Does anyone struggle with a lack of support in your weight loss journey? At first, people were happy for me, but now I get a lot of judgement and criticism. Everything I do, all my new habits, people pick them apart and tell me what is wrong with me. I'm told by multiple people that I have an eating disorder and my own boyfriend tells me that my attitude towards food is unhealthy (because I like to know what I'm eating and how many calories, because I'm, y'know... losing weight). If I'm not feeling well, it's clearly because I'm starving myself. People at work constantly try to tell me that I've lost too much weight and if I lose anymore, I'll be unhealthy (even though I'm currently 152 pounds/5'3).
It's just really... hurtful. I know they mean well, but I'm tired of the unfair judgement and criticism. I think I know how to take care of myself. If I'm somewhat concerned about numbers and a bit obsessive, okay? What's wrong with that? That's the point of weight loss. I'm not self-destructive in my eating habits and my self-esteem is soaring rather than diminishing, so they're basically making these assumptions merely because I'm losing weight.
Does anyone else go through this? Does anyone else feel hurt by it?
Criss- I'm in the same place as you support wise, just not from them thinking I am too skinny. My parents would LOVE for me to come home for the holidays and not be overweight, but they can't bring themselves to say "good job!" As to closer to home, my ex would already prefer I gained 5lbs and keeps calling me "skinny" when I feel anything but. My housemate and best friend who is a natural size 4-6 and can eat any junky food she wants without hitting the gym has forbidden me to use the word "calories" in the house. She doesn't give an opinion either way on my loss even though I lost 30lbs after I moved in she acts like I'm the same size as before. She just can't stand to hear me talk about it, and I only do when I hit a milestone! One comment from me on my weight once every 2 months is TOO much for her.
I would love it if they said "wow, you look good!" because to me, their staying quiet means I haven't changed noticeably.
I don't think your attitude towards food is unhealthy- if anything the "I'll just eat whatever that is without knowing anything about its origins or contents" attitude is unhealthy and downright irresponsible at times. Losing weight requires that awareness, and I really don't think a healthy loss can be accomplished without it. The only red flag I see here is that you mentioned being sick- it is possible for your body to become more susceptible to illnesses and take longer to recover on calorie restriction. I recommend you add a multivitamin if you aren't already taking one, just to be sure all those trace things are in your diet.
And finally (whew! long post) that's what 3FC is for, making up for relatives and friends who can't or won't provide the support we need to do this. Strength from within is all well and good, but even the most lone-wolf among us needs a social outlet to deal with all the changes weight management can bring to your life.
my own boyfriend tells me that my attitude towards food is unhealthy
He is becoming defensive because you'll be getting more attention from others, when thin. Right now he has you to himself... Shrug it off, and keep at it!
My motto: never complain, never explain. When you tell people about your diet plans, restrictions, limitations, whatever, they interpret that as you asking for advice, and people love to give advice. When we are changing our lifestyle, it's natural to want to talk about it all the time (this is why people with new boyfriends or new babies just won't shut up: there whole life is changing and it's all they think about.), but I've found it's best to never volunteer information, and when directly asked, give the shortest possible answer, as that invites the least response.
For me, I've found this attitude really keeps the comments from the peanut gallery to a minimum.
You're boyfriend doesn't like it because it's a control thing...Is he a bigger person or smaller person? It's not unhealthy your changing your food habits around so you can be healthy and not have a bunch of health problems in the end. Maybe around him don't talk about it at all, just keep it to yourself (though it really sucks to have to do that...)
Your Co-workers are just envious and jealous, it's getting to the point where it's like holy crap I can't believe your actually doing this. (are most of them fat and insecure?) People who are generally insecure with themselves will bring down other's who decide to make better choices in their life. It sucks that your support has now disappeared, but in reality it happens when you do good for yourself. A little bit of weight loss it's like great, you look awsome...the more you loose the more jealousy hits because you have that strong will power to continue to go, to move forward where most people would just quit after 10 pounds or so.
Keep doing what your doing, and I have to say ignore it or put them in their place to shut them up. You can do this, don't let negativity bring you down! good luck!
Keep at it! Remember that this is YOUR journey. I have some very snarky friends as well who comment that I don't eat enough. FALSE. I eat all friggin' day long, just different things than I did before. Things that don't make me look like a swollen version of myself. YOU have to be the smart one who sees through the jealousy and the insecurities that others portray. If this journey has taught me anything, it's to stand up for myself when people are getting in my business.
That being said, I am really sorry that your boyfriend is not on board with this, and since he is a person that is so close to you whose opinion you value, it might ease his mind if you had some verification from a doctor about how you've been eating. However, this is TOTALLY YOUR CHOICE. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
It hurts to not have the support of others when you are changing your own life for the better. Please keep your head up and your mind clear. Good luck!
A wise friend once told me, "Those types of comments say more about the commenter than about you." Ignore it if you can. Buckle up though and brace yourself for more comments/criticisms/asking for advice in the near future. You are doing what others only dream of.
My dh told me my butt disappeared. (It's got a long way to go.) I wasn't sure if it was a compliment or a complaint. But my blood labs just came in great. He's definitely pleased now.
I don't have people giving me the kind of comments you're getting, but like a couple of the others, I do have people telling me that I'm getting too skinny. My mother is the queen of jumping to "you're not eating enough, are you?" whenever I don't feel 100% and she also tells me that a longer life isn't worth it if it means you have to "do all that work" (aka, eating right and exercising). I make a point to just not talk to people about my weight loss/healthier lifestyle, even if they bring it up, if at all possible; especially if it's in a negative way. I get my support on here.
My husband is very upset that i am trying to lose weight. He keeps picking apart that i am now measuring my food so that i can be sure that i am getting the appropriate portion size. He keeps telling me that it isn't fair for me to make him go hungry. I have already told him that i am not controlling his portions and that he can eat as much as he wants. I tell him that this is for me. It is hard for me when he sits in front of me mowing a big bowl of chunky monkey ice cream, but it is getting easier to ignore and i am proud that i am eating better. Don't let it get to you. I think you are doing great.
Dont let anyone hate on you sweetie, keep doing your thing...as long as you know you are exercising and eating good foods, you are doing it the right way!
My boyfriend is pretty obese, actually, but I don't think his comments are because of jealousy. He sincerely believes a woman is hottest with a bit of chub. He thinks I look best now and that "skinny" women aren't real women. I told him that's offensive and women are women regardless of how much fat they carry. It's not as though I crave to be anorexic or to meet the stupidly high standards media set for women; I just want to be at a healthy weight for my height. Being astetically pleasing to a few does not equate being healthy, is what I keep telling my boyfriend.
The people at work are mostly older people. I've noticed a trend in that the younger people tell me I look great, and the older people- specifically men- tell me I can't stand to lose anymore weight. I've been having health problems that affect my work, though, so my bosses keep pulling me aside to give me the "we're telling you this as concerned friends..." talk. They think my health issues are a result of starving myself.
Thanks to everyone for replying. It's good to know other people have to deal with the same issues. I've gotten to the point where I quit talking about my weight loss to anyone but my boyfriend, but people still like to comment on things regardless.
Oh criss I am sorry to hear you're getting a hard time from other people. As if the weight loss process itself isn't tricky enough!
I have "designated diet buddies" I talk about weight stuff with and try really hard not to talk about it to other people because I don't want to hear these kinds of comments. The situation with your coworkers sounds annoying - but all you can do is reassure them that you're not unhealthy and keep on truckin'. You know what's healthy and what you want, and 5'3 and 130 is a very healthy (and not skeletal) goal weight!
As for your boyfriend...that's a complicated situation to be in. I think he will adjust to the new you over time. Might be good to reassure him that your aim is "healthy" and not "skinny" even if you secretly are aspiring for the latter. After all, confidence is sexy and it sounds like you've been gaining confidence steadily as you've been losing weight.
It's for that reason that I still haven't told anyone the details of my eating plan. I count calories and measure most foods, which to most people is obsessive (I don't hide it, I just don't talk about it and so far no one has really noticed).
What they don't realize is that for those of us with weight problems, sometimes we NEED to be hyper aware of what's going into our bodies.
And you're right - TONS of people assume that when you've lost that much weight, it was obviously because you're starving yourself. I eat a lot of food, personally, and it even looks like more because I like high volume, low calorie stuff. But if people aren't around me regularly when I eat meals, they assume I'm not eating at all.
Just explain to them (briefly and simply, or they'll freak) that you're eating healthier and eating enough, and that your main goal is to be healthy. That seems to help. Say it with confidence and surity, and that usually makes them back off a little.
Good luck with everything - you're in a bit of a rough spot, but don't let it get you down.
Last edited by LiannaKole; 12-24-2010 at 12:01 PM.
I come to 3FC for support. Outside of that, I keep my mouth shut, unless someone specifically asks me what method I used. I find it easier that way. I don't want people preaching at me about weight loss, so I don't preach at them about my methods, nor do I ever comment on their food selections -- not my business.
I get a mixture of compliments and "hey! you've lost too much weight!!11" but either way, I know that the people care about me and are entitled to their opinion. The complaints about my amount of weight loss used to bother me, but not anymore.
My husband was at one time squarely in the "Don't lose any more" camp, but as he's accepted that I'm going to do what I need to do for me, he has adjusted to it and enjoys it (even though his ideal is a woman who is bigger.) He loves me and he likes it when I'm happy, so if my weight makes me happy, he's happy. Sounds kinda trite but I think that's what it's boiled down to -- so I'm sure that your boyfriend will come around in time.
Not enough support from my friends/family.
You are doing what others only dream of.
