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Old 11-15-2010, 12:04 PM   #1  
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Default Desperate and need motivation

I don't know if this is going to help, but I just need someone to listen and need some advice on getting motivated. I've been overweight since I was 5 and now I'm 19. There is so much stuff I thought I would have done by now, and I've sat out on life and haven't done a single thing that I want to. If I was thin, I would have been a dancer, learned to figure skate, and took karate, and done so many other things I dream of doing.

Now I leave the house 2 times a month tops and those 2 times are usually just riding with my mom to the store and waiting in the car while she goes in. I have no friends and have lost contact with the few I had from school. It's just so pathetic. There aren't many jobs around here and I feel like no one wants to hire the fat person anyway, especially since I don't have a degree or much job experience. I keep putting off college because being around people makes me feel sick. I dreamed of going to University but at my weight I would have been miserable at university. I know if I lose weight I will gain confidence and be more eager to get out and live my life, but I have no will to do anything, including lose weight. I keep dieting every couple months but I discouraged because the weight comes off so slow. My weight has ballooned up so much that I feel there's no turning back and I'm past the point of no return. I just keep making it worse.

I can barely wake-up in the morning because there is nothing to wake up for. Feeling like this makes it even harder to lose weight. I have tried really hard. It feels like I've been dieting my whole life because I'm always trying, but keep failing! I want to lose it more then anything and it's on my mind all the time. It's not that I dont want it and I've had plenty of wake-up calls. So why can't I do it? I can't afford to go to the doctor at all to talk to a nutrionist or pills.

I have a treadmill downstairs but cant get motivated to use it. My mom is obese too but refuses to buy anything healthy, no matter how often I ask her to. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to get motivated? If you read this while thing, thank you so much and I'm sorry it's so long. I'm just so desperate and I don't know what to do anymore.
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:14 PM   #2  
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It sounds like you are experiencing some mental health challenges in addition to food struggles. Not leaving the house, not wanting to be around people, etc. Do you have depression? There is a depression forum here for people with those challenges.

First things first - you need to love yourself. The journey to permanent, sustained weight loss only happens when you decide to love yourself and give it the gift of health.
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:23 PM   #3  
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You have so come to the right place! This is the best place out there for finding motivation! There are threads around here all the time about that very thing!

Many of the most successful dieters on here will tell you first and foremost that you must find a plan that is sustainable and then stick to it no matter what. I have found that weight loss is more about patience than anything else. Like you said, you start and then it's too slow so you give up. I did that for TEN YEARS! I had to figure out how to change that scenario. For me, the answer was making a commitment to my plan for a set period of time. I chose to make a commitment to being on plan each and every day no matter what for one year. It is the only reason I have come as far as I have. Perhaps choose to stay on plan each and every day for three months without giving up just to see how far you can get. Try not to have any expectations. You will not be at goal in three months. But if you could lose 20 pounds in three months wouldn't you be thrilled?

You can do this. You can!

Can we help you brainstorm your mom's unhealthy meals and how to make them work for you? Like perhaps you could add a large salad to the meal, fill up on that and eat only small portions of the rest of it. Perhaps after a while your mom would even follow suit. Try eating an apple 15 minutes before sitting down to a meal. At meals try taking only half of what you normally would. Skip one item, like bread or mashed potatoes.
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:29 PM   #4  
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I remember being like that when I was about your age, and trust me when I say that to keep putting off life with the excuse of the weight is one of the worst things you can do, and counter-productive. I know itīs hard to grasp the concept, and actually live by it, but life is short, and most of all life is worth it.

I remember that once I accepted that I couldnīt use the weight as an excuse anymore, things slowly started to get better, and eventually that led to the start of this incredibly difficult, but amazing journey.

At 242lbs, I joined a beach volleyball class, because I loved volleyball and I wasnīt gona let the weight prevent me from playing it. I had to hear some mean comments, but most of the people I met in class were pretty amazing, and almost 10 years later, most of them are still my friends.

Then, I started saying yes to going out with friends. If you donīt have friends around, maybe meetup might be a good idea for you. When I moved to Boston and didnīt know anyone I used meetup to find people to go hiking with and/or play volleyball, eventually I made some friends. What are your interests?

And for me, the most important step was talking to my parents. I needed them on my side. So I did what for me, was one of the hardest things Iīve ever done, I was brutally honest with them. I told them I was miserable, that I wanted my body to change, that I could do it alone, but I didnīt want to, that I needed their help. So maybe a candid conversation with your mom might help?

So, take it from someone whoīs been there. Donīt let weight be your excuse to not living life fully, you can do anything you set your heart to. And if the change seems overwhelming, take one step at a time. What can you do today? Once youīre done with today, only then, think about what you can do tomorrow...

Iīm here if you need to talk...
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:51 PM   #5  
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I think you do need to work on a little self love and try to work through the depression.

For starters, I would try to get a job if I was you. Even if you don't think anybody would hire you, you would be surprised.

Is there a local community college you can go to? Often they have jobs for students or there might be jobs outside of campus. I went to college when I weighed 300 lbs and I loved it. I think once you start classes, start a part time job, etc, you'll feel a lot better.

If you are solely dependent on your mom for food, you might ask her if you could have your own food budget to buy things for you. Things like frozen veggies would be a good choice because they could bulk up your meals and the veggies don't go bad so you couldn't be accused of wasting food.

Get outside, getting exercise, etc naturally fights depression. I'd recommend that you make a commitment to get 10 minutes of exercise everyday. It isn't much is it? Just 10 minutes, set a date, go outside and walk.

It may take you time to figure things out but you can do it.
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Old 11-15-2010, 01:04 PM   #6  
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I understand exactly how you feel. Weight loss takes so long and it's so hard to get motivated. You've gotten great advice so far in this thread. Break the large task of losing weight into small, sustainable steps you can do each day: Look into enrolling in community college, start walking outside for 10 minutes a day, make it a hobby to start learning how to cook a few healthy meals that you and your family will enjoy. I am a big salad eater, and often fill my plate with 3/4 full with greens and then the other 1/4 with whatever my family is having. It really works! You will be amazed at how quickly the weight drops off and how good you start feeling. Then that will motivate you to keep going. Your clothes will start getting baggy and then you can have fun replacing them with smaller items. You can do that pretty inexpensively at thrift stores. Having these hobbies of walking, studying, cooking, learning about heathy eating and exercising, and finding new clothes will help you keep from snacking too. Right now you don't seem to have anything in your life that is fun and exciting to you and you need to change that around. I was overweight my whole life and am finally slim and in shape at age 50. I can't believe how many years I wasted feeling miserable and happy about how I looked. Start now. You can do it. Oh, and visit 3FC all the time. That will keep you motivated for sure!

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Old 11-15-2010, 01:08 PM   #7  
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And one thing to remember about the maintainers here who have lost the same amount of weight as you and kept it off - they didn't give up when the progress was slow or stalled. They kept at it. They are the ones who were successful. Those who gave up did not succeed. So join the right group
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:38 PM   #8  
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I started at 356 pounds and I did have a job then. I'm down 200 pounds. You have to just keep working at it. Set small goals. My first one was to lose 10 pounds. Give yourself little non-food rewards for reaching your goal. Take small steps in getting started on your weight loss. Walk around the block. Gradually add to that. Focus on eating healthy breakfasts for a week, then add healthy lunchs and in a month you will be eating healthy.

You would probably benefit from some counseling. Many have a sliding fee schedule for their clients so in your case it would be very small or even free.

Keep posting here and we will help you. By the way, I always say I was born fat because I weighed 11 pounds at birth.
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:49 PM   #9  
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I suggest possibly going to see a counselar, you sound severly depressed and staying home all day isn't going to help your situation. I have/had a friend in her late 30s who also never leaves the house, found a job that allows her to not leave home, she never learned to drive, etc. We were friends for years and then she decided to cut everyone off when her "bf" dumped her after 7 years. I tried helping her and she just pushed everyone out of her life- last I heard she is more miserable than ever (I'd go see her but she lives on the other side of the country). You don't want to be in my friends situation!

You are very young, get some help from therapy/counseling, learn to love yourself, once your head is more in the game then start doing more for yourself, change your eating habits, learn to cook for yourself and cook healthier meals, get in some exercise (even taking a walk is exercise), etc. Once you start feeling better then try to get in some school, etc. Just don't do too much at once or you could get overwhelmed. Take it one day at a time and you'll see, if you work hard and try things WILL get better!

Remember the only person who can make your life better is YOU- so get started- you have a long life to live- don't waste it!

Last edited by beerab; 11-15-2010 at 02:49 PM.
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Old 11-15-2010, 03:11 PM   #10  
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Geez Samantha, you really have gotten some great advice already on here! It sounds like you really need to find a buddy to help you along, but to do that you have to leave the house! I agree with the idea of just going for it and starting school or applying for a job. I too am from a small town where there are not many jobs, but what about the grocery store? (that is where I worked). You CAN do it! I love the advice of everyone to learn to love yourself, I think you will find through this journey that you are a lot stronger than you think! I also love the idea of breaking weight loss into small goals, because no matter how big or small your weightloss goals, it at times can feel impossible! I truly hope you come here to this forum every day and talk about the ups and downs...I have found it to be motivating!

I wish you the very best of luck, you are pretty amazing for reaching out, that takes a lot of courage! Keep going and take it one hour at a time if you have to
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Old 11-15-2010, 03:16 PM   #11  
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Imagine if someone you really cared about came to you and said those words. What would you say to them, and what would you want for them?

Then, say it and give it to yourself. Give yourself support, a shoulder to lean on, and develop a plan to turn it around.

We often forget to treat ourselves the way we treat those we love-- with respect, patience, and kindness.

I agree with the above posters-- start by working on your mental health first, and make very small changes with your diet to begin.

Can you start with short walks on your treadmill, say, during your favorite morning TV show? Start slow, and stay steady.

As for the food topic-- I am so sorry that your Mom isn't willing to make these changes with you. But, you can still do this. You can control now what portion sizes you take, and you can control your activity level.

When the time is right, and you feel comfortable with it, get in the grocery store with her and actually put the veggies and fruit and grains IN the cart. Money can't be an issue, because lettuce is cheaper than a super-sized box of twinkies.

I don't know how your finances are, but if you have a little cash saved up/extra, I'd even say think about using a modest amount for Peapod deliveries each week, just give you salad ingredients to go with your mom's dinners. You'd be amazed how people lose weight when they fill half of their plate with salad, and then later on, 3/4 of their plate.

Soon, your Mom will see that these life changes really mean that you can have longer, more joyful lives together. You both deserve it. And remember, you DO have control over this, and you DO have a say. This is your life.... take it and run with it!

Last edited by FatPantsSkinnyJeans; 11-15-2010 at 03:18 PM.
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Old 11-15-2010, 03:25 PM   #12  
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Hi Samantha,
Well, I think everyone has already said exactly what I was going to say! Just one thing though, are you able to have money of your own to buy more healthy items? It would be a good idea to buy essential items yourself if your mother doesn't do it even if it's just buying for one meal a day you can then cut down on the amount of other meals that are provided for you.

Take care and hope you manage to get something into action. You will feel so much better for the effort.
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Old 11-28-2011, 01:06 AM   #13  
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They way you are speaking sounds exactly like how my best friend use to be. She was just about your weight, a littler heavier. We were friends since childhood and her family has alot of money so they would always eat out versus making dinner at home. That being said she gained weight to a ridiculous amount, not including a thyroid problem only adding to her weight. Then about a year and a half ago she had the lap-band surgery, covered by her insurance as a risk to her health. So far she has lost 160 pounds and I cannot keep her off the dance floor at clubs! He confidence level is through the roof, she is more gorgeous now then ever before and shes happy, finally happy. That surgery changed her life, and she speaks about it to anyone who is in the shoes she once was in. Dont give up!
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Old 11-28-2011, 01:17 AM   #14  
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Wow you sound so much like me....I am now 27yrs old and trust me, you do not want to spend your 20s hating yourself. Do not waste anymore time....I was ridiculed on campus, but I still went. Professors care about your beautiful mind! It is hard when ur mom will not comply...Go shopping WITH her...pick out the things you like that are healthy!
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Old 11-28-2011, 08:40 AM   #15  
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Hi Samantha,

I think others have given you excellent advice. All of us here have struggled with weight issues and understand the feelings you have described.

Regarding your being mostly homebound,I would suggest that you try volunteer work to give you a reason to get out of the house regularly, to have a place to go where they're looking forward to seeing you each time, and where you have meaningful work to do. It will give you confidence and will be good for your resume when you look for paid employment. It needs to be something enjoyable for you, that you're interested in.

As for the task ahead of you, it CAN be done. As others have said, break it down into small amounts and reward yourself as you reach each goal. All of us can tell you that we wanted instant results, but that doesn't happen. It's like learning a skill--you see improvements along the way which will encourage you to keep up the good work. Every few pounds lost will delight you.

I'm sending you a hug...my heart went out to you, reading what you wrote. You are more than what you look like, you are a precious human being who deserves a better life than you have. With our help and support you CAN have that life, starting today. Visit us daily here, read the stories of those who at one point were where you are, and join the life of this community where we all know what weight struggles are. Welcome, Samantha.
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