I've never dated anyone really overweight. My first boyfriend was 6'1" and about 150 lbs. We hung out recently and he has gained but is still firmly in the healthy range. My second was also thin and he did call me a "fat b!tch" after we broke up but that was only because he was a jerk and I kicked him out and he knew it would hurt me most.
My husband is 6'2" and at his heaviest weight of around 190 and wants to lose a tad because he carries it all in his tummy. And you'd be surprised how much they can carry. I was always insecure about him trying to lift me or anything but after I delivered my second child, I was trying to go from the wheelchair to the bed. I thought I had more strength in my legs so I stood up and promptly started to fall! Luckily my husband was there to pick me up and put me in the bed. That was at my high post-delivery weight of around 255 or so.
If someone's with you, especially for a significant amount of time, they love you for you. If they enjoy having sex with you (and you'll know if they do ) they love you for you! Enjoy your special guy because he enjoys being with you.
My husband isn't skinny, he has a little weight to lose but he's way more fit than I am or probably ever will be. But he's also built like a bear so he's always going to be bigger than me. It's funny though, I met him online almost five years ago and he's not the type of guy I would have noticed in real life. I fell in love with his personality before we met irl, and now I think he's the sexiest guy I know
Oh honey! Not only are our stats very similar but your singing my song! My hubby weighs about as much as I do. Its depressing. esp since it wasn't that way pre baby!
But be thankful he is supportive of you!!! While my man tries he's not the best at it and usually just ends up pissing me off! I have to say though it does make me work harder!
Your gorgeous as is you shouldn't question why he fell in love with you!
I love this thread. I am currently coping with the idea of being about the same size as my guy. He's 5'9" and 155, I'm 5'6.5" and 137. He's "bigger" than me but it's all muscle on him haha. I've also got large breasts (that's me, the girl with the big tits) and am so afraid of weighing more than him in the future! His great dane weighs 140 so I am aiming for less than the dog lol.
When I was heavier I never felt much bigger than the men in my life, they were all 6' and muscly though. Now that I'm thinner I feel that way more rather than less. I think my mental self has to catch up with my physical self.
Yeah Boyfriend is one of those naturally skinny guys who can eat anything, he normally weighs around 154 Ibs but he's been known to flucuate down to 140 ibs. My heaviest was 154 ib and at the time I think he was 147. Weighing more than him was part of the motivation for losing weight.
The day before yesterday, he dragged me out to dinner (I had a chicken salad, he had a burger with bacon, cheese, chips and a side of onion rings). On the way home he decided he wanted a bag of cookies and he ate those too. He's 22 right now but when he gets a bit older his metabolism will slow down and then he's gonna understand why I couldn't have a cookie!
I sent him home with them and reminded myself that I've worked really hard to get the point where I now weigh less than him. Yay!
@beerab - I've had a long hard battle with confidence issues, sometimes it did mean me not believing him when he said nice things about my looks. It sounds strange but now I've actually thought "Right...I'm actually officially obese, but it's time to do something about it" I've felt better than before about my looks! Because I know this isn't who I am, and I'm going to fight for a healthier me! And you're completely right, personality is key. Thanks for your response! You're so sweet =).
@Emmy1979 - I can just imagine you walking in a room, spreading your arms out and going "bring it" and he'll be like "whaaaa?" But YOU'LL know! Hehe, we'll get there for sure! We should get pictures of them giving us piggyback rides!
@shimmmer178 - Your post really spoke to me, because my boyfriend and I are the same way. We fell for each other over the same reasons - that we're best friends at the foundation of our relationship. I'd much rather be with someone who can be my best friend rather than have him think I was super hot then if those looks started to fade he'd be out the door!
@XLMuffnTop - Yup, I can safely say he enjoys the sexy times! Haha! I was in a similar situation, I've got a really bad lower back and one day it just locked up and I couldn't walk. He had to carry me up the stairs on his back. I felt like crying because I thought his knees were going to give out and we were going to tumble down the stairs! But he made it, and didn't make a big deal about it - one of those moments I'll never forget! But just like a few of you, I want to be able to be carried and feel confident that I'm not heavy!
@Skittlez - I met my boyfriend online too! We sorta "grew up" together, we've known each other 9 years in total. We met after 5 years of friendship, then in year 6 he moved to my country to study at the same University, then we got together a year later! So by the time we made it official we were well and truly best friends and our personalities were what brought us together in the first place. It's a beautiful thing!
@TrishG - Oh wow, we really are very similar!! You're ahead of me at the moment, will have to catch up to you hehe! He is supportive, but sometimes he pisses me off because he's been athletic all his life (grew up in Boulder, CO where all the fitness freaks live! Seriously, I think it's a city policy you have to be thin and gorgeous to live there...) so when he comes on a run with me and he's beating me by a mile even though he's not run in YEARS I'm like "GRRR!!!!" But I guess that's not his fault, hah! You're also very gorgeous yourself! <3
@fromthebox - Preaching to the choir of large breasticles here! I know exactly how you feel! I'm sorry, but your comment about the dog just made me laugh! That is quite a unique target! But you go for it! Weight loss journeys are psychological as well, it's all about reflecting on how far you've come and remembering how much effort you've put in to change. You've done an amazing job so far - we have similar weight goals and it's inspiring to see what you've accomplished! I'm very jealous of you, you're like my "after" woman!
@belmagick - Oh man, my boyfriend is like that. Eats and eats and eats and it rarely affects him. Although now he says he's got a bit of a pooch, and he's visiting me on Monday so I'm dying to see it, haha! When I was in my 3rd year at Uni with him, we were such bad influences to each other - just ate takeaway curry/chinese/pizza instead of cooking =(. That's how I gained all my weight. He knows now to remember that while he can eat loads and I can't, but sometimes I would be like "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! *nomnomnom*" Oh how being a woman can be confusing at times!
Haha, Just had to comment... I met my boyfriend online too What a wonderful thing the internet has become! Thanks for posting this topic Riestrella, It was something that had bothered me in the past but not something I really thought other women dealt with, It's great to know i'm not alone
I imagine a lot of women go through this--because my sense would be that women tend to a) gain cellulite when men really don't, b) have children who stretch out their bodies and often instigate weight gain, and c) work in non-physical jobs and do the majority of work in the home (which means, less time at the gym--more time around the food.)
Plus, the media generally portrays (extremely narrowly defined)beauty as necessity for women, whereas men can be valued as attractive for character, despite their age, weight etc.
Anyhoo--
I have trouble with my S/O because although I am really not too much bigger than him, I am not an athlete. Since we've been together, I've put on 30 lbs. He hasn't so much--in fact, he goes to the gym for an hour every lunch. The thing about it is that he really loves activity--its actually fun for him! Whereas, I like writing, art, museums...I have to force myself to do exercise.
It isn't such a problem, but sometimes I get jealous of the people he hangs out with. He went on this skiing trip recently, it was just him, a couple that we both know, and two women that I had never met. These people are the kind of people who spend every waking moment of leisure planning out or doing marathons, cross-country skiing, backpacking trips, mountain biking, surfing, mountain climbing, wind surfing, scuba diving, white-water rafting, caving, racing bikes etc, etc, etc. Exercise and athletics is, in short, their life.
I could never compare to that. So I end up kind of insecure.
One of the solutions I entertain is for me to get a punching bag, and think of all the perfectly athletic women!! That could give me a good work out. I am kidding of course; jealousy is such a strange teacher.
I'm in the same boat as you! My husband is athletic and fit and I'm struggling to lose weight that just refuses to budge. It can be disheartening, even when he's supportive and loving, because it's easy to compare and feel embarrassed about my own physique. I just try to hang in there very day. Good luck to you! You're not alone.
@belmagick - Oh man, my boyfriend is like that. Eats and eats and eats and it rarely affects him. Although now he says he's got a bit of a pooch, and he's visiting me on Monday so I'm dying to see it, haha! When I was in my 3rd year at Uni with him, we were such bad influences to each other - just ate takeaway curry/chinese/pizza instead of cooking =(. That's how I gained all my weight. He knows now to remember that while he can eat loads and I can't, but sometimes I would be like "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! *nomnomnom*" Oh how being a woman can be confusing at times!
Yes! It is exactly why I put the weight on! It's exactly the same, We are both in our 3rd year of uni and because we're leaving this city, he's been planning all of the restaurants he wants to to before we leave. (There's a super cheap and super good all you can eat chinese, an indian, an italian place that does the biggest portions you can imagine, a thai place.... the list goes on and on and I'm like )
@Stopfat - I know how you feel. I trust my BF with my life, but sometimes when he's home he meets up with all his friends (a lot of them are girls) and some of them are just sooo much thinner and naturally prettier than me! I hate hate HATE saying I'm jealous of them but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. Seriously, where he lives it's like ATHLETIC PEOPLE PLZ LIVE HERE. He would never cheat on me, but there's always this awful awful AWFUL voice in the back of my head thinking "Yeah, but I bet he wishes you were thin like they are." It's horrible!
When I was visiting him once he got some of his friends over to hang out. It was him, me, 2 guys and 1 other girl. This girl is...beautiful. It affected me more than it should. She was tall, thin, tanned (I'm so white, damn living in England!), had gorgeous long perfect hair - it was my nightmare!!
They didn't treat me any different, it was all in my head. But I couldn't help but feeling so self conscious.
There was another occasion when we went to his friends house, and they wanted to go on a spontaneous hike in the mountains (they live right next to them). I didn't want to go, I made us leave. I blamed it on not having the right shoes on and feeling tired, but the truth was I didn't want to get walking and then lag behind because I was so out of shape and look really badly =/.
I just want to be at a weight where I don't even have to compare myself to other girls. I can just walk in a room, sit down (and not use something to cover up my stomach like a pillow or my bag) and relax. I'm not awkward during social events, I do have a good time...but every so often I'll just feel so big compared to everyone else.
@belmagick - Eeep! Sounds like a weight gain nightmare! But eating out is the best, I LOVE it. The food is so yummy, I wish my house could be blacklisted and they know not to deliver food to me! Maybe just try and limit your portions. If you feel like you've been given a MASSIVE plate of food, just eat as much as you can and as soon as you feel full just stop! I have a terrible habit of being like "I paid for this, Imma finish it all!" Not good!
Last edited by Riestrella; 05-01-2011 at 05:14 AM.
Skittlez: I have done exercise with him. But to him--a walk is not exercise, unless it is 12 miles. He usually likes to spend his time charging up a mountain full speed--for three hours, or mountain biking. And I am really not a talker during exercise--some people say it helps them to think or to work through things--for me it is the opposite.
I do do some exercise with him, still. I cross country ski and I am going to attempt to enjoy mountain biking. But I do have to remember that being the super athletic person wouldn't make me happy, because I do enjoy different things. And I agree with you that outdoor activities like walking or playing Frisbee are great to do with a partner.
Reistrella: It sounds like you have a really good attitude, and your boyfriend sounds like he is a great guy.
Most emotionally mature men don't think that physical appearance is going to equal happiness in a relationship, so they look at women like the tall, blonde, tan woman, and they go--"Oh well, so what? There are a million women who look like this--I just watched one in a movie last night, saw one on a billboard, etc..but it really doesn't matter much." Then, sometimes, we women are sitting on the side lines, watching the men interact with women we deem attractive, and trying to read into their actions. It's funny to think that a man can become attracted to a mannequin (literally), but most men wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one--and it would be silly to get jealous over a mannequin. lol. But jealousy is good for one thing for me: it really does motivate me. The only way I can get over jealousy is explained in that old adage, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
You seem like you have a really good attitude, that seems like the most important quality regarding relationship happiness, and personal happiness. (By the way, I love your avatar pic! Great expression!)
I recently started dating a guy about four months ago that is very underweight and it makes me very self-conscious. I feel like the fat girl dating the skinny guy :\ even though I'm not really big. We're the same height, but I weigh about 220 lbs and he weighs 125 lbs. Even at a healthy weight for me I will still be 40-50 lbs heavier than he is. He is pretty underweight and tries to work on that and has a lot of self-esteem issues of his own, which is kind of funny in an ironic way. The one thing I am extremely nervous about is sex. We currently don't live in the same city, but he is moving closer in about 3 weeks.
) they love you for you! Enjoy your special guy because he enjoys being with you.
That could give me a good work out. I am kidding of course; jealousy is such a strange teacher.
)
Even at a healthy weight for me I will still be 40-50 lbs heavier than he is. He is pretty underweight and tries to work on that and has a lot of self-esteem issues of his own, which is kind of funny in an ironic way. The one thing I am extremely nervous about is sex. We currently don't live in the same city, but he is moving closer in about 3 weeks.
