So, it's been what.... a year and a half since these posts?
I fell off the weightloss wagon hard -- I must have knocked myself out, because I then just stayed there for the rest of 2009! Where did the year go? At least I stayed clear of the whole X-factor.
That is. Until. (is that psycho music playing???) He came back!!
So that's why I'm resurrecting this from the ghosts of posts gone past. I'm not sure what I think and seem to be going around in circles in my head. I have a theory that just like eating too much makes you unaware of what real hunger feels like, thinking too much makes you unaware of a what a really true thought or emotion feels like.
So. If you've read thru this, you know I had a superficial boyfriend who loved me, but couldn't commit unless I did dramatic weight loss and plastic surgery. We did the "break up, make up, break up, make up" thing as years went by. Then, one comment too many, I came here, found the strength thru the validation of my emotions to say NO and bring the cycle to the end. (With a little luck from Mother Nature -- he become suddenly and violently allergic to one of my new kittens!).
So. Now it's 2010. On January 2nd, who shows up, crying, on my doorstep? YES! He's made the worst mistake in his life, and he wants me for who I am, just exactly how I look, he's been stupid, I'm the best person for him. Big speech worthy of the ending climax scene of a romantic comedy. He wants to be together.
I, of course, tell him, no. We can be friends. He's gone thru a bad experience, and I'm the only one he feels he can trust and turn to (even though we've hardly spoken in 9 months). I can't leave a man to have a break-down on my steps, so he comes inside.
I'm nice, and helpful and like always, "his rock". Basically telling him to shut it, and it's not so big and important as he thinks, and to just get on with the daily business of living. He keeps repeating he should've asked me to marry him years ago.
So then. Sunday. (Yes, Valentine's Day). He shows up. Balloon. Flowers. Takes me out to our favourite restaurant. I'm thinking, this is weird. Then asking about the future. This is even weirder.
Then.
Yes. no. Yes. It's a ring. And he asks me to marry him. Declares he's had a life change epiphany, and he realizes that it's the other people in your life that make life important. He wants children now, and he wants someone to be with and grow old with, and nothing else is important. He wants that person to be me. His life is happier with me in it.
It's all very sweet, and would make women cry in a good chickflick. But... I am not crying. I'm in shock. What the h*ll was he thinking?? This wasn't even supposed to be a date! or if it was, it was a get to know you again type of date. I'm not even near saying yes. But I can't bring myself to say no. What was he thinking? I just stare at the ring, without even taking it out of the box.
It's been a year and a half since we broke up!! You don't ask your ex to marry you! Do you? I couldn't say yes or no, so I just sat there until prompted, and said I'd have to think about it. For a long time. A very long time.
Maybe I'll copy some of these posts and show him, to remind him of his past behavior. Has his epiphany changed him so much that he wouldn't revert?
I can't imagine him not reverting. Everyone reverts, don't they? You can't just change like that. Or at least if you do, you can't expect people to trust it! And it's been so long, I don't even know if I have feelings for him any longer. Although I haven't been able to muster of feelings for anyone, lately.
Sorry for the long ramble in the defunct post listing, I just had to come somewhere and say it all outloud. Friends and family will either be in the YAY GET MARRIED camp or the BOOO DUMP EMO camp, and I didn't want to start a war
I was just feeling free of him, and now it's all scrambled back up again!
And I'm at the highest weight I've been in years, 226. He's only seen me at this weight once, right at the beginning, 6-7 years ago. I guess it means something that he could propose at this weight. But I dont' know what to think.
I don't know what I think or feel, and I don't know how much to trust what he thinks and feels. He says he knew I would want to wait, but he wanted to propose and give me a ring to prove that he was serious.
It was quite funny, really. After he'd asked, and we'd talked all about it, and he told me to keep the ring anyway while I think....then the wait staff came over with a special romantic dessert and sang congratulations to us! He was like, "Yeah, congratulations, you're *not* getting married!"
)
