Hey carolva! It definitely sounds like he was jealous, that he thinks your going elsewhere than the gym. So it doesnt sound like an issue of working out or even being away from home, but more an issue that he doesn't fully believe that you went to the gym.

Does he work out? Do y'all have kids? If no, I'd personally tell him he's welcome to go the gym with me but I do need to go and I AM going. If he doesn't believe that I'm going, he can drop me off there and pick me up. LOL.

I have similar problems with DH, but with us its more about me being away from home and the baby, i.e. leaving him on his own to watch the baby LOL all those diapers by himself and no time to even take a cigarette break in the office because I'm not there to help out with the baby.

My solution was to get a gym quality elliptical machine so I really enjoy working out from home. Last night I was going to forgo my plan of working out because things got busy when I got home. But at 9pm I told DH I need some downtime, and I found myself sitting alone in my room relaxing when I thought "why not, lemme hop on that thing and burn a few hundred calories while I have the chance!" and I hopped on there for 25 minutes..burnt 200 calories more that I was able to add to my meager 200 calorie deficit, for a better total calorie deficit of 400!

Thanks everyone!
I dont think he believed me. He said something to the extent "I will leave at 8 pm some nights to see how you like it!" I was like, do whatever you want, I am not your mother you are not a child. You are free to go wherever.
I always believe my DH is way too dependent on me. It was not like that before. It makes me feel really guilty. But I am not going to stop because of him, I am not doing anything wrong.

Although I he has never said it, I get the impression sometimes from my husband that once I get to my goal weight I will just be too fabulous for him and I will leave and run off with some Italian male supermodel who owns homes on both coasts. It is so ridiculous. When I talk to him about it I try to make it all about him, I want to be more attractive for you, I want to be healthy and live a long life with you, etc, etc.

I know.... I believe he thinks I see people at the gym. But I barely have friends, I am always home, the only thing that I do without him is the gym :(
Men can be like kids sometimes :(

WOW! Sounds like we're married to the same guy!!! DH thinks I'm going to get a new man once I've hit my goal. Yah right, one's enough! Forget about the gym! Won't even bring it up! Thank God we have a pool. Sheesh.

Does he not realize that if you eat right and exercise now, you'll be around for a LOT longer? Why would he not be happy to give up an hour here and an hour there of your time in exchange for many, many years later on? He'd rather have you overweight, miserable and unhealthy so long as you're there to make his dinner?

Just a few things to think about. ;)

at least your home before the gym

i go to the gym every night directly from work and most weekend mornings. I just started this so i'm sure hubby will be cranky now and then.

some days i kiss hubby goodbye at 6 am and don't see him till 8 pm or later... oh well...

don't allow him to make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself. If he's that childish and insecure he has to deal with it.

Do you guys have seperate interests at all. My DH and I have totally seperate lives. he's in to racing and is gone most weekends... I have to trust that he's racing and not just telling me he is... I have no proof...

sad that your hubby is so insecure that he doesn't trust you.

And honestly I dont give him any reason to be.

of course you don't. Jealousy is an emotion rooted totally in lack of self-esteem and insecurity. It basically says he thinks you are awesome. Esp. if this is new behavior. I'm very afraid as I get more and more mainstream in size my hubby is going to have issues with my going to the gym and eating right... he likes big women.

for you, maybe you can ask him why he's so bothered by it...? I feel bad that your stressed over something like this.

I do feel for you.. I couldnt imagine someone getting so distraught over going to the gym. You shouldnt *have* to make him feel better about the situation or *prove* to him that you are going where you are going. I know personally if my "almost DH" ever said anything, I would look at him like he were insane.. he knows better though. I guess the difference is its something that I have done long before I met him. He works out too though.. so to *us* its normal to go to the gym for an hour or two. Im about to move back into his house here in a couple weeks and I have to give up my gym membership here because there isnt one down in Savannah, and he was like.. "I will help you look for a gym around here ( his gym is on a military base so I cant go) dont worry we will get you one" Jealousy in relationships is not something I have ever tolerated well. I always feel like those who dont trust, cannot be trusted. So you just need to take him with a grain of salt, and say hey.. this is what I am doing.. if you dont believe me.. Im sorry.. and why wouldnt you believe me? Does he have control issues?

I wouldnt be sad...I would be MAD

Make sure he knows where you are going ahead of time next time and if he gives you grief, then it is time for a serious talk.

My ex husband was like that. He wanted me to lose weight because he didn't like fat women. But when i joined the gym, he didn't like that i wasn't home to cook dinner 3 nights a week and he had to watch the baby. But he wanted me to lose weight. talk about double standards.

my boyfriend loves for me to go to the gym. he likes the fact that i want to lose weight and supports me. when i complain about wanting to see him, he tells me i can see him after the gym...it's only an hour. and i go to a co-op gym, so it's good to know that he's not afraid i'll pick up some other guy. I go to the gym, get a good workout and tell him how great i feel. I love it!!!

I'm going to jump into this thread... I am sorry you are having a difficult time, but I'm going to comment on the other side of this issue.

Ladybugnessa is absolutely right. When my husband was going to the gym (and I was not - and still do not) it represented for me a rejection of everything about me. My insecurity and total lack of self-esteem made my brain work something like this: "If that's what he likes, and what he wants, then he does not like or want me." and "All women who go to gyms must be self-absorbed in their looks, and thus attractive; I am NOT attractive, so he must go there to look at attractive women."

It is not easy for me to type these things. I cried every single time he left the house for the gym. I hated him going. I hated myself.

My husband eventually stopped going to the gym, and (rightly) blamed me. [I should add here that for a while, we went to the gym together, but at a time that suited him, and not me... as a result, we wouldn't get home until 10pm, and then head for bed. I hated it that he considered our time at the gym 'time together' - it wasn't what *I* wanted.]

I have to say - if he went to the gym now, I honestly wouldn't care. I was so dependent on him (read: clingy, desperate and emotional) that I couldn't bear for him to be away from me, doing something for himself. I hope I haven't put him off gyms completely - I don't think so, as he has started talking about joining again. I hope he does.

I just wanted to tell the other side. I hope your husband loves HIMSELF enough to let you go to the gym - or anywhere else you reasonably want to go :) Thanks for the thread - this has been like therapy. How much do I owe you? ;)

Heather :)

Mine isn't.. but he goes to gym five days a week before work. I think that I'm the jealous one, that he GETS to go. Unfortunately, I really can't go too often because of his schedule (he isn't home until 8 or 9 pm).. and I work from home, and balance that with our 2 1/2 year old daughter. By the time I finish my work, do the dinner/bath/bed thing.. clean, get ready for the next day, etc... I want to go to bed! That is why I am trying to incorporate walking into my daily schedule.. and I am really trying hard to go to the gym when I CAN go (Sun, Tues, Wed).

Thanks everyone... I will let you know how the chat went