I am just not dealing with things well at all.
I have not made the adjustment back from Afghanistan well, I went as a civilian but saw my fair share of stuff...if you get my drift. My first attempt at working back state side was well a miserable failure, it ended with my being fired. I just don't deal with people well anymore, and I can't even begin to express why.
I had gained over 50 lbs when I got back from Afghanistan...partially due to an injury (I ended up having to have foot surgery to repair torn tendons). I have managed to lose over 80 lbs and keep it off. I'm back to losing weight again and have even started exercising along with my change in eating habits.
However, the stress in my life is high. I'm a college student, I'm a wife, I have a husband deployed overseas, My Mom needs help around her place, my mother in law has given me medical power of attorney and is on the cusp of losing it and needing mental health help. Plus that stupid job...which would literally give me chest pain every time I'd go to work, so while I needed to quit a long time ago, I feel like a TOTAL failure. Never in my life have I ever been fired...I've always received letters of recommendation and been eligible for rehire....well you get my drift.
Since this little ordeal Thursday I've spent every day with a migraine, wanting to just crawl into bed, have slept upwards of 16 hrs a day/night, no appetite to speak of, alternated with wanting to eat nothing but junk food, and can't make up my mind if I want to scream, cry, throw up, I just feel like I can't function. I don't even want to work on my class projects that are due this coming week...of course it's finals' week.
I just do not understand what the **** is wrong with me.
Hi Sarah - I guess I don't really have a good "answer" for you.....or even any real good advice.....just want to say Don't give up! AND Awesome job on losing 80 pounds!!!!!! WOW! But I hear you on how stressful things can be (Although I can't compare with your time in Afganistan) but I also have so much going on sometimes, I'm a Mom, Wife, and work full time, and my son has a few health issues, so my life can get VERY stressful at times too. But Just remember that "YOU ARE WORTH IT!" Remember that Nobody can change the issues, etc. in your life except for you. Just set your mind to it and you will get through it. Sending lots of good thoughts your way...
Maybe you could get some counseling? It seems that maybe you have some things that might be good to talk to someone professional about. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a hubby overseas and to have seen things that most of us probably couldn't even dream. Being fired seems to be a side effect of your hardship readjusting. Maybe if you could have a time every week to get it all out, you could rest easier-My husband suffers from depression. Honestly, what your experiencing sounds like his experiences. He wants to sleep all the time, he feels horrible, has bad headaches, can't seem to concentrate on things like time management or doing assignments. Maybe your college has some counselors or psychologists? I know mine did and our school insurance covered the cost of seeing them. Could you maybe make time to see someone about it?
You have a very heavy load, right npw. I don't know how I can help you but I can see you are totally stressed out. Is there anything you can possibly eliminate for the time being to give you some relief ?
I am a Vietnam vet who spent a lot of time over there. On my return to the States I went though a period of depression and suicidal thoughts. I probably had PTSD but that was not a known condition at that time.
I did realize that I should not be thinking that way but realizing it did not change my thinking. What it did do was enable me to ask for help from a professionel mental health doctor. Over time the depression and suicidal thoughts went away with the doctor's help. That is a part of my past now.
You may not yet be as low as I was but I strongly recommend that you get some professional help. It saved my life and made me happy and joyous to be alive each day.
It seems that you are in the medical field based on your signature. If a member of your family described to you the same thing you posted, -- What would you recommend to them?
The department I worked for has all of us talking to a therapist once a week at a minimum because we are considered high risk for PTSD.
Frankly I thought I had everything under control. Getting fired was just like a huge news flash that I don't have a thing under control. Paramedics are typically the take charge, in charge kind of folks..I am no exception. I guess I just don't like the feeling of not having every little thing under my control. I've spent the last few days reevaluating and reassessing things. I guess reassessing my priorities would be a better description. Finish school, lose weight, get braces, get my house organized, support my husband...and the rest of it....well lets' just say it's not important. As far as a job...well I figure I wasn't looking for a job when I found the last one so I'm sure I'll be able to find something that I can make work.
Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and smell the roses.
Thanks for the support.
I hope if you have contacts and plans for counselling help of some kind in the next couple of weeks, you can get thru this week and finals etc. Also, many schools will allow you to extend deadlines and write exams at other times with a medical note, and this may be reasonable and right for you.
GOod luck, and blessings to you.
hi Sarah -- it sounds like you have done some good thinking over the last few day : ) I'm a college professor, and if a student of mine were in your situation (we have lots of military and ex-m students), I would echo two of the suggestions here: talk to someone (your school should have counseling services that are free to you). Also, talk to your dean of students about an extension on your finals. This is an entirely reasonable request, and even an extra week could make a big difference for you.
I personally also have those delusions of being superwoman -- I think I can handle anything, and then sometimes it just crashes. You have to be good to yourself, cut yourself some slack, and let people help. I can testify that it's really hard to learn to ASK for help, but it's a good thing!
All best,
I agree with Larry too. You need to get into talk to someone. I know you say your dept has you guys talk to someone once a week but you seem like you need some more personal counseling. I don't know if you've read your own post but you have come back from a stressful place with unusually stressful circumstances to live in other extreme circumstances with huge responsibilities and decisions to make. Pay yourself the attention you're due and nuture yourself. You deserve to have the support of someone who understands. You are a human and you have needs. Anyone would struggle in these circumstances.
I could just scream...and it's a long story
