[Palestrina]

You should be able to talk to your friend about your lifestyle change. I assume that although she lives far away you speak on the phone often. If I were in your shoes I would definitely mention that you are working out and eating right, and even talk about your good days and bad days. You should NOT keep it a secret because that will hurt her more. Imagine if you show up weighing 30lbs less and she had no clue you were losing weight? She would be shocked and then her own insecurities would cause her to think that you were trying to make her feel bad by not sharing. Eventhough I'm sure she'd be happy for you it would not be a pleasant surprise to her self-esteem.

My friendships are very important to me. I've chosen all my friends because they possess qualities that I admire. They're smart, funny, intelligent, talented, strong-willed, etc. The best friend I can have is someone who is successful because it inspires me to be successful too.

[Thighs Be Gone]

Don't bring it up. Believe me, she KNOWS she is overweight. She knows she is bigger than you. Chances are she knows what must be done to lose weight since she has lost before. She just isn't ready yet. She may never be. That is okay too.

[Ann21]

My best friend is significantly larger than me. She's about 5 foot tall, and probably close to 300 lbs. And I am completely honest with her, and I don't hide anything about my healthy eating and exercise habits. She knows that it's a large part of me, and she loves me for who I am. In the same way, she knows that I love her whether she decides to eat right and exercise, or to stay the same.

But I also speak my mind when it comes to her weight. Now, I don't call her fat, or belittle her by any means, because I see only the remarkably beautiful person she is. But when a guy she's dating breaks up with her/leaves her for another girl or she doesn't feel like going out, it's always because "she's fat". Everything that happens in her life she blames on her size. When she doesn't get a job, her other friends fight with her, she always tells me that if she wasn't fat that stuff wouldn't happen.

So then, I tell her, "you know, you CAN fix this." I tell her how much it hurts me to see her have low self-confidence when she shouldn't. And how I hate to see her do nothing about it when she can. I have offered her so much guidance and emotional support, and she's even joined my gym and we've recently started working out together. Now, she WANTS to lose weight, and she know that she can because I'm going to be her rock through the whole process.

Now you haven't mentioned this about your friend, but does she ever mention her weight or does she have low self-confidence? I know that you said that you all don't discuss weight and dieting, but does she ever make negative comments about herself? That may be an opportunity to offer a hand. Not to judge, but just offer your help.

[bargoo]

I don't think you need to mention that you are on a diet. Just say I prefer fresh vegies and fresh fruit and don't care for gravy and rich sauces, potato chips don't turn me on or whatever it is. I know naturally thin people, the ones who have never dieted in their lives. You have met them I am sure. They eat half a sandwich or a bite of pie, or half an apple. This is their preference and they never have to explain it to anybody.

[Eliana]

I have to give my girlfriends the benefit of the doubt.

I too am the skinny with my two best friends. (And check out my weight...I started at a BMI of 40) My friends complain about their weight and I do see them eating things they shouldn't. I DO want for them to find the same benefits I have to losing weight. BUT I just tell myself it's harder for them, there's something wrong with their metabolisms, and I tell myself that because it's none of my business what they do with their bodies and I know that the only reason I want them to join me is because I want it for me. I selfishly want them to do this too. It's a bit braggy, you know?

Now, if/when they bring it up, I'm all over it. And they do bring it up and we talk about the trials and difficulties and we brain storm together. But ultimately it's their decisions and ultimately I get to just love them for who they are.

Anything more than that and I become the judgmental one who has a problem with their weight. I suddenly think I'm better than they are because I lost the weight.

That's the harsh reality of how I think your friend would take any push from you.