I will sound super vain and self absorbed, so bear with me...
I've been dieting and working out for 2 months now, which is not a long time. Last time I weighed myself I was 162, before my scale broke (it kept giving me numbers off by 10lbs every time I stepped on it, something inside of it broke so I no longer have a scale...but I had a wonderful :O moment when I stepped on it and my weight fluctuated by 15lbs!). That's about 15lbs less than when I started. My muscles are more defined, and I've almost entirely erased my stomach (when I stand, it's flat. No fat hanging, just a thin layer covering it evenly...but that too will go soon). I've been able to wear clothes I couldn't in years.
The thing that bothers me is that no one has said anything about the way I look. I've met up with some friends I haven't seen in a year (when I think I was way fatter than I am now) and none of them said anything. I went to party full of people tonight and again, nothing.
Now, this is where the self absorbed thing comes in...why isn't anyone noticing!? Could it be that I haven't lost enough? My competitive side comes in and I want to cut off way more from my diet and up my exercise even more (although I think running 4-8K every day plus strength is pretty good for now). How skinny do I have to get for anyone to notice!?
I think it doesn't matter to me what people think, but I keep thinking that maybe I am exaggerating how much better I look? My mother says that it's because my proportions remain relatively the same (because of my height, and plus I have an athletic frame) in proportion, but shrink.
Has anyone else experienced this??? I don't know why it bothers me so much. Maybe because looking at photos I think "I don't look like that anymore!" but it seems no one else thinks I changed at all....
I think as long as you are proud of yourself and you feel accomplished and happy with your results and YOU are comfortable in your skin thats all that should matter. You might get a few compliments along the way, but as long as you're happy with the results you shouldn't worry too much about what other people see because that might lead to failure. IMO.
There may be a lot of reasons people haven't said anything, and it may or may not have anything to do with whether they noticed or not.
They may feel it's an inappropriate subject (read through this site and you'll see that many people do not want anyone commenting on their weight loss).
They may not know what to say (because as you'll also read here - no matter what a person says, some people find it offensive. People say "when someone compliments my weight loss, it's as if they're saying what a humongous freak I was before.")
Some people don't even like people saying "You look great, today," because it implies that they looked lousy yesterday. And because any personal comment can backfire, some people believe it's never ok to comment on personal appearance (such the folks who say never assume a woman is pregnant unless you see the baby's head coming out of her).
People also tend to notice and talk about what they care about. Many people just aren't going to care enough about your weight loss for it to register (either as a reality or as something worthy of commentary).
If weight loss or any aspect personal appearance isn't important to a person, they're less likely to notice and even less likely to comment on what they consider minor changes - or even not-so-minor.
Often people notice "something is different" but can't pinpoint exactly what it is (like when my father would ask my mother if she got a new haircut, when she got new glasses), and they feel foolish asking "You look really great? Something is different, but I'm not sure what it is, have you dyed your hair?" If they don't know what is different, they're not going to feel comfortable mentioning it (especially in a way that can seem like they thought you looked not-so-great than before).
And many people believe it's not polite to talk about weight loss, personal appearance, (and again pregnancy) unless the person brings it up themselves and invites commentary.
My mother once congratulated a casual aquaintence on weight loss rather enthusiastically, and was mortified when the woman explained that she had cancer, and that the weight loss was from chemotherapy.
I've sort of been in the same boat. At work, people HAVE to have noticed something, because I'm still wearing the same pants to work and they are baggy now! (I just bought new ones).
It could be that they don't want to be rude, but it could also be because they may not know if the weight loss is voluntary. I remember a time when I had lost a lot of weight (gained it all back unfortunately...) and a coworker approached me very cautiously and said she wasn't sure whether to say anything to me because she was worried that I might have been losing weight due to illness.
A lot of people still go to work when they are ill, and employees often wonder if it is safe to say something about a change in someone's appearance. I have a coworker with cancer and she cut her hair super-short because chemo was making her go bald. One of her coworkers commented on how she had a new haircut and he was clearly uncomfortable when she said that she cut it because she had cancer.
Don't worry...people will start paying compliments before you know it.
For what it is worth, I am someone who doesn't comment on another person's weight loss. I always feel like it is rude and I tend to not want that sort of attention myself. Some people are just like that.
Like others said, it could be a lot of things. I don't tend to comment on weight loss because I have some people close to me that tend to lose weight when they are depressed/have health issues that are acting up. They actually gain when they are happy and healthier.
Now, if someone is actively losing weight and I know it then I'll certainly say something. If a friend was to lose a huge amount of weight and seemed happy I'd probably say something. But beyond that no. You've lost over 15lbs and at your height/weight it's probably noticeable but it might register as something else or not be obvious why you look different (people could think you're dressing better or got a new haircut..). That's why you often hear of someone getting comments at random times even after they lost the weight awhile ago. Maybe you hit the right lighting or are standing in a similar way that you used to before and reminds that person that you're smaller. The human brain is a funny thing and not always predictable.
there are all kinds of reasons people do or don't say things about a weight loss. However, I agree with Martini that when your starting point is not that high in the first place, the changes, while apparent at this point, are not hugely dramatic.
People probably think you look good and I bet if you think about it, you are getting more general compliments that something you are wearing is really pretty, that your hair looks nice, etc. People do register that you look better but they don't necessarily link it directly to a weight loss so they make a general compliment instead.
I haven't read all of your responses yet but I'll add my two cents from a personal point of view. No one noticed my weight loss until I lost 20 pounds AND bought new clothes. Even when my old clothes were falling off me (clown pants!), I got nothing. But a new waredrobe definitely did the trick.
And I was (am!) very vain about my weight loss success too. Once I started getting comments, if a day went by and I didn't get one, I got aggrevated. LOL But I realized something about myself lately.... I don't notice OTHER people's weight loss. I just don't see it for some reason! And if I do notice I don't say anything because I'm afraid it's my mind playing tricks on me and I may offend them by asking and they say, "No".
When I was heavier I was more sensitive to other people's weight loss and was able to see it but now that I am smaller I'm not. It's weird.
Are your friend's heavier or smaller than you?
And don't worry, those comments WILL come. Maybe you were just a master of disguise when you were heavier and even though you lost weight and your body changed, it's not as noticable because you hid it so well before!
Anyway, congrats on your much deserved success!! Hey, post some before and current pics of you so we can see and compliment the h*** out of you!
They may not know what to say (because as you'll also read here - no matter what a person says, some people find it offensive. People say "when someone compliments my weight loss, it's as if they're saying what a humongous freak I was before.")
Some people don't even like people saying "You look great, today," because it implies that they looked lousy yesterday. And because any personal comment can backfire, some people believe it's never ok to comment on personal appearance (such the folks who say never assume a woman is pregnant unless you see the baby's head coming out of her).
It's so funny because it's true!
People are afraid to say the wrong thing and offend someone. I would never say anything about weight to an acquaintance, but I sure would to my best friend.
I know how you feel, I lost 18 pounds last year and not one person noticed. It's not that they were uncomfortable commenting on my weight loss because trust me, if they noticed it, they would have said something. I guess it just wasn't a big enough difference. For most people, it takes about a 20 pound difference for people to start noticing weight loss.
I'm one of those people who just doesn't comment on people's appearances, whether it's good or bad. Well, I might say something like "your hair looks great!" or "I love that sweater, where'd you find it?", but never directly on weight or facial features or their body. I just find it a little overly personal and I don't know if they lost weight because they're horribly depressed or ill or stressed out. Better just to not bring it up at all; if they mention they're on a diet or have been losing weight intentionally, I'll go ahead and compliment them though.
Better just to not bring it up at all; if they mention they're on a diet or have been losing weight intentionally, I'll go ahead and compliment them though.
I had quite a few people at work - acquaintances mostly - that would literally pull me aside and in a hushed voice ask, "Are you losing weight on purpose?". Although I appreciated their reasons for asking me this way I have always, just once, wanted to burst into tears and say, "No".
I understand this, I have lost a good bit and have not gotten one comment at all. It is very discouraging but just try to remember that you have accomplished alot!
I tend to stick to a generic, "You look fantastic!" statement but not directly comment on someone's weight loss unless they bring it up first. I never know if they want to be noticed or would rather it not be commented on. Everyone is different.
Sometimes I like to remind myself that not everyone is as obsessed with my weight as I am, and that it's actually a good thing. As much as I enjoy getting compliments on my recent (and ongoing) weight loss, I don't want to be defined by my weight. But if people I expect to notice don't say anything, it's disappointing! Sometimes I don't understand myself.
No response from others- good or bad?
