, their does have to be attraction to make it work, rejection sucks and hurts no matter what!!!! So we should really be empathetic. As I know if it was me, I would be hurting and i'd probably want to vent too. And I'd probably feel resentment towards the guy LOL.
