Morning girls.

I really really have to do something with myself. I was a bad mother today and slept while dd watched tv waiting 2 hours for breakfast. I told her she had to start getting up at 8am, and there I was still in bed at 10.30 wishing I could sleep all day.

I think that if I get exercising again, I'll be tired enough at night to not need something to sleep and then i wont be sluggish all day the next day. What a hole I've dug for myself. Maybe I should go run around the back yard for the C25K at least then my dd knows where I am and I'm still exercising. seems a bit silly, I could exercise on the oval across the road, but I ont like the idea of leaving her in the house on her own for that time. Oh I'll drag her over there, its only 22c at the moment. Its been pretty cool round here these past few days.

I can do this, I must do this, I will do this.

Kathy

Hey Kathy

Why are you taking something to help you sleep? Is this a reaction to the pregnancy and miscarriage or were you taking sleepers before?

I know when I've been through serious trauma the first thing to suffer was sleep. And when you can't sleep everything else goes out the window - you can't think straight, your will to eat healthy and exercise goes out the window… it affects everything.

The tough thing is that your body needs to get plenty of sleep in order to heal from both physical and emotional pain - and you've had a big whack of both recently. Is it possible to take sleeping pills at around 8pm and try to go to bed early?

And do you have someone to talk to? Friends to support you?

:hug:
Ani

Thanks Ani,

I haven't been able to sleep for ages. I've been using Mersyndol to sleep and I really have to pull away from it. I know its not good for me. I haven't gotten out there an run yet, I'll do it this evening now, and hope that it wears me out enought to sleep well tonite.


Kathy

Kathy, as someone who uses Mersyndol, can I make a suggestion?

I use it because I have three prolapsed discs in my lower back, one of which is completely ruptured. And I take it most nights, otherwise I have great trouble sleeping… but that's related to pain more than an inability to nod off.

If you're using it to sleep, it might be better to go to the chemist and get some Restavit (that's the ingredient in Mersyndol that makes you drowsy and tired, and you get a bigger dose buying it that way). The panadol in Mersyndol can harm your liver, and the codeine can be addictive (and constipate you).

Or go to a Dr and ask for some Normison. It's on prescription, it doesn't leave you with a hangover the next day, and the Dr can make sure you're not taking it for longer than you need.

I agree that exercise will help.

Be gentle with yourself, hey!

:-)
Ani

Normison can indeed be habit forming. There are newer sleepers that are not addictive and not from the same family as that - ones like Zolpidem. I also take Mersyndol for neck/shoulder pain, but it wipes me out and it's definitely not good sleep like I get after a hard day's exercise - plus I wake up with bloodshot eyes feeling crap.

As for me, I've had a crap day, meeting with the big boss which did not go well and ended with me in tears. He's such a supercilious pig. Anyhow.. must hang on a month to get my shares and bonus!

I did lose 1.1kg last week, quite disappointed it wasn't bigger as I exercised an hour every day, but maybe it will take a bit longer for the scales to catch up.

Tonight going orienteering in the bush with a friend - sounds fun! I would have never attempted something so energetic before I started this journey.

Orienteering/rogaining was so much fun! 45 mins of run/walk (some people run the whole thing), going to collect checkpoints according to the map they give you. Went much quicker than 45 mins on the treadmill, and it's on twice a week, $8 a time! Will definitely keep doing it!

Orienteering does sound fun. I've always enjoyed a bit of bushwalking, so I reckon that I'd have fun orienteering.

Hey girls

Firstly Lindor don't worry about you weight being the same. As Ani said...you did the right thing and the scales will play your game when they want to. I do feel for you though as when you do all the right things it is definitely not fair and not right eh! Keep going the scales will play your game next week i bet. I know i rely on the scales telling me i have done the right thing all week even though i know that they are only "part" of my dieting game.

Ani....your last comment about the scales only being part of the game really hit home to me. I rely on them too much and feel they are measuring my success(even though my head tells me otherwise and i am smarter than them so i know i "win"). It really hit home and i even read your comments out loud to my husband who constantly reminds me that the scales aren't the enemy....the chocolate fudge i ate was.... Thanks for making me think straight as sometimes i get so caught up in "the number" i forget about the bigger picture at times.

Kathy....listen to the girls about sleeping drugs. I know nothing about them but know they are necessary for some in some instances. Please go to your Dr and discuss options with him/her. You need your sleep to get over your emotional stuff....look after yourself:hug:

Augigi...sounds fun your orienteering. Great exercise too and you wouldn't realise you are exercising...i must look into that as i hate exercise so maybe that won't feel like it....i'll have to see...

Littlekiwi....yes i hate bosses that make you end up in tears. The last 2 i had did that to me constantly. I hated going to work and thought it was me....too sensitive or something but soon realised it was them. My mantra used to be...don't let their problems become mine and i survived a bit better. Saying that..i ended up quitting that job and have never looked back.

Me...good today. Still hot so lots of water but no exercise again. Did swim a bit in the pool(yes Ani...i love my pool..big deep inground yummy pool). It was a new car or a pool a couple of years back...the kids won and the pool was dug...never looked back there either(DH cleans it...so i win on all counts). I lost the plot for about 4 days solid and now feel gross and weigh in day on Wed so i have pulled my horns in for the next 2 days...better late than never as they say. Foods been good and my mind is back where it is supposed to be again...may it stay there. Both kids back at school tommorrow and i'm in for a new hairdo...that will make me feel better...always does...i'm a bit of a "girlie-girl" so looking forward to pampering me.

Anyhow ladies...this is our year i know it...keep going

Starting at day one again tomorrow :(

Deep down I think I knew it anyway.

Keep up the good effort ladies! And that goes for me too!

And orienteering sounds like fun!!!

Will post more when I get over this moment of misery :(

Sorry.

Hey everyone

I think it's great that despite the fact that even if we struggle, we are all able to come here for some support. It's really important to have the positive vibes being sent.

I weighed in yesterday and was disappointed that the scales had only gone down 200 grams but I'm trying not to worry about that. I feel better for exercising and therefore am going to keep at it. I feel better for putting good food into my body and therefore am going to keep at it.

Must start taking measurements again as I really do believe that they are a better indication of progress.

:twirly: :twirly:

Can I just apologise for that post of mine up there? :o

It was just a momant of regret after making a bit of a pig of myself - I am over it now :lol:

And after sleeping on it, yesterday wasn't all that bad considering I had done all my exercises, drunk my 2lt of water and eaten properly up until that point.

And lets face it, if I had gone out for dinner at a restaurant or something, I'd have probably equalled the calorie intake there anyway. And I can usually forgive myself after that!

LittleKiwi, you are spot on too...the support here is fantastic. I know I wouldn't be where I am now with my weight loss if I wasn't posting and getting the support from you lot here.

Alright, coffee, breakfast, shower and then off to work...with more overtime this evening! And more overtime again tomorrow (have I done my share yet???) :lol:

Have a good day ladies. ;)

Well, after weeks and weeks of not even thinking about my weight or loss thereof, Im back. :D

How is everyone??

Im so sorry that I completely dropped off the face of the earth...many things have been going on and although there is no excuse for just leaving, I do apologise!

I wont even try and go back to read the many pages of posts that I have missed, but will be on a lot more....I was diagnosed with PCOS after trying to get pregnant for a few months as you know...and as a result, have insulin resistance, which explains why I couldnt lose weight no matter how hard I tried. Well, long story short, I am now going on a low-GI diet (proven to have the best results with PCOS sufferers), and will be starting insulin balancing medication in March. We are giving ourselves one more month to try and get pregnant (with the help of fertility drugs) and then if no success, I will be focusing wholeheartedly on just getting healthy. But, I figure I can do that while trying to get pregnant as well. So, here I am. :dizzy:

Hope you all are really well and are going strong!!! Will pop in again soon! :)

Britt
xxxx

Welcome back Britt. Its a good idea to work on losing weight for bub number 2. I read someones post this week somewhere as how much easier her 2nd pregnancy was after she had lost weight, and how much easier labour was as well. Often losing a few kg's or 10 (for me it was 10) one can fall pregnant more easily.

I had a really bad night last night, I had about 1/2 and hours sleep all night, and just managed to drop off when dd got up at 8am. Then she was dragging me out of bed for breakfast, and then the phone rang and the morning has gone down hill from there. Argh! No I didn't run this morning, put it off again.

My body is running on adrenalin at the moment and I can actually feel it pumping through my body. I'm in a really bad mood and managed to take it out on my dd already this morning. I'll make it up to her later.

Hope everyone else is having a better day.

Catch you all soon

Kathy

Britt - welcome back. We have missed you :-)

leeny, I had to go back to my post to see what I actually wrote that resonated with you. It's something I keep needing to remind myself of, because we get so caught up in the numbers on those scales.

Scales are a good tool, but a hideous master! That's my mantra for the week. And you can bet that the next time I actually drop a kilo or two, I'll be in love with those damnable things for a day or two and singing their praises *sigh*. Us women are too complex for our own good sometimes.

Kathy, I reckon I could match your mood today. In the last four nights I have had a total of about 16 hours sleep. Add to that the fact that I worked 16 hours yesterday, and then have ALREADY done eight hours today - I'm ready to mangle something.

For the sake of the preservation of my friends and family I have turned my phones off. I'm way too overtired to sleep - but just won't inflict myself on anyone today.

Hopefully I won't do any damage with food - being deliriously tired is dangerous to willpower. Maybe I should go for a walk and completely wear myself out.

:-)
Ani

Good idea Ani, I'm at the point that I'm too tired to sleep too. and nauseated, but I'm putting that down to either, not enough sleep or my hormones still mucking around with me.

Here's to a better day tomorrow. I got The Lake House out on DVD to cheer me up tomorrow.

Kathy

Hey all and a big welcome back to you Britt. We have all been wondering about you and if you were making babies or not. I think just being healthy will help you in more areas than just the baby making. I also have heard that low GI diets are excellent for POCS sufferers. I have a friend with POCS and she lost 20kg and then fell pregnant after she was told it would never happen. The baby is now 2years old and just fabulous. :hug: to you.

Ani and Kathy...you need to get off the computer and go to bed. This heat would not be helping either though. Everything suffers when you have no sleep. My DH is a bad sleeper(probably working rediculous hours for years) and his body clock is totally out of whack...it is best to stay away from him then.

Lindor...hope you are better now. Remember those times happen and it is just a part of the magical journey we are all on.

Me...back on track again. It is weigh in day tommorrow but not expecting great things this week after my days of badness last week. I have pulled my horns in and feel better for it. I wonder why i do it(porbably always will). Had my hair cut today and feel good tonight..its amazing what a snip will do for me. Anyhow must away and ring my mum..poor darlin had a colonoscopy today and polyps removed.

PS...Lake House is a good movie...Im a movie head and love to relax over a good one....just what you need Kathy...you may even doze off later..hope so.

I rarely get emotionally unglued - I'm tough (at least I like to think so), strong and mostly very grounded. But I need to ramble for a bit because I am rather unglued right now, and as tired as I am I can't sleep.

Nobody needs to read this - but somewhere in this sordid little tale lies a big key to my weight issues, and I feel like I need to write it.

It would take a novel to tell you my family history. Am I a good enough writer to summarize it into a paragraph? I doubt it:

Born to a schizophrenic mother (father left when she was 8 months pregnant with me). Four older siblings. My birth brings on a schiz episode: mother put in mental hospital/kids in an orphanage. A year goes by - I'm fostered out. Don't see the siblings for 35 years. Never see mother again until the day before her funeral.

But the fostering is arranged. Unknown to me, my adoptive family are known to grandparents. Various members of family keep coming in and out of my life - but I am unaware of the connection. Then they tell me bits - but refuse to allow me to know my mother. Or siblings.

I spend many years looking. So does my mother. These people who stand between us decide we shouldn't know each other. But we both keep looking anyway. Then one day these people phone me: We have good news and bad news. The good news is we've found your brothers and sisters. The bad news is your mother's dead. So I eventually do find her - in a coffin.

Siblings embrace me. They have some memory of me as a baby, and know where I fit. I don't remember them, but I look like a twin of my elder sister - that freaks me out. I have spent a lifetime not vaguely looking like anyone. This is surreal. I keep in touch for a couple of years - but they're in Queensland and it gets too hard.

Today my sister called me after six years. I'm thrilled to hear from her, but realise how hard I have pushed them away. She tells me stories about my mother, about the way that woman loved me and grieved for me – and straightens out some of the lies I've been told about myself over the years.

I'm really sad. And I'm really bloody angry that people kept me away from my mother until it was too late. Can you imagine what it's like to meet your mother when she's lying in a funeral home?

I think what got to me the most today was when I was telling my sister something that had happened, and she laughed and said: "You are SO your mother's daughter". Really? How the bloody **** would I know?

Do you suppose it's a coincidence that I put all this weight on after my mother died? And I never made that connection until just now.

----

I just read what I wrote, and my first instinct was to delete it. But then I thought no, I need to be brave and let people into my life a little bit more. I need to learn that people won't always judge me or reject me just for being vulnerable.

I'm sorry for rambling about this. It's late, I'm very tired - but if you took the time to read through this, thank you for listening. I haven't talked about this for years, and I didn't realise how much it still affects me.

Ani, that was very brave of you to share all of that. I'm sure that most of us have various events that have contributed to where we are today; recognising that has to be a good first step to moving through it and getting healthy in both body and mind.

I have had low self esteem for years and not much love for myself. I'm working on that and as I begin to like myself more, I make more positive decisions in the way I treat myself - cutting down on alcohol, eating well and exercising regularly being a few. That in turn makes me feel proud of myself and therefore boosts my self esteem! It's not always easy making good decisions though and we will all stumble occasionally.

My personal trainer called in sick last night so I went for a half hour walk outside instead and will do the same tonight but try to make it a bit longer.

Keep it up everyone :D

Ani :hug:

I know how hard that must have been to post. I am similar in that I show myself as being in control and being able to handle most situations, when the truth is I am just trying to cover what is really going on.

I can see also how it would contribute to where you are today. See, I believe weight issues are just a symptom to more serious conditions, be it physical or emotional. I believe my weight issues are a result of my up bringing and events of the past too.

Ani, you know how to contact me if you think writing more would help. I might not be able to offer much in the way of advice or solutions, but I can listen. And sometimes just putting these things in written words can help to clear them up in your mind too :hug:

So much has been happening on here lately. I really should try and get on here regularly.

After a shocker of a weekend I've managed to keep on track for the last three days, and its showed on the scales. On Monday morning I weighed in at 94kg but today I'm back down to 91.6kg. Don't ask me how it happened but it has! Just goes to show that putting a bit of effort in does actually work! I feel like I'm finally getting myself back on track after all this time.

Been going to the gym regularly again so thats a big help too. And I'm trying not to focus everything on losing weight. I'm trying hard to keep a healthy attitude toward all of this.

Hugs for you Ani, I can certainly feel your pain that you are so obviously feeling. But you have taken the first of many steps in overcoming this, which will be many, but you've taken the frist. Follow your intuition to see what to do next. We are all here for you.

I slept last night, I went to the chemist and got some Restavit,(sp?) and took 1 only. I woke up feeling rested and refreshed. But then I decided to go back to sleep so now I feel cloudy and tired. Silly me. But I did appreciate the sleep strange dreams and all. a huge amount of strange dreams, I was polly pocket in one, and being kidnapped by a mafia boss in another. Very strange. I'm sure they aren't the only dreams too.

Today I'm doing some washing, I've missed the time for exercise its too hot already here, and after lunch I'm going to watch the Lake House. I'm looking forward to that.

the nausea is gone, thank goodness, it ended up puting me to bed at 8.30 last night, but i feel better now.

Catch you soon.

Kathhy

Hey all

Firstly Ani i hope that you feel a lot better for venting some of your emotions you have obviously been holding onto for such a long time. Your story gave me tingles and i sincerely hope that you can come to some form of emotional stability with your siblings and of course your mother. Do you still speak to any your siblings? You do know that you can let us in here. We all listen(or read) and all have stories that have contributed to our "issues" beit with weight or otherwise. It takes a big woman(no i don't mean that litterally) to see the reasons for our issues and maybe that was your revalation last night albeit in the midst of severe tiredness and sleep deprivation. I feel for you and really hope you can come to some sort of peace within yourself. I am your friend and will listen...let us in Ani if that helps:hug:

I too have issues(some of which i know and others are still a mystery why i do some things). I am a lucky woman who has a wonderful husband who puts up with a lot. He seems to ground me and will let me be who i am and love me unconditionally...fats, warts and all.....do you have someone in your life Ani you are close to?

I weighed in today and gained 0.3kg this week. Yes i know not much but still in the wrong direction. I am not stressing about it though as life is too short and its not all about weight loss either. This week will be better i am sure. We all need to be kind to ourselves as sometimes we are not and beat ourselves up over nothing at times. So saying all that...i hope we all have a better week this week....get lots of sleep(Ani and Kathy), exercise some, eat well, drink our water(Ani the camel) and love ourselves for who we are and thats that.....:hug: to allxxxleeny

Hey everyone,

I don't know what to say - I feel overwhelmed by your support and kindness, and I just don't have enough words to tell you what it means to me.

I've had a pretty low-energy day today. And I realised that what I wrote last night was the first time I had told that story on its own. There's more, you see - and on the rare occasions when I tell it, I lump everything in together.

Just 6 weeks after my mother died, and all the surreal reunion stuff happened, an uncle from my adoptive family died. Then six weeks later my adoptive dad died. He was the most wonderful human being I ever knew - and I was shattered.

And I'm just telling you this now to explain something. When all that happened I was completely overwhelmed, and I don't think I was ever able to separate each of those losses, and deal with them on their own.

I knew that not only had the landscape of my life changed, but the very foundations felt different. And I shut down emotionally - it was the only way I could cope.

I don't believe the universe throws any more at us than it knows we can deal with, and I have to trust that I'm strong enough, brave enough - all those things!

I feel very uplifted and inspired by your support. I won't keep going on about this - but you women are my friends, and you make me feel very humble.

Now I'm off to fill my water bottle before I have to confess to leeny that I've eaten poorly and hardly drunk any water today.

:-)
Ani

Ani, I have to join everyone else in thanking you for your honesty. We all have our own issues, and I truly believe we won't be successful with permanent weight loss until we learn to turn around and face them.

You deserve to be happy, and you will be. I hope you believe that.

Today was a good day, hung out with friends, didn't spot the boss, went to orienteering, and had a lovely steamed chicken and veggie dinner. Received my first DVDs from an online service I joined (got some Pilates ones to try out) so my extra workouts for the weekend are organised. Also completed Week 2 Day 1 of the C25K last night, although my shin splints are telling me all about it today - think I need to space the runs out more than 2 days.

Got to hit the sack soon, as my new washing machine (hallelujah!) is being delivered 630-830 in the morning (ugh).

Ani, the fact that you have taken the steps to open up and talk about these events shows that you have the strength and that you are brave enough! You are dealing with this head on by talking about it and not continually hiding it!

I hope by facing this, and being open with it, you are able to find some kind solution to help get past it once and for all :hug:

And maybe I can learn from you too :p



Anyway, I am using this as a distraction, hoping I won't have to post about todays dieting efforts.

Fact is, the consecutive bad days are fast catching up to my seven consecutive good days. It's been three days now. I've eaten with no regard to calorie intake. I have ignored my water and tonight I even avoided my step-ups.

Not making for a good week is it? And you know what...as I write this I am sitting here shrugging my shoulders as if I really don't care! What is it with me? Either I want this or I don't!!

I will see what tomorrow brings.

'Night ladies :)

Of course you want it, Lindor. Be kind to yourself, it can't always be dedication every day. What makes this a struggle is deciding every day to keep going, even when you don't feel in the slightest like it. I really find planning my week essential - if I had to think too much about it, I'd never stay on track. Just last night I got home late, hungry and stopped at the 7-11 downstairs and had a frozen meal in my hands.. then I realised I had chicken and veggies in the fridge and it would be yummier.

Take your days to relax, and then make a plan for next week. You can do it!

I've been ignoring my healthy lifestyle goals for a few days (as you probably all know), and I thank you all again for being so kind and supportive of me.

It's time to get back on track and try to learn from all this - and to incorporate it into my new life. So, I am going to work hard from now until weigh-in on Monday - just to get myself back on track.

Today I plan to walk (even if it's for half an hour), and to eat healthy food. I'm going to write in my journal - and drink lots of water.

It's TOM again - but who can complain? This time around I went for 11 days before it found me :-).

Good luck with the rest of the week everyone. I hope my self-indulgence hasn't been too distracting.

:-)
Ani

Thanks for the welcome back ladies!

Ani, wow. I dont think that I really have words....good girl for posting and not deleting. :hug: I guess one of the biggest mottos of my life has been that no matter where you have come from and what you have had to go through, its your choice on how you live your future. Coming from a broken home (parents divorced, yada, yada, yada), it was easy to get caught up in the devastation of it all, until I realised it was MY choice how I reacted to it. I could go on being bitter at my parents for not being mature enough to realise there was a child involved (ME!), or I could choose to accept what had happened and move on. I, in no way, am giving you advice because this journey of healing and breakthrough is yours alone, and only you really know what needs to be done in that area, but that was my journey....Needless to say, like the others have said, we are here to open up to. Sometimes a "faceless" group of people is the perfect starting block. :D

Anyway...

How is everyone? Hoping you are having a great day! Day 2 of low-GI and I feel horrible! Its the whole "detoxing" thing that sucks. I would love to kind of just make lifestyle changes slowly and incorporate good things to replace the bad. Unfortunately, however, with this type of "issue", in order to really see any results at all, I have to be all or nothing. So, except for a couple of Weetbix in the morning, I have no grain or wheat products at all. I live on veggies, fruit and meat. I cant BELIEVE how much it costs to support this on a weekly basis! Im not exactly sure how we are going to be able to afford all of this....:?: <sigh> Im taking literally about 30 pills a day in the form of supplements and vitamins - all things that will help regulate my insulin levels without having to go on full medication. The treatment for PCOS is usually weight loss, but one of the symptoms is the inability to lose weight...nice vicious circle. Anyway, enough whining! Sorry to ramble on...just annoyed because I have a headache and am hungry, etc. DH and I will be walking with Carter in the mornings before he goes to work now so it keeps me accountable and keeps us from dying of heat exhaustion later in the day! :dizzy:

Ani, am jealous you have period!! I have to induce mine again since I didnt ovulate this last month with fertility drugs. Have you always had short cycles?

Have a good day girls. Sorry for the novel!

Britt
xxxx

Sounds like your feeling a little better today Ani. Its good to unburden yourself occasionally and everyone's entitled to a little self indulgence every once in a while. We're all here for the same reason but we're all dealing with a whole range of issues and getting to the bottom of them is a very difficult thing to do. :hug:

Britt. Good to see you back! Just think in a few more days you'll be feeling really good! It'll be all worthwhile and hopefully the end result wont only be weight loss but a baby too. :)

Lindor. You sound like your feeling a bit depressed. Remember where you've come from. When the time is right you'll get back to it.

Me, I'm doing really well at the moment. Have been sticking to the healthy eating for the last 4 days, been to the gym every day and have had more than enough water! I can't believe how much of a difference in myself I've noticed since the kids went back to school! I've got my routine back! Don't get me wrong, I really miss them when they're not around, and I love them to death its just a little easier to have a game plan and stick to it.

XX
Barb

Hey all

Ani...hope you are feeling better today and that telling your story has helped in some way(even if only small). Yes I am your friend too and will always read your "ramblings". AS someone said the "faceless" us might be the best way to start healing your emotions. Please don't let your emotions hinder your success in your weight loss journey as you are doing so well. You always seem to be the one with"the right attitude" towards this journey...you have inspired me and i always look forward to reading your posts daily...for that i thank you.:hug:

Lindor...what is happening?????Has something thrown you. You were doing well getting back on track after your hols. Are you bored with your diet? I know i went through that all last year. I tried and tried to get back into it....too many things just threw me constatly. It was like any little thing would be my excuse to "derail".When i lost my bulk of my weight the year before it was like i was heading towards a new me and couldn't wait to look and feel better. That urge has gone...maybe because i do look and feel better(even though i could look heaps more betterer(if thats a word)!!!Its like i am not as desperate anymore...maybe thats what is happening to you. Dieting is boring and monotunous at times but we have to get our head in the space that "it is a lifestyle" change for the better and not just a chore.

The rest of us seem to be doing OK this week. Sometimes weeks are easier than others and other times it doesn't matter how hard we try...the diet is not easy. I think it is all part of the journey we are on and part of the experience we must endure.

I went shopping today with my mum and bought some nice things....i am in a good mood....i love shopping. Can't really afford much at the moment with textbooks to buy for Uni. I stuck to plan and had a yummy salad for lunch and lots of walking around the Plaza. So overall a good day for me. My kids are back at school(yes Barb...i love mine too but gee it is nice to get back into some form of normalcy again).

Anyhow guys, must go and wash up the dishes...chores...gee i love them..no fairies at my house i bet...will check in tommorow and see if you are feeling better Ani.:hug:

Hey Britt

Don't be jealous of my TOM - I went for months and didn't have it at all, and now this is the SIXTH full cycle since November 20th. But I won't complain.

Thank you all for your wisdom, and thoughtful posts. I'm listening to everything, and taking it to my journal and writing about it. I'm not bitter, and I don't feel like a victim either – most of the time I am pretty grounded. I thought I had dealt with most of this stuff, and to some degree I did, but I guess that when things trigger you it all jumps back up in your face.

I'm feeling better. I still feel quite introspective, but that's because I really want to learn from it this time, and get through it. I want to lose weight - not sabotage myself. And in some ways it's a really key point for me:

How will I respond with my weight loss when I am feeling emotionally vulnerable?

I'll tell you how! No matter what - I want to lose this weight. I want to be more healthy, and that includes my emotional health. I walked this morning, and I've drunk enough water to keep leeny happy :-). I am about to have dinner - which will take me up to 1300 calories for today.

And I'm not undereating for emotional reasons. I'm eating light today because of TOM - bloated! So I feel really positive about my weight loss journey, and really determined.

And I have to say that stumbling across Aussie Chicks was the best thing. I love the friendships, support, fun, frustration, information and the spirit of my friends in here. I really do!

Now, what's going on with Lindor? Where are you?

:-)
Ani

I'm here :)

Just feeling really negative at the moment. And that is not helped by a forth day of not doing anything to help in this weight loss thing.

Or is it I am feeling negative because I am not doing anything?

In this frame of mind, I wonder what the point is to doing anything that I do.

I've done a lot of overtime this week, there is sh*t going down at work too, I am tired, and I don't think that helps my way of thinking.

Just tomorrow to go then it's the weekend. Time to stop, rest and find my head and put things back into place again.

Do worry about me, I'll get over this! Like I said...it is probably just fatigue!


Ani, I am pleased you are feeling a little brighter today. You sound more positive too. I was a little worried about you for a while there :hug:

Britt, Leeny and Barb...keep at it, you are doing well!

I'm off to bed!! :)

That was a little bit Freudian :)

Now are you just having a bad, busy, distracted week? I don't like you saying "what's the point…".

Come on now, you've cared enough about yourself to shed almost 35kg. Do you have a current goal in your mind? Something you really want to achieve?

I have learned that you can't wait for motivation to kick in. You have to get up and "do", and the motivation will eventually catch up with you. You don't have to answer this question (and if I had money to bet with I'd lay a million dollars that you won't), but are you sure it's your food choices and step-ups that you're bored with, or is there something else going on?

Lindor you've been wonderful support to me this week, and I wish I could make you feel better :hug:

You know where I am if you need to talk.

:-)
Ani

Hey ladies

I had Wednesday off the gym but was back with a vengence last night. Did a 25 minute boxing session with my trainer and DAMN it was hard!! After that he made me do 3 sets of 15 dead lift/shoulder press combo with a medicine ball so as you can imagine, my arms feel like lead today!

However, I really enjoyed it and it's a fantastic upper body workout so my plan is to now do 1 session per week with my trainer doing weights and one session per week doing boxing. If I can keep that up for a few weeks I'll be in shape in no time!

Ani, if I knew what 'it' was, I'd tell you just to get that million dollars you don't have :p

Truth is I don't know. I don't even know if it is one thing or a load of little things...or if it is anything at all!

I get up in the morning, I tell myself it is going to be a good day (even then, in the back of my mind, I know it'll be a struggle). I manage my 50 squats, I eat my usual breakfast, I go to work.

From there it all goes down.

So can I put it down to a mucked up week at work? I've refused to do overtime this weekend, I am having the two days off for myself!

But, it is not just the overtime and the staffing issues that has mucked things up at work. There are other things, things that have slightly shaken my confidence. But I am able to look at those things individually and say they are no big deal...I can work around them.

I've had bigger issues at work, and I have faced those with no problem...so is it my job that has me feeling this way?

If not the job, then what? I can't put my finger on it right now.

Maybe it is simply a bad dieting week for me?

For now, I am happy to settle with that! :p

Lindor do you have any goals you are working towards this year? And with your weight-loss goals, do you give yourself rewards for reaching them?

Sometimes the only solution to being in the headspace you are in is to just ignore it for a while and think/plan/dream of something else. The harder you try to figure out something, the more elusive it can become - so it might be the right time to switch on the other side of your brain, and do something different.

Don't forget you've been through a lot of changes recently. Selling your house, moving to a unit, leaving your old job and starting a new one, going on holidays, coming home – and losing over 30kg. Nothing is familiar anymore. Are you comfortable with a smaller living space? Is that making you think smaller?

If work is affecting you emotionally, or causing you stress, it often means it is reflecting something of your private life. Are there relationships at work that are reminiscent of family ones (and I KNOW you won't answer that one)? But if there are - change something. Or you'll torture yourself and not even know why.

Is there some part of you who doesn't believe she can get into the 70-something kilo range? Or doesn't believe she's worth it?

In some ways I have the same struggle with getting down below 90kg. Different reasons - different journey, but this part of the journey for me is proving to be a real challenge. But it's one I fully intend to win.

I don't have any answers for you - but I really want you to reach your dreams. It would be awesome to see you bounce in here one day, a few months from now, and throw a dozen dancing carrots through your post because you reached 70-something kilos. Come on - you've got a whole cheer squad in here!

:-)
Ani

My dear Lindor, lots of hugs for you. You seem to be as down in the dumps as I have been. Keep fighting it, and you will come out the other side.

I've been doing some reading these past 2 days, an excellent, informative, eyeopening book. Its called You on a diet. It cost me $22 and one of the authors was on Oprah on Wednesday night. There is also a website, realage.com, where you can calculate your real age. Unfortunately I am nearly 42 years old, not the 33 years I've lived. But the book and site says I can lose a good 5 of those years in 90 days, if I follow its guidelines.

It has lots of information what is happening on the inside when we are having cravings, what causes them and what we can do to stop them. And of course, he says to do the 10,000 steps a day including a 30 minute session of walking a day, plus some strenthening exercise 3 days a week. Very doable. Take a look you will find it very informative.

Catch you soon.

kathy

I have just left work for the day.

It's not been a good day :(

Hugs for you Lindor. Tomorrow take a day for you, sleep in, then take a nice walk if its not too hot. Make yourself something yummy for lunch, and watch a nice video. And remember, we are here for you.

Kathy

Hey all

Ani....you are so strong you amaze and inspire me. Keep writing in your journal and i know you will figure out your strenghts and weaknesses and build from there. WE all have crap in our lives and it really is how Britt said...it is how we deal with it that makes the difference. I could write a novel about the stuff in my life and could end up in a straight jacket i'm sure but i choose to learn from them and move forward the best way i can at the time....does that make sense???>?Life constantly throws me 'curve balls" and sometimes i catch them and other times they hit me fair in the face. I have sufferred depression in the past from major dramas but is seem to stay "glued" to some level.

Lindor...why are you home at 1.30pm today. Did you have a "Dummy spit"? Don't let other peoples dramas become yours. If you can remember i quit my job at the beginning of the year because it was the worst place to be. It was emotionally draining on me every day and i finially had to admit that i didn't need that and needed to be kind to myself and care about myself for once in my life. I have never looked back. There will always be people we work with that will make life unbearable....try to ignore them and know that they have problems in their life that arent yours....just forget about them...i know easier said than done when you have to see them daily. RElax a bit on the weekend, care for yourslef....you deserve it. You have had so many changes in your life this year...do you think your brain is finially catching up with you body????It can be scary. I know when i lost 60kg i didn't know myself anymore...how to dress, how to behave, how to repsond to people and their comments(good or bad), didn't even recognise myslef in the mirror. I had an analagy about me once...it was like if i cut my arm off i had to deal with the new me and just had to readjust...it was hard. Maybe that is happening to you ...i also think you need some sleep and stop thinking about work stuff and have some fun. Is your town closing in on you (being a small one)? Have you got some friends around that will help you in your new journeys....yes we will...but virtual ones as well.....Don't respond if you don't want to...i only want the best for you and want you to achieve your goals.

Saying that...me...good today. No exercise though...rained all day plus DH home. Had to go to a funeral...a friend was bashed to death 2 weeks ago in Brisbane walking home from the pub. WE are all in a bit of shock...a quiet guy and only 40. Too young to go and a very sad day for his family. So food was not high on my agenda today...a bit of a yuk day and makes me think of how lucky i am to have my family and i will cherish them forever(even though they are all sick buggers)....so keep smiling all and know i am here to listen if you need to chat xxxxx:hug: