[CousinRockingChair]

Yeah....

This IS NOT a politically correct view, but I think she looks gross. I don't think Fat Is Okay. *A bit wobbly but in healthy range*, fine.

I don't think everyone should be a size 0.

I don't think everyone should look like an Adonis.

If I have any excess fat, its going. My personality is not fat, and I won't have it on my body giving the world a false impression...I know that makes no sense.

[rockinrobin]

When I first saw the title of this thread, I thought by "owning" my fat, that it was meant, did I take responsibility for it. Well, yes, I take responsibility for each and every pound that I had on me. I was totally and completely to "blame" for my being so heavy. But clearly, that's not what the title meant.

Did I OWN my fat as in embrace it - nope. There was no embracing the fat for me. Maybe had I been at a smaller level of overweight, but at 287 lbs, there could be no acceptance and no finding any good in my fat. Doing so, for me, would mean being in denial. And there's no denying it, that being so overweight is just plain old unhealthy. An unhealthy that didn't have to be. And I would find it next to impossible to embrace the health risks that I was putting myself at. It was not about looks for me, it was about good health, and at 287 lbs, I couldn't separate the two.

[NightengaleShane]

Colleen, you've made some very interesting observations in regards to the fact that (heterosexual) men especially are drawn to the conventional proportions, even if they're chubby chasers! You are also very right that most men have one type they are attracted to, and that they rarely stray from it. However, I've noticed something else amusing:

I'm not most men's "conventional type" - men down here are attracted to long hair, and I always have mine short and wild. Men down here seem to gravitate towards the conservative look, and I'm anything but. (Men up in DC are a whole 'nother story - it's amazing what people's regional preferences are!) While saying this, I've been told time and time again that I'm everyone's exception, and I believe it goes back to what you said - I still have the proportions they like - large breasts, child bearing hips, and a flat stomach, the very delicate facial features, the soft jawline, and full lips. I think it's something heterosexual men are intuitively drawn to, no matter what their superficial "type" may be.

On a homosexual note, I've observed the gender-type rule for some people. On any gay personals site, they usually ask you this question: are you butch, femme, androgynous, or all over the map? and ask you what your preference is in a partner. my girlfriend, for instance, is not attracted to extremely feminine women (long hair, loooots of make-up, dresses all the time, etc), nor is she attracted to skinny women or those thinner than herself. She likes 'em with meat on their bones - that doesn't mean fat - she doesn't like obese people, either... just average, athetic/muscular, and a few extra pounds.

I'm bisexual and I don't have a type. Honestly. I'm attracted to masculine men; I'm attracted to feminine men; I'm attracted to feminine women and androgynous women, though not extremely masculine ones; sometimes I'm even attracted to those who call themselves genderqueer or those who are trans! I've always said that if I had to narrow it down, my type is called "HOT"! For me, "hot" comes in many different varieties.

CousinRockingChair: who said you had to be PC? I'm probably one of the least PC people on this earth. We all have our own opinions and shouldn't be afraid to voice them. Agree to disagree, you know? I personally think it's amazing that she is capable of owning her fat, that she is somewhat attractive, but I would definitely not want my body looking like hers - I was miserable enough at 175.

[SoulBliss]

Originally Posted by CousinRockingChair

Yeah....

This IS NOT a politically correct view, but I think she looks gross. I don't think Fat Is Okay. *A bit wobbly but in healthy range*, fine.

How do you handle seeing people here on this site where many look like her or bigger? It must be hard for you to be continually "grossed out".

[JayEll]

Hey Folks,

I'd like to see us limit this discussion to the question at hand and NOT get into what we think of the sizes of other people! Think for a minute about other members before you make statements about who's gross... That said, I believe that CousinRockingChair was talking about that one photo of the singer in her underwear. I think many members would agree that it is not an attractive photo--not because of her size, but because of the overall context.

The topic at hand is whether you have "owned your fat," which NightengaleShane defined (I think ) as whether you have ever been OK with being overweight and/or obese, like the singer in question.

I'd like to add some of my perspective--which is, my body is never going to look like that of a 20-year-old. This is just life. And after a point, the main concern does seem to shift--at least, it did for me--from how to look hot to how to be healthy. That last one is the more important issue, IMO.

Jay

[NightengaleShane]

Yeah, I think CRC was referring to the shirtless picture also.

I don't think it's gross; I think it's beautiful that she is that body positive. My only concern would be her health - being at that size can't be healthy forever... can it? Maybe I'm wrong.

[JayEll]

Originally Posted by NightengaleShane

My only concern would be her health - being at that size can't be healthy forever... can it? Maybe I'm wrong.

It totally depends on other factors. If she is working out, being physically active, eating proper nutrients (along with ranch dressing ) then she may be healthy as well as overweight. Again, I use football players as a comparison. The difficulty is that it becomes increasingly hard to stay fit as a person becomes older and more overweight.

I sometimes carry around a 20 pounds weight in each hand, just to remind myself what it was like to be overweight. I can't believe that I did that all the time, 24/7. No wonder just walking was a strain!

Jay

[NightengaleShane]

She is a rock star, so I'm sure she is, to some degree, physically active. She dances around on stage and works up a sweat. Performing really does burn some calories. She may even eat a balanced diet. But in order to maintain that size, wouldn't she need to consume a pretty large number of calories, unless she has a medical condition like hypothyroid? Football players often have BMI's wayyyy above "normal" BUT they are usually VERY muscular, just like heavyweight wrestlers.

While making this observation, she looks and seems healthy despite her weight. However, I imagine that I, too, looked and seemed healthy at my highest weight, and I know I wasn't.

[rockinrobin]

How people look to us is simply a matter of opinion. And that of course will vary tremendously.

Regardless of wheter Beth is overweight or not, physically active or not - what about her blood pressure, her blood sugar levels, her cholesterol levels? That's what concerns me.

And let's not forget there are plenty of "thin" people with high cholesterol, BP and diabetes.

Each person is an individual case. But IMO, one stands a much better chance of good health at a non-obese weight.

[nylisa]

Interesting topic! I don't necessarily embrace my fat, but I figure to lose it in a healthy way where it's going to stay off, it's going to take awhile & no point in hating myself during the process. It took me quite awhile to get there. While I don't buy a whole new wardrobe every time I go down a size, I do buy a work outfit for any presentations I have to do and a going out outfit. I try to get manicures/pedicures on a regular basis & wear flattering colors in clothes/makeup.

I'm not really 100% happy with how I look right now, but I'm not putting my life on hold. I participate in online dating, I will find a swimsuit, which if not flattering, at least provides good coverage. I'm not going to sit out the dating pool or the literal pool (or ocean) just because I'm not at goal yet.

I think what counts more than a scale is BMI, blood pressure & cholesterol readings. As long as those are fine, people should just accept themselves.

[Shy Moment]

nylisa/robin
I to agree with you. When I dropped my colestoral down from, don't remember at the moment, 255 I think to 205. It was a happy day.

[veggielover]

Originally Posted by SoulBliss

Alicia Silverstone is CURVY Just reinforcing your statement that perceptions are as different as we all are!

have you seen the latest Peta commercial? I mean, I guess curvy to most people is above a size 8 but I think her coke bottle figure speaks for itself. I know this- she's not the slightest bit thin in my book.

Edit: Because of Cousin's post, I'm going to have to just say that this is my own opinion and everyone's entitled to their own. I wouldn't be offended if anyone disagreed. Beth Ditto is in a band where she causes the ruckus in part for her appearence. This is not new, as pop or sub-pop culture appeals by looks more often then not. When we are talking about OWNING our fat, this is almost like a psychological stage when we're okay with the excess fat we have? I've never appreciated it, always despised it but I never wanted to be UNHEALTHY. I mean, I think Beth Ditto completely supported the weight thing so much as to be unhealthy for it in an very health conscious era we have here; obviously because it makes her to be such a rebel in the music industry. She truly owns her fat. I just really OWN myself.

Originally Posted by kaplods

When the professor said that people generally hook up with someone of relatively equivalent status physically and socially, but that it wasn't because we go looking for people of within our "leagues." Rather, we try to hook up with the best we can get, and it's only because the people out of our league aren't willing to hook up with us, and we're not willing to hook up with people too far beneath us, that we end up with someone of equivalent value.

I did point out that most people only date people who share common interests and such, and his answer was that we don't even go looking among those "out of our league" very often, because we instinctively know "the rules."

WOW. There's a class on this? Thats amazing! Because I often pondered the SAME thing and people constantly deny it!! I know men and women who constantly look at the "best" of their league, and hardlu ever consider the lower. Some of them do consider their equivalents, but mostly prefer the cream of the crop...

[CousinRockingChair]

Precisely.

I am not grossed out by a fat person in everyday life wearing clothes. I do NOT want to see an obese woman's flesh on show though. Seeing avatars etc on here is nothing like seeing Ms Ditto's flashing of self..

Emily
xxx

[SoulBliss]

Originally Posted by veggielover

have you seen the latest Peta commercial? I mean, I guess curvy to most people is above a size 8 but I think her coke bottle figure speaks for itself. I know this- she's not the slightest bit thin in my book.

I have, and I still maintain she is thin in my opinion. Thin, not compared to me or even the "average" woman, just "thin" as n not having a lot of excess deposits of flesh. Not trying to argue, just maintaining that perspectives are different!

[JayEll]

Once again, please--let's not allow the discussion to get into who is thin and who is not, whether someone is attractive or gross, and so forth. Let's talk about ourselves and our own bodies, please.

Jay