If I end up wearing the same blue sweater as everyone else because I like the sweater, is that bad?
I had a friend in high school who ... if everyone loved a book or a movie or a tv show ... would intentionally NOT watch/read them and take great pride in saying so and announcing that she was not a "mindless lemming".
Except that she never understood, that by having the automatic knee jerk negative reaction, she was being even more a "mindless lemming" - basing her decision of what to enjoy or even experience on the opinions of others.
And sadly enough she missed out on a lot of fun stuff. It took her until her mid-30s to realize (in her words, not mine) "what a stupid elitist twit I was".
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Last edited by PhotoChick; 12-12-2008 at 02:02 PM.
PhotoChick said: "I had a 1/3 of a pumpkin scone from Starbucks today and I enjoyed it so much. Before I'd have scarfed it down and hardly tasted it ... but now I'm aware of what I'm eating and I LOVE food so much more now."
You are so lucky - I haven't been able to find a pumpkin scone since Thanksgiving!
Seriously, you make some good observations, as do many of the posters to this thread. What I find significant is that your weight loss occurred due to lifestyle changes you made, rather than a conscious decision to lose weight. Your weight loss was an accidental result of positive changes you made. Congratulations! And I think you are likely to keep the weight off, so long as you maintain the positive changes you have made.
I gave up a while ago on trying to lose weight. It seemed that nothing I did made a difference and, quite honestly, I don't have the patience to count calories or exercise 1.5 to 2 hours a day, 5 to 6 times a week. That being said, I have made an effort to lead a healthy lifestyle - I exercise fairly regularly, though not vigorously all the time. We belong to a CSA so eat an abundance of fresh produce. We choose lean proteins and whole grains. But I'm still a big gal.
However, I had a pleasant surprise yesterday. I put on a pair of jeans and became alarmed because they were a bit snug. I was alarmed because the last time I wore those jeans, a week ago, they were quite loose. Had I gotten that much bigger in a week? Then I realized they were my smaller jeans and actually fit! So maybe by removing the pressure to lose weight and instead making good choices, it will happen. Slowly, but possibly. I have no idea what I weigh and don't care at this point. I'm just pretty excited that I fit into my small, formerly too-tight jeans during the holidays.
What I find significant is that your weight loss occurred due to lifestyle changes you made, rather than a conscious decision to lose weight. Your weight loss was an accidental result of positive changes you made. Congratulations!
Thanks.
But I do want to correct one thing - my weight loss was not "accidental". The changes I made in my lifestyle were intentional and with purpose. The purpose was not *at first* to lose weight, but as I saw how those changes were affecting me, I did begin to consciously tweak my diet and count my calories to continue losing weight.
I lost weight at first because of increased activity and a change in what I ate, but I was still eating too much to make much more progress ... and there was a point, after I'd lost about 15 lbs or so that I realized that if I wanted this to continue, I had to do it with awareness.
It was then that I began researching more about nutrition - not from a "diet" standpoint, but from an athlete's standpoint. I began thinking about the things my trainer told me and really investigating how food affected my body, my mood, my energy ....
If you read my blog, on my about page there is a timeline of my loss and my realizations about food and about myself. You'll see that I had to be mindful and aware of what I ate and my choice to lose weight.
I always WANTED to lose weight. I just thought I couldn't and so I kind of gave up. I figured if I could be "fit", that it'd be ok if I stayed fat.
Little did I know. And now I'm not willing to be fat any more. I want to be fit and healthy and a "normal" weight.
I always WANTED to lose weight. I just thought I couldn't and so I kind of gave up. I figured if I could be "fit", that it'd be ok if I stayed fat.
Little did I know. And now I'm not willing to be fat any more. I want to be fit and healthy and a "normal" weight.
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I have seen many a chick on these forums set goals for themselves at the very highest end of a normal BMI, because they couldn't conceive of going that far, much less lower. And then they reach that point and go on to lose 10, 20 or more pounds beyond that. The view changes and then what's possible changes
Hi.
I'm new to this forum, but not new to a topic like this, so I hope you don't mind my jumping in.
There have been a lot of excellent, though provoking things said. I just wanted to add one more.
Whenever you make a change in yourself or in in a relationship and you know the change will be significant, you need to do a little bit of grieving for that loss before you can move on.
In your case, you have the fat and fit person you know. You know how your body affects other people, you use the effect to create reactions. You have an entire identity wrapped up in this body.
The choice before you is scary. You do not know what your identity will be. (Will you become just like everyone else in your environment?) How will you relate to people now, without the "fit and fat" persona? It's all new and unknown--and it's going to take some courage (and perhaps a bit more knowledge, too, as others have suggested) to get there.
But before you can get there, you'll have to say good-bye to your fit and fat persona. You'll have to honour her properly, lovingly, and then let her go. Have a little funeral. Write her a "dear johnna" letter. Whatever. Your counselors will help you with that, I'm sure.
Great discussion. Thanks for being so honest and willing to put it out there. That takes a lot of guts.
I think another thing to consider is that you don't have to worry about the ultimate goal.
Many times part of the reason I abandoned weight loss attempts in the past was because of being intimidated by the giant scope of the goal. Even now, I'm not sure that I can see myself succeeding at getting off 200 more lbs. Maybe I can't. Maybe I won't like being "that thin." But none of that matters, because I don't have to worry about the next 200 lbs. The next 5 or 10 is good enough for me.
Weight loss isn't my primary goal anymore, and it's certainly not my only goal. I'm not willing (as I once was) to sacrifice my health to look good. I also don't see it as an all or nothing goal. My first significant weight loss, I lost 70 lbs and was 5 lbs away from my goal of 150 (I was in high school) and I was having a lot of difficulty getting any lower (even maintaining was tough) and my doctor lowered my goal to 145 - I kind of had a bit of a breakdown. It felt like the carpet had been pulled out from under me and the possibility of success had been removed (I was too young to consider that I had the option to tell the doctor to go to blazes - or even had the option to consider 155 my "goal" and call it good and continue to work on maintenance).
There are cases in which sucess or failure does have an either or accomplishment, but most of the time it's shades of gray. No matter how well you're doing, you can usually find a way to do better, and no matter how badly you're doing, you can probably find a way to do worse. At some point you may be happy with your achievements and decide to maintain, or you may decide always to try to do "just a little better."
I think too often, weight loss has been seen as black and white. You're either at your ideal weight, or you've failed. That's really stupid, when you think about it.
So don't worry about "the end," just make the short term goal. Five more pounds is not going to change who you are, is it? After you lose those, decide if you want to lose another. You do have the freedom to stop at any point, or even to "go back" if you decide you want to. If you decide "I liked being fat better," heck it'll be a lot easier to "go back," than in most areas of your life. If you quit your job and decided you liked your old job better, getting your old job back might be difficult or even impossible, -- but I'm pretty sure that if you want to "go back" to a higher weight, it'd be pretty easy to do so.
Change is sometimes intimidating. I was the first person in my family to go to college for more than one semester. I wasn't sure that I would continue to fit in with my family, and I was afraid that I wouldn't fit in with the other students (because it was a private and not a state college). And you can't "undo" an education. I went on to get my masters' degree, and had many of the same fears and some new ones. I had aunts and uncles ask my parents what on earth I was going on to school for, because women don't "need" that much schooling, and it was going to make me more unmarriageable because men don't marry a woman with more education than they have (luckily my husband was willing to break this rule, I guess).
At least with your fears of being "normal" because of your weight, you always do have the option of going back. I'm confident that you will find other ways to stand out, but the process is completely reversible, so what do you really have to lose?
My mother is one of those who doesn't want to lose weight. Not that she doesn't want to, but she's terrified of it. She's been overweight all of her life. You would think, non insulin dependant diabetic, 3 heart stints, would put the fear of God in her.
She has lost and gained over her life, but never made it to a healthy weight. She lost a bunch when the diabetes was diagnosed, put got to a certain point and started gaining again. Complained she was always cold, and was horrified to see her collar bone and her hands were just so bony.
I think for her the fat is a security blanket against the world. As long as she has it, folks won't expect much of her.
I think for her the fat is a security blanket against the world. As long as she has it, folks won't expect much of her.
OMG!! Very though provoking indeed.
I am finding that as the weight comes off, people are asking more and more of me, (including my husband ). People are calling all the time to ask me to do something for them or for a community service. I'm trying to learn the word no and unfortunately for my dh, he's usually the only one who I have the courage to say it to. Hummm, I need to get a grip on this if I want to succeed to my goal and maintenance.
My fat is a wall of protection to hide "me" from being hurt. I guess what I did was build up this wall so no one would like me, touch me, look at me, or pay any attention to me. I could then "hide" within myself and at the very least protect myself.
What bothered me though is that even though I was this huge whale running around as soon as I opened my mouth people would look at me with this odd expression on their faces because they were hearing "me," but it did not match what they saw.
I'm terrified of loosing this weight because I won't be hiding anymore. I've been fighting a very long time, my whole life!...in fact I don't know life without fighting for some kind of survival and that is the truth. What will happen to me if I put myself out there? What will happen when I see that I won't be fighting anymore? Kind of scary...
On the other hand...it is also exciting...and refreshing to knock down all these walls and emerge from my fat shell.
I am finding that as the weight comes off, people are asking more and more of me, (including my husband ). People are calling all the time to ask me to do something for them or for a community service.
That is very interesting. We often hear from 3FC-ers that they get a lot more social attention when they've lost weight. But it is so interesting that you are expected or asked to contribute more to people or causes.
There are lots of reasons to lose weight, many of them have been listed here. there is only one bad reason...which is to lose weight because others expect it of you.
It sounds as though you don't want to lose weight right now, you just believe that you "should" want to lose weight because that is the norm in society.
I too can recite the litany of ills that obesity brings over time. Bottom line is you have to want it. Its okay not to want it.
I can identify with the ambivalence. For me somehow losing weight has always implied loss. Of what, I'm not sure. But I do know that sometimes I stand in ways to make myself bigger (arms on hips) and "save my place".
I like all the things I'm getting with weight loss, but it still scares me. I find that any time I think I'm losing "too quickly" somehow I manage to put back a pound or two.
That being said, therapy is great. Figure out what you want that is not dictated by others. Wanting to defy their stereotypes is just as dictated by others as not losing weight because society tells you to do so.
I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful, thought-provoking comments. I've been working really hard to understand myself, and you've all helped.
The last week or so has been really interesting. I've bought some clothes that fit me NOW--they're not too big, and they show me off where I am NOW. My husband has been appreciative. People have noticed and commented. I've noticed that a voice that I wasn't even conscious of is silent right now--that voice that tells me that I'm doing it wrong, that I'm making the wrong choices, that I could make *better* choices if I tried harder. The peace I feel is astounding.
I'm staying away from the scale right now. I don't know when I'll be back to it. For right now, I'm enjoying the peace. I'll keep you posted.
). People are calling all the time to ask me to do something for them or for a community service. I'm trying to learn the word no and unfortunately for my dh, he's usually the only one who I have the courage to say it to. Hummm, I need to get a grip on this if I want to succeed to my goal and maintenance.
