Every day I said, "screw it" was another couple days of being a fat, unhealthy, miserable person. Your binge on 7 pieces of pizza, 2 bowls of pasta and 3 chicken wings was enough calories for an entire family of 4. That one binge alone set you back 3-4 days. That is another 3 days of not reaching your goal. Do that again today and you are a week down. Before you know it, your time has run out and your are struggling with diabetes like your Dad wishing you would have just done it...
Can we stop conflating "fat" with "unhealthy" and "miserable"? Fat is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition for being unhealthy, miserable, ugly, stupid, out of control, or any of the other delightful adjectives we regularly attach automatically to "fat". If you, LoriBell, were miserable at X weight and are happier at Y weight, than that is wonderful for you, and I am so glad that you had the initiative to change your life. My question is, why the need for self-flagellation? I see this contradiction on this site regularly..surely, we can all agree that people of ALL sizes deserve the same regard and respect; yet so often women (and men) seem desperate to separate themselves from that former, "fatunhappymiserableself". And as a person coming to this site for support, I certainly would not see "you've already set yourself back 3-4 days" comment as helpful in any way. To me, it reads as, "you f***ed up." I don't doubt your intentions for a moment. But sometimes tough love is just... tough.
I will never believe -- and this has been borne out in my own life -- that disgust is a more powerful agent for change than positivity, self-regard, and self-kindness.
I welcome all amens, flames, arguments, and feisty comebacks
I simply started making changes. I went cold turkey on fast food, sweets and garbage foods. I didn't even have a bite. One bite for me always led to the 2nd, 3rd, and finally the whole bag. Once I started experiencing success, I just continued. I found 3FC when I was down maybe 30 pounds and just kept going. I kept reading. I kept my nutrition and activity levels going. I kept reading. I am still reading and learning. For now, it must take precedence in my life ahead of anyone or anything. Not to say I have no other responsibiities, I do. I just don't allow any of them ahead of my nutrition, sleep and exercise. In most ways, I am much more balanced now than I was before I gave myself this gift. I don't feel the need to have the best dressed kids, the prettiest house, always the room mom, etc. any more. I am just me. And you know what? That's enough!
Can we stop conflating "fat" with "unhealthy" and "miserable"? Fat is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition for being unhealthy, miserable, ugly, stupid, out of control, or any of the other delightful adjectives we regularly attach automatically to "fat". If you, LoriBell, were miserable at X weight and are happier at Y weight, than that is wonderful for you, and I am so glad that you had the initiative to change your life. My question is, why the need for self-flagellation? I see this contradiction on this site regularly..surely, we can all agree that people of ALL sizes deserve the same regard and respect; yet so often women (and men) seem desperate to separate themselves from that former, "fatunhappymiserableself". And as a person coming to this site for support, I certainly would not see "you've already set yourself back 3-4 days" comment as helpful in any way. To me, it reads as, "you f***ed up." I don't doubt your intentions for a moment. But sometimes tough love is just... tough.
I will never believe -- and this has been borne out in my own life -- that disgust is a more powerful agent for change than positivity, self-regard, and self-kindness.
I welcome all amens, flames, arguments, and feisty comebacks
One thing we are here at 3FC (unlike other sites) is brutally honest with each other. It doesn't mean we have a lack of support or that we are putting ourselves down. It just means we are honest. For me personally, denial about my obese condition and my clothes that wouldn't button kept me fat way too long. While Lori's style may not be yours, she has been through **** and back with her weight and has been tremendously successful not to mention--helpful to many members here.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 07-27-2009 at 01:37 AM.
Aw, thank you Danni *blush* I love it when my rants actually make sense.
Thighs: (Is it ok if I shorten your name that way? lol)
I share your appreciation of 3FC's honesty. It is the reason I felt I could post what I did. I was sincere in my admiration for Lori's tenacity and the knowledge she has to share. At the same time, as a person who is intimate with the self-hatred bogeyman, I think the OP probably has enough self-hatred and then some, and does not need confirmation. I guess I differentiate between brutal and helpful honesty.
Also, there are multiple ways to evaluate failure and success. Certainly caloric intake is one way, but focussing exclusively on the calorie aspect may discourage people from making other, equally important changes -- i.e., are you more successful if you eat 800 calories of Twinkies, or 1800 calories of a balanced diet, the day after a binge?
I'm tired, and having trouble expressing myself as I'd like to, so I'm sorry if this doesn't make tons of sense.
Thank you for responding with civility and a challenge
Last edited by Jewcy; 07-27-2009 at 01:49 AM.
Reason: reply to another post
Can we stop conflating "fat" with "unhealthy" and "miserable"? Fat is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition for being unhealthy, miserable, ugly, stupid, out of control, or any of the other delightful adjectives we regularly attach automatically to "fat".
I agree with you that people of all sizes deserve respect and positive self-esteem, but I also understand that for many people (including myself), being fat comes with a number of not-so-great side effects which can include feeling out of shape, unhealthy, etc. It doesn't mean that one automatically leads to the other, but to say that one feels both fat and unhealthy, or fat and miserable, may be true for that person. I think that many of us have felt that way at one time or another, and it can be cathartic to be able to say it and accept that we can change those feelings. It doesn't mean that we're pointing at other people and saying, "You're fat, so you're miserable, unhealthy, ugly, and out of control." That would indeed be brutal and unhelpful. But to acknowledge what we feel is a different story. I'm glad that someone else can come here and say, "Man, I felt horrid when I was x weight, and now that I've dropped y pounds, I feel so much better!" because it gives me hope.
I will never believe -- and this has been borne out in my own life -- that disgust is a more powerful agent for change than positivity, self-regard, and self-kindness.
Very true. Very. Very. VERY. Although *for me* I think the change came about when the two became hand in hand (the kindness, self regard, positivity AND the being miserable enough to want to make a change). There was no way around it. None. I WAS fat and being THAT fat DOES make one UNhealthy. Like a time bomb waiting to go off. It was just a matter of when disaster struck - not if. WHEN. And boy oh boy was I miserable. MISERABLE. Miserable beyond belief. And it was all directly coming from the fact that I was - fat. And when I finally realized that I didn't HAVE to be fat, that I DID indeed have control over it - that's when a change occurred for me. I wish I had only snapped out of it, realized it - earlier. I wish I had been brutally honest with myself earlier.
OMG, yes RR. Yes! Just please sign my name to your post. --Beautifully articulated as so many of your posts are.
Yes, I was miserable too. I detested shopping, I avoided mirrors, cameras, had a hard time keeping up with my kids, hated being the biggest girl in the room again!..avoided the dr. office--I knew what he would say! Healthwise I was in pain every morning and my body was being fueled with poison--my cholesterol was too high and my bp too!
Did I hate myself? No, of course not. I had lots of gifts and talents and was a good person before. But yes, I WAS miserable.
Others have mentioned it but having a goal to lose 3-4 pounds a week on the long run is not that realistic. You may lose that much in the beginning but to lose 4 pounds, you need to consume 2,000 calories less each day than what you use. I would try to target 1-2 pounds a week at most.
Originally posted by 2fat4u - I have started a journal, and even a Fitday account, i work out every day for 1 hour and i feel great afterwards, i have been calorie counting, and i eat everything i want just everything healthy. I added more vegies and fruits and now im on a 2000 calorie budget, and suprisingly when i weighed myself in the morning [ i only weigh myself in the morning] i seemed to have became 230 i didnt feel like i was loosing weight, but i did. It was very confusing to me, and i still am confused, because i havent felt like eating bad food, i wasnt hungry and i was still loosing weight. In the past i thought that hunger meant i was loosing weight, i know that loosing 5lbs in that short is really bad, and i didnt even mean it, but it just happend, i havent been depriving myself at all.
Loosing 5 lbs quickly when you first start a program is very common and not a problem as long as you don't expect to lose 5 lbs every week.
It sounds like you are on the right track and are doing great! You have come up with a reasonable plan that sounds doable for the long haul. I understand why you think that losing weight = hunger but it really does not. Eating healthily should reduce hunger pangs so it sounds like you have found the right food plan!
Isn't it great that you can lose weight and not be hungry! Celebrate, keep it up and watch those pounds disappear.
My doctor once told me that "diets don't fail, people do", it sounds a bit harsh but it really did change my outlook that I really need to stick to the plans I set up and not give up a few weeks into it. It's great that you are planning out what to do and keeping track of things 2fat4u, good for you! Every little thing you do to better your health is a MAJOR accomplishment. A large part of my "success" so far is from the support I get here. Support plays a large role in basically everything we do. So come here often, I come here daily so I don't stray.
These past few days i have been doing fine, but again being the weakling that i am, i let emotions muddle up my brain, diet, and even interfere with my excersize. Last night i had a horrible drama filled night to the point where i broke down and cried because i was so confused and just couldnt take it any more. So this morning when i woke up, i felt sick, and could only work out for 30 minutes, and i felt so bad that for dinner i ate pancakes and a hotdog. I also ate 20 crackers afterwards. :[ but tomorrow is a fresh new day, ill pick up where i left off. thanks everyone for the support !!! ♥♥♥♥
These past few days i have been doing fine, but again being the weakling that i am, i let emotions muddle up my brain, diet, and even interfere with my excersize. Last night i had a horrible drama filled night to the point where i broke down and cried because i was so confused and just couldnt take it any more. So this morning when i woke up, i felt sick, and could only work out for 30 minutes, and i felt so bad that for dinner i ate pancakes and a hotdog. I also ate 20 crackers afterwards. :[ but tomorrow is a fresh new day, ill pick up where i left off. thanks everyone for the support !!! ♥♥♥♥
I'm sorry you're going through such an emotional time. But you are not a weakling. You are stronger then you think! Stop telling yourself that you ARE a weakling. We all have our moments. You DO have strength. And lots of it. You can muster it up. It's there. Delve deep. It's there. And when you do find it, you will AMAZE yourself. It and you are worth the effort. Again, you're no weakling. None of us are perfect. Luckily, perfection is not required.
There is nothing wrong with "only" working out for 30 minutes. Nothing. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Besides, "they" say that losing weight is 80% food and 20% exercise. I think you really need to be focusing on the food aspect of this equation.
Pancakes, hot dog and crackers were not the best of choices, granted. I'm not sure where these foods are coming from, but you need to get rid of them. You need to set yourself up for success so that at the first sign of stress (or joy, anger, boredom, etc..) you don't run for "off" foods.
How about writing down every little bite that goes into your mouth BEFORE you put it in there. NO MATTER WHAT. PERIOD. The good, the bad, the ugly. You bite it, you write it.
Do you plan out your day? Write or type or something your menu for the day IN ADVANCE. And then stick to it no matter what. No wavering from it. Become accountable to yourself. Require more from yourself.
When stress does hit - find some other alternatives BESIDES food. Journal, read, take a walk, do a puzzle, sew, knit, crochet, take a hot bath, a long walk, call a friend, play a video game, clean up your room, count to 100, have a hot cup of tea, a big glass of water, polish your nails - do something - anything - just head away from the food. You must, must, MUST remember that food causes waaaay more stress then it solves. Require more from yourself. Don't settle for a quick temporary fix that brings on more problems then it eliminates.
If you MUST eat - nibble on a box of grape tomatoes, a handful of raw string beans, a sliced apple. Minimize the damage. Make sure there are always, always healthy foods around.
Yes, today IS a new day. And so is tomorrow and the day after that. Make the most of each and every day. Every and each. Get through the day any way that you can. One hour at a time. One minute at a time if need be. Tell yourself over and over again that you CAN do this, even if you think that you can't. You keep telling yourself that you CAN do it and then you start "doing it" and before you know it - not only CAN you do it - but you will be doing it.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 07-28-2009 at 07:11 AM.
Thanks everyone for the support, it was really motivational reading this. Thanks again everyone!!!
I have started a journal, and even a Fitday account, i work out every day for 1 hour and i feel great afterwards, i have been calorie counting, and i eat everything i want just everything healthy. I added more vegies and fruits and now im on a 2000 calorie budget, and suprisingly when i weighed myself in the morning [ i only weigh myself in the morning] i seemed to have became 230 i didnt feel like i was loosing weight, but i did. It was very confusing to me, and i still am confused, because i havent felt like eating bad food, i wasnt hungry and i was still loosing weight. In the past i thought that hunger meant i was loosing weight, i know that loosing 5lbs in that short is really bad, and i didnt even mean it, but it just happend, i havent been depriving myself at all.
It sounds like you're off to a great start. Eating healthy, tracking your cals, exercising, and not being to restrictive. That's a recipe for success in my book. You've got to be in it for the long haul, so you've got to have something you can live with. Don't worry about the rate you're losing. As long as you're losing that's the important thing. You ARE doing it!
