My father's nicknames for me, often included fat as the pre-fix - "fat jammers" "fat kaplods" (but not always - jammers, jammer-juicekins, and simply kaploda were common too).
I wasn't fat before kindergarten, so I think the "fat" precurser to the nicknames came after I actually became fat, but I don't remember when "fat" became part of the knickname.
The nickname sounds "horrible" to people raised with the belief that "fat" is essentially an unspeakable swear word, but I think that I was very fortunate.
My dad used the nickname with such love and affection, that I it prevented me from internalizing the cultural stereotypes against obesity. "Fat" doesn't have to mean stupid, lazy, crazy, or defective - and it doesn't mean unloveable. I learned that some people could use the word without meaning it as an insult.
I think it prevented me from "hating myself" as much as the world expected me to, and gave me hope that not everyone would hate me because of fat.
Even though I liked the nicknames (even the "fat" prefix), I was often afraid that my father would "slip" and use the nicknames when I had friends over, but I don't think he ever did (not that he didn't embarass me in other ways).
I learned relatively early that fat didn't have to mean "bad" but that a lot of people thought it did. So there was always this weird dichotomy in my head, between fat being just a physical description that didn't mean any worse than "tall" or "blonde" and the world where "fat" was used as an insult-swear (often hurled at girls who weren't even fat).
It just didn't make sense to me, for years that "fat" was supposed to be an insult. Even when I understood that "fat" could mean unhealthy, I didn't understand why people would use it as a way to hurt someone.
I think without my father's influence, I may not have realized that my weight didn't have to define me, or that fat didn't have to be an insult.
Now when my mom used the word, it was definitely an insult -and I remember even quite young, wishing that everyone saw "fat" like my father did and not like my mother and the rest of the world did. And it wasn't that my father didn't want me to lose weight, he just rarely if ever made me feel "bad" for being fat. Fat was something that physically described me. Something I wanted to change, but it didn't make me an unloveable person in the mean time.
I was nicknamed Hippo Hips by a B*tch on the school bus when I was in 8th or 9th grade and subjected to almost daily name calling. I think I weighed about 112 pounds then.
My earliest memories of being called fat was at age 5. It wasn't my school peers that made fun of me for being fat (they just made fun of me for looking different since I was/am of Asian decent and everyone else was white...it was the early 80s and I lived in Morristown, TN where there was NO diversity). My family (uncles, aunts, mom, and every once in awhile dad) that would tell me that I'm fat and need to lose weight. One of my earliest memories was when my aunt came to visit us. I remember her saying word for work "[Freebird], you have such a cute face and your arms and legs are skinny, but you tummy is fat. You need to lose weight or no man will want you when you grow up." WTF?!!!! Who the F tells that to a little girl?! I remember my aunt pushing my stomach in when she said "your tummy is fat".
I also remember, around that same age, when my mom and I would go shopping for some clothes for me. When she would dress me in the fitting room, I remember her saying "lose some weight". ARGH!
I believe one becomes what others tell them they are....do I blame my family for being fat? Sort of. If you look at my pictures from age 5 through mid 20s, I was NEVER fat. I did go through a chubby phase in middle school, but again, none of my middle school and high school bullies made fun of me regarding my weight. I was never fat. I do believe that if people keep on tell you that you are fat, then some how you do end up becoming fat because you are made to believe it in the first place (if that makes any sense).
My emotions are still raw against my family regarding their verbal abuse of me and my physical appearence. Now, at the age of 33, I DO have a weight problem......but never did I have a weight problem for most of my life. Traditionally speaking, Asians have the worst perception of what is considered "fat". My 18 year old niece is a small/petite girl. I overheard my aunt tell her that she is "getting fat" and needed to lose weight. The girl is only a size 5! The aunt is a size 8. WTF??? ARGH!
I also remember, around that same age, when my mom and I would go shopping for some clothes for me. When she would dress me in the fitting room, I remember her saying "lose some weight". ARGH!
My mother would do this which would just make clothes shopping all the more horrifying. We had to shop in girl's plus and I remember her saying many times "You have to lose weight." OK BUT HOW DO I DO THAT? When I'm 10 years old I'm not going to be able to really figure that out.
I think it was probably in first grade. Before that I was chubby but not so much that the other kids took much note. After that the 'f' word was used liberally by everyone from classmates to teachers to relatives and let's not forget every doctor I ever saw.
I think I was 3 or 4. My mom put me in ballet and I was the chubbiest girl in class by far. I can remember being a size 10 when I was 10. It always stuck with me because it was easy to remember.
i was in the 9th grade. one of my friends had a eating disorder (bulimic) and my other friend used me as an example of a healthy weight. she said i was fat but still healthy ( i was about 160 lbs at the time) even tho it was meant in a nice and sort of helpful way, i still got hurt by it. it was the first time it really sunk in hey, your fat. ok i take that back. thinking about it hard now made me realize i was about 10 maybe. i was at a friends house. she was in tae kwon do at the time and was really lean and muscle-y. i remember saying out loud gee why am i so big and shes lean? her dad was in the kitchen and heard me. he told me because your whole family is fat. i remember going home and crying so hard.
Kindergarden, and by my mother. She was trying to pin a shift dress on me and I already had hips. She poked my bottom with the pins, on purpose, because the dress wouldn't hang the way she wanted. Then she stripped the dress off me and said something about my fat butt. And that's how I've defined myself ever since. Funny how when I look at pics of myself back then, I look completely normal sized, like a juicy little girl that would have been a delight to cuddle.
And that's just one reason why my mother and I are no longer in a relationship. And she doesn't understand why!!!!!
I think the first time I was ridiculed for my weight was in Middle School.
But, believe me, they had a lot more to make fun of me for than just my weight.
That being said, I DEFINITELY remember the first time I was called a "fat, ugly b****". I was a Junior in high school, and it was over something incredibly trivial I don't even remember.
Though it ends amusingly enough! I was retelling the story at lunch time to friends, and one of the table-mates looked horrified for a moment and tried to say "You're not a fat, ugly b****!"... but it came out "You're not fat, (pause) ugly B****!" Fun was had by all over that.
So, now any time I hear the insult "f u b" I just giggle.
I remember another incident, not the first time my weight was referred to but I have never forgotten it. When I was in high school one of the more popular guys was in my math class and I overheard him saying to another classmate, "I think Kidjng would be pretty if she would lose some weight."
I think I weighed about 125 pounds throughout high school. I'd love to see if he looks like "most other 40-something males" now and better yet, what his wife looks like!
I'm new and this thread is making my heart bleed for some of you. Especially the ones who were name-called by family, husbands, aunts etc. Horrible. I mean, to point it out in a derogatory way.
No one has ever called me fat... I've not yet reached the really overweight level, but I've never been less than chunky either. Once my mother did say "Hmm, you're looking very broad around the shoulders" and that hurt. I guess mostly I do the name calling though. Especially when I see me in photos.
I don't remember the first time that I was called fat, I was always a chubby kid.. but popular and confident. So it was random little boys here and there on the playground who might say 'you're fat!" when I was arguing over a swing etc. I'd just shout back "you're ugly/stupid!" etc.
The first time it was truly hurtful though was when I was in grade 7, woke up one morning and came down the hallway to the breakfast table where my dad was already sitting eating breakfast. He watched me the whole way coming down the hall, then as I sat down at the table, he remarked to my mother "I have to take her away to a tropical island somewhere, where all she can eat is fruit for awhile".
Who says that to their daughter who is just entering puberty and is already supremely self-conscious?? I remember bursting into tears and running back into my room.. my mom came in afterwards and basically told me my dad was an a**h*** and not to listen to a single word of it. My mom was always my biggest cheerleader - she always said I was beautiful, talented, smart and could do anything I put my mind to. Another of her favourite sayings was, "We can't all be ballerinas, but that's okay, because imagine how boring the world would be if every woman was a ballerina".
I don't think anyone has ever called me fat to my face, but I grew up 'normal-sized' and it's been since college and marriage that I've put on weight. My mother did make a comment once that I might want to think about losing weight and I shut her down completely.
It was never something I wanted to discuss with my mom, and I know she brought it up out of concern as both she & my dad are Type 2 as a result of weight & lack of exercise, but I just didn't want our relationship to go there.
I have say I feel for everyone who was treated badly as a child; I can't imagine what it would have done to my self esteem if my parents/friends/family had done something similar.
For me, my weight never became a problem until my senior year, I had a bad ex who pointed it out. By that point I was so used to the yelling, and name calling, the fear, that it didn't hit me as much as the "you're stupid" comments.
Last edited by dancinginpaint; 11-04-2011 at 10:16 PM.
Another of her favourite sayings was, "We can't all be ballerinas, but that's okay, because imagine how boring the world would be if every woman was a ballerina".
