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Old 02-08-2011, 05:03 PM   #16  
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Originally Posted by LiannaKole View Post
I can tell when people do this because they don't so much ask as talk at me about it. Like,"Wow, you lost so much weight! What did you do?
My dr. did me just like this, then kept talking. Later she had the nerve to ask, "And you didn't get hungry?"

And people wonder why the phrase of "skinny b****".

Last edited by Sea; 02-08-2011 at 05:04 PM.
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Old 02-08-2011, 07:03 PM   #17  
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I love to talk about diet and exercise, and I've had some amazing conversations on the topic, even with perfect strangers. Of course, I love to talk about absolutely everything, on absolutely any subject, to absolutely any body.

Maybe because I'm so interested in the topic, I've found a way to make it interesting to others, but I rarely get the stereotypical response that so many people experience. Far more of my experience has been positive than negative (but I've also been told that I'm a natural teacher). I always hated boring lessons in school, and adored interesting teachers. I've always loved sharing information, and always have looked at teaching as a two-way street. Teaching in community college, I learned as much from my students as I hoped they learned from me,

I've seen people "shut down" when I ask them how they're accomplishing the weight loss success I've seen in them. Some act as if it's a national secret, and they'll be executed for treason if they let slip any vital information.

Other's will give true, but uselessly vague answers. "Eat fewer calories than I burn," well duh. Everyone knows that is the way all weight loss is accomplished, but that doesn't mean it's pointless to discuss how one accomplished eating less and moving more.

If I ask more specific questions, I get better answers.

When someone asks me how I've lost weight, I spend as much asking about their experiences as telling them about my own. I've learned a lot of great tips and tricks that way, because even if someone seems to have experienced far less success than I have, I know they may have something to teach me.

Also, some people do not know how to ask for what they really want to know. And other people don't know how to explain how they made it work ("I just did it" isn't extremely descriptive). Yes, I think some people are hoping for easy answers, but many are just hoping to hear answers that they haven't tried and failed at a thousand times themselves.

They don't necessarily want to know what you're doing, they want to know how you've been able to do it. Most people don't attempt and succeed at weight loss once. They succeed after months, years, or even decades of failure. People want to know what made this time different.

I've been dieting more unsuccessfully than not, since I was 5 years old. Dieting, in my experience only made me fatter. I had to work insanely hard to lose weight, to the point that the only way I could lose weight was to put absolutely everything else in my life on hold. No socializing, no career or education advancement, no hobbies.... The minute I was distracted, I'd find myself absent-mindedly putting food in my mouth.

Everyone has always told me that I had to work harder to succeed, and needed to "want it more," but all I did was slam harder and harder into the brick wall. It was like learning to fly by jumping off a cliff and being told all I had to do was try and desire harder.

For me, I had to learn to work smarter, not harder. And for me that had to be accomplished by seeing weight loss as less important, not more. I had to stop wanting it so badly that I was willing to jump of cliffs to do it.

There are thousands of little things I've learned that have made "this time" different.

People tell me, I must have more motivation "this time."

Nope. If anything I have less patience for weight loss than at any other time in my life. I'm not willing to sacrifice everything to lose weight anymore. Weight loss is just a minor part of the Colleen puzzle. I won't give up anything important to lose weight. Just won't do it. I had to learn to juggle instead (it's meant slower weight loss, and I'm ok with that).

People say I must be working harder at weight loss than ever before.

Nope. Don't have the energy or drive for that kind of effort anymore. I used to be willing to be miserable to lose weight. I'd eat absolutely nothing or close to it, and would white-knuckle it through the horrible mental and physical hunger. I'd exercise intensely for hours (now an hour of intense exercise would probably kill me, or I'd at least wish for death).

So what is different, this time. I'm not entirely sure, but there are a lot of things, and even to describe the ones I know about would take hours. Most people don't want to listen for hours, but a lot of people do like to hear a lot of small, easy to accomplish tips that they can incorporate into their own lives, so that's what I give them.

I say "It's complicated, but it's a lot of little things put together."

My "in a nutshell" version of my weight loss is "I learned to diet backwards."

That perks people's interest, and most people say "what do you mean diet backwards?"

And then I describe what my dieting was like before (the typical cycle, everyone follows) and some of my "Aha" moments.

And mostly people have been amazingly interested and receptive. But I think it's because I'm open to learning from them, not deciding that they're ignorant, and I have to teach them. When someone says "I've tried that and it didn't work for me..." I don't assume they're not interested in working hard and looking for an easy way out. I remember feeling that way myself, and try to remember what made the difference "this time."

I find when you agree with people, they listen to you longer. And so saying "Yes, I felt that way too, but here's what I did to change my feelings....

I have a weight loss binder, full of all sorts of tips and tricks. Helpful articles. Weight loss and exercise reward charts. Before and after pictures. Recipes...

And I also have a daily journal for writing down all my food and exercise (even what time I did them, and how I felt).

Bringing out the binder and journal to everyone who says "how did you do it?" would be silly, especially since some people only are being polite as when they ask "how are you" and don't want to hear your medical history...

but by paying attention and listening, and being willing to learn as well as teach, you get a better understanding of what people really want to know. Are they just being polite or do they really want to know, and if so, how much do they want to know, and how can you share it without being boring (if you ask someone how their kids are doing in school, you probably don't want them to bring out all of their graded homework, craft projects and report cards).

I am not saying you're obligated to discuss your success at all. If you don't want to talk about any subject, then don't. Give whatever answer closes the subject fastest. But if you really like teaching, or discussing a sujbest then you've got to learn how to do it. It's a skill like any other that responds to practice.
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Old 02-08-2011, 07:35 PM   #18  
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I've been asked the famous "how did you do it?" question many, many times, almost to the point of comical. And the responses have been equally as funny.

Like most of you, my biggest pet peeve are the people who ask and as I start to explain, (and I mean, at the beginning...like first words out of my mouth) either, walk away, start talking to someone else or just kind of drift off into another subject. In these cases I just stop talking mid sentence. It's funny when they don't even realize I have...and so I have often times laughed out loud. They still don't get it.

BUT, actually the questions are way better than the assumptions. Most people assume that I have had weight loss surgery. But that's whole 'nother story.

Last edited by Lori Bell; 02-08-2011 at 08:07 PM.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:48 PM   #19  
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Don't get me wrong, I have had some really good experiences when asked, SOME, lol. I had one friend recently who just had a baby, has about the same amount to lose that I started off with and I think that just made her feel better. To hear her tell it at first, you would think she had 1,000 lbs to lose but when I told her where I began, it seemed to help.

A couple of people even flat out said I just can't do that right now or hey, I'm trying something else first. I admit, I was tempted to explore Alli or whatever it is called because HEY Y'ALL, Wynonna Judd was their spokesperson, hahaha. And then I came to and realized that was probably not a good idea. I think the person who inspired me most was actually Valerie Bertinelli. I began researching the whole Jenny Craig/Weight Watchers and then my mom told me it's basically the same thing as counting calories. Which brought me here and one person posted something about a calorie calculator and I was on the road to weight loss immediately. My head was in the right place and everything just took off from there. I didn't spend months "planning" or "preparing" to start, I just did it. On a Saturday! lol

I wish my friends somehow knew by starting today, in one month, 6 months, one year down the line they will be so glad they did! As someone else said, it really does make me sad that they just won't take control over something they have essentially complete control over. I do understand their unhappiness because I was once there. But I refused to wallow in it forever.
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Old 02-09-2011, 08:53 AM   #20  
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Yep, I hate when people say they "can't" do it in regards to move more, eat less. I bite my tongue, but what I want to reply with is that "you CAN, what you mean is that you WON'T." And really, if you won't but in the work, you're not going to change anything, ya know?
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Old 02-09-2011, 01:36 PM   #21  
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I am just a very private person about everything so talking about weight loss will be difficult for me except for a select few people (DH and my mother).

When I was at the doctor a week and a half ago, the nurse commented on my loss and I just stated "Yes, I've lost a bit." Then she asked the dreaded "How did you do it?"vI left it at what I feel was in between vague and specifics: "I cut out refined starches and sugars."

That seemed to work for now, I just don't know what will happen when it becomes so visible people at work start commenting. I've been in denial so long about being fat; I feel like if I begin talking about losing weight I will finally have to accept the fact that yes, I really was/am fat.

The inner workings of brains and denial are very strange indeed.
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Old 02-09-2011, 01:48 PM   #22  
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I guess if they are making excuses for not doing it you should just reply with "Don't worry. When you're ready for a change, you'll do it".
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