You don't have to be mean. But you can definitely stand up for yourself, be direct, speak your truth and defend yourself. By not saying anything, it might be the "high" road for some, but to me it's being a doormat. I don't let anybody treat me that way, cause I never would.
@170, you're right, her choices are none of your business. But I think you should nip it in the bud by somehow saying you do not want her advice again. What bothers you *is* your business, and I hope you find a way to make it stop next time she comes around.
I haaaaaaaaaaaate it when my severely overweight acquaintances tell me how to lose weight. I always get tempted to say "And how is that working out for you?" as they chow down a supersized McD's meal.
People just think they have the right to criticize people on things they have no authority on. I dismiss that as their lack of tact, mixed with feelings of remorse about their own situation/denial.
If you really want to get back at her, I wouldn't say anything about how many calories her meal actually is.
Last edited by MustardFan; 11-02-2011 at 02:54 PM.
Kill 'em with kindness has always been my motto. When she comments on your weight or weight loss strategy, smile, and say, "Thank you for your advice but I have my own method/way of losing weight and it has yet to let me down. Good luck with your method/way." Oh, and the next time she offers you a piece of her candy bar, take it (unless its too much of a temptation). You don't have to eat it, but you can definitely prevent her from eating it. Consider that your good deed for the day.
My response is usually to tell people like that "I've lost over 90 pounds, so my plan seems to work for me, if it stops working at some point then I'll look for something else." If they continue I do get somewhat snippy and will ask them how much they have lost on their plan and how long they've kept it off.
I don't think rubbing people's noses in the facts usually does much good in situations like this. Unless the goal is to hurt her feelings or your working relationship with her, I'd steer clear of criticizing the woman's food choices and beliefs. I think a better way to handle that sort of thing is to be intelligently confident about one's own choices. Either politely but firmly explain that the topic isn't one you'd care to discuss with her, acknowledge her opinions without commenting on their merit, or calmly explain why you've made the choices you have without commenting on her choices (e.g., "I like salads," "I feel better when I eat this than when I eat fast food," "I've lost x number of pounds - this works for me"). And then change the subject. If you want to point out some of the errors in her thinking, I think I'd speak in generalities, like Esofia suggested.
People will offer poorly informed and unsolicited advice about all sorts of things, not just weight. I think that sometimes it's because they're ignorant, sometimes they're coming from a very different cultural or social background that just makes it difficult to find common ground, and sometimes they need to try to tear down others to make themselves feel better about their lives. I don't think beating them down is usually worth it, since it often destroys lines of communication and goodwill, and can make the person doing the beating look petty and spiteful.
Suppose she does realize that Subway isn't working to help her lose weight (assuming it's not) and decides to try eating a "cleaner" diet - something like what you're doing. Would it be easier for her to bring a fresh salad or fruit to eat at work if she's going to be around people who've thrown her ignorance back in her face and criticized her previous food choices, of if she's around people who haven't said anything about her choices but are demonstrating how to eat well? I think many people would find the second option more palatable when they have to swallow their pride.
king sized 3 Musketeers bar she just ate because it "is lighter than normal chocolate - it's healthy... you want some."
hahaha!!!! That actually made me !!
My BFF recently decided to change her eating habits. I like to think it's because she sees the success I've been having.
I don't agree with the food choices she's been making (she's also a food estimator), but it's her journey, not mine so I don't say anything, she hasn't asked. If it works for her then great, if it doesn't then hopefully she'll see that she needs to make more changes (but I applaud her for the good ones she has made). If she asks then I will give her my advice.
I'd probably do this.. it isn't as though you're really giving her "advice" per-se, but you're actually correcting her misinformation. She thought the food could not have contained more than 400 calories, but she's mistaken in a factual sense.
Correcting errors is certainly not a bad thing.
"All you have to do is eat at Subway" is another error you could correct You need accurate information about your food, period. No matter where you eat.
Someone told me carrots and fruit make you gain weight because they have sugar in them. Um, ok. I actually wrote a facebook note about this because some woman walked up to me in the gym and started giving me random diet advice (don't eat after 8 pm, no carbs, etc) before telling me to make sure I stuck with the gym because "all the bigger people always give up". When I told her I didn't appreciate being approached, she pulled the "concern" card on me. So frustrating!
Not to hijack your thread, but year. Unsolicited advice is definitely obnoxious. It's best to just continue on with what you've been doing because it's working for you! I just put my headphones in and continued on the elliptical
When people want to openly scrutinize my diet, I feel I can also scrutinize theirs.
Oh yeah, I second that. My SIL had the nerve to comment on my kids eating chicken nuggets...the healthy all white meat, freaking expensive, 6 nuggets only 130 cals and 3 grams of fat, chicken nigguts that I bake...Well, she's definitely bigger than me. About 4 pants sizes bigger. Oh it was on. Not to mention, as a RN I have had college level nutrition AND have kept up on it via medical journals, articles, and other resources. She opened that can of worms and when all was said and done, we both realized just how little she knew. It was a bit cruel, but she went there, otherwise I never would have done that. I am from the school of don't dish it out unless you can take it.
I don't care for Subway fast food at all. It is just mostly bread and cheap processed meat you get, and you pay a high dollar for it.
I try to elimimate as much commercial bread and processed foods from my diet as I can. Bakery bread is loaded with chemicals.
I go to a small slaughter house to buy my meat. They don't have a feed lot to feed chemicals to the cattle to put on water weight. And the meat is fast frozen.
I stock my freezer twice a year with the beef. I never buy beef from the grocery chains.
I bake my own bread in my bread machine... from all fresh ingredients. No chemicals there either.
These people that are eating at fast food restaurants to lose weight are just loading up on chemicals and are bound to get sick one day.
I just thought of something else you could say in response if she brings it up again. "Do you know, I went into Subway to look at their sandwiches the other day, but I checked the calorie count on the one I wanted and it was 540, so I decided to leave it." Or possibly "and I could have sworn it was 540 calories for a 6" sandwich" instead. Said in a friendly tone that also indicates that this is where the conversation ends rather than begins. She can work the rest out herself.
Although I'm looking at their website and they all seem to be under 300 calories per portion. Is a portion half a sandwich and they sneakily don't mention this? 270 sounds barely high enough for the bread alone. The fat content looks really high as well. Some of them have 511 calories and 21g fat per "portion", which I'm guessing means double that for the whole sandwich. *shudders*
Although I'm looking at their website and they all seem to be under 300 calories per portion. Is a portion half a sandwich and they sneakily don't mention this? 270 sounds barely high enough for the bread alone. The fat content looks really high as well. Some of them have 511 calories and 21g fat per "portion", which I'm guessing means double that for the whole sandwich. *shudders*
I guess it really depends on what you get. There are 6" and footlong subs, but I believe the nutrition info is only listed for the 6" sub, so you'd have to double it if you got a footlong (sneaky...). I used to get footlongs and eat the whole thing (ugh) but now I usually get the 6" turkey sub if I happen to go—and honestly I haven't been there in quite some time so I'm not sure if things changed—which is around 300 cals...although I suppose it's less since I never get mayo on mine :s I'm not sure if they count the mayo or not, so I usually just count it as 300 cals.
That's one of the problems I've always heard about subway though, that the fat content will get you on certain subs. They market themselves as "healthy" but you really need to know what you're ordering when you go in there.
@Esofia, you've got to be right about the portion being half. They only measure the portion size in terms of grams -- which looks like they're being vague on purpose. "Yes, I'll have 220 grams of the turkey sub..." NOT!
!!
You need accurate information about your food, period. No matter where you eat.
