Veggielover-- Thanks...my sister's actually not in college (I am), she's chosen a non-academic way to live. She's unfortunately got a really addictive personality. She abuses whatever she's using. Alchohol, drugs, and now diet drugs... I think it's really more psychological for her (she's said before that she can't "deal with life" if she doesn't drink, smoke pot, etc. on a daily basis). Unfortunately, she's an adult and there's really nothing my parents or I can do. We've talked to her, expressed our concern...she's very resistant.
So, like drugs and alcohol, she's found diet pills and is abusing those, too... I'm hoping it's something she'll grow out of. She's not even very overweight--MAYBE by 10 pounds? I think she really does need professional help. But again, she's one of those people who won't listen to ANYONE--she does what she wants to. I'm hoping she'll figure it out for herself soon--she worries me (I'm the oldest child, so I'm, of course, the worrier).
Archy- My advice is to go hang out in the Maintainers Forum- do some reading in the old sticking in the Maintenance Library, take part in the current threads. They way you are living and eating to lose is pretty much what it takes to maintain. In hindsight, losing is just practice for maintaining.
I know that you'll be successful- you are tenacious, have a tremendous sense of humor and joie de vivre!
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I will keep it off because I like being healthier, I like spending less for food and clothes, I like running, I like jumping on my bed and not worrying that I will break it!
And that's why you'll be a maintainer!
I gained 65 pounds with my first child primarily because the prevailing feminist attitudes of the time (25 years ago!) were militantly against doctors who previously insisted that their patients gain no more than 15-20 pounds. After a few weeks of force feeding (and truthfully, no one exactly held a gun to my head, I just liked the idea), it became FUN to eat everything all the time. I took most of the weight off, but I'd started out far thinner than I should be. I put real weight on between kids- eating whatever, whenever will do that. Pregnancy #2 was a whole lot smarter- I continued to exercise everyday and ate scrupulously because I had gestational diabetes. 19 pounds gained with 10 pounds of it being baby boy.
You can have healthy, reasonable weight pregnancies and lose the weight again. Look at ennay! Hop over to Maintainers and you'll find moms, some very recent, who have lost the pregnancy weight and then some and kept it off.
There are always excuses, and there are also some of us who have to work at it harder; if that's the hand we are dealt...so be it.
I'd tell your younger sister that the next time she goes looking for advice, to make sure she actually wants the advice she's asking for.
And tell your older sister that AH says she lost over 100 pounds, had a baby, got back to the pre-preg weight, is 42, and is STILL 100 pounds down. So she can believe what she wants, and 10 years from now, when you're still skinny, she can keep telling herself the same lie.
Just makes me glad I've only got brothers. They've got two weight related comments, "hey you're getting fat" and "hey, you're not so fat as the last time I saw you". No ulterior motives, just simple statements of fact and they don't really care anyway.
Your first sister sounds like my former roommate! She wouldn't give up anything, find healthier alternatives, or skimp back on portions. I hear her say "I'll just have one" and then later catch her filling herself up to a balloon!
I had a roomie like that as well. You can't help them if they don't want to be helped.
Thank you everyone. I am feeling less freaked out.
I am amazed at everyone who lost the post-pregnancy weight and kept it off (AH, ennay, Mel, etc!). Kids, work, and exercise? Makes me dizzy just thinking about it!
Mel - 10 pound baby boy???
I'll be looking through the maintainers forum more, though!
Azure - I am lucky that Les is too smart to go for ephedra or the like. She is just stressed, and even though eating isn't the best mechanism and I am concerned, she has to be the one who says "that's it" and go for it.
I think she will soon enough, so far in unofficial weigh ins I've kept off the weight I lost when I was sick, so that would make me 3 pounds lighter than she. One comment from my Mom that now I'll be the skinny sister and I'm sure those Hershey bars will turn into carrot sticks!
Sis no. 1 sounds a bit clueless. I've lost almost 60 lbs & I have people asking me what my "secret" is, but don't want to be bothered with exercising or cutting portions. If it's someone I haven't had the discussion with before, I tell them what worked for me. If it's someone I know isn't going to pay attention, I nod sympathetically & change the subject.
Sis no. 2 sounds extremely jealous. Right around the time I made the decision to make some changes for myself (was shocked by a dr's office weigh in of 250), one of my then co-workers started to show the results of her Weight Watchers efforts (she lost a total of 60 or more pounds). There were several other co-workers who were overweight, including some folks supervisory/senior to me. They started making comments about her, how she probably had an eating disorder. Rather than do that, I realized if she could work out & eat better working the same schedule as me and having just as many personal issues with family as I did, what was my excuse? I realized my rationalizations were excuses and I needed to change my behavior. I noticed at about the 50lb point, 2 of the supervisors started singling me and her out for criticism. Nothing we could do was good enough. Long story, short, I eventually left that job. I get a lot of postive feedback on my work performance, which has helped enormously in restoring my confidence. And I work with 2 other people who are motivated to be fit & healthy. Just think, if the 2 supervisors had put half the energy they put into scapegoating me & my other co-worker into changing the eating & exercise habits, they'd probably be a lot happier. Living well is the best revenge in my book!
Congratulations on remaining calm, Archy, facing both a dissertation and a wedding. And best wishes for both.
Your story made me think of a comment made when I started my journey two years ago. When told I'd joined a gym, SIL told my DW "I'll give that 6 months." This from a friendly, loving person. My best guess is that my step triggered some bad feeling in her about her on again/off again dieting efforts. Now, when she sees me, she makes a supportive statement about my continued maintenance, but always adds something like, "But I just can't give up my afternoon snack."
Has anyone else found that their mere physical presence seems to put some dieters on the defensive?
Misery loves company, it's so true! I think we all know what you're going through, I have overweight family members and friends who have made me feel like you're feeling. When I got pregnant with my first baby and was 140 lbs at the time one of my friends said to me, "You're pregnant, you're going to get HUGE!" Wow, thanks! Well, guess what, I did get huge, I gained 60lbs and lost every pound of it by the time my boy was 15 months old, then I got pregnant again and I'm 7lbs away from goal and he's 17 months old. So it is very very possible to lose pregnancy weight. By the way, that friend that told me I was going to get huge is pregnant, she called and told me the other day and I said to her, "you're going to be the cutest pregnant woman."
Archy
I am sorry you are not getting the support you need. You are doing it the right way. Changing the way you think about, look at and eat food. These changes stay with us a life time. That is why we don't diet.
As far as babies. With my first I gained 11lbs, with my second 8lbs. I weighed exactly the same before i got preggy as I did when I left the hospital with my baby's 120lbs. A person does not have to gain a lot of weight. Some woman do some woman don't.
The weight I have to take off was caused by lots of meds from being sick for so many years. My children had to have been at least 9 or 10 and 13 or 14 before this weight started happening. Having children does not = gaining tons of weight that will haunt you all your life.
My sister has to tip the scale at 300. Unfortunately she went right back to her old eating habits once she got to her goal weight. One time I remember her getting down to 105 or something like that. Wore a size 3. Sure smaller than I was lol.
She hadn't seen me in a long time. When she did she was so surprised, " my gosh you look like a butter ball she said ". I called her the other day and told her I have lost 22lbs. You would have thought she lost it herself. She was so excited for me.
I asked her if she wanted to do this with me. She said na, to much work.
Last edited by Shy Moment; 10-04-2007 at 09:25 PM.
Congratulations on remaining calm
