Battle of the Bulge #12
 

Here is the new thread...enjoy!

Just a reminder- today is weigh in day.

Also-

Monday- support day and a good day for tips on staying motivated

Tuesday- support day and a good day for reasons why we want to lose- I think that keeps us motivated more than anything when we reexamine why we want to lose..

Wednesday- "what have I been eating all week day" and I want to start trying to get everyone to share quick recipes or tips on cooking that work for them.

Thursday- "what I have done to move my bootie day" and I want to get everyone to start giving us an idea on how they work exercise into their lives and the things they enjoy doing.

Friday- support and influence day- lets make this a day we talk about anything or anyone that influenced our weight loss for the week- things like friends giving bad foods or a partner that supported our efforts.

Saturday- recap day- lets talk about the things we thought worked for us for the week and those that didn't- this might help us see where we strayed and where we stood firm.

Sunday- weigh in day and reaffirm goal day- give us an idea of your goals for the week, month, and long term.

Have a great day everyone!

CG-hi. I think I will weigh in on Valentine's day to see if I met my 10 pound goal. I hope you and the bf's challenge is going well.

Red-I firmly believe you are how you think you are. It is like a self-fufilling prophecy. If you envision yourself as being successful you will be. If you think you are a failure then you will be. I think that you are a cool lady, now you need to think and know that you are. I think that so many people think negative and that reflects in everything they do and how they do it. We are only given one life and we choose how we live it. For example, I have a patient right now who is 400+ pounds. He is very unmotivated. To me there is not a much worse thing than an unmotivated person. Whenever I see him I try to motivate him but all the motivation in the world that I give him doesn't mean anything if he doesn't believe that he can get better. The mind is a powerful thing and I believe there really is something to do with the mind body connection. There are so many examples of this that I can go on and on. We will not lose weight without determination and the belief that we can do it. We did not gain weight overnight. It took time to gain it and it will take time to lose it. I am so proud of you for going to the gym. You have been there before and you know how empowering it is. The key is consistency. We should be consistent in everything that we do in life. I llok forward to this next challenge b/t us. You will do it. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

When I look back to how I gained the weight I realize that it was emotional eating that caused much of it. This week I plan on trying to keep my eating under control and be in control. I have a choice in losing this weight. I do not want diabetes. I do want to be able to be healthy and not have to worry about others taking care of me. I want to Live Strong. I saw an episode of Oprah the other day featuring Lance Armstrong. When you talk about role models this guy fits the bill. He had testicular cancer, tumors in his brain and lungs. He fought and he fought hard and he went on to win several Tour de France races. Now that is motivation and determination.

We can do this. We need to do this. For ourselves, for our loved ones. This is our life so let's lose this weight!

Hello everyone...

You all seem like a smart dedicated group. That's exactly what I need.

Let me tell you what's up with me...My name's Murphy, I'm 32 and I recently quit my job to finish writing my first book. My job was REALLY tough and hostile, which I why I coudn't just do it in the evenings.

Anyway, I had been having really good success at my weightloss goal. I have been bouncing between 185-200 for years, but when I stuck with weight watchers on the third try, I finally made it down into the 170s. My goal is 160, so you can imagine how exciting that was!

At first, being at home I was doing very well, got down to 168 (wow! WOW!)
But I fell of the wagon and am up to 176. Man! In barely more than a week. Anyway, I really don't want the whole being-right-near-the-fridge part of working at home to take over all my progress.

At the same time, I think that I can find better support on daily boards like these than once a week weigh-ins...

We'll see. But I hope that we can all get to know one another and work on this. It's a lifetime struggle. I have always had to watch my weight. My highest was 230.

Oh yeah, I am 5'11" so, if 160 sounds high to you average-height ladies, it works for me.

:)

I guess that's enough for now. Maybe as time goes on I can put one of those cute indicators at the bottom of my posts...

Nice to meet you all!

Hi Murphy. Welcome to the board! Everyone here is great and there is a lot of support. Our leader, Crime Girl, keeps us on track. She is also writing a book, so you two have that in common. I am originally from Louisiana. What part do you live in?

That's Funny....
 

I should have put L.A.

Los Angeles

:lol:

I've never been to Louisiana, but I would really like to go. If I'd stayed at my job, I would have been there for a convention in May...

Oh well!

So, CrimeGirl is doing a book too?
My instincts were good!

Thank you!

Hi guys, glad to see someone was writing. I'm not going to spend too much time posting as I want (this is a relative term) to get out and go to the gym before work today and that means a 50-min. walk. It's already going on 6 a.m. here so I have to get moving. Work is an hour earlier now. They keep screwing with the schedules. God, I hate that place! I want out so bad but have not found something I can do and fit in to my juggle. The publishing house work is just too intense to be sitting there staring at manuscripts. I haven't changed. I can't take the morguelike atmosphere. Still, I do some work at home which I can do in bursts of concentration, then do something else. Still, overall the money is ****.

Crime girl -- thanks for the horoscope and the new thread. You seem to think there is someone new in my life or someone coming into it, but there isn't that I can see. I'm not even looking anymore. The other gym is one I actually don't feel comfortable in because the people are not serious enough for me. I love the one I go to but it's a chore to get there. There are other branches but I don't go to them for the very reason that not only are they far but they don't have the feeling I want in them. Still, I'm thinking that too enough these days, with the cold and my busier schedule I make the excuse and a quite legitimate one that I can't go. If I join the one in the neigbhorhood maybe I can see it as a quick fix, a place to just go, quick, do something and get out and home in less than 5 minutes. Because I have to carry everything with me, changes of clothes along with my already rather heavy pack, it becomes quite a drag on my psyche. Demi Moore just doesn't do it for me. She's much too scrawny! But you're right, there are people out there. It's just hard because I'm in Japan and women here just are so totally not like me, so utterly and totally it's not funny. And I don't want to be anything like them at all. Love all your expressions. I can use the "got to see a man about a horse" but since I'm actually with people who would take this seriously, they may think I'm deserting them and then desert me! So Crime girl, did you weigh in? How is your weight coming along? Have you gotten any of the extra you put on recently off again? I know it must be hard with your incredibly hectic schedule but let's at least keep hope!

stormy -- and, how about you? Did you weigh in? I did yesterday and yes I was up from last week. Was 74.6 kg! Ridiculous, but totally understandable. I think a lot was due to the very salty things I've been eating or was eating those past few days just off sugar. I'm not going to fret. I want to make this an interesting journey. Trying to think what things I CAN eat and make them a little more interesting. The other day I put mozarella cheese on an onion bagel and then salsa and mixed Italian herbs sprinkled on top and grilled it in the toaster oven at work. It was delicious!! Stormy, I don't think I'm cool but thanks. I want to look cool too and I don't and this is affecting me. I mean, OK, I could be but I think I sabotage myself because I just see my efforts as nuts, which is what everyone, almost everyone around me says. I find them utterly boring, utterly frustrating, they just don't GET it and yet they pounce on me (when they've been drinking) and really lay into me with the criticism. I really can't understand it. They think they have it all worked out and I look at them and see nothing I would want to emulate at all. Ah, yeah, just a bad crowd. That guy I met the other evening was like, "I think you have so much opportunity" and then he came out with all these very viable ideas I was incredulous (I use that word a lot, don't I? incredibly, incredible, incredulous) and it was SO nice to hear something different. And this guy is so successful. He told me how he risked everything, was worrying about where the next few hundred bucks were going to come from and now he's dealing in matters of hundreds of thousands of dollars (this is the racing business). He said the jump would be scary and he was so right. It didn't sound scary when I had all that Dutch courage flowing through my veins but in the light of a sober day, it sure did, does! Stormy, you are so sweet for trying to motivate your patient. I am the same. I see people and I want to motivate them, want to inspire them. So often they don't see where I've been, don't believe me if I tell them, look at me now and think I'm so different, or hear what I used to do and think I'm just nuts. I don't know what makes it click for someone or if it's a long process but I do think we just have to keep trying. Thank you for being proud of me and believing in me. Yes, I look forward to the next challenge. Good luck with reining in the emotional eating. Sometimes I think we just don't have enough places to put our emotions. Society wants us to be so staid, so controlled and contained. I used to think Japan was bad and America was more open about feelings but now I don't think so. In fact, I think Americans are more afraid of "hurting someone's feelings" AND because they're apt to tell you if they think you're out of line with something you said, give you less freedom than here. In any case, I think we all need something we can express ourselves with so we don't have to try to suppress feelings with food.

doingmybest -- Welcome aboard. I'm not one of the "smart" ones on this thread and the "dedicated" part is doubtful too. :lol: But maybe you can enjoy my input nonetheless. Are you from Louisiana or Los Angeles? What are you writing about? Well, I hope you find the support you're looking for. I hope you give a lot too! ;) 5' 11" Wow! Take off about 10 inches and you've got me. Are you still on WW? I do a lot of work at home but I find I don't overeat much when I'm here. It's when I don't enjoy being where I am (such as at work) that I snack and just eat mindlessly. Still, I am sure never to bring things in to my home so that helps. At work, there can be lots of temptations and that includes all the stores nearby! Well, good luck and let's hear lots from you!

OK, gotta run. I wrote too much as it was. Will not have time for much of a breakfast now otherwise it'll affect my gym work.

Come on people. Where are you all?!?!

Hello All!

Sorry I haven't posted. I don't have internet at my house, so I can only post when I am at work or when I am at my parents or brothers house.

Been doing very good this weekend. I cleaned my house really good yesterday. Took me all day, but I got it done. It was sort of early spring cleaning. I wiped everything down and scrubbed the floors! Which is something I hate to do! I scrubbed the kitchen floor so hard my hand swelled up and I couldn't use it for the rest of the afternoon.

I know today is weigh-in day, but I usually weigh on Mondays, so I will post my weight tomorrow.


Crime Girl - I will be more than happy to send you a copy of my list. Right now it is very small...calories for fruits and things. But, I left a lot of spaces and have been writing in a lot of stuff. I won't send you those because they are meals I eat regularly. You can use the blank spaces to record your own meals.

When I was in college, I also studied on Friday and Saturdays. That is one reason why I watch so much tv now. When I was in school, I never watched anything that wasn't educational! My family used to make so much fun of me! They'd be talking about a show, and I'd have no idea of what they were talking about!


Red - Thanks for the words of wisdom about beliveing in myself and not what others think about me. It took me a long time to get to that point. When I realized what I was doing, it came to me that it was mostly me that had the problem! Now, I just live my life my way. Everybody else can either accept me or leave me!

You are right about purple! It is my favorite color. When I was a little girl, I went through this stage where I wouldn't wear anything but purple. I didn't go a single day without something purple on.

Do you work with mostly men? I do. I was just wondering if you had a mostly male staff. There are very few women in my office. Sometimes, that is great, but sometimes it is a pain in the butt!!

Stormy - Thanks for the suggestion of fitday...that was you, wasn't it? I have tried it before, but since I don't have internet at my house, it wouldn't help my on the weekend. I like to write things down. I enjoy the tactile sensation of putting pen to paper. Plus, my journal is right there...no connecting to the internet or finding the right website.

I think it is wonderful that you try to motivate your patients! Sometimes, a little understanding and kind word can mean a huge difference in someones life.

Murphy - Welcome. I just joind this board recently. It is wonderful. The ladies here are very supportive and helpful. I also tried Weight Watchers. I lost the majority of my weight with them, but it is very expensive and time consuming to stay with them. I know do my own thing and count calories. It is working well for me so far.

My goals for the week are to continue with my eating and exercising. I'd like to also include some weight lifting in my exercise routine. I have several hand weights and think they would be great for my arms.

Murphy, oops L.A. huhg? Big difference b/t that city and the State.

Red, glad you are going to the gym today. Remember, you want to look sexy in you new clothes when you go to M...I forgot (where are you going to cover those horse races?) Your talk of the color red also got me thinking. I think that red also stimulates the appetite. Here in the States many people have painted their dining rooms red. I love the color. It is my second favorite to purple. I like your bagel recipe. I love bagels. I stay away from them as much as possible b/c of the high carbs. My favorite is sundried tomato bagels.

Shan-keep up with the journal. It is great. Also don't be afraid to add the weights. It will make you lose weigh much faster. Muscle burns more fat!

Wow, I feel welcome!

I htink I figured out the wieght slider thingy too..Let's see:

Doinmybest: You can do it! I like your positive attitude. Only 16 pounds left, that is awesome! I have about 20-25 left to lose. I want a 5 pound fudge factor b/c of water weight, etc.

Hi everyone!
 

How is everyone tonight??? :D
I just got home from the library where I spent 5 hours reading one article of about 15 that I need to read. It was this 60 page long explanation of ideology and I swear I had to look every other word up in a dictionary! Why do people have to use every big word they ever learned when they write. I mean really- how egoisitic! ;)

Doinmybest- Welcome!! We are glad to have you in our group! It sounds like you just need a little extra support and we can help with that. Normally we are a really chatty group- we are a little off our groove lately. I think we all just got really busy so things will get busier I am hoping!
You are writing a book? Is it nonfiction or fiction? I am working on a mystery novel and a book recaping every memory I can remember- project for me not for publication and for my mom who is doing a similar thing. The mystery is moving slowly but I am in school right now and working so time is limited to work on it. It is more a stress reliever for me and creative outlet but I am going to try to publish it when I finish writing it.
Anyway- glad you decided to join us and look forward to getting to know you better.

stormy- hows it shaking? How is school treating you?
The challenge with the bf is going well- we weigh in on Wed to see who is ahead. I forgot to weigh in today for the board so I will do that tomorrow morning. I have been working out with Maya and doing my DDR game a lot so my legs are SO sore! It feels good though and I am happy I am getting my act together.

Red- You have a unique and thought provoking outlook on life sometimes. I like to see things from your perspective because we are totally different in how we weigh things in our mind. It is a real benefit to read how you approach things.
The gym situation will work itself out- just realize like you said that you can't use the gym being out of the neighborhood as an excuse. You can do it! I know you can. My opinion- go with the gym with the best vibe hands down no matter the location. You have to feel inspired and motivated to work out. It should feel like a treat for yourself so enviroment is important.
As for the horoscope- meeting someone that changes your life might be a totally nonromantic thing. It could be a work buddy, someone you drink with, a guy you meet on the subway, or anyone really. I just have a feeling (and I put it into your horoscope) that the tide is changing with you and in that change is a person that helps you along. I just go with what I feel in your scopes. ;)
As for me- I will weigh in on Wed for official challenge with bf and tomorrow to post on here. I am worried however that the damn scale will betray me yet again and I am not going to take the disappointment well because I have been pretty good. I need to see a difference!
Oh and by the way- did you see Demi Moore in GI Jane? - she was anything but scrawny. She bulked up. Big *** muscles.

Shanberg- Glad to see you on again. It stinks that it can't be from home but get on when you can.
I will PM you my email and thanks for the list. I - like you- think that sometimes it is just easier to write it down- it is portable and you dont have to log on etc to record things. Besides I am always scared I will post my stuff for public consumption and I write when I am eating emotionally so I can try to stop the pattern. Embarasssing stuff to post for just anyone to read. It would be my luck there would be a glich in the system and it would be emailed to everyone who subscribes to fitday how I stuffed my face over something stupid like a bad day. :lol:

Okay well need to go to bed so I am going now. Tomorrow is Monday (for most of us) so it is a support day and also a focus day on how we stay motivated. Anyone got any new tips or tricks they have picked up? What kind of image are you hoping to achieve for yourself or others?

And- here is your question of the day-
What is your favorite-
book-
movie-
TV show-
and song-
of all time?
Have a great day everyone!!

Hi guys, wasn't going to write because it's already bedtime but I will a bit anyhow just to stay caught up. Today was good eating wise. I brought chocolates for the guys at work and didn't touch them myself. It wasn't even hard though there were times around 4 or so where I wanted that chocolate or sugar fix. Unfortunately, I've been reaching for the coffee again. Must not start that again. I had been off it in the afternoon. Maybe that's why I was eating chocolate again, the caffeine.

*****

shanberg -- good to hear from you again. It's tough not having the Net at home. Whenever you can get on we love to hear from you! How is your hand?! That sounds awful! Good luck on your weigh-in. It's already Monday night here. I'm so glad to hear I said something that made sense to you and maybe helped you! I do get on the soapbox a bit much. Just ignore me if I start to annoy you! Shanberg, don't think you have or had such a big problem. So many, many people don't believe in themselves or their dreams at one point or another or maybe most of the time for some. I think it's good to err on the "love it or leave it" side of things but I do try to reflect on what others are saying at least to keep my mind open, at least ask, think it over, see a bit of truth in things if it may be there, throw the rest out. . whatever. Reality is such a relative concept, perspectives, taste even moreso. Yes, I work with mostly men. They are exasperating at times. Of course it makes the day go more easily because they are so easily influenced and I have fun with them most of the time. They are much more frank and joke around much more than the women I know and I love that. But they can be so touchy too! Ah well, I don't mind. Except it does get annoying when they make google eyes at every young girl who comes walking down our end of the room. Oh yes, I'm with stormy, definitely don't be afraid of the weights. I love them!!

stormy -- there you go again reminding me of something I have to do! You're psychic! It was Dubai I was thinking of going to but I haven't applied. Can't bring myself to spend so much money when I'm so in debt. It's money I don't have. Tomorrow is the deadline. I sent out some emails to people to ask for advice. If I feel I can cut costs by writing a bit or see the trip as a possible investment by getting to know some other people then maybe I'll decide to go. Tough decision though. Oh, God, a red dining room! Egads! I would feel ill. Do they really do that? Wow. I just had a bagel, my second today. Uh-oh, onion or everything, those are my favorites. Yum.

doinmybest -- hi there. I didn't see stormy's post about Louisiana or your response before i posted mine though I see it was on there before mine. Ok, so it's the city. I have a friend there. Was there end of 2003 too down in, oh, where was that? near venice beach, I'm drawing a blank, I want to say Malibu, Monterey, oh!! I can't think of it, had a nice name. . . . SANTA MONICA, yes, I had to look it up on the Net. Was there to visit my cute young thing, as I called the guy I was with. Things took a bad turn there though. We saw a guy try to commit suicide off the end of the pier at the wharf and I just knew it was an omen. Sure enough, things started going bad. We'd met in Tokyo, hit it off in New York and I flew over from Tokyo to meet in L.A. Ah, at least it was romantic! don't mind me. I'm a hopeless romantic with a razor-edged flipside. Perhaps the term is nuts!

Crime girl -- wow, a lot of reading. Congrats for slogging through it! Uh oh. What did I say? When people start saying I have a "unique and thought-provoking outlook" on things I figure I've either pissed them off or they think I'm, what was that? a bit around the bend, and they're just being very diplomatic about it. :lol: You say it's a benefit to hear how I approach things but I worry. You must realize that I do a lot of quick thinking, quick writing and you mustn't take what I say as being the whole picture. . unless of course it was something you liked! I like the idea of someone changing my thinking. Can't say I can remember anyone today but I'll think about it. Oh, that was yesterday wasn't it. Today was something else romantic sounding. Oh well, I am looking for it, always looking for the romance.

By the way I got to the gym before work! jogged, biked, lifted weights!! Hurrah for me. Went in to Tokyo station, bought chocolates for the guys and then went to work. Was in a great mood most of the early part of the day, started to go downhill because one of the young guys started arguing about something he'd been shirking and I got pissed off at the usual cajoling banter and got honestly angry with him. Like shanberg said, working with guys can be such a pain at times. They have to have their little shows, their little poses and can't be seen as a wimp in front of their buddies. It's tough because I say anything these days! Well, I've get to get to sleep. Good luck with the scale this week Crime Girl. Be consistent. Stay consistent! The scale can't hold out against consistency and you will force it to show a drop in your weight.

Heh, grasshopper, where are you?!?! NBK, michi, Jacque?!!? Come back!! Shane! . . .oops, that was a different thread. . .

Great job hitting the gym, Red! Woohoo! So you spoiled those guys by buying them chocolate,huh? Glad you did not break down and eat any!

CG, school is going ok. Too much work, too little time. I go back this weekend so I have major work to do.

OK I am off to work I'll check in later.

I hope everyone has a great day!

Also, before I leave for work I need to report my final weight loss for my Valentine's Day challenge. I lost 8 pounds not 10 as I hoped to. So for my Easter challenge I will try to lose 6 pounds. I am starting today so please try to keep me accountable!

I Did It!!!!!
 

I actually did it! I dropped below the 260 mark! I lost 1.5 pounds! Wwwheewww!!! I am so totally excited! I can barely sit still! I am pumped beyond belief. I kept getting on and off the scale this morning just to make sure I wasn't imagining or reading it wrong!!!!!

Thank-you all soooo much for your support! You have all been such help and inspiration! Know this...if I can do it, so can you!!!!!!


Red - Don't worry too much about me. I always listen with an open ear. Its when people keep making the same negative comments/actions that I start moving away from them!

I hear ya about the guys! I love them, but sometimes they drive me a little nuts! And, you are right about the drooling over the young things! They'll call me and make a comment about a hottie. I tell them, I'm not gay, call me if its a cute guy! Sounds like your guys are as dramatic as mine. They always blow everything out of proportion! Sometimes its like a Shakespere play around here!

Great job on going to the gym! I know how you feel about not having money. I never have any. I barely make it without bouncing a check each month! Its hard being single, but having the same bills as a couple does. I bought a house, so most of my money goes toward my payment! I love it though! Wouldn't change it for anything!

My hand is okay. I just got a little crazy with the mop! Made my thumb swell like crazy! But it was worth it! My house looks GREAT!!!

Crime Girl - Reading with a dictionary...so takes me back! I did an independent study on summer and had to read a bunch of Supreme Court rulings. Those codgers just love to extemporate ;) ! I had to use a dictionary AND a law book!!! It was horrible! But, to this day, I can read and understand a Supreme Court decision with no problem!

Glad your bet with your BF is working! Motivation is definately important for weight loss.

I didn't realize you were writing a book! Sounds like fun! I LOVE to read! That's all I do in my spare time (when I get some!).

I will send you my list thing! I love it. I just keep adding to it. It makes keeping up with my calories so much easier. My journal is imporatant, too. I, like you, wouldn't want the world to somehow read all my blabbering! It's just easier for me to use a journal. I can take it with me and write whenever I need to vent. It is acutally an appointment book. I just use it like a journal. Saves time having to write the date on the page everytime.

Stormy - Wha't up??? School, school, school...I'm betting! Can I ask what your major is? What year are you? I took a semester for my Master's after I got the job I have now...it was unreal. I never had any time for myself. I think I lived in the library! I decided I needed to reevaluate my future and decided I wanted to buy a house and have some kids. I couldn't do all of that and go to school, so I stopped going after that semester! I can't even imagine going to school and being married! That must really be interesting! Do you ever have you time?


Doinmybest - Do you prefer we use your real name or your screen name? Glad you decided to join. I love to talk, so I tend to post quite a bit....Can I ask what kind of book you are writing? What did you do before you started writing full time?


- question of the day-
What is your favorite-
book-hmmm...I don't have just one. I love anything Sci-fi, crime, horror, historical romance....
movie-I live for the movies. I love the Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Resident Evil..
TV show-Stargate Sg-1 and Stargate Atlantis, Monk
and song-My name is not susan...Whitney Houston..pre-psycho
of all time?
Have a great day everyone!!

Hi guys! I am back from my mini vacation to the Smokies. It was so nice to get away. But someone explain THIS to me PLEASE!!! I go on a week long vacation where food is grammed at me the whole week and I LOSE weight - only to gain it right back when I get home. Then I go on a weekend vacation where people are completely supportive to my eating needs and I eat anything that won't eat me! I am terrified to get on the scales right now! Jeans are back in the closet for now. I was BAD, BAD, BAD!!!

Welcome doingmybest! You must be a very self motivated person to be able to work on a book at home. I wouldn't get past the first page! I use to have to have to go to a coffee house just to study. I would look around the house and come up with too many things I wanted to do instead. (kind of like I'm doing now with cleaning the place :) )

Crime girl - I had something very important to tell you but that was two pages of reading ago and I forgot what it was! I will remember again. All the sugar has been BAD for my brain :) I'm so glad BF is playing nice about the diet and weightloss now! Mine did the total oposite about eating out. He drags me all over the city to places where I can't find food but when he goes on Southbeach - the diet that every place has a special menu for - he can't eat out because he doesn't want cheat! I wanted to smack him - except that I'm not a "smacker." I'd look silly trying to.....

Red - I like the decluttering idea. How far did you get? Did I read all of that right? We are in the process of doing that too...mostly because the friends we spent the weekend with are coming back to NC next week and may stay overnight with us during their trip. We are pretty cluttered right now. Need to get rid of the junk and put things back in their places.

Stormy - your cruise sounds wonderful and a great goal/reward. Plus you get to spent precious time with your family. I use to do a mother daughter thing with my mom once a year but her new job doesn't let her take much time and she doens't budget it for our m/d trips - she's more of a "I want to take monday off" kind of vacation day spender.

Shannon - look at what you started :) I have 4 balls, thank you very much. One is much bigger than the others though - it's a volley ball :) BF found his gift. He likes it. Of course he listed the sports he's willing to try and suddenly Tennis wasn't on his list anymore - AFTER he saw the gift. He's a sporting snob. Use to be in perfect shape - a lean/mean cycling machine! Then he fell in love with big jump type bikes and became this teenager that overtakes office complexes after hours and jumps off their rooftops. I guess you can be chubby and still respected in that "sport." because suddenly he didn't care about his weight or what he ate.......now he is concerned again and wants to do NOTHING besides ride that bike. NOTHING!!! Don't get me wrong I love bikes too but he's a biking freak!

Well I'd better get to cleaning my house! Talk to everyone later. I might not check in today as it's Valentine's day and I want to spend as much of it as possible with BF.

I won't beat around the bush - I really need some help getting my plan back into action! I just dont' want to eat healthy food right now. Not at all. I know if I just get through 3 days I'd be fine but they seem SO LONG! Right now!! Help guys!!

Hey everybody!

For no apparent reason, I lost 1.5 pounds this morning...It must be the lifting of my spirits...:)

SHAN- congrats on the new decade! I love it when that happens! Dan, be careful of yourself...I hav NEVER cleaned so hard my hand swelled....

RED- sometimes you feel better after you do better. So just stay the course and give yourself some good self talk. Be your own best friend for encouragement.
How freaky to see a dude try to kill hmself on the pier! Santa Monica is a super -hip place...Quite honestly, I don't spend much time there...I'm more of the greenich-village alternative type.
The west-side of LA is too beautiful for me...

CG- 5 hours on one article? why WHY do people write like that? It's a crime

STORMY- Is it stormy monday? *giggle* I should listen to you all and keep a journal I KNOW that is what I need. it makes all the different. I can't control my behaviour if I'm not paying attention to what it is.

HOPPER- I love writing in coffee shops too. I'm lucky, there are some major good one switint walking distance.
As for trying to eat healthy...Youknow, when I start to eat bad things, it just makes me crave more. I find that if I can just focus on the healthy foods I like and get full on those It is easier to go forward. Good luck! If it were easy, everyone would do it...

Lots of people have asked me what I'm writing about...Okay:
It is a true story of how at age 18, I and my family chose to go to Far East Russia to become missionaries, arriving the day the USSR fell. It is a coming of age story, where the main character tries to come out of evangelical religious tyrrany at the same time as an entire country struggles to recover from political tyrrany.

As to what I used to do...I ran conferencing, mostly the It side for video/web/audio for big international firms. It was/is fun, but now they are hiring two peole to do my job. HA! I think everything works out for the best.

Hey! If you are interested, and have some time, I have a website where I made the story of my leaving into an allegorical parable. :blush: "Miriam the Camel Driver"
I'm proud of it.

www.murphyhorner.com


NOW I'm going to get my sneaks on and spend some time with Billy Blanks. GO!

Laters!

Howdy, all...

One last check in before I head for the hills....

Little Grasshopper - I am really glad you had a good time on your mini-vacation! It is always good to get away!

I know how hard it is to come back from relaxation, where you ate what you wanted and didn't think about it (b/c you were on vacation). It's really hard to get your mind wrapped back around eating right and healthy. My only advice is to look at all you have accomplished...do you want to lose all that and slide backwards? I would suggest slowly getting back into the groove. Start off slowly, like you were just beginning. Start incorporating better eating and exercise, adding more and more each day. That might help you out.

Okay...now for the bossy advice!! Yes, it sucks..going from carefree to super careful! Life would be so much easier if we could just eat whatever and never have to worry about where it lands. But, we can't! You have done so good for so long. I can't (and won't) let you give up now! So, buckle up and get back on the horse! Remember that what you put in your mouth today will end up on your butt tomorrow!

Okay, I will stop now. You can get back...just don't give up...

Morning all! A late riding lesson today so I have extra time this morning. I may put in a call to the father. It's still Valentine's Day there. Got two replies to mail I'd sent out about whether to go to Dubai or not. The mag in the States is sending someone so that means no work for me. Guy with the horses thinks the big race times are bad to get people's attention. I think he's right and besides I don't have the money to buy clothes and maybe right now, even if I kick *** for the next five weeks, I won'T look so hot, just sweaty. Friend there, no reply. She'll probably be busy. Hmm. Don't know yet what to do. Probably shouldn't go. Need to concentrate on work here. . . Thanks, everyone, for your congrats on getting to the gym. That felt really good to have done and it's so nice to get some recognition from you all. No one else is going to care anywhere else, in fact, if I tell people at work, they are more likely to feel about themselves and then try to make me feel bad about what I did. They only see the results and not the struggle. Why is it that people don't applaud success unless they know it comes with a struggle and even then would more often than not rather see you trip up at the last moment. Jealousy I guess, a ready excuse for their continued sloth and lack of discipline. It's every bit as hard for me as anyone. I think if I get anywhere it's only because I'm more stubborn. . . isn't that supposed to be a bad trait? Oh, wait, let's just call it perserverance, persistence, tenacity, sticktoitiveness instead. . .

*********

stormy -- yup, I spoiled those guys. Don't know why. And the production people were a loss because they took the chocolate downstairs and I never heard about it. Probably a lot of others ate it and they didn't know who it was from. It was good chocolate too! Oh well, I wasn't really looking for thank-yous and all. Couldn't bear to be stingy and not bring something. I waited to put it out in the morning on my desk. This means, all the guys, already horribly spoiled by the Japanese custom (and these are foreigners!) are going, "Heh, where's my chocolate?" I just say, "yes, where IS your chocolate? That was my very question!" and they don't pursue it because they know I will get angry and also I'm always bringing stuff in anyhow when there's no occasion at all 'cept for the fact that the money was burning a hole in my pocket and I passed by some good-looking stuff on sale or something and I'm a sucker! So yesterday, just when thay all figured I had nothing for them I brought it out and they all (perhaps) felt guilty. :lol: Ah, stormy, you got so close to making your challenge I am ashamed. I am UP from the start of mine. I don't know. It's so discouraging because I thought it was going to be easy. Well, congratulations! Eight pounds is a ton! Hope you're proud. You must feel great!

shanberg -- :cp: Hurrah for you!! :spin: How wonderful that you are below 260. Great! Great! GREAT! I'm so glad for you! Keep at it and you will soon be into the 40s. Eyes on the next step. I hope this lift will be like a strong tailwind pushing you toward your goal. Yes, with the guys at work, it can be fun and then not at all. It's tiring really so some days I just pull my head in and let it all go by without a comment. I think they feel my utter boredom then and it takes away from their fun. Guys are really like so many hot-air balloons. Wow, you have a house. That's cool. I too have more bills than married people with two or three kids because of my animals and the high upkeep costs. But that's my choice and I don't talk about it because most people think raising kids is somehow more important. I say it's not at all. We don't live in a country where they're trying to raise the population or make soldiers. It's their choice too. And a lot of our choices are linked to circumstance as well and decisions we made with what we saw in front of us and what we held in our hearts as being best for us. I have held out. Here, the pay scale is so lopsided, single women lowest, married guys highest. I have to find a way to get around it. Still thinking. Still hoping. I need a dose of courage.

grasshopper -- there you are!! I forgot you were going off again. Didn't you just take a vacation to your grandmother's! Or was that an obligatory visit and this was the real vacation? I'm just jealous. Glad you enjoyed it. It sounds to be like you do well when people are trying to oppose you because it brings out your me-against-the-world thinking and you're a fighter but when you're alone you want to pamper yourself with food. Sounds like you are like me in that you are feeling the deprivation of your restricted diet and overeat. It sounds like you still have to eat less. This is my realization too. I can't be working out like a demon and eating so much and then when the exercise slacks off still eat like an athlete in training. I have to learn to eat less and less and make the food that goes into be highly nutritious so I don't end up looking like so many people around me here, skinny but not healthy-looking and these are people in their 20s. What will they look like 20 years down the road? Like roadkill, no doubt! grass, i am trying to do little bits of decluttering because I now think of it as letting energy into my room, allowing it to flow, cleaning crud because I want to bring good, clean things into my life. I don't see it as becoming less of a slob or as wanting to look good for someone else, to be able to show off my room. I see it now as something purely magical like. It's great! I love the idea. So, grass, come on, get with it with your eating. You don't have to be a major health nut with the eating, just don't be pushing really awful stuff into your mouth. Nowadays, when people suggest a fastfood place, I simply say, nonjudgmental like, "that's not food." and say no more. The garbage is just not an option. That's the real bad stuff. The choices lie elsewhere. Maybe you need to try to find other reasons not to eat certain things other than you're "not allowed" it.

doinmybest -- congratulations to you too! Great that you lost 1.5 lbs! Who knows WHY you lost it. Just rejoice and kick on! You're going to come out A-OK!! Yeah, that guy jumping off the pier and then floundering around in the dark was spooky. It was like he chickened out. We heard the splash as someone went in and then heard him out there crying for help and realized he really wanted help. Luckily the rescue guys went in after him. They had a light and were playing it on him. They were hesitant to jump in I guess there are all sorts of kooks who would hurt you if you went in or who are just kidding. But the guy was calling for help, saying he couldn't swim and he was fully clothed of course and so finally the rescue guy stripped down and dove in and they were able to bring him out. He was crying and obviously just in a sad state emotionally. It was a quiet night and so people heard him. If the ocean had been rougher we wouldn't have been able to. also, though it was dark it was early enough that there were people down at the end of the pier. It's a beautiful place down there, beautiful but eery and scary. I could see how someone feeling fragile could just decide they couldn't handle things anymore and want to give themselves up to it. But hitting the water I guess awakens your survival instincts and the fact that it's not the welcoming place it so seductively seemed to be. I didn't really like Santa Monica as far as the atmosphere went. I mean, it was perfect for what I wanted, an ecape into a kind of fantasy world, which is really what this fling with the guy probably was all about. He is in film and that's why he was there from N.Y. helping with the making of the film. Westwood or something, some fancy area, that's where they were. I met the director and actors and all and it was just so, oh, grown people so full of themselves. So plastic and playing with life, out of touch I'd say, calling their egotistic, neurotic drivel art. Another friend works at the Japnese-American newspaper downtown and that was much more real. We get out of the car and some dude rolls over saying he'd fix our meter for the change. He pulls out a straightened paper clip or something and jiggled in around in the meter to add time. Ok, cool. He's making his living. I admire his resourcefulness. Guy's head is probably working a lot better than those film people. To me, that's life. I just wish people would learn to break out of their boxes and use their resources to better themselves, but how can they do that when no one's helping and they no doubt feel this is their place in life. doinmybest, I'll check out you writing later. I gave it a quick look. You sure are prolific! Have fun with it!

********

shanberg -- hi there! just saw your post. Have your come down yet from your victory!?!?

Shanberg-congrats on your victory. Doesn't it feel great? You asked what I was going to school for. I work in Physical Therapy (been out for about 7 years) and I am now working on my Doctor of Physical Therapy. I work full time and go to school full time. It is tough but oh well.

Doin-congrats on your weight loss too. Every little bit helps! So you like Tae Bo huh? I do Tae Bo a couple of times a week. I love it! All of my tapes are atleast 4-5 years old. Have you tried any of his new stuff? I saw a cardio DVD at Walmart yesterday but I did not buy it b/c I do not want it if it is the same stuff as the old Tae Bo advanced tapes. Do you happen to know? Which Tae Bo ones do you use?

Red-you will lose for this challenge. I have a feeling that you are more determined this time. Losing weight is not easy but we can and will do it.

GH, I am glad you are back. Do not feel bad about vacation, let it go. You will pick up and get into your routine again. It takes time like everything else but I know you will do it. You seem to be one of those people who are very connected to their bodies. Listen to it! You know what it takes to make you feel good and function. I bought a new video last week. As you know I work out from home. I have been doing Windsor and Denise Austin's Pilates from home but I get bored with it. Well since I like the whole theory behind Pilates I decided to keep doing it. I bought a video by The Crunch called Burn and Firm Pilates. It is a lot of standing Pilates some done with light weights. I have never done much standing Pilates, mainly just mat, but I did like the video. She gives lots of verbal cues and tries to remind people to keep their Pilates form. It will give me a little bit more variety with my Pilates workouts. Do you do much standing Pilates in your class?

Hi guys - tomorrow I need to get back on track. I'll be avoiding the scales for a while. This has been a major back slide!!! I have two full days though so nights will be the big problem time. Thanks for the support. I do need it!! When I'm weak - I'm really REALLY weak!

Stormy - I have never done standing pilates. One of the trainers I really like is being trained on the machine they use. I am planning to train with her once she is finished with her classes.

Red - Go for the de cluttering!! I like it! I do that sort of - when life gets really hectic I clean my house. I use to clean my office. It cleared my head - and my office :) Today I spent most of the day cleaning. (partly because my new steam buggy arrived and I needed some time to use it :)

Shannon - thank you for the advice - I am going to print it out and keep it. I'll be needing it over the next few days. It's the 3 day hurdle i struggle with. I know I'll be fine once I'm over it.

Well I need to go spend the rest of my night with BF. He got me a tree pruner for V-day. I LOVE it!!!! Very practical and I really really love working in my garden and yard! He knows me so well :)

feeling stuck still. . .
 

Hi people. Help! I am feeling stuck and hopeless again. I got on the scale this morning and even though it was AFTER I ate and I usually weigh before, and I had a lot of salty things the day before the number just made me sick. . . . I NEED a sign that I am indeed even ABLE to get this weight off again. I really don't understand it. I'm not eating more than I used to. I guess it is all the exercise and lost muscle mass. Amazing really, what a difference muscle makes. No wonder guys have it easier. Even without exercising they have more muscle. Oh, rant, boo-ho, boo-hoo. I'm just feeling sooooo fat! I went riding, went straight to the gym afterward, jogged, did some leg weight training, took the bus home though. My knees are hurting and my feet and I just thought I shouldn't push it.

grasshopper -- Yeah, I like shannon's words too. I wish I could use them too but I can't because this is the fattest I've been in years. Everyone is so sweet and saying I can do it and I'm really trying it SEEMS but nothing's happening. I just don't understand why this fat is sticking to me like this.

Sweet of the boyfriend to get your pruners. If it made you happy, then good. ;)

What, by the way, is a steam buggy?

Well, how have you been? Any sign of strength yet? What do you think is happening? What do you feel like when you get "weak?"

stormy -- you see me ranting above. That's the way I feel, despite your sweet words. Why is everyone else seeming to be losing weight and I can't make it come off. My body is bulging really grossly, in awful places. I feel like I move so much too. Is perhaps something going wrong with my hormones that this is happening? I don't know. It is just so weird. I guess I'm just going to have to count calories as that's the only true way to know what I'm putting in my mouth everyday. This extra 10 lbs I think is making my knees and feet hurt and that never happened before. This is making me feel really, really out of shape. Ok, sorry for the rant. stormy, when do you ever find time to exercise to your tapes with your busy schedule? Are you doing WW, by the way? I forgot what people were doing what. Really need something to make me feel less fat. Jeez. What is this? Could giving up sugar be making me hold onto water? It's usually the opposite. Could the salty things I've been eating be doing it to this extent. Oh well, just stick it out, stick it out, stick it out!!!

Ok, guys, I'm going to bed. I decided not to go to Dubai after all. It was a really hard decision but I just have to pull my head in a bit with the finances and this wasn't going to be cheap. Sure, 5-star hotel was cheaper than it would have been but it was still expensive for me and what the heck what am I going to do in a five-star hotel alone!!? I feel bad about this because I told people I was going but what the heck, I think I need more of a break, a cheaper and more relaxing one. If I had gone I may have been able to work and get stories and sell them and cover expenses but then I wouldn't have had any holiday and a new country while you're working can be very tiring, especially when you have to focus on the race alone and not the rest of the place. Ok, just wanted to get that off my chest. Good night! Hope to see some life around here when I wake up. :wave:

Good morning guys. Well today is day one - again. :) I need to be really good and stubborn for 3 days in a row and then I should start feeling like my old self again.

Red - you asked what I feel like when I'm weak - it's mostly and emotional thing. Like I "say" I'm not going to eat that but 10 minutes later it's vanished, except for the crumbs I'm getting rid of still :( It takes me the first three full days of going "cold turkey" and then I start feeling more in control of my food....the first two weeks are the most difficult. I still crave things but it gets better daily. After two weeks it feels like a lifestyle again. And I'm usualy solid. I just played too much when I came back from vacation. Had wine too often, then dessert. Oh, and I tried to get rid of the rice cookies and rice ice cream and found that having no sweets at all in the house is pretty hard for me!! I ended up cheating on things that are bad for me - like peanut butter and honey. Peanut butter is full of hydrogenated oils - a HUGE cause of pain and swelling in the body! I don't touch the stuff, unless I have no other choice at all!!

I'm sorry you're having such a low point. I know it must be exhausting to up and down and I'm really sorry you're having to go through it. Are you reading any books that might help motivate you? Does getting on the scales keep you from gaining or just make you feel horrible about yourself when you do. They don't stop me from gaining - I'm thinking of getting rid of them! Seriously!! As for you hormone question - yes it can easily be hormones. Remember when I found out mine were out of wack and had to start walking 30 minutes a day for stress relaxation. I lost pretty easily then. I need to start doing that again. Any time you're under great stress your hormones have to struggle to keep up and produce the right amount of whatever you'll need at the right time.....all of that can make you gain or lose weight easily. If you tried to focus only on the gym - would you go everyday (or five days a week?) If you could do it 2-3 weeks in a row you'd probably start seeing results you like but the body needs consistency otherwise it stores for the famine.

I wish I was more creative - I'd write you a horoscrope too :) I'm not the creative one - I'm the one that hits my head against the same wall until I've hit it enough to knock it down. Sorry. I will check back in later. Have a great day!

Oh, Red, Red....I am sooo sorry you are having such a hard time. I can feel the frustration through my computer screen. I've been there, oh, have I been there. The work, the agonizing, the doing without...then the complete and total devistation of the scale. Where did I go wrong? Oh, yes, I know where you are coming from.

Okay, I try not to do this, because I feel like a preachy know-it-all, but I think this might help. I learned this in my psych class (thats right, psychology-not health!). When a person goes on a diet, then off, then on, then off...you get the picture...each time the body catches on much faster than the previous time. It goes into protection mode. It senses you are dieting and slows the metabolism down sooner than the previous diet attempt. That is why it is harder to lose each time a person starts a new diet. The body KNOWS what you are up to. That is also the reason people that alternate calories/fat lose faster/easier than those that do not. They are keeping the body from realizing what is going on. Some people call it shocking the system, but what is really happening is the body isn't aware you are dieting.

Also...you DO NOT LOSE FAT CELLS!!! They shrink as you lose weight (thus, lyposuction). When you stop dieting, your metabolism is still slow (in protection mode), but your intake of fat and calories increases. The fat cells start filling up. Since they were shrunk, they now hold less...which means in order for them to handle the excess material they split. So, instead of 100 fat cells, you now have 200. That is why people who go off a diet for a while gain so fast and so easily.

Okay...I know this isn't very reassuring, but I wanted you to know that what is happening could very well be a result of your body's reaction to your going off your diet. Your body is very smart.

Now, for my take on things....If you want to lose weight, you have to take control of your life. You have to make a concious decision that you are going to lose and you are going to eat right. I know you are having serious mental stress right now. That is definately contributing to your weight issues. I would suggest small, baby steps. Start with something you can change successfully. I had to choose something I knew I would succeed at...if I had failed, I would've stopped right there. You have already started with the gym. Maybe now you can change something in your eating. Add more fruit. Try to eat every two to three hours. Make small meals and snacks. Choose one day of "freedom" where you can eat whatever you want. But, the rest of the week you have to eat on plan and healthy. I know you don't really want to count calories, but I assure you, it is worth it. Once you see what you are eating and putting into your body, you will better be able to make changes that will help you shed the pounds.

I know you can do this. Right now you are having a really hard time just living life and getting through each day. Add your stress over your weight...it's no wonder you are feeling so down. I know you were trying a sort of carefree approach to your weight, but I just don't think you can do that. You want to lose too badly (I'm sorry, I know that was harsh). I think if you got back on a "diet," with your going to the gym, that you would lose weight.

Don't let the scale dictate your life. It is an inanimate object that feels nothing...for you or anyone. Anyone that can move to a foreign country and live can win the struggle over weight. I admire you so much for that. I would never be able to move to a different country to live. And you have such a great personality! You are funny and smart.

I want you to succeed. I will do whatever you need to help you get there. I feel like I was a little hard on you, but I am afraid you are going to give in to your grief and quit. If I hurt you, I am sorry, that was not my intention. Please don't give up. Even though I have lost, I still stick out in odd places. Especially my stomach. If that would just shrink my life would be almost perfect.

Hang in there, Red. You are not alone....

Red,things do not always happen on our time. Stay away from the evil scale. Keep exercising and eating as healthy as you can. Do not weigh. I know that it is hard to not do it but just don't. It takes time. You WILL NOT lose overneight. It takes about 8-12 weeks to even notice a change in clothes for some people. I have days like you that I feel really fat. You just need to pull yourself through it. Remember you have control over this and it will come. Consistency is the key!!! Also, for every pound overweight that we are it puts about 7 pounds of extra force through our knees. Crazy huh? For example, I am lugging around an extra 20 pounds. That is 140 extra punds of force through my knees. I have to look back in some of my old physical therapy books, but that may even be 7 pounds PER knee. In fact, now that I am thinking about it I think it is per knee. I am sorry that you can not make that trip. It would have been great for you to get away and also make some connections while you are at it. Well instead of looking good for that let's almost make a plan for you to lose it for your riding. Just think how light and graceful you will feel on Heidi. As far as me finding time for exercise despite my crazy schedule, I HAVE to. I do it for me. It is the one thing that I do for me that I know will make me more productive and also it will be beneficial for everyone b/c it allows me to focus more and have more energy. Months ago (like before Dec) when I wasn't as serious about losing weight, I only exercised 30 mins/day. When I did it, I did it half-***. For example, I would get on the elliptical and watch a tv show while I was working out. I would not concentrate on developing a lean, strong body. My heart was not into it but I went through the motion b/c I have always exercised and I knew that it was something I had to do. When I b/c serious about it and started to work out longer and put my heart and soul into it the weight started to come off. So now it is scheduled in my schedule each day like it is a part of my job.

GH, you will make it through this week. You may have threw your metabolism into overdrive on vacation and that it what made you initially lose a few on vacation. I know that if I eat out on cheat day and weigh myself a day or two later I have lost it. It happens sometimes. You'll do fine and you lose that little bit of extra weight before you know it. Have you got back into your exercise routine since you have been back?

Shan, you are a great support and motivator to this board. Thank you for being who you are!

Everyone:

When I was at my highest, at ~230, I had just been through a tough tough time. I was in a bad relationship, self-esteem in the toilet.

I had pretty much decided, at age 26, that I would never turn a guy's head again.

But then, I changed my mind. I decided that I wanted to be in control of my life, and that beauty was on the inside. That a woman is beautiful until proven otherwise.

I took the took to appreciate my body, and from the safe place of appreciating it and loving what it could do for me, I worked to improve it.

So, Red, and everybody, don't be disgusted with your body. Don't hate differentparts of it. Think about the good things it does for you every day. Appreciate your body and love yourself.

Then it is is makes more sense to do the things that help your body, and help you.

There is no need to stay being sad. Thre are many reasons to have joy at all the good things life has, and the good things our bodies can do and that we can do.

It's true. Turn your thoughts around towards the good things and leave the bad behind.

((hug))

Hi people. Before 5 a.m. Was going to sleep in a bit but a big tremor had me out of bed fast! They said it wasn't that big but it sure felt big! and some stuff fell off some high places. Scary. I had my coat on. Don't know where I'd go but I just don't want to be under the rubble of my building, which is only 2 stoeys but I'm on the first floor (ground floor). That big quake in Kobe was early in the morning too. I hate these things!

Actually the initial reports (they have them on TV immediately) had the tremor lower but later ones said it was bigger. They use a scale here of I think 1-6 and it's just by feel. They were saying 3 but then upped it to 4 in Tokyo. The center of the quake was northeast of here where I would have been this morning if I'd gone to the racehorse training center. There it was a weak 5. Some stuff feel off my refrigerator and a mirror I have propped up against the wall shifted. That's all I noticed. The water pressure was down but now it's normal again. Oh well, just giving you quake reports. . .
Just looked up the time of the Kobe quake. That was 5:46 a.m. This one was 4:46 a.m. Funny.

I have to tell you about something my horse did yesterday that was just too cute. Sorry to sound like a gushing parent as your eyes glaze over but . . . I had cut up carrots and hung them in a bag next to her stall while I got ready with other stuff and before I picked out her hooves. I always do some stretches with her with the carrots before we head out to get tacked up. I don't think the stall door is usually closed but today I had left it open.

I wasn't away for long, but when I came back in and from the end of the row I see carrot slices strewn all around her stall! I called out her name in a stern voice and when I get to her stall she's up against the back wall looking at me like, "I don't know, it wasn't me. I've been back here all the time."

It was so funny that she thought I was going to get angry. I guess she knew she shouldn't have been trying to get that bag off the hook and eat the carrots! It must have been hard to do too because even with the door open there's a bar across the door and the hook is pretty far away. She must have really, really stretched and then to knock it off the hook too. Ah, it was funny. I just scolded her with my voice a bit but I certainly couldn't be angry. My fault for leaving them there and all and of course she's going to go after them. But that back against the wall!, so funny, so cute. She came forward when I went to pick up all the carrots in her stall and in front and then I said sternly, "Heidi, you're a bad girl!" and she went running off to the back of the stall again. :lol: Gosh, the way she reacted you'd think I was really mean to her which of course I'm not. She just must have thought she'd done a really naughty thing.

Ok, just thought I'd share. I will write about all your lovely responses in a bit. . . .

Crime girl! Where are you?

OK, this must be a record, four posts in a row. It's kind of sad, don't you think, that I'm sitting here writing to myself. No, just kidding. You guys are so sweet that I just love writing to you. It's like, someone actually cares. . . DON'T tell me if it's otherwise! :lol: The earthquake, my horse yesterday, these are my high points in my sorry life. Just kidding again! I love my horse too much I think. The reason it was so cute is that she seems like a very tough horse, very stubborn and headstrong but I have always felt she was very timid actually inside. It's just that she is smart and that's why she is difficult to ride. But she never does anything bad, has no bad habits. Actually, I am hoping to have her as a horse for handicapped people. I think she would be absolutely perfect! She is small, sturdy, has smooth gaits, is healthy, super gentle, is not taken to running off and she is soo cute that everyone just loves her (until they try to ride her) But I am trying to have her do things that are actually against what a disabled rider at low-levels needs, which is a horse that will just move slowly and one who is not spooky. Dressage is all about big movements. But I think she is smart enough to make the distinction and that she could in fact do both. I'm not trying to take her to high levels anyhow. She really looks at the rider and changes her response to "get away" with slacking if she can. I think she would understand there was a handicapped person on her back (other than me!) and would adjust her actions. Anyhow, sorry about that again. . . .going on about nondiet things too much. . . .

OK, well, it's morning and I'm just going to continue doing what was I doing and give it a little more push. I have not had sugar or three other high-calorie things I gave up for Lent now since last Wednesday, a week ago. The sugar is hard but there is no way I'll eat it. I got past Valentine's Day. This is not a hormonally challenging time of month, however. But, I have done this before so I absolutely know I can do it. Funny how past successes give you that sense of just "knowing" you can do it. Great stuff, that.

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grasshopper -- reading your post I once again realized just how hard you have it with the incredible amount of restrictions you're under. So, when you say, you're doing bad and cheating and all, it's on an entirely different level from what I may be doing when I'm "cheating," which is more like all stops pulled, bring on the laden wagons, this glutton is chowing down!! So, I really feel for you and all I can say is your "weakness" is just being normal. To do what you need to do to stay "on program" takes a **** of a lot of discipline. To then want to lose weight on top of that, well, that is superwoman stuff. In this way, maybe the pain is a good thing, well, in that it may prevent you from eating the things that give you pain, but wow, I can't really say much except maybe look at the things you CAN eat and try to come up with new and interesting ways of preparing them using new spices and so. I am slowly buying every spice there is and really getting into them. It's fun to use them too because most people, say, at work, are just buying stuff from the convenience store to eat and to be smelling herbs coming from the microwave from my food and saying I've used 10 different spices in the vegetable curry I've made is just sooo different.

No, not reading any motivating books. The scale is a problem but I think the reason I got here in the first place these past months was because I didn't get on the scale at all. I should have probably. As for the gym, my workload is unpredictable and so heavy that I can barely justify going to the gym. When I do go, I have this feeling of I shouldn't be, the same with riding. There is so much work sitting here to be done from the publisher's and I can't bring myself to do much of it. It's so boring and so tedious and involves more sitting, sitting, sitting. I want to scream. I hate writing! editing, proofreading. Rant, rant. And grass, you don't have to be creative to write. Anything is fine and you're ahead of me with the wall-hitting. You hit til the wall comes down. I hit till my head cracks!

stormy -- damn! I should have taken your advice. I thought I would stay away from the scale but then thought, I think I'll see a drop in the numbers, got on and they were UP! :mad: I almost smashed the thing.


to be continued. . .

There, I did a little bit of proofreading and my legs fell asleep and hurt so much. I am having circulation problems or nerve problems, I don't know, with my legs and this sitting on the floor at a low table is really bad for me but I don't have anything else and no space anywhere. There is no room on the computer table because of the big monitor and another computer. This is why I can't spend much time proofing. Really have to do something. You know, that guy in from Hokkaido sneered at the proofreading work and it really has made me hate this stuff even more. It is so NOT me but I have just learned to do this **** because it is work and I am good at it. I am good at a lot of things I don't like at all! More rants. Sorry guys, I am so pissed off at things these days. By the way, I got out a pair of pants that used to be loose on me and I could barely get them over my butt. It's amazing I could as they are not stretchy and that's another thing, this stretch material is killing me! I can ignore a gain in weight so easily. I should force myself to only wear stretchy stuff on "fat" days. OK, so I get these pants on and there is a handspread width between the two sides at the front. Damn! But I will use this pair as my measure, since it's not stretchy and because I can see me getting into them by Easter. . . stormy! did you hear that?!

Yet again I suck...
 

Okay- I have not been on because I didn't want to bring anyone down and frankly I can ignore when I royally screw up because I am not forced to write about it. I am at wits end. My bf and I both just threw things out the window and ate ALL kinds of REALLY bad things for us. Burgers, candy, fries, big breakfast with fattening foods...etc..etc. I am really upset with myself and fear I will always look like a blimp. I don't want to be fat- I am good at saying that and meaning it until things go bad in my life. I have been under SO much stress lately that I fall under the delusion that I deserve to eat how I want because I am stressed and hate my life. Help!
I am sorry I haven't been responding to everyone but I am also thinking maybe I should turn the reigns of the board over to someone who is not such a screwup. Hate my body like this and have zero willpower to stop myself. Maybe I should get my mouth wired shut. Think that might help???

Now I feel guilty I have dumped all over everyone but didn't want anyone to think I am staying away because of anyone or anything said on the board.
I need to go now- sorry! Red- I am sorry there is such a lack of support. I am happy you are OK through the quakes. Be careful! Your horse story was cute by the way and made me laugh for the first time today so thanks.

Need to go study- have to work tomorrow and have a midterm next Tuesday!

ok, you're askin' for it!
 

Okay, Crime girl, enough of your nonsense, take it from the biggest moaner on the board, if you think that was a "screwup" you are Little League! And if you think that was "dumping all over everyone" let me tell you that I have been holding back big time! :rofl:

Oh, come on, stop with the "zero willpower," "I suck," "hate my body" (did I miss anything?) oh yes, "will ALWAYS look like a blimp." If you didn't screw up occasionally I don't think I would want to talk to you because I ain't supposed to meet saints till I get to the pearly gates and down here I kind of like someone I can identify with! If you aren't going to dump on us why would you be here on this forum and why would we be here? Do you think we're expecting to hear your life is great and you're losing weight every day and you and your boyfriend are in perpetual bliss. If we were we'd be chatting about our lobotomies not our problems! Zero willpower kind of people don't make time to study after working all day and "I suck," besides being a personal ad crowd pleaser, is a very relative term. Just who are you comparing yourself to? You better not hate your body because it's the only one you've got and it seems to be holding up well. And always a blimp? well, only if you have food orgies like every day now for the next few months, then I may start to worry. Like someone told me, it's just food, no big deal. You shoveled it in. It's over. You're not going to explode and it's not the end of things. It's just another day. Calm down. You don't have to run to the back of your stall and cower. We want you out here because we love you and we need you (and need more people to dump on too!) and we will have no one else as our leader so you better get your act together 'cause we know enough about you now thanks to your little questionnaire! ha! that we're goin' to come lookin' for you if you don't get your butt back here soon!! So THERE!

hi - looks like I missed a lot. Red - you really know how to write a pep talk!

Crime Girl - On and before Valentines day I had totino's pizza rolls, Ben and Jerry's chubby hubby - the whole thing - cheese sticks, mexican burrito roll things...all I know is they were fried. over the course of 4 days I had 4 bottles of wine...several other kinds of drinks....Cracker barrel...more ice cream, Wendy's value meals - supersized and all twice, mountain dews - enough to keep me awake for days!! And all the candy bars I could fit in my face!!!!! What I'm trying to tell you is I know what I feels like to feel so low because you can't stop putting food in your face. I work in a health food NUT HOUSE!!!! They know EVERY SINGLE time I cheat. I hate going there when I've cheated because I'm letting people down - the docs that treat me for free - the patients that see me as a rock they can get inspiration from......sometimes I just want to knock them off my table and say "It's my turn to cry and whine okay!! Not YOURS!!

I am not trying to say my situation is worse or anything CLOSE to that!! You are in the middle of a REALLY hard year - remember that!!!! I know what it feels like to get that frustrated with yourself, and feel that you've let everyone else down. No one here feels let down.

We want to be here for you - just like you're here for us!! And if that means we listen to you rant and rave all the time - that's what we do!!! You're not even CLOSE to that mark!!

My last year of school I gained 30 pounds, lived on valium, drank way more than I shoudl have and hid all of it but the weight because I was in school for a care taking job - and working in an alternative medicine meca! Add a drug addiction in there and I'd have been their version of an anti christ!! :) I'm so sorry things are stressful for you - but don't beat yourself up because life is incredibly stressful!! You're allowed to fall down - you're allowed to pig out sometimes and you're allowed to feel more stress than you thought possible and never want to come back to this board!!!!!!! You're allowed to feel all those things......but do me a favor - after you feel them...take deep breaths and pop in to see if anything we say makes you feel better. You deserve that!!

I am impressed with how much you deal with daily. I'm impressed with how well you handle the stresses that are constanly pushing you down while you try to climb high. I felt fat and ugly and like a total failure and still do a bit - after my vacation. We all do at times. You're not alone!!! And you can lose this weight - just like the rest of us!!! Like stormy said - sometimes things don't happen in our time......Breath - and then breath again.

We're here for you - no matter what. You're the perfect person to lead us. We don't want perfection - we want sincerity.

got to the gym again!!
 

OK, finishing my replies to everyone here. Shanberg, stormy and doinmybest, sorry for the lateness. It wasn't that I thought any less of your fantastic posts or anything. I was just writing away and ran out of time. Thank you SOOO much for all your help this morning. I tell you, it made all the difference to get up and read those messages from you. It really helped turn my day around I think. Thank you so so much.

shanberg -- "a great personality," "funny and smart"?!?! Wow, can I hire you Shannon. I need someone like you around me ALL the time. I will send you a monthly bank transfer if you just keep telling me things like this, OK? :spin: And, you had me laughing with your apologies. You don't have to tread easily with me, no walking on eggshells, in fact, you're welcome to throw eggs at me if you like. Then again, you were so sweet, maybe it is the best thing for me. . . yeah, I was really down and have been these past few days. I hear you on the on again off again dieting. And you're probably right, my body really, really knows how to put on fat. It's unbelievable really. You talk about splitting fat cells, 100, 200. I must have about 2 trillion of them! I mean, you should have seen pictures of me as a baby, we are talking ringlets of fat. I looked like a shar pei pup. (See photo below)

Actually, I don't know what's happening to tell the truth but the only way I've ever combatted my fat is through exercise. Nothing else seems to work for me. Well, thanks shan, for your kind words and encouragement. They really meant a lot to me.

stormy -- thank you so much as well. Like I said, I should have stayed away from the scale this morning but didn't. I got back on track though for a bit of exercise today though really, it's not all that much when I think of the hours I spend sitting around doing work. Yes, I hear you on the extra weight burdening the knees. And yes, Heidi, I'm sure would appreciate a lighter me. I owe it to her. Her knees I have to worry about. I did kind of want to go to Dubai but I'm OK with it now. I have to get things together a bit more here. It's too crazy, not having any money ever and then just hoping I'll make some connections. I think you're very right about me just having to put more effort into things. I thought about your saying you do it for yourself and that you HAVE to find time. I used to be like that and had gotten away from it recently. But, you're so right, I must do this. The problem is others use it against me, but I've learned to just keep quiet about it. I have you people to tell so that's more than enough!

doinmybest -- thanks you too. yes, I will love my body. I try to and usually do. It's me inside that I get down on. I am so glad you changed your mind about turning guys' heads and talking control of your life. You are an inspiration doinmybest, reminding us of all the things that are important. We have to shine on, right! :sunny: Thanks for caring. :thanks:

This here below is what I looked like at the age of 1 or so. Not nearly so cute though!

Morning!
Hope everyone is having a good day.

Red - You sound like you are feeling somewhat better. I am glad you finally poseted something about my earlier post. I was beginning to worry...I am glad I don't have to walk on eggshells. I just have to be careful because I can get really mouthy if I don't watch it!

Your story about Heidi in the stall was great! It reminded me of a story about my dog. He was part Golden Retriever and he loved water. He had a chain outside near my dad's work building. Several years ago, it rained and rained for like a week straight. There was water everywhere. I went out to check on him and could not believe what I saw...he had dug a hole big enough for his body to fit in. It had filled with water. He was in that hole just a bouncing around having the best time! I knew my dad would have a cow because the hole was so big (he was a big dog!). I went and got my mom and brother and we all stood at the edge of the house watching him play. When my dad got home, Buddy tried to jump out of the hole before he was caught, but he was so waterlogged and down in the hole he couldn't get out. My dad yelled out his name and by that time he had made it out of the hole. He looked at my dad with a look that said, "What are you yelling about...I didn't do anything!" He was covered in mud and water and just ran over to my dad like there was nothing wrong! It was soo funny. He knew he was in trouble, so he just pretended like nothing had happened. He wouldn't even walk over to the hole at all! Like it didn't exist! Animals are great! I can totally relate to your relationship with Heidi!

I can't believe you had a quake! I woulda been freaking out and running around yelling, "a quake, a quake!" Nothing like stating the obvious when you are in a panic!!!!

Don't worry about those pants. You will get back into them without any problems.

Little Grasshopper - Wow-you really had a great time on your mini vacation, huh! ;)

How are you doing on your 3 day push? Are you hanging in there? Remember to just take it one meal at a time. If it gets to stressful, take a meal break and then jump back in.

Stormy - Thanks for the sweet words. I have really enjoyed being on this board. I really like everyone and am having a blast writing all the time! Hope things are going well for you.

Doinmybest - How are ya? How's the book going?

Crime Girl - Shame on you for thinking you could bring us down! You don't have to worry about that. I don't know if you all have noticed yet, but I tend to think I can fix everyone else and their problems. Not my own, mind you, but everyone else is fair game!

Okay, so you fell off the wagon....so what? It happens. You are under a great deal of stress at the moment. I am surprised you only fell off your diet wagon and haven't gone completely postal! You have nothing to apologize for. WE all have been there!

I lurked on this website for a very long time before I choose a group to join...yours. I read your posts and really liked the comraderie and support. I read a LOT of threads and yours was the best. You all do a great job including personal info and still remain on topic of weight loss. There are a lot of other threads that seemed to want to talk about anything but weight issues.

You don't have to hide. We will never judge you. I might fuss at you and give you a scolding, but I will never judge or talk down to you. You are a great motivator and thread leader. You can't abdicate! Sorry, no one else wants the job!

Here is what I am thinking. I think you are putting WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON YOURSELF!!! You want to lose for graduation and everytime you fall off the wagon your guilt is doubled. You need to stop that immediately! It is okay to slip..and it is okay to slip big time!!! Those slips are what motivate us to keep moving. Maybe you were being too strict on yourself and that is why you caved...your body was telling you something was up and you need to rework your eating. PM your email address. I will send you my diet sheets. I eat what I want when I want. I just count calories. Pick your number and then eat to that number. When I first started, I wasn't sure I could do it. It was a lot like counting points with weight watchers. But, after a while, it got easier and easier. Since I was counting everything I was eating, I didn't feel guilty about eating it. Yesterday, I ate a half a bagel with a half a tablespoon of peanut butter for breakfast and 14 baked lays for lunch...I left work early to get my taxes done and knew I'd be near fast food. I then had points to go get me something. I ate Zaxby's. I still stayed within my points b/c I ate so little during the morning hours. I also know that if I don't eat a big meal in the evening, I will snack all night long. So, I eat small, lite meals throughout the day so I can eat a big meal at nite. These are just some tricks I have learned to help me with my weight loss. That is what you need to do. Make mental notes of what works best for you.

I know that there are some people who can diet 24/7. They eat healthy every single meal! Have you ever read one of the food threads on here? Some of the things people eat are amazing to me. There is no way in hades I could eat those things...especially every meal! I know my limitations and weaknesses. I just accept them and work around them. I have slowly changed them and shaped them. Example, I used to buy a large chicken finger meal at Zaxbys. Now, I buy the regular. I am almost at the point to where I can eat the snack and be full. Small steps. Do I still order the large...heck yea! Sometimes I even eat it all! But its okay. It's a work in progress. That's what dieting really is. It is never ending. Check out the maintainers thread if you think it is. Even though they have reached their goal, they are still fighting the fight!

So, what am I saying...you fell off the wagon and tripped the horse. You know what you did wrong. Get over it. Move on. Its okay. Stop beating yourself up about it. Lose the guilt. Stop apologizing. Take a breath and start over. Only, start smaller. Make small changes. And, most importantly, DON'T HIDE!! How can we help you if you don't tell us what is wrong? This thread works both ways. You don't have to be perfect...just be here.

Okay, I've said enough.

Will check back in later....

Hi everyone.

CG-do not feel bad about what you ate. Everyone breaks down and eats like that sometime. It is okay. Just get back on track. People are so hard on themselves. I hate to see that. So what, you messed up-you will get back on track and you will lose the weight. I ate two pieces of chocolate cake yesterday. It was my hubby's bosses birthday and so he brought home the cake. I could have just had one piece but no I had two. Oh well. I worked my butt off working out today and I am not going to let myself feel guilty. If you deny yourself too much you are bound to cheat and sometimes the cheating goes overboard. There is no need to look back it is over and done. CG, I know exactly how it is to be under tremendous pressure. I know that you will get through this. Forgive yourself!

Shan-Goldies are my favorite dogs. I want one but I have three cats and I am way to busy to give a dog attention. You are so tight about small steps. Everything should be done in small steps.

Red-do not worry about what are people think. Really, who cares what other people think? You need to do this for yourself. Did you make it to the gym today? I hope that you are trying to stay away from the scale. This is an example of how evil the scale is. I weighed myself Monday for my Valentine's Day Challenge. Since I began my Easter challenge yesterday I decided to weigh myself. Guess what I gained 4 pounds b/t Monday and Tuesday. The scale lies so do not believe it.

Hi, Stormy!

You have three cats? Wow! That's cool. I like kittens, but not cats. Weird, huh?

How was the cake? It's TOM for me and I am really wanting chocolate right now! Lucky for me, the snack machine is broken, so no cheating for me!!!

Are you the one that does Tae Bo? My brother just bought the new dvds...something about a bootcamp workout? It had a meal plan, an exercise plan, three dvds, resistance bands, and dog tags(no idea). He is totally psyched about it! He used to do Hapkido, so I think this will be good for him.

You are right about those scales...they are evil with their own agenda! You can meet your Easter goal! I will even join your crusade...what is the challenge? Maybe between you, me and red we can all drop some weight in time for the big Easter binge!

Have a great afternoon.

Hope everyone else is doing okay. Crime Girl, where are you? Are you okay?

Tootles.