Hey staciec,

OK, hon, you're not trying to kill yourself. I just wanted to wake you up to the fact that you could end up dead, not meaning to get there.

Rozerem is a sleeping pill--you're not supposed to take it at any other time except right before you go to bed. So you've been misusing it.

I am so glad that you are trying not to use and are going to put off getting the refill! That is a great step.

Don't be afraid to go to an AA or NA meeting by yourself--get a friend if you can, but the best thing would be to call the central office and see if they can find someone to meet you at a meeting so you won't feel like you're all alone walking in. And when you get there, all you have to do is listen. No pressure.

Jay

JayEll,
Thank you. I know thats whats going to happen if I dont stop. Rozerem is what the specialist gave me to help me go to sleep once I Got out of rehab. I went to rehab for xantax. I think rozerem wasnt supposed to be addicting, thats probaly why he gave it to me.

I know that if you call AA, they will get someone to go with you. I think NA is probably the same, but by all means, get a friend to go with you if s/he is available. None of this is easy, but it is way better with help from a group. Keep on keepin' on, Stacie!

Well, I am here to assist me in my new life journey, so I might as well fess up.I am an ex heavy smoker, which is great, I just dont crave them anymore much.My prblem that I deal with every day is an addiction to heavy painkillers. I was prescribed Oxycontin and immediately was hooked, and have to fight that urge every single day. I am clean right now, and I know I can't go back to those pills, but there isnt a minute that doesn't go by, that I dont think...."ahhhh I wish....".I have chronic back spasms and cervical vertebra displacement in my neck which has had me on painkillers for about 8 years, but never was I so addicted to anything, as I am oxy. I am an addict. Every day is a struggle. So, every day I take one step at a time, and I do catch myself thinking...."maybe if I take just one, I can get thru the next 12 hours..." and I immediately stop myself, because it is that thinking that got me where I am now. A food addiction, is no different. One day at a time. My two cents.

eander5696,

Jay

Thank you ladies for all the support..
Unfortnuatly Ive turned back to xantax and alchol. I basically only drink when I dont have pills. I think my problem is that I KNOW I need to stop, but a part of me doesnt want to because they make me happy. And right now thats the only thing I can find that makes me happy. I know I have a problem. I just get so down about this but I just cant quit. I dont have willpower. I like being happy. Im ssorry right now im just at a lost of words right now.

Hi Stacie! I know exactly how you feel.I wanted to ask you, are you talking about the zantax they prescribe for depression? Or did you mean to type zanax? Right now, Im on Paxil 40 mg/day for Panic Disorder and depression and OCD, and Zanax as needed for panic attacks. I have an oxycontin addiction Im trying to beat also. All I can say is, been there, and its a hard battle to beat. I fight it everyday. Never goes away. I can hear the sadness in your typing, and the disappointment you have in yourself. If you keep trying, then you haven't failed. Don't beat up on yourself, its not an easy thing to overcome. I still haven't overcome it, would just LOVE to get my hands on some oxy, but I *know* I can't do that. One day at a time. Take care ~

I take xantax, the kind they prescribe for GAD. I dont think I started to have anxiety until I was hooked on xantax. I took them for a party drug, now I cant stop. My doctor has giving me bunches of stuff to try like lexapro, buspirone, paxil. But I just refuse. I just want the xantax. She even wants to switch me to klonopin. She says its just like xantax but with a longer affect. She wont take me off the xantax so shes trying to give me something else. If I go off of them theres the chance of major withdrawal and seizures.

Addiction is very hard to overcome. I struggle everyday of my life with it. I lost alot because of it. Friends, money, self respect and people just dont trust me. This makes me feel horrible, but I cant help it. I wish I could. It just makes me so sad that it has became this bad.

to everyone struggling with addiction. It's awful.

My whole family used to be addicted to something. My mom had her nerve pills, my dad had his bourbon, the rest of the family had painkillers. Some even had crack back when it was fashionable, and meth now.

My mom died addicted to her stuff (not from it) and my dad gave up alcohol 20 years ago, cigarettes one month ago. The rest of my family who knows.

But back to the point, I know addiction runs in my genes. I attribute my dad to breaking the alcoholism in our family. He actually taught me how to drink. Does that sound crazy?

He taught me that drinking is for special occasions, you should never drink and drive, you should never mix liquor, you should never be around boys and drink a lot, you should never keep drinking after you feel tipsy. He taught me all this stuff even before I was old enough to be curious.

When I did get curious at around age 16 (I'm a late bloomer) he bought me my first drink. I was like oh okay, this stuff is nasty. I don't know why everyone makes a big deal of it. Because my dad wasn't super strict like NO ALCOHOL EVER OR I WILL KILL YOU like some parents are, I wasn't so tempted to rebel and try it. At all. Thanks to that I've never been drunk, I've never put myself in a dumb situation, never thought drinking was "cool."

Being a late bloomer also let me see what weed does to a lot of people, and that you can be addicted to that and lose all ambition. So I did that few times and realized how dumb it would be misuse the stuff. I still believe it's a plant with a purpose, and should be used along the same lines as alcohol. Carefully if at all.

My problem has always been pills, I'm from West Virginia and Drs. give the stuff out like candy. Scrape your knee? Here's some Perc. Trouble falling asleep? Here's some Valium. It's such a sad situation. People who really need it are suffering.

I used to use caffeine pills to stay awake and prescription sleeping pills to come down. I'd take 10 caff pills per day, 5 sleeping pills. On top of that I became addicted to hydrocodone because the boy I was in love with was selling it. 5 or 6 of those a day, just so I wouldn't get headaches and could sleep. Looking back, thank God I was fat. I was only 15 at the time.

But a few years ago I saw my friends going to jail, I saw people turn into junkies doing sexual things on the street for stuff, and I realized how dumb I was being. I didn't have to be like every dumb kid out there. So I quit and it hurt but I got over. Haven't done pills since.

My only addiction now is food. I honestly believe I use food the way I used all the other things. In fact my Friday night routine was hydros, sleeping pills, Ben and Jerry, pizza, and soda. Bump and eat til your numb.

And that's the problem. stacie, the pills and alcohol don't make you happy. You think it's happy because the discomfort is lessened--from withdrawal if nothing else. But that's not happy. It's numb.

mom2fivesweeties, AA doesn't tell you why you drink, other than "because you are an alcoholic." AA focuses on how not to drink. You might give it another try if you need some support.

I recently had an experience with the girlfriend of my handyman, who walked right into my house and took pills right out of my bathroom while I was right outside the door. It is no wonder no one trusts addicts--why would they?

Addiction causes ripples that spread through every aspect of life. stacie, you ought to tell your doctor about your alcohol consumption. You may need more treatment that the doctor is aware of.

Jay