My size range right now is a 10/12 (mostly 12's). Last week when I was watching The Biggest Loser, Sunshine was swimming in a size 12 skirt. I was shocked to say the least. I think, in fact I know, I am WAY smaller than her. I can't remember what she was at her weigh in, but I know it was something in the 170s or 180s so she has a good 20 lbs on me, but sure enough we are the same size. Now I don't know how tall she is, but like I said I know she looks bigger than me.
I think they were shopping in a plus sized store, so even though she was trying on 12s, they were 12W. But honestly, I didn't think that dress fit her anyway - yeah, she had it on her body, but it was too tight and not flattering IMO.
It's just easier to me to assume positive intent and say "Thanks for thinking of me! But I'm fine. How about donating to Goodwill? Or Salvation Army?"
and move on.
That's how I'd deal with it. I don't need the clothes, I don't need my brain space taken up by dwelling on "what if she isn't saying this with positive intent? What if she's fishing? What if she's thinking I'm fat? etc."
I have enough baggage to carry without
a) Making some new baggage for myself
b) Taking on other people's baggage.
A.
Yeah, I agree completely with this. We can all speculate what was going on in her head, but really, there's no way of knowing. But the bottom line is that you need to just do your own thing and not get put off track by her comments, whatever her motivation.
I wouldn't read anything into it. It's darned hard to estimate sizes - especially by looking. Height, weight - all sorts of variables play in.
I had a neighbor who was much taller (and I thought much smaller) than I was. I was complaining how hard I was finding it to find nice, professional looking clothes for work. She brought me over a bunch of her clothes that she thought would fit that she didn't want anymore (she didn't say why, which was nice). She just suggested that if none of them fit that I dispose of them however I wanted to.
Even with the clothes in my hand, I didn't think they would fit, but I tried them on anyway - and almost everything DID fit. One of the sweaters became my most favorite piece of clothes ever.
When I told her, she smiled and told me I could borrow clothes from her any time I wanted (she really was still wearing that size). I was shocked. I never would have guessed. I thought she had given me her "fat" clothes (I didn't care though, they were so nice).
The experience (and many like it) taught me a very valuable lesson. It's hard to estimate how big someone else is compared to you. If they are not exactly the same height and body shape, it's even harder. Cut them the same slack. People can be 100 lbs off in their estimation of their own body size. If someone fatter thinks you share the same size - it may just be because you both see yourselves and each other very differently - and that's entirely normal (one of you might be wrong, or both of you might be).
The experience (and many like it) taught me a very valuable lesson. It's hard to estimate how big someone else is compared to you. If they are not exactly the same height and body shape, it's even harder. Cut them the same slack. People can be 100 lbs off in their estimation of their own body size. If someone fatter thinks you share the same size - it may just be because you both see yourselves and each other very differently - and that's entirely normal (one of you might be wrong, or both of you might be).
What she said.. haha. It may have bothered me a bit BUT like many people said, she may not be able to judge how she looks compared to others.
I know I can't! I am CONSTANTLY asking my DH if I am the size of that girl, or is she smaller than me, is she bigger than me?? It irritates him, but I can't see myself how I really am. I need the visual comparison. I have an aunt that is pretty much the same size as me, so now I kinda now how I look, but its still hard.
I would ignore the whole "weight" issue and tell her "Goodwill is always in need of clothes, plus, you get that awesome tax break for charitable giving!"
Problem solved.
Of course, I have said that kind of thing to other people... trying to be "nice" and give my really-good-clothes-that-just-don't-fit-me to somebody I care about... gee, now I wonder if I know you or something, LOL...
Last edited by Beach Patrol; 05-10-2010 at 02:24 PM.
I know I can't! I am CONSTANTLY asking my DH if I am the size of that girl, or is she smaller than me, is she bigger than me?? It irritates him, but I can't see myself how I really am. I need the visual comparison.
OMG, me too!!! I can not for the life of me see myself the right way. And whether I'm over estimating or under, all depends on my mood, if I've been losing weight (or gaining!) and a mirror does not help!
I don't think I'd ever say to someone "These clothes are too big for me, you want them?" Just because even IF the person really is bigger, its a little rude.
But I wouldn't get upset over what your neighbor said. You don't know if she went back in and thought "that was really a foot in mouth comment I said!" She might feel really embarrassed about what she said. I think we are all guiltly of saying something without thinking and we never mean to insult someone, and then kicking ourselves for it later. I'd hope if I did upset someone they would either let it go or tell me that they were hurt by what I said and give me the chance to apologize.
I have no concept of how big I am in comparison to other women.
But, I also really don't care. I only have my body, the way it particularly looks and feels and functions. So no one else's body really matters.
I weigh a lot more than my best girlfriend, I'm sure, but we wear approximately the same size of top because she is very hourglass-y and I am very pear-y. I can borrow tops from her, and that's helpful and useful. It doesn't mean she's a huge fatty because I can wear her tops, and it also doesn't mean I'm suddenly a lot thinner. Even when something does fit me that she or someone else can wear, it may or may not look good on me, because every woman's body is different.
It's not an insult if someone who I might think is a different size than me offers me clothing. It's just a nice offer. Perhaps they are as clueless as I am about relative sizes, or perhaps the clothing really will fit. Why bother being upset about it, regardless of what it means?
Assume the best about other people's intentions and thought processes, and life becomes much more pleasant.
Not exactly the same thing but I got a slap in the face when I was at Kohl's with my aunt and we were looking at exercise clothes and she said "We'll have you fitting in here in no time!". They had xl stuff and in exercise stuff that shizznizzle fits just fine on me depending on the brand (walmart stuff does, but they run a little bigger), her mind was in the right place but it kind of hurt.
I think that your neighbor was just trying to pawn off some clothes in what she thought was a nice way. Sometimes things really just don't come out right.
i had a woman at work do the same thing to me. She's at least 6 inches shorter than me (there's no way she tops 5') and I think she's probably closer to 300 pounds than 200. She offered me some of her old clothes - not just offered, actually, but brought them to work and put them in my chair! I just said thank you and donated them to goodwill myself, rather than awkwardly dealing with the conversation. I just can't think that she really thought I was that much bigger than I was at the time (maybe a size 16 at my biggest, these were 24's and 2x and 3x blouses), so I just decided to accept it as 'some people are weird'.
A friend of my sister's offered me a pair of shorts with the comment, "Here, these are too big for me, do you think they will fit you?" I replied, "I don't know, let me try them on." Then, standing outside in our front yard, I put the shorts on OVER the clothes I was already wearing, buttoned and zipped them, and let go. The ended up in a pool around my feet.
I stepped out of them, handed them back to her, and said thanks.
Gosh, what a great thread! I thought about this alot...... I reckon when you have lost 60lbs (I have done it and remember how goooooood it felt) you are looking for approval. Perhaps this is your neighbours way of saying "can you see what I have achieved?". I agree that maybe it was ill conceived because she didn't think through how much her probably innocent comment, might have hurt you. I know when I am on my "journey" I can only think about myself. I have lost a good few pounds lately, and was happily bragging to my sister in law about it. My brother then told me that she was crying when they got on a flight to Portugal because she couldn't do the seatbelt up. I had always perceived her as my size, but noticed when staying with them that she wears a size smaller than me. (she is also alot shorter). It brought me down to earth with a bump. Size perception is one of the major reasons why I want to lose this weight - I am as guilty as the next person for being judgemental, despite my 140 or so extra pounds. We all want to think there is someone out there fatter han us, and sometimes our image is very skewiff.
I think you look great (from the head down of course ) and think you should focus on how incredibly well you are doing, not worry about anyone else. You go for it girl, go out and exercise, drink water and show everyone that you can get to your goal, despite anyone elses comments. When you get there, tell everyone what you have achieved and believe that you can stay the way you have become. I got to goal 6 years ago, and allowed my skewiff view of myself (added to personal tragedy) to let me get back to the weight I am today. I allowed myself to buy a bigger size every year for the last 6 years and told myself it was ok, because I was still "slim".
To beat this once and for all I believe we have to believe in ourselves and the people we want to be.
Big hug to you
Sam
x
