Hiya, I'm in London and new to 3FC and generally just been reading the posts which I find hugely encouraging and contain so many helpful tips. I will also be posting in the UK FatChicks thread, but thought for now I would introduce myself. I am new to support forums, but after reading all the various posts and blogs on 3FC have come to understand it can be quite positive and cathartic to share with others who are going through the same struggle. That’s a real revelation to me.

MY STORY…
I think my big issue is the nutrition side of things, like most people, I have an idea what I should be eating, how much and how often, but not able to stick with it for a prolonged period either because I get fed up or life gets in the way and I use tons of excuses. I lost quite a bit of weight between 2005 and 2006, but because I had such a big issue with using a scale (I didn't want to face how much I actually weighed), I don't quite know how small I got, but I started at 101kgs and ended up somewhere around 85kgs. The reason I stopped and started to gain the weight was because I realised that my main impetus for the weight loss was a MAN. Couldn’t believe it because I am supposedly intelligent and know better…but, basically, he was my first love who met me when I was quite young and slim – I didn’t have any weight issues as a child or teenager. Over the 4 yrs we went out (from about aged 18 – 22) I gradually went from around 135 to 155/160lbs, and of course he commented. It wasn’t favourable. Although my weight gain wasn’t the reason, we split eventually split up but remained in touch off and on over the years (he is based in Florida and I am now in London) We got back in touch about 3 ½ yrs ago and although I really wanted to start losing weight (I was around 220lbs or so by then) I wanted to prove to myself (but mostly him) how much weight I lost and that I could be that slim sexy gal from way back then. The big reunion in July 2006 was a big FLOP. We had both built up such unreasonable expectations, thought we were gonna get married, he would move to London, have kids and live happily ever after. Although I had indeed lost somewhere around 40lbs and the results of my weight loss were clearly visible, it wasn’t enough for him. He told me that although I was very pretty, I could still lose more weight. My response: I worked out constantly for 3 weeks (every day except weekends) surviving on HydroxyCut Hardcore, jerk chicken and salads. I thought “I would show him”. Yes, I did lose another 10lbs or so, but eventually returned to London understanding why my thinking was wrong on so many levels. And that he was SO wrong for me. To cut a long story short, I started to gradually put the weight back on (I was still exercising but nowhere near as intensely), and eat the foods I had worked so hard to eliminate or cut back on.

PART 2: THINGS I LEARNED…
By early to mid 2008, I was right back where I was in 2005. After enjoying over a year of compliments on how much weight I had lost, I got lazy, complacent and ultimately miserable. I must say though, I did pick up some good habits from my initial weight loss journey from back in 2005/2006:
1. I cut waaaaay back on sugar, fruit juices, white wine etc
2. Cut back on simple carbohydrates (White bread, white pasta etc)
3. Learned to ‘enjoy’ running
4. I CAN work out regularly – there are relatively few reasons for NOT working out which are actually valid (too busy, too tired, bad day, no time)

CHALLENGES…
Obviously, however, all the things I learned DIDN’T stick , which is one of the reasons I’m back to where I started. I have a few specific challenges/issues which some of you may or may not share:
1. I have a ‘treat’ mentality – if I have a good day food wise, I believe I should be ‘entitled’ to treat myself. I know this is OK from time to time, but for me this became too frequent! I need to learn how to eat a meal and be satisfied.
2. Eating/snacking in front of the television after work – I once tried eating at my dining table with the TV off and it actually does work – I just need to do this more often
3. Binging – I live on my own so I don’t have any real ‘accountability’ to anyone but myself
4. LOVE good food (I guess we all do ); good wines and cheeses, ‘proper’ Caribbean food (rice and peas, jerk chicken, hardough bread etc)
5. I HATE weighing myself or knowing how heavy I really am, and really get discouraged when I have weeks where there is NO or very little weight loss. It is also for this reason I HATE going to my GP. Therefore, even when I was losing weight back in 2005/2006, I asked my PT not to tell me my actual weight, but just tell me how much I was losing by. I do know all the reasons why we shouldn’t weigh ourselves too often, and I concur, but I was/am simply in denial. One thing I have noticed with all the members of 3FC is that people display their weights. I know it can’t be easy, but it is one of the best ways (I have come to understand) to chart progress. Therefore, if I do have a bad week because perhaps I know I’ve gone slightly off course, I can be accountable for that and make changes where necessary/appropriate.
6. I am an emotional eater. Seriously. I used to hear/read about people saying this but didn’t realise I was exactly the same. For example, I was really pissed off after my fitness camp last night because the instructor just kept shouting at me (so it seemed) and didn’t seem to recognise when I am working hard. Plus, I have had a cold this week and dragged myself there even though I was coughing quite a lot. I know I just need to suck it up and get over myself because I need to lose the weight; not him, but it made me cross so for the first time in about 4 months I ordered a pizza, dough balls, toffee/apple cake and diet pepsi. I instantly regretted it the minute the delivery man came to my door (no doubt assuming he was delivering for a group of people – it was a LARGE pizza ) but ate some of the food anyway. Well, half way through I realised it didn’t taste that good anyway and stopped because I was full. I only had about 4 slices. I threw away the rest of the food but kept the diet pepsi and ate some of the toffee cake. Destructive behaviour really. And I was disgusted with myself but pleased I had the good sense to ditch the rest of the food. All because I was feeling a little sorry for myself.

PART 3: WHERE I AM NOW & CHANGES I HAVE MADE…
So…in December last year, I said ENOUGH. I need to do better. I was disgusted with myself. I had tried running off and on during the year but never kept it up more than a couple weeks or so (but at least it was good to know I was still capable of running at a decent speed ). I thought I would start by tackling one of my first ‘issues’: weighing myself to understand where I was starting from and to at least have a way of charting my progress. I was shocked. I am as heavy as I was when I started in 2005: 102.3kgs [225lbs]. Wow. That hurt. And I was a bit disgusted with myself. But it wasn’t nearly as traumatic as I thought it would be. I decided to make the following changes and/or try these new things:
1. I now get off the bus about 4 stops earlier and walk to the office. I LOVE my high heels (being fat means I hate clothes shopping but LOVE buying shoes – for me this was one of the few aspects of my femininity I could really control and had left…so donning sneakers with my work suit was tough, but I got over it)
2. I joined a gym close to the office and started going approx 2- 3 times per week
3. Also joined a ‘fitness boot camp’ at my local park. We meet 3 x per week (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and it is generally ****, but hopefully will give me an added boost. I started on Friday 23 January and we have so far completed 7 of 12 sessions.

4. Running 5k on Saturday or Sundays [although I have halted this whilst boot camp is ongoing]

5. I use scales at home to measure quantities

6. Starting a food journal next week

7. I started a one week meal plan yesterday. Took me about 3hrs to plan! But, one of my challenges is that I often get home from work FAMISHED and tend to pick on whatever’s in the fridge cupboard BEFORE I actually eat my dinner. So, although I generally eat quite well…I have been reading that most successful ‘losers’ plan their meals to some degree. I am feeling quite positive about doing that, and will be heading to the supermarket between today and tomorrow to do the shopping for this. If I can work out how to upload my meal plan, I will share with everyone. Any comments/suggestions would be gratefully received although please bear in mind I am based in the UK so won’t be able to get some of the excellent food products you have available in the US!

8. Ordered the BodyBugg from Ebay – am really excited about this piece of kit, although I am a self confessed ‘gadget gal’, from all that I have read, it is possibly the one thing I need to assist me in being accountable for each thing I put into my mouth. This is also why I am starting the food journal because I realise the BB doesn’t work nearly as well as it should unless you are honest about what you have eaten. That is a huge new step for me, but one I believe I really need to take on board.

So…sorry for the extra long post, but it has been really good for me to share all of this with you and be really honest about my struggle with losing weight. Perhaps some of you will recognise similar habits or challenges. I next weigh in on Monday 9 February and I am actually very anxious for the reasons I have mentioned above. I am nervous that I have not done enough and occasional bad days (for example I binged on pizza and diet pizza last night – see above under ‘challenges’ heading) will completely undermine any progress whatsoever.

I will be in touch to let everyone know how I’ve done. When I last weighed myself on 5 January 2009 (one week after my initial weigh in), I was down 2 lbs or so – just under 223lbs. I have been working out 2 – 3 x per week since then and eating sensibly; but with no real gauge as to calories eaten – although in the W/C 19 January and 26 January my calories were quite low.
Thanks again for reading this extra long post. I look forward to sharing my journey with all of you.

first off, you've done an amazing job at identifying what your issues are. i think a lot of us fail because we don'tk now that so well done!

a food diary will certainly help you. i'm terrible with mine and haven't done it for 2 weeks and am sure i didn't lose (my regular weigh in classes are off cos of snow) so i'm dreading this morning (weigh in day!).

good luck and keep us all posted.

Hi Anastasia,

Thank you so much for that - I suppose I figured some of these things out over time. And yes, I am afraid I will completely go off track with my food diary!

Your progress has been amazin so far though - well done! So I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised when you weigh in.

I'm off to another fitness camp class today @ 3pm...I must say, they are really OK once I get started but I do feel pretty good once I am finished. But the instructor is slightly starting to get on my nerves...I'm sure I'm just feeling sorry for myself tho'

Keep up the great work. x

I wish I was half as honest with myself - and capable of analysing the whole thing - as you are! Kudos to you. Like you, I lost a lot of weight in 2005 - then my dad died and I have definitely had to finally face the fact I'm an emotional eater. My mum died when I was a child so dad was like both parents to me. He'd been so proud of my weight loss too!

I haven't regained it all, and oddly only gained one dress size - but have gained about half the weight back. I dunno how that works.

Sounds like we've reached the same point at the same time.

The fitness boot camp sounds tough as ****! I don't think I'm up to that emotionally or physically so you're coming from a place of strength, there. I also got into running in 2005 - never at much speed or pace but enough to help with the weight loss, and I did a couch potato - 5K programme I found on www.girslruntoo.co.uk and last eyar did the Race For Life although I didn't train as hard as I should (nowhere near) was still grieving really and shouldn't have done it. It was such a miserable experience it took me right off course again!

You're already at 5K - I have started the fitness side again and reckon I could only do that in intervals right now. But it doesn't seem to take long to regain fitness, if you once had it!

I think your post will inspire and help a lot of people here - some embark of just wanting to get thin, without thinking about the health aspect or the 'whys' - and to ignore the why is to get yourself back there and some.

Deconstructing the whys (and not with a half ased counsellor but doing it in depth, yourself or with someone properly qualified) has got to be more important than the actual way you get to your goal.

I don't weigh myself (although the Wii Fit weighs me if you're a gadget fan you might have fun with that!) it was way too destructive of my plan - but I measure or just see what I can fit back into, check out my recovery rate, etc and that's how I gauge it, now. I wouldn't feel you have to have a weight goal or ticker here (or in your head!) if that's negative for you.

Can't remember when I last saw an intro here with more insight. It's certainly going to help me figure out my 'issues', too. So thanks! And welcome!

Well done you, look forward to hearing how things go for you. I used this site regularly for over a year, then kind of slipped out of things. I lost about 5 and half stone and i've regained about a stone.

The emotional eating thing also struck a chord with me also, on New Year's Day this year my father sadly passed away, he was my absolute everything and I struggle every single day as the loss is so great to me. From day the died to the funeral I couldn't eat a thing, but the day we buried him I ate as if there were to be no tomorrow and I havent stopped every since really. Well actually I kind of got a grip Monday and I've managed to stop all the rubbish and I've got myself back to the gym. My father didn't mind if I were thin or fat but I know how proud he was of the weight I lost, but everything is so difficult at the moment.

I never want to go back to that big weight I was.

Good luck at the weigh in, by the summer you will be out buying new clothes to go with your gorgeous shoes. I also adore a shoe by the way.

Also hello to everyone else, Peacock, Veggie etc.

Keep warm

Michele

Michele and P/Phoenix,

I was so touched reading your posts that I got a little teary eyed. It means a lot to have this much support. Michele, I am so sorry to hear about the very recent loss of your Dad. I am pretty close to my Dad so can only imagine how difficult the last few weeks have been Whenever you get the opportunity to log on and post, we at 3FC will certainly be supporting you in reaching your goals.

P/Phoenix, coming on here has really encouraged me to be honest about my past struggles and with the 'whys'; I certainly don't know all the answers, but with support and reading about other people's experiences I will no doubt get closer to understanding my emotional trigger points. I am definitely going to check out the 'girls run too' website - like you say, you and I are at similar points and we can certainly support each other. Good for you doing the Race 4 Life - I did it also (the one at Blackheath), and it was ****!!! I don't think I trained as much as I should have but did it in just over 33mins. My goal is to run 5k in under 30mins. I am currently running it in 35 - 37 mins. I have A LOT of work too!! Let's keep each other posted on our progress and encourage each other.

Thanks again for all the support! xx

33 minutes? Heheh I was way slower than that! Mind you I started having an asthma attack 5 minutes in (it was POURING with rain!) and so jogged some, walked some. I aimed at finishing somewhere in the middle - which I think I did!

Are you doing Race For Life again, UKbarristerchick? I don't think I could face it! I made a bad mistake - as I trained on a circuit that was all hard farm tracks or roads. And the thing was in the rain on a muddy racecourse, such a difference surface I hadn't even thought it would make a difference! That was apart from having an asthma attack (and last one of those I had was in the early 1990s, so it was a shock!)

I'd also measured my practice route as 5K by driving round it - but that one was twice as long, I swear! That said, I only started getting back into running a couple of months before and 'trained' at only a fraction of the intensity I had when I had lost the original weight. I was an idiot! It put me off exercise - and watching what I ate - and probably ended up setting me back badly - so no more race For Life for me! If you do it I can live vicariously through you though and cheer you on from 3FC!

I might try...but to be honest I get quite anxious about improving my time, or wonder whether I am going to totally SUCK!

Sounds like you just had a bad day/run. I too have asthma and it is TOUGH to train when cold or too hot etc - I started using a new medication which is great (Symbicort). It is the preventer and reliever in one and I find two puffs a day sorts me. I have been able to run in freezing cold weather (ordinarily that would be a recipe for an asthma attack), and so far so good.

Perhaps give it another try??? Where are you based? London? Even if you don't do Race 4 Life, perhaps little runs on your own?? I started off (and am still at this stage though trying to push myself gradually) by running for a period of about 3 - 4 minutes, and walking briskly for 1 minute until I have completed a total of 20 or 30 mins. The aim is to do it until your 'running' intervals increase. If you have an iPod nano, you could invest in a Nike+ running kit (about £20 quid) which is basically a little receiver you attach to your shoe and a small insert for your Nano which tells you how far you have run and your average pace etc. This was what helped me loads. It is just me and my little Nano, and I know how/whether I am improving. For example, I can set it to do 2k or 3k or whatever distance, and then I can see if my time is improving. Try it out...

Otherwise, I hope all is well with you P/Phoenix...it is really just one day at a time innit??


Speak soon...

x

UKBarrister chick you look a right sexy chick to me.

When is your next weigh in?

I always wanted one of those things you stick in your shoe. I have my IPOD and I had some great running tunes, but in December my father and went to Ireland together just a few weeks before he died, and I let my little fella who is 15 borrow my ipod. When I came back he had deleted all my running tunies in fact every tune and replaced it with tunes such as "I'm so horny by DJ Porny" and Pussyhole by Dizzy Rascal, honest to god what kind of child am I rearing, anyway he has since deleted them all for me but I have to sort out new tunes again.

It is good to get back to the gym but I cried even whilst exercising.

I've been healthy mostly for a week.

Take good care
Michele

Michele I'm so sorry to hear about your Father we all loved hearing you talk about him.

Hi Michele,

Thanks for the compliment hon!!! Decided to change up my photo for fun - you're a pretty hot 'chick' yourself! :-)

Your post had me cracking up when you were telling me about your son's music choices!!! 'DJ Porny' ? Lol :-) Bless him.

The Nilke+ thing is great - I highly recommend it - perhaps when you get a chance to download your favorite tunes back onto your iPod you can look into it? Also, you DON'T need a Nike+ trainer (the ones which the insert in the bottom for the receiver thingy). You can have a normal trainer (which is what I have), you just need a little pouch to put the receiver in and then you attach it to your shoe laces. It sounds a bit cumbersome but it is so light you won't know it's there - honest. The pouch thingy you can buy from Amazon or other online store where you buy the Nike+ receiver, and costs about £ 6 - 8 quid. Let me know you get on.

My next weigh in is Monday 16 Feb, but my one on Monday 9 Feb was a HUGE disaster and let down. I've detailed it all in my little blog, but basically, the scale said I was the same weight I was when I weighed myself on 29.12.08. I was gutted...

Oh I'm definitely going to get round to doing that Nike+ dooh dah, I am sure my boys will help me. My husband is as useless as I!!!

What a pisser for you with the weight, mind you next week you will probably find a nice few pounds gone, maybe you have a period on the way, it's funny what the body does.

I am worn out today, I started back at work today, not been in since Christmas Eve, it was and continues to be quite difficult for me I get so teary, but I think it was the best thing for me.

I have a pile of stuff to do my big fella is off to America on Saturday, Washington, New York and somewhere else, it's an A Level history trip, it's great life he has.

Veggie thank you for your kind words, I remember I often told you all the tales of my father and his old Paddy ways. I miss him so much that I have a pain in my heart every day.

Take good care

Michele