omg I love this thread! My boyfriend is much thinner than I am and it makes me really self conscious in public. We've been together for along time and he got with me when I was about 15lbs lighter. He always compliments me and tells me he loves my body. I believe him but I really wish I could see what he does. When we're out in public I am always wondering if people think he has a BBW fetish haha! He thinks I'm crazy.
Like you guys have mentioned, he eats so much! I think that's why I've gained weight lately because I feel like if he can eat all this junk without gaining a pound so can I. Not true!!
@Stopfat - You're right about the mannequin thing! Very well put! My boyfriend is attracted to girls who look like they're naturally pretty/earned their bodies. So to him the fake tan, dyed blonde hair and stick thin figure repulses him while girls who look like they work hard to keep in shape and just dress however they feel (but not for the sole purpose of attracting attention) is what he finds "hot".
I was having a downer and asked him what he saw in me considering that I'm overweight and he said "Not that it matters to me because I think you're beautiful no matter what, but the thing that I find the most attractive is a girl working hard to achieve something that makes her happy." So technically, the fact that I'm trying super hard to work out now will make him feel more attracted to me - so win win I suppose!
I really want to get to the point where I can run in just some pants and a sports bra when it's hot weather! Right now I wear so many layers to cover up the giggling!
Thank you about your compliment towards my avatar! That's was me at Denver Zoo, in the uncropped version I'm stood next to a massive bear statue! I pretty much have that stupid grin on the entire time I'm there, I'm such a big kid.
ibcnuldu - It's funny, because people who have self conscious issues (myself included) tend to be so wrapped up in what is wrong with them that they forget that people don't even notice what you do! I think with the sex you'll just have to take your time. Make sure you really care about him and just want to express yourself in that intimate way. If you're going into it and just panicking about what he's thinking of you - stop. Because that's just not going to be enjoyable and shows you're not ready to let go of your own insecurities to live within such a beautiful moment.
Tahnee - Glad you're enjoying the thread, I'm so happy that I'm not the only one too! I feel like that sometimes when we're out running together, he's like this thin spry guy who's running a mile away and I'm huffing and puffing at the back! But I think if our boys are with us for us as people and not a number on the scale - then we're sorted! It's proven that the average guy likes something to hold onto anyway
When I met my boyfriend he was underweight technically. Now, two years of my home cooking and baking he has gained 35 lbs. He's still SKINNY. I love him, but I hate him lol. He looks really good and sometimes I question what he sees in me. I used to be skinny, but by the time I met him I had gained quite a bit. He has never seen me thin, just overweight and he loves me anyway, which kinda boggles the mind. Especially since his ex is TINY so I unfortunately compare myself to her. (We were best friends before we started dating so I met her, it's a long story) lol The funny thing is, my best friend gained about the same amount after we started hanging out every day, so I guess I'm just terrible to be around if you don't want to gain weight.
I don't have a boyfriend at the moment but I find it difficult to date because I am so self conscious of my weight. All the guys I've ever dated have been skinny or fit or muscular, none of them fat or big or heavy. It's not that I think I'm gross because I know I'm not LOL. I'm just always wondering what everyone else thinks when they see us together. Probably something like "what the **** is that guy doing with that gigantic chick". Even though it wouldn't even cross my dates mind. And also, I always feel bad and think to myself is he embarrassed to tell his friends or family about about me? I feel bad that I am not the hot chick on his side. and finally the last thing is... I ALWAYS wonder if a guy is being genuine when he has interest in me, or is he trying to get in my pants because he thinks I'm a fat chick so I must be desperate and easy. I HATE that stereotype because all the though I personally know a lot of bigger girls who ARE that stereo type, I am FAR from it. One time I heard a stupid guy say the most offensive joke ever. He said the only difference between a fat girl and a toaster is that if you push a fat girl down the stairs she'll still make you toast.(the joke is that the toaster would break and not make you the toast but the girl still would because she needs to try extra hard to keep him). WOW JUST WOW. people are MESSED UP. and I don't blame them, will all these insecure heavy girls proving the stereo type. but anyway this is about me and my insecurities. I guess I am just a very cynical person.
I keep reading a lot of insecurities about SO's leaving them for skinnier women. While I'm sure this happens to some (c'mon, there are tons of jerks out there) but a good guy won't do this. You know if you have a good guy or not.
I used to be insecure and so worried because I'm fat and always dated skinny guys. In the beginning I think I wore my husband down with the insecurities and almost felt like I was pushing him away with them. He finally got through to me that it's no so one-dimensional. He recently went back to school so he's around all these people in their early 20's who haven't had babies and had to sit at a desk for 40+ hours a week. I was so worried when I saw them, so skinny and cute. But the only thing he thinks about is how stupid they are. Some of them literally haven't read books... but I digress.
The point is, unless you're dating a jerk that you don't want anyway, he loves you for more than just the way you look. For my husband, it's my wit, intelligence, music choices, the fact that I'm a gamer, my sense of humor and adventurism in the bedroom. Everyone feels insecure sometimes but just make sure you remind yourself why he loves you and don't push them away.
Bardarina: That guy sounds like an a$$. I probably would have commented that he doesn't have a girlfriend because he's a total douche and has a crappy sense of humor. What a flake.
Is there anyone else on the forum who's over weight in a relationship with someone who is thin and healthy?
I am. He's so in shape, completely toned stomach, even got that sexy dangerous V!
He's so supportive of me and my weight loss, always just wants me to be happy and reassures me that losing weight is just the cherry on top of a delicious cake. He says I'm beautiful, that I'm really sexy...but sometimes I just think "How can someone like you find someone like me beautiful?"
I know it's more than looks, but sometimes I do get so down on myself because I'm so much bigger than he is. I feel really badly that he gives me all these compliments and sometimes I find it hard to believe =/. I want to borrow his t-shirts and have them loosely fit me, not fit so tightly!
It's not ruining our relationship or anything, we're very happy together, I was just wondering if there was anyone going through the same thing I am.
Thanks for reading!
No, this is not my case. I only can imagine that it may be frustrating in both cases
My boyfriend is also smaller than I am. He's actually around the same weight but is about 7 inches taller than I am so therefor smaller lol. He's very attractive, well groomed, sweet, funny, and charming. He's from Cali and generally likes the blonde, tan, fit girls (not thin, he's made that clear lol.) He's really an amazing guy and it hasn't been until recently that I started to believe that a guy like him could be into a girl like me. I think a lot of that anxiety stems from the physical portion of our relationship. Our sex life started out very awkward and slow which I had a hard time with because I'm confident in the bedroom. He tried to reassure me it was because he was nervous but all I could think of was that he wasn't attracted to me. The more we get acquainted with each other, the more confident I becomes that he was right and it's not a lack of attraction. I also had some jealousy issues about his ex; she was still trying to get him back for some time in the beginning and she is this little bitty thing. In my head, little bitty meant better. I have since gotten over that mentality and he's finally made me realize that our relationship is the best he's been in and that he loves me for who I a regardless of the body I'm packaged in.
My husband is in his 40's and he still wears the size 30 jeans he wore in high school. He spent years doing construction work, so even after taking off a few years, he still has a very muscular physique. I think he is smokin' hot.
I was 127 pounds when he met me. At the beginning of our relationship, I asked him if he would still love me if I gained 100 pounds. He said yes, so I gained 100 plus, and whaddya know, he meant it. I am down on myself sometimes, but I never feel like he's going to leave me for someone skinnier. I will be glad, though, when I FINALLY weigh less than he does!
My husband is 6'1 and 155lbs and slightly muscular. He has been skinny since I meet him (about 12 years now). And looking over his childhood photos he has always been skinny. Me on the other hand I've always been plump to fat. I know that he loves me and finds me sexy so that is not the problem. At first I wanted to lose weight for him (although he never asked me to do that). Then I realized that I wanted to lose weight for me and that made all the difference. So I guess the most important thing is that they love you for who you are!
I really admire a man who still loves his woman despite her weight.
I say that because i don't know if I could do it
When BF met me, I was probably 145-155. There was a point around the second year when I weighed around 160 and really didn't like it. I'm back to 145- 150.
When I met him he was an underweight 160, but he was a very handsome 185- 200 two years in. Now I think he's 230 or so - not that bad for a man who's 6'-2", but I don't find him as attractive. (Or maybe what isn't attractve is the not taking care of himself when I am struggling to.) I still love him terribly, though
I guess this is a kind of struggle we all go through as we spend more time with our partners
I worked with my husband before we dated. He was and is now 6'1" or 2" and btwn 180 and 190 well toned lbs. and no gut at all. and was his heaviest at 215 in college as a linebacker. I am nearly 5'10" and 5 weeks ago was 295lbs (now 282) and was 250lbs. when we met 17 years ago. About 14 years ago he fell ill with pneumonia and a car crash breaking his right femur. He was out of work and I hadn't seen him in 2 and 1/2 months, speaking by phone on occassion. When i finally saw him he was emaciated at about 135lbs. i was shocked and set about to restore my friends health. It took about a year and a half to get him to his normal self. Our friendship became something more during this time and though we were not intimate at the start, I couldn't think of ithen as he was so scrawny I feared breaking him, I'm sure the thought frightened him as well. LOL! But 14 years and 2 kids later here we are.
Since the last pregnancy 5 years ago I have not weighed less than I do now.
In fact in the last trimester I weighed 336lbs and all went well. no gestational diabetes or anything but a healthy, beautiful 8lb.6 oz. girl.
I craved intimacy during this time, and though my hubby never said so, I could see his eyes widened in fear as I put my baby belly and the rest of my swelling womanhood on top of him taking his breath out of him. He never complained and he has never said i was fat, or said I should lose weight ever. He is so sweet that when I asked him to guess what i weighed during my last pregnancy He said "I dunno 250 maybe, stop worring about it.You look fine.I Love you" I said "Uh Okay." He could never work as the weight guesser at a carnival.
I was a track and field athlete in High school and college and have worked as a Physical therapist for 10 years now. I have always been bigger and have heavy muscle in the thighs and upper arms and shoulders. When I have down time at work I am leg pressing or using the pull down bar that we use for therapy on clients. I see clients being released who max out at half or less the weights I do with ease. So I don't expect to get to my husbands weight or less. I hope to be 250 or below by the New Year and eventually 220 or below by next summer. I feel I look pretty good at that weight and my husband might think I weigh less than he does.
Last edited by kakeJ; 09-04-2011 at 02:33 PM.
Reason: avatar
The problem I have is I burn 500 calories on the treadmill in about 60min. I just can't keep running for more then a couple minutes, its truly embarrassing to admit even on here. My boyfriend on the other hand burns 500 calories in 35-40 minutes and runs almost in a full sprint for almost the entire time. I don't know how he does it!
I feel like a fat sloth on the treadmill now I should feel good about working out but when I know he is waiting for his turn (we only have 1 treadmill) I occasionally wonder what the heck he is thinking. I would guess its something along the lines of "I could have done it twice by now". It doesn't effect our relationship because I don't let him know it bothers me though. I just keep promising myself that I will get there to one day
I really admire a man who still loves his woman despite her weight.
I say that because i don't know if I could do it
When BF met me, I was probably 145-155. There was a point around the second year when I weighed around 160 and really didn't like it. I'm back to 145- 150.
When I met him he was an underweight 160, but he was a very handsome 185- 200 two years in. Now I think he's 230 or so - not that bad for a man who's 6'-2", but I don't find him as attractive. (Or maybe what isn't attractve is the not taking care of himself when I am struggling to.) I still love him terribly, though
I guess this is a kind of struggle we all go through as we spend more time with our partners
I was about 160 when I met my husband and stayed within the 155 - 170 range, implementing diets when the numbers creeped up. My DH is 6'4" and fluctuated between 225 - 240. So it went for 6 or so years until I got pregnant . I gained weight and was 240 after baby #1. He gained too, maybe 30 pounds. After the baby I got right back to dieting and lost the weight. Back to 160. He continued to gain until he was about 300 lbs. I got pregnant again and again gained, was 220 and I am in the process of not only losing the baby weight which is actually gone, but losing the extra weight I've always had. DH now fluctuates between 320 - 340 lbs. I love him and I'm not going to leav him, but it complicates things. He tells me all the time how much he loves my body since not only am I losing weight but I run as well so things are toning. I just feel like I'm putting in so much effort and he isn't.. He'll flat out say when he's eating a huge bowl of ice cream after having had several milkshakes that day and pizza and junk that he knows he needs to lose weight but he likes to eat this way and doesnt want to stop. We have a treadmill that he doesn't use. He just flat out says he doesn't feel like being bothered losing weight.. He knows it's ummmm damping things in the bedroom but doesn't care.
I think there's a lot to be said for caring about yourself. If he were trying that would give me a different feeling rather than the "I don't give a hoot" attitude..I don't think the weight is the main turn off for me, I think it's his lack of caring about himself. And this shows through in other areas. I've met many men and women that are obese and take pride in their appearance and that I think says more to others than the number on the scale, IMO.
Especially since his ex is TINY so I unfortunately compare myself to her. (We were best friends before we started dating so I met her, it's a long story) lol The funny thing is, my best friend gained about the same amount after we started hanging out every day, so I guess I'm just terrible to be around if you don't want to gain weight.
LOL! But 14 years and 2 kids later here we are.
and all went well. no gestational diabetes or anything but a healthy, beautiful 8lb.6 oz. girl.
. He never complained and he has never said i was fat, or said I should lose weight ever. He is so sweet that when I asked him to guess what i weighed during my last pregnancy He said "I dunno 250 maybe, stop worring about it.You look fine.I Love you" I said "Uh Okay." He could never work as the weight guesser at a carnival.
So I don't expect to get to my husbands weight or less. I hope to be 250 or below by the New Year and eventually 220 or below by next summer. I feel I look pretty good at that weight and my husband might think I weigh less than he does.
