[Latchkey Princess]

For a long time I blamed my mother and her side of the family for my issues with food and weight. They are almost all very heavy and very emotional eaters and almost never eat "right". And while I do still think I learned some of my not so good behaviors from my mother (like insulting myself out loud to get a compliment from my husband instead of telling him "I need you to give me a compliment, I'm feeling down") I no longer blame anyone. It would be like me blaming my father for my smoking habit I used to have. Sure, him smoking had some influence on me, but it's not his fault I lit up that first cigarette, or that I continued to light up after that.

I like this quote from a book I just finished reading...

"They [eating disorders] can be blamed upon lack of love, time, and attention; lack of security; abuse; and hundreds of other things. BUT BLAME IS NOT A HEALING INFLUENCE!"

I think one the biggest issues with the whole blame thing, is that parents feel like they should be blamed. I know as a mom if something goes wrong with my children I wonder what I did to cause it. In fact, my oldest daughter is only 2 and is off the charts as far as her weight goes, and I feel so guilty. Nevermind that I feed her healthy foods 99.9% of the time, or that she really doesn't eat more than any "normal" kid her age, I feel like its my fault. In reality she is just a muscular kid, she's not fat at all, and she's really tall for her age too. But those facts don't stop me from feeling like I should be blamed when someone says "Wow, she's big for a 2 year old! What do you feed her?" or when her doctor tells me I should journal what she eats because she's in the 120th percentile for her weight.

[Gold32]

Oh my mother is most certainly partly to blaim. When I was five and didn't know any better, she was letting me eat bowls of ice cream every day. Portioned for adults. Well, not even adults. I have not been a healthy weight since then. I truly believe this gave me a bit of a handicap or learning curve with weight loss.

It's not that she taught me wrong, she just didn't teach me the right, healthy habits. Which is her. She doesn't really believe in nutrition. She believes in eating when you want to eat, and eating what makes you happy. My brothers and sisters are "healthy" weights, but they eat cookies for dinner when they feel like, instead of a real meal. So they aren't exactly healthy. She eats plenty of fruits and veggies and a well rounded diet, but she doesn't specifically try to. It works for her.

That said, I also don't like the "blaim game." I know she is a part of my weight issues, but not all of it. No, there I blaim my husband for introducing me to large portions. Ok, I don't really blaim him, but it was another factor. I didn't realize that it was messing up my own idea for portions until it was too late, but I recognize that's my fault. "What?! You mean I can split the whole pan of Mac N' Cheese with you?! Awesome!" Thanks honey.