I have a new light!! Hurrah! It is really bright. Didn't go to the gym because I couldn't take the big box with me, no time, but I had my stuff with me so I'm giving myself a pat on the back. Took a taxi home with the light. I was really worried it wasn't going to be the right hookup but it was and it was so simple to attack to the ceiling. So, I'm happy to longer be in the dark, at least in this way!! ;)

Shanberg,

Yes I am on meds.... Zoloft has been the choice med and it was pretty helpful, but I am ready to wing myself off of it. I am not a fan of meds. The have a tendency to hold me back even when they help. I guess I have a problem with feeling dependant, but we will save that for Dr. Phil :lol:

Hi Tae, are you still on? Sorry I haven't gotten back to your last posts but I just got home a bit ago and have to run again. Am trying to get some things done here at home first. Will talk later. If you're still there, hop on and I'll chat now. :wave:

Red,

I am here. I'm a night owl so you can always catch me in wee hours :)

Hi Tae, I've got to leave soon so I can't really talk now. How are you doing? How was your day? Ah, I see you're on the West Coast. That's why you're still up. It's going on 5 p .m. here so that means it's midnight there.

So, Tae, I'm really sorry to hear that you have diabetes and may have to take insulin but OK, let's not dwell on the downer part of it. What is IS. You're are really doing the right thing getting on here with us and making moves to get your weight down and eat more healthfully.

You really went through some tough times, didn't you, what, with you learning you have diabetes, suffering from depression and losing your job. Wow! When it goes wrong, it really goes wrong, huh? Well, I went through some really stressful times at the end of last year and I'm still suffering because of it. My legs were going numb so much that I couldn't walk too well. I couldn't run and I had been doing a lot of jogging on the treadmill at the gym and heavy weight training. That's just a hobby of mine. Then I was sitting around a lot. I hate going to doctors and never go so I don't really know what's wrong but I know the stress was horrible. Anyhow, I'm pulling out of that and getting back on track and feeling good about it, though of course I have my down days as you will see if you stick around this thread for any length of time. Like shanberg said, most of us here seem to really know when to ask for support and we give it too but the asking is really important so I hope you will to. :sunny:

Don't think you're going to depress us. Heck, it's you with the problems, not us! :lol: Just kidding. No, but really, I don't know how people get funny about hearing other people's problems, I mean, if that person isn't really in their face like calling them at 2 or 3 in the morning or just going on and on and on ad nauseum without letting the other get a word in sideways. So, don't worry, OK?

And heh, Tae, I want you to take off that "I am such a cow!" from you signature. Now, I LOVE cows but I don't think you're saying that because you love them. Come on, kid, don't be down on yourself because you're fat. And look at you go, by the way, did I see that weight tracker move again?! You've lost more, haven't you? Well, whatever, you've really got to start loving yourself. I know that sounds cliched these days but try it in little steps. And calling yourself a cow is not loving yourself. ;)

Well, I've gotta run. Go drinking with some old men. Well, they're not that old but they're older than me so it makes feel better to say that! :lol: BUT, the older Japanese guys always pay for everything!! Hoo-haah! Too much drinking these days, really! But, it's work-related and this is Tokyo and it's so much a part of the culture. This is definitely NOT the place for alcoholics.

Well, hope to hear from you soon. I can read a message on my phone if it's the first one since I last went on the thread but I can't reply. So, catch you soon. :wave:

Heh, Tae, you just got my 999th post! :cp: That's gotta be a lucky post.

Red,

Thanks for the thoughtful words. OMG! :fr:...that cow thing was put on so long ago I completely for got all about it. I had first put it on to stop be from pigging out on sweets and as odd as it sounds it helped, but it never got me down it just reminded me if I didn't stop eating the way I was then, I was going to be the size of one. Although I think the cow is so adorable because he looks as if she is laffin' there will never be a cow as sexy as me......just kidding :D .

Red, tell me more about this leg thing. How are you doing these days? I hope alot better even though the end of the year was just a couple of months ago. I understand about not wanting to go to see the doctor. I feel the same way.

Well I guess I might as well get off this computer go to bed. I hope you drank enough for me too :coffee:

Hi guys. I always seem to write when there is no one around. Get ready I'm down.

My eating has been horrible and it's directly related to stress. The problem child doctor at work is really at it this time. I mean REALLY AT IT. He's so determined that I don't know a damn thing that unless I stroke his ego all the time and act like I have no opinion at all, he spends his time with shared patients proving me wrong instead of fixing the patient. He is extending the same "I know more than you" attitude to the other doc too and is changing just about everything on the other docs patients, meds, diet...you name it. You can't tell me that for 3 years you've needed the same supps and now suddenly you need COMPLETELY different stuff.....all of you - at the same time!!!!! Anyway, he's passive agressive and he's very threatened by me - so he uses every chance he gets to prove I'm stupid or tell clients that are seeing me regularly that they are not getting any better and "can't come back to me until he okays it."

The LAST time he adjusted me I walked in and said "my neck is jammed up again, do you have time to adjust me." He starts with "It's probably not jammed...that's almost impossible to do.....(it's been jammed every single time I've ever been adjusted....putting your head through a windshield lets you do the impossible with some things - oh and MOST PEOPLE ARE JAMMED IN THEIR NECKS!). Anyway, he was so determined I wasn't jammed that he twisted my neck repeatedly, trying to prove it was a normal adjustment that was needed - he actually hurt me. I was getting ready to tell him to STOP when he finally FINALLY checked and sure enough I was jammed. He jerked my head so hard - out of anger and when it adjusted he tapped me on the head and said You're done and walked out. I never let him touch me after that. But now he's treating patients the same way.

He did the same thing to Greg (BF) He had a big wreck on his mountain bike. We thought he'd fractured something in his neck but I wanted him to go there first. I wish I hadn't done that now. He's okay now but he went through months of pain because he was only seeing this doctor - he couldn't see the other one at the time....this doctor kept telling him it was all muscle issues that I hadn't worked out yet. He told him over and over that I wasn't doing MY part to get him well. Thankfully Greg believed me when I'd tell him I still thought he was out of alignment. Finally he got in to see the other doctor - months later - because of a flu issue - the other doctor adjusted his neck and he's had full Range of motion and no pain since. AND I HAVEN'T TOUCHED HIM. It wasn't muscle after all that time. The damn doctor was so determined it wasn't something he missed that he didn't check Greg properly and the guy walked around in pain and I walked around feeling like I sucked at what I do because I couldn't even help HIM and I was working on him daily!

This is all coming out now because the office manager caught wind of it and told the head dr. He knew some of it but not all of it. He's asked me to write it all out - petty stuff and all. He wants all of it. Now that I see it all on paper I swear I don't want to go to work today. I just want to stay home and cry. This guy is hurting people and not treating people because of his own ego. EGO. It's not just the way he's treating me. I can deal with that - the guy is a jerk - okay. But now the way he feels about ME is causing him to treat other people differently and hurt them!!!!

I just want to eat until I can't eat anymore. I want to sit down and cry and get drunk and eat everything my heart wants. I don't even care - I just take the stupid meds when the pain kicks in. Plenty of people take them and are fine with it. And yes. The depression side of it has kicked in too. I'm mad and feel stupid for not seeing that keeping my mouth shut about how he's treating me has let him go further and further - and now he's using his passive agressive stuff on patients. I feel so guilty!! I lose his patients left and right. And it's because they aren't getting better - because he's talking trash about they're bodies....when he puts them on the wrong supps and then won't let them move at all - after I give them stretching exercises...he tells them "oh my god - you could have slipped a disk doing that!" I look stupid and they are scared to come back to me!

I'd like 5 minutes in a dark alley with this guy - I'm sure ONE of my four black belts taught me SOMETHING I could use on the guy.


Guys I'm sorry. I'm pissed and sad, and barely keeping it together right now. I have a client in two hours. I am excited partly though - I am adding stuff and changing the feel of my treatment room. Making it more comfortable and nurturing. Getting more music, a set of windchimes ( they won't ring - they just look relaxing). I'm trying to create that relaxing place I saw when I imagined my office years ago. Less like a doctor's office more like a retreat.

I sure wish someone was here right now. I hope you're all doing well though. Please keep this doctor thing and the meeting I have to have with the two of them in your thoughts. It's a hard thing to have to acuse a doctor of letting his ego get in the way of his medicine. Espeically when that doctor sees you as less than an ant.

Morning
 

Hi, all. Finally made it in to work this morning. There was some kind of accident on the expressway and I was detoured through a lot of back roads. It was extremely foggy this morning. Took forever to get bact to the main road! Plus, I am horrible at directions. Once I left my home area, I was in unknown territory. I just knew I was going to have to call work and have someone come and find me. I know that doesn't sound too bad, since I was somewhere I didn't know well. The thing was, the place isn't that far from where I live! It would've been sooooooo embarassing!!!!

Red - Glad you got a light! And that it was the right one and is bright!!!!

Hang in there with the gym thing. I read in a magazine that you are supposed to take a day off after you do weight training...to let your muscles heal. So, if you go every other day, you are still doing great! And, of course, there is always the walking in place method!!! ;)

How was your drink meeting? What do you drink? I work for a Budweiser distributorship, so I find myself always wondering what others drink! Can you even get Bud over there?

Tae - I take Zoloft, too. I took myself off of it after three years on it and I was doing so good. But, then I had a lot of things happen and ended up back where I was when I started. I decided right then and there I would take it forever if it kept me from going back down the blackhole of depression! Lots of people don't like taking meds for long. They feel like they are lacking in something...control, ability to live their life "normal" or whatever. Me, I just care about being happy and able to live my life. Its only one little pill...it helps me, doesn't control me! But, to each their own. Plus, if you need it, you can always go back on it!

Little Grasshopper - I am so sorry about that jerk of a doctor! I can't believe he would be so petty as to sabotage you and harm other patients. Sounds like he needs to go back to medical school and relearn the Hypocratic Oath!!!! He also needs to see a shrink-he is the one lacking and is taking it out on you! I hate that!

You know, it is a good thing nothing else happened to both you and Greg. His lack of action could've lead to something worse than just being jammed and out of line! Does he even understand the concept of malpractice lawsuits???? What a jerk!

Okay, I know you are feeling guilty about your patients and not saying something sooner. But, it is NOT your fault!!!! You have done what you are supposed to. He is the one that is to blame. He is the one doing harm to others in an attempt to hurt you. That is bad for a "normal" person, but for a doctor! Who is supposed to help people! And you are NOT stupid! You kept quiet because you didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing he was getting to you. I woulda done the exact same thing! You were in a no win situation. If you said something, he might've been even worse and really tried to sabotage your career. Not saying anything just goaded him furthur. It read like he was trying his best to cause you to blow up-and used anything he could against you.

My advice, write everything down. DON'T feel guilty about it. He did this to himself. All he had to do was the right thing-he choose not to. That was his choice and he is the one that needs to suffer the consequences. You tried to ignore him, but it sounds like it has gotten to the point where to continue ignoring him and trying to keep peace is dangerous- both for you and the other patients. There comes a time when you have to make the hard decision, when you have to say here is my line, I've drawn it and I won't take anymore. If nothing else, think of it as doing it for your patients. They only have you to stand up for them.

Don't let him get to you so much that you give in to your wanting to eat. That is like another victory for him. You are so much better than him. Anger can be a good thing. Wrap it around you like a coat of arms and use it to keep the binging at bay. I do think you need to treat yourself to something...something you wouldn't normally allow yourself. That might help allieviate the internal need to eat and eat and drink and binge. A small outlet can make a big difference to the overall pressure.

I'm not sure if my rambling has helped you in any way. Just know that you are not alone and you are not at fault. The hardest lesson I ever learned was that there are actually people out there that are evil. Not just in the movies, but in actual, real, everday life! I try to look for the good in people, but sometimes there isn't any good to find! That is hard to accept. You can only do so much. I'll say a prayer for you. Just dig down deep-I'm betting there is strenght in you that you haven't found yet, just waiting to be tapped into.


Good luck!

Grass, hang in there. This is teaching you so much about what you will do later probably with your own practice.
I know that sounds lame but I just had to say that so you wouldn't feel bad about hating it all. It really sucks. This guy is a kook, obviously. Don't worry. The patients will see it. You see, they will already recognize it because you're making the lines of demarcation clearer between him and you.
I can't write much now, but just know I'm rooting for you. I'm in your corner as we all are.

But come on!! DON'T EAT! Don't let this guy get to you. If you eat or get drunk BECAUSE of him you're just allowing him to TOUCH you. You said you didn't let him touch you anymore but he is violating you big time! Stop him, Grass. Get back in touch with YOU. Come on, deep breaths, this is not as horrible as it seems to you from the perspective of others, the patients. This is for you to know so that you will never go there yourself.

You know Grass, I was reading your message a bit better. You could probably sue this guy for libel or slander or something like this. Maybe get him in enough trouble that he would lose his license. Just think, maybe your being there will be a godsend to people. that you were there and recognized what he was doing and could do something about it. Don't beat yourself up about having it gone on this long. You probably HAD to do that so that he would continue, keep escalating, think he could do more and more and get away without. The very fact that you didn't say anything has caused him to show his true colors! This was absolutely necessary. It wasn't a bad thing. It was the ONLY way it could have happened in order to bring him out in all his monstrousness! Grass, everything is PERFECT!

Hi everyone. Good morning! Red, good night???

I hope everyone is having a good day or I hope that it will get better soon.

Grass, there are a lot of people out there like this guy. Do not let him get the best of you. You know what you are doing. I once dealt with a nurse practioner just like him. She told my patient that I was not stretching her hard enough. I refused to crank on her b/c her surgical pins were coming loose. The NP told the patient that it wasn't the pins but it was "blood pockets" Well sure enough, I was correct. Now she is going to have to go through another surgery to get it corrected. If I would have done what the NP wanted I would have been in trouble. So go with your heart, you know that you are knowledgable. There will always be people like that doctor in your life just don't let him bring you down. He is not worth eating more or drinking more. Those things will just make you feel worse in the end. I hope and pray that your day goes by better.

To everyone else, I am heading out to work so I do not have time to respond to everyone. I just want everyone to remember that you are all great and that I am very proud of each of you. We can and will lose this weight. Remember to accept no mediocre life and live your best today!

Red - you made me smile. You have a unique way of thinking - I like it. I am taking those deep breaths.

Shannon and Red too - I have written everything out. Aside from feeling a little petty - I wrote the main topics all the "petty feeling" things fall into. That gave a little more credit to the petty stuff I guess. So see the pattern and it's destination makes it not to petty afterall.

I did go shopping for something small - 20 limit and they had a sell. I bought something cute and sweet for my office and I am going to get a CD of nice music to work to. I can hum the ones I have backwards now :)

I am doing better but this is a hard hard thing. I'll be glad when there is a little more settlement to it. Right now it's just in limbo with me dwelling on everything he's done that has hurt or endangered me, BF and patients. Maybe that's exactly what the other Doctor intended. leave me to think about it so I'll finally tell him everything. Either way , that's exaclty what's going to happen.

Thanks guys. I'll check in later. As for food - I promise to do my best. I'm also going to call my gym and set up 2 training sessions to get me back in there. I need a stress break!

Hello everyone. It's good to hear that we are all attempting to stay on task with our weight loss goals. I think that we all have a tendency to beat up on ourselves. I am trying to concentrate on the things that I'm learning and doing right. So far, I've come up with a short list:
1. Learning how to accept compliments
2. Getting back to proper eating after pigging out
3. Keeping active and not being a couch potato
4. Enjoying the challenge of getting in shape
5. Replacing negative self talk with positive self talk

I am sure that we all should be able to think of at least 5 things that are really positive about your diet/fitness program. It is snowing AGAIN on top of the six inches that fell the other day. I think one day I would like to live somewhere like Hawaii...I digress from the subject at hand though. Maybe we could all contribute 5 positive things about our weight loss experience that we could print out and hang on our refrigerator. I love the little things that people do that lead to success. I'm sure most of us have made small changes in order to lose weight. I wasn't really aware that I wasn't focusing on the positive until my mother complimented me the other day. She told me that I was doing a good job maintaining my weight loss. I was only concentrating on how much more I had to go, and not looking at my accomplishments so far. Has anyone else experienced a moment like this? I look forward to reading your posts everyday, I find all of you to be a great inspiration. Take care!


Red - I hope that you feel better. I love horses and I am considering a move to Kentucky!

Shan- Look forward to all the opportunities that you will have to eat properly exercise

NBK - You are so lucky to have met Scott Weiland and Slash...I probably would have broken social protocol to get a picture

Crimegirl- I hope that you plan to enjoy your summer, I know that you are studying hard

Tae2tas - A warm welcome to you. A healthy diet and exercise will keep your diabetes in check, and the more weight you lose you will more than likely see your blood sugar drop and you may not need to continue insulin shots. Have faith and hope

Stormy- Hang in there! I like your optimism : )

LGH- How lucky you are to be able to garden already! Some of us are still buried in snow. Have you thought about using the dead leaves and stuff on your property to make a compost pile? You will save yourself a ton of money in the long run and help out the environment!

Grass, I'm just up. Uh,oh, there's that "unique" word again regarding my comments. Hope I didn't say anything too strange. I get that a lot and I'm a bit worried how to take it. You did say you liked it so I guess I'm OK, right grass? So, how are you doing? It'd be after 5 p.m. by you. What time do you leave the office? I'm hoping you were able to calm down a bit, not because it's not good to rant or get upset, NO, because you need to be cool-headed to really do battle with this guy, and I think that's what you need and want to do. How goes it?

Red - yes, you're okay! You're great. I have just never considered looking at what he was doing as perfect but you're right - he's hanging himself with the rope I gave him. :) I think I gave him a bit too much though - he's trapping other people in his rope.

I talked to the head doc today. From now on I don't refer anyone to the other doc and I don't have to consult him at all if I find anything going on with one of his patients. I take it to the head doctor from now on. And he's going to recheck all the patients that the doc dismissed because I thought there was something wrong - he said he values my observation skills enough to feel that if I think it's something other than muscle, it should at least be checked...not dismissed. that made me feel much better about the whole thing. He also told me he'd get rid of the doctor before he'd lose me. You can't imagine how much that helped!

So we talk with him about communication and all that stuff later this week. It will be rough talk because he falls under the "don't argue with an idiot - they'll just pull you down and beat at their own game...." catagory. But we're going ot give it an honest try.

okay, tomorrow is a new day - I'm going to do my best to be good tomorrow!!!

OK, grasshopper, glad to hear that! :lol: But again, you didn't go too far. Him trapping other people is what was no doubt necessary to make people wake up to what he was doing. Unfortunately, if you're the only yelling "foul!" you're still likely to be ignored because the head guy still thinks it's something personal between you too. But when others are involved, he, if he has any brains, is going to get a bit worried. I mean, there are such things as malpractice suits, right? It's in HIS interests to check this out, whereas if Mr. Moron is just bothering you it doesn't seem so dangerous. This is really, really perfect and since I take it no one was seriously injured it's not that bad. It's a shame and all that but it could have been SOO much worse and it's getting a stop put to it so man, grass, you're a savior! :cp:

Ok, back again, trying to get caught up with the others. Purple haze, all around, don't know if I'm going up or down. Hmm. just listening to Hendrix here as I recover from last night. No, really, it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was quite boring and I was drinking slowly and only had a few beers. Interesting enough as we went to the kind of places I would never go on my own with friends, clublike places for the older Japanese man, usually with money. I don't like these places but accompanying guys to them has given me insights into the culture that most women don't get. These aren't risque places, just clubs and hostess clubs and such. Anyhow, there were chocolate-covered sticks on the counter in the second place we went to and I didn't touch them! Hurrah! Chock one up for resolve! AND, there were these deep-fried potato croquettes that I didn't eat either. They are also on my Lent list of things to give up. I did stop into the convenience store afterward on the way home, and that was always a cue to sugar pig, with the beer in me and all but last night again, nope! just other stuff, rice crackers and bread pieces and a stick of cheese. I was hungry.

OK, so obligatory drinking dates are over and I'm staying away from the beer now for a while! Ugh. I want to get back to the gym and see a loss again. Heh, guys, didn't I tell you that my pants fit better the other day? And I posted a loss for the first time in weeks on Sunday! Hurrah, hurrah. Heh, by the way, should we start a new thread or wait for Crime Girl to come up for air? Crime girl, are we with us?!!? Hoping your test goes ok, One more day, right? It's already Wednesday here and I'm thinking of you. Good luck. You'll ace it I'm sure.

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Tae -- Hurrah! :cp: I see the cow is a happy cow now. Yes, no longer are you a cow. I laughed when I saw you'd changed it! :cb: I'm glad it never got you down but do be careful. You can say you like cows and such but somewhere down there is probably a touch of self-flagellation, which may not actually be bad if it's just meant to get your cracking the whip toward a goal you want to meet. But if there is any bit of feeling of self-degradation then I think it's no good. I mean, there's nothing wrong with you to be fat. Ok, health reasons aside and the fact that you give the drooling masses a chance to make fun of you, discriminate you, put you down, is not a good thing to be doing to yourself, but I think the vast majority of people who are fat have more things RIGHT with them and that's why they turn to food. I mean, they're not turning to heroin, murder or turning AK-7s on people, right?! Really, eating and overeating is still a very healthy way to deal with things until you find a way to deal with them that doesn't hurt others AND YOU! Most fat people are beautiful people, where it matters! inside, their minds, their hearts, their spirits, their BEINGS. If you strive to preserve that YOU and lose weight you will only be enhancing your beauty. Don't ever think of yourself as ugly, even if you eat your way past 400 lbs. Ok?

So, the leg thing, Tae, I think it was and is mostly nerves and poor circulation. It started out as my having pain in my legs so much that it hurt to walk and ride (horses). Then the legs were numbing up and it was hard to move them. This was why I gained weight, because I couldn't exercise as much as I was used to. But I think the exercise was also too much. I was so angry at work, so frustrated, so tense. I sometimes would sit there and feel the electricity just running through my legs whenever I thought of something that bothered me which was ALL the time. I was then so pissed off but determined to work out that I would pump myself full of coffee, then go to the gym and work out like a demon. And I really throw myself into the weight. I used to do powerlifting and we're talking heavy! It really gets the adrenalin pumping and feels good but, eventually, I think the combination was just too much. My adrenal glands must have been in the toilet and my body rebelled. My legs are better now. I thank God was cut off from that situation at work and though things are still horrible financially I am fighting my way on my terms. The pain is gone riding. I can feel my legs again, they were totally numb and though there is still some feeling of numbness it is nothing like it was. I am trying to keep moving more than before, do not sit on the floor working as much and being sugar-free is helping too I think because I'm overall calmer, without all the anger with no where to go.

shanberg -- glad you found your way today! Fog is cool but can be very bewildering. Familiar things are no longer recognizable so it was nothing potentially embarassing really. Glad you're ok. Yup, the light is great, almost too bright but I don't care. I knew it was going to be really bright. I need that to get up in the mornings. Usually it's way before dawn when I get up but even if it's bright outside it's dark in my room, so I want a light to wake me up and go, it's a new day, up and at 'em!! Oh, I've taken off way too much time from the gym, but I did ride yesterday. Anyhow, the drinking is behind me and I feel better illness-wise so I'm going to try to do a bit more today.

As for drinking, don't really want to think about it now, these days I tend to just stick with beer and it's usually Japanese beer, whatever the bar serves. They will only serve one type usually here and that's the distributor for the place but if I have a choice I like the fuller beers such as Sapporo Black Label or Yebisu, which is also Sapporo. Bud is much too light for me. I learned beer drinking in Munich, you must realize and there the beer is very full-bodied. I don't like ale, but can stand pale ale. Usually lager is what I like. If I go to an Irish pub here they tend to only have pale ales like Kilkenny and I can drink that though I don't like it. I can't drink Guiness. I think someplaces might have Budweiser here but maybe not. I don't think it would be popular because it's very light and would not be competitive pricewise with the other light beers here and there are tons of them now. They are called "happoshu" or "sparkling hops" because they're not allowed to call it beer. Because of the reduced something, I think hops, they have found a loophole in the beer tax and so can sell it for much cheaper. It's too light for me so I don't drink it but a lot of people don't mind, just as long as they can get drunk on it and the alcohol content is the same. So, anyhow, Bud would be probably be too costly.

stormy -- good to hear from you. Thanks for your encouragement and words of support. I almost made it to the gym yesterday because of you but wasn't able to because i had to get that light home but I'm going to try again today. :flow1:

subprin -- I like your list, especially No. 4, "enjoying the challenge." Mindset is so important. If we look at exercise and eating well as a chore or something we HAVE to do we're more likely to feel burdened by it. If we look at it as a game, a challenge, something to put our thinking caps on about I think it can make it much more interesting, thus something we can stick to. You're very right about looking at your accomplishments and maintaining is an ongoing victory. It is ALSO about weight loss because keeping your weight from increasing still is about DOING. It's not ever a pause, is it? That's why it's so hard. It's not like money in the bank. It's more like juggling, where you just get better and better at it, but you STILL need to keep all the balls going.

So, you're a horse lover too! Allright! Do you ride? Where are you now in the States? You're in the Midwest, right?

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Ok, wow, is it late here and it's a gorgeous day out there! I want to get out and enjoy it! Ciao for now!

NBK, kjk, Jacque, CG, anyone else, come in and chat. We miss you! :wave:

Oh, guys, I just got home and found one of my cats dead at the door. I opened the door and when I put my foot up on the step to go in in the dark I hit something. I could just make it out in the dark and I knew it was him, the biggest one. He had been sick and I wanted to take him to the vet if he didn't look better when I got home. He had seemed better this morning. There was blood all over the room. It must have been horrible. It looks like something ruptured inside him. It's so horrible. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for him when he died but it would have been awful. I just feel awful, am sitting here crying. The poor guy, that's the way I found him a few years ago, after a car accident and he miraculously survived after I took him to the vet and he gave him intravenous for two weeks. He was so big and strong it seemed. I never thought he was sick. I don't know what it was. Ah, it was such a shock. Two animals I cared for in one month now have died, that dog and now Tetchan. I just finished cleaning up all the blood. It was everywhere. I wrapped him in a towel and put him in a box but I don't know where I can bury him and I hate to just throw him in the garbage. He's rock hard and the blood wasn't all dry. It must have happened just a couple hours ago. Oh, it's too sad. :cry: I'm kind of in shock, well, just crying. He was such a good cat but I couldn't let him near me like in my bed like the others and I always felt bad about that. He was constantly blowing snot all around and smelled bad, probably from his gums. I would hold him when I was dirty and about to get in the shower and wash all my clothes anyhow. I always felt bad about that but I always tried to pat him and scratch him. It's just too sad. Really, I was just over that dog that died from starvation and exposure. Ah, damn, this is some way to end a day.too sad.

Red, I'm so sorry about Tetchan!! It sounds like he had a wonderful home though and you CAN be proud of that! That had to be a terrible end to your day, to lose something you loved and cared for so much. I'm really sorry. Cry all you want.

On another front - you're doing so well. Your pants are fitting better (so cool!!!!) and you're hitting that gym and cutting out bad foods...you're taking on huge challenges and I'm really impressed and proud of you!!! I just wanted to make sure you know that!

everyone - I'm sorry I haven't addressed you personally, I got caught up in my own stuff and couldn't comment on anyone elses posts. I will read and catch up tonight.

Talk to everyone soon!! I'm fresh and haven't ruined my diet yet today so I'm going to have a good breakfast and start off again. Better footing this time around. Talk to you all later today.

I have an energy appointment today - my hour, not a client. I'm so excited about it. She always does a good job at grounding me.

I'm Back!!!!
 

Hi everyone-
I am finally finished with my exam and I will know next week my results. The reason it is such a big deal is that I am retaking a class for my masters. It is a class in criminological theory that I took my first semester in the department after getting a BA in Accounting. Advanced theory is not a good place for someone with no background in criminology. Anyway- basically I need to pass this class to graduate and if I don't pass it I can not take it again. In my program we get 2 tries and that is it. SO- if I pass the class I graduate and if I fail the class I don't get my masters. Anyway- just wanted you guys to know why I have been gone. I studied for HOURS for the midterm but won't know anything until next Tuesday.

I can't comment to everyone just yet- I have to go to work this morning and I am already running late. Just want to say:

Red- I have to respond to your post. I am so sorry about Tetchan! :cry: That is a horrible thing to have to come home to. I know it is hard but you need to remember that you gave him a life when everyone else had turned their back on him. He didn't care if you only hugged him and petted him when you were ready for a shower. He only saw that you took time to pet him. Don't be hard on yourself! You helped him and cared for him- and I am betting he knew that.
What to do now? Check with his vet and see if they can help with his burial or cremate him for you. Once again- I am so sorry. Wish there was something I could do.

grasshopper- also wanted to say that I am sorry you are having such a struggle at work. That guy sounds like a class A jerk! I am glad that you are going to have an opportunity to let your boss know what is going on. It sounds like the bad doc is jealous of you and is trying to tear you down to make himself look better. I hope he gets his just desserts! Let us know how it works out and write down EVERYTHING! Don't feel guilty and don't hold back. You need to do everything you can to help this place get rid of him and if they are asking you to write everything down they obviously trust your account of things and not his. Hang in there!

Also- welcome to the newbies! Supreme and Tae- welcome!! Sorry I wasn't here to say that when you first came on. (Although I think I may have for supreme but havent had a chance to really talk to you). Anyway- we are happy to have you! :D

Alright- I really need to go. I will try to catch up tonight with everyone else. I have missed talking to you all. Have a wonderful day everyone!!!

Red, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I can just cry reading what happened. I think that losing an animal is like losing a family member. When I lost my last animal I cried for months. He will always be in your memory. Try to remember the good! You were so awesome to rescue him. You gave him another chance. Please let us know if you need anything.

Checking in
 

Morning, all. Hope everyone is having a great day.

Red - I am soooo sorry about your cat! I know what you are going thru...it almost killed me when I had to put my dog down last year! Go ahead and cry...it will do you good to mourn for him. You were so sweet to save him like you did. You gave him a home, love and attention when no one else did (or probably would have!). You made the time he had on this earth happy and warm. You will always carry him in your heart and have the memories of the time you spent with him!

Little Grasshopper - Glad you are taking a positive outlook on your situation with (what did Red call him?) Mr. Moron!! Sounds like you have a good plan in action. I am glad the head doc realizes what an asset you are to the practice! I know that had to make you feel great when he told you he'd lose Mr. Moron before you! Glad you also didn't let him goad you into a binge!

What's an energy appointment? Is that like a massage? Hope it goes well and helps get you back into your groove!

Subprin - I liked your list. I love lists of any kind. I make them for everything! They help keep me focused and organized!

Stormy - What's up? How's life treating ya! You seem so busy, how do you have time to get everything accomplished??? Do you ever get a chance to just rest, relax, and breath???? All I can say is you go girl!!!

NBK - Still working on your dissertation of your trip?? Give lots of details! It's probably the only way I will ever get to go there!!! Hope all is well with ya!!

Crime Girl - Welcome Back! You were truly missed! Criminalogical Theory, huh? I remember taking Sociological Theory! Man, was that hard. By that time, all the theories had been discovered, so other sociologists had begun to expand current theories. It was so hard to keep them all straight! I am sure you did great! The waiting is almost as bad as the pre-test stress! Good luck!

Will check back in later.

Tootles

hi guys sorry no trip report but my food poisoning made me go to hospital to get some anti nausea drugs and then they got worried about my stomach pains and prodded me and of course it hurts when they prod you that hard..long story short on tuesday i had an appendectomy...no bad appendix but my lymph nodes on my bowel were enlarged hence the pain..so am on my mum's laptop,she's comeup to look after me along with bf..who despite hospitals mking him physically ill stayed with me the whole time, they even out my bed in the lounge in my ward at night so he could sleep next to me. anyway pain killers are losing effect so gotta go. catch you all later..he he i suppose now i count as having weight loss surgery??

NBK - Sorry you got food poisoning! I got that once (a very mild case) from the McDonalds that was in the Wal-Mart I worked at! It hurt like crazy!!!

Glad you are doing better. Will you have to stay in the hospital long? That was really sweet of your BF to stay with you! Talk about love!!!

Try to get some rest! :balloons:

Shan, is that Van Diesal? To answer your question, I do take relax. You have to relax in order to be productive. Exercise is auctually part of my me time. It is very stress relieving for me. I also hike, scuba dive, go to sporting events, etc to relax.

NBK, sorry about the food poisioning. I hope you get better soon. You probably will lose weight after the surgery. It is not the healthiest way to lose but hey a girl has to do what a girl has to do. Just kidding!

Subpreme-You are pretty optismistic as well. It is the only way to get anything done! I love your list. I have to do the same in order to focus on my task at hand. It is a great way to get reminding yourself.

Little GH, was you work day better?

CG-okay you are none with your test, now where are you? Nah, just kidding. Believe me, I know how it is!

Red, how are you? Are you holding up? I'm thinking of you.

Thank you everyone for your warm words. I'm feeling much better now. Just lonely without Tetchan (or Tiger as I called him). He was so sweet, always tried to be so good. I feel bad, thinking I should have known something was wrong with him, should have had him checked, gotten all the shots. It's just that it costs so much. He seemed OK, but if it was parasites I wouldn't know. He was so big I thought he was OK. I guess there are other things that don't eat the food. O, I got through the day but was afraid to come home knowing I would just be missing him so much. But I'll get it over it soon enough. It's certainly not the first time. At least I have the other three. But he was special. There was something very different about him. Anyhow, I just miss him. I'll try to write again soon. Thanks again all of you for writing, taking the time out to write for me. It means a lot and of course it makes me cry all the more. . . I was able to bury him outside my room. I've buried two cats and a dog but none right here. He's the first, except for the mice, birds and such that the cats would bring home.

NBK, hope you're feeling better.

Howdy
 

How is everyone?

Stormy - Yep, that is Vin Diesel. I have a slight (huge) crush. I wanted one with his shirt off, but couldn't find one!! Dang it!!

Glad you have figured out a way to relax and have you time! I still am amazed at all you do! Without going insane and buying a gun!!!

Red - Glad you are doing okay. I know it is hard, but try not to blame yourself. (Not to make you cry, but) Last year, my dog started having trouble walking. I thought it was just a side effect of a dog fight he had been in when a neighbors dog came into the yard and grabbed him by the neck. I kept trying to change his diet, thinking if he lost some weight it might help. Then, it got to where he couldn't even walk up and down the stairs of the porch. Two days later, he couldn't even get up. I made an appointment with the vet, but it snowed, so I had to wait. They said if he got worse, to bring him in and they would work him in. My dad had to carry him to the truck. When we got to the vet, they had to take him on a gurney. They did some blood tests and found out he had canine diabetes. DIABETES!! I didn't even know a dog could get that! They said he was so far gone that his liver had serious damage. They did say they might could treat him, but it would be very long, he'd have to stay there (which he hated) and it might not do any good. I choose to put him down. He was the best dog! The whole time he kept looking at me with those chocolate eyes of his, completely trusting I would take care of him. I stayed with him until the very end. My mom came and finally made me leave. It was the hardest thing I ever did! I felt like I killed him because I didn't do something sooner. Honestly, I had no idea he was so sick. And it happened so fast! He was fine one week and then practically immobile the next. It took a long time for me to stop blaming myself and feeling so horribly guilty! I still miss him-sometimes so bad it hurts and I break down and cry! But, I remember all the fun I had with him and how much happiness he brought to so many people, and I smile and go on. It will take time, but you will eventually be able to think of Tiger and smile.

Did I make you cry? Sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I have been where you are. The guilt and selfcrimination. Constantly thinking if I had just done this or that. And why didn't I??? It wasn't your fault. I know it feels like it, but you loved him and cared for him, and that is what mattered most.

Okay, I think I've dpressed everyone enough for a while! Will check back in later!

Tootles

Hello everyone, I hope that all is going well. Today is my long day at work, so I will keep this post short. It snowed again yesterday:( Red, I am sorry about your cat. When my cat died I cried till my eyes were swollen shut. If you have time you should go out and see your horse and go for a ride. I have to go now, but I will check in later to see how everyone is doing. Have a great day!

Hi everyone
 

Hi all-
Just wanted to get on so I keep a presence here- feel bad I haven't been around for everyone. On top of having no luck staying on a diet- I also have manic depression and ocassionally it kicks up and I can't help but be depressed for awhile until it passes again. I take meds but that does not always work and I get so depressed I try to not pull anyone into it with me so I isolate myself. That is what is going on this week.
I will try to get on some and talk but please forgive me if it is brief or if I leave anyone out. Trying my best to keep it together.

Red- Once again I am sorry about Tiger. I know it is hard for you to adjust but I am hoping before long it will be the good times you will focus on with him. I know the adjustment is hard without him but everyday it will get a little easier. I think (like someone else said already) that you should try to go see your horse and of course try to cuddle and love on your other cats for comfort. That should help some- and you can always come on here and talk. I hope you are not trying to blame yourself because you did nothing but make Tiger's life better. I am sure he loved you for it!

subprem- Sorry your snow is causing you so much stress- I will trade with you though. Florida is only one tempature all the time- hot! I am jealous of your snow. Make a snow angel for me would you?

NBK-Get better soon girl! We miss you.

shanberg- No more sad stories from you! Crying and posting do not mix well together. I know what you mean though- had a similar experience with a cat I had for 18 years although it was old age not diabetes. It about killed me. Pets are such a blessing even though we outlive them - my dog Charlie is like a big furry warm stress reliever. Where else can you get unconditional love and nonjudgement? Anyway- I am sorry you had to go through that.

little grass- where are you? What ever happened with the doc from hades? Did I miss it?? Hope you are okay and not too stressed out!

Stormy- how is school going? Are you hanging in there?

tae- how about you- how is it going?

Okay well- I better go. Hope you all are well and thanks for understanding my absence on the board. I should be back full swing in a few days and will change the thread Sunday.
Have a good day everyone!

Hi guys, shan, sub, Crime girl, thanks again for your warm words. Like I've said (or hope I have) they mean so much to me. I'm feeling quite bad this morning, like I have a cold. It's raining out. I had planned to get to the gym. Will see. Just wanted to say Hi as I saw you just posted, CG.

Was just sitting here, waiting for time to tick by so I can go home and thought I'd drop a line or two! Nothing very specific, just felt like talking a spell.

I have come to the conclusion that dieting is a roller coaster ride from ****!! It is such a constant up and down, round and round, through the loop and back again experience! Only, without the great feeling of fun and happiness one experiences on a real roller coaster. Some times, I get so sick of the entire process. I feel like I am running uphill in a flood. Getting nowhere and gaining speed. Sorry, just feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment with the whole weight-loss issue.

The worst part is that some weeks I do so good! I eat great, exercise, feel wonderful! And then, other weeks I do horrible. I just wish I could get on a roll and stick to one or the other. I think it would be so much easier.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent!

************************************************** ********

Red - Glad you are hanging in there over Tiger! Sorry you have a cold, though! Those are the worst! You feel so yucky! Drink lots of liquids and get plenty of rest!

Crime Girl - Hear you on the depression! Sometimes the wave is so hard it's almost impossible to ride out (at least, it feels that way!). Do you have episodes frequently? Or, do they just pop up unexpectedly? That is how it is for me. I think everything is going well, and then BAMB..depression big time! Just take it minute by minute until it passes!

Heh shanberg, just saw your post. I should be getting ready to leave for the gym. Just realized the rain outside was snow! There's tons of it on the ground. Unusual for Tokyo. It has turned to rain now but walking will be very difficult. Think I may forget the gym. Still have time to go though so I may. Anyhow, what triggered this feeling of roller-coaster? Did you weigh yourself, have a little binge? I know just how you feel. Sometimes I get in an awful low about the whole thing, get so angry, so exasperated, but this is life, and that's what weight loss is, it's not really about just losing, I mean, this is why it's so hard. It's never a done deal, it's an onging thing, like learning to be an acrobatic, a gymnast, it's about perfecting the moves. Think of it, we're like up there flipping around on the uneven parallel bars, spinning on the rings, balancing on the beam. Sometimes we have a crash, but what do those Olympic athletes do when they fall off? They get back on! It's the only thing. It's NOT like quitting smoking. It's nothing at all so simple. Now, I know that can sound overwhelming but you don't go flipping around doing in-the-air somersaults from the beginning. You start by trying to stand on one leg for a bit, or easing into a backbend just kind of arching your back and that's it! You get better at this whole thing bit by bit, slowly, ever so slowly and so that one day you'll see how far you've come, not so much about your weight or any number on the scale, but about making better choices THROUGHOUT the day over and over again and making exercise kind of just a thing you do. You'll get there someday. But for now, just take it easy. Think of yourself on a balance beam that is resting on the ground. I think maybe you're trying to be TOO good, trying to do the advanced moves and then you trip up or feel it's too much, and then swing the other way. Take it down a few notches. OK, hope you feel better. You are SO not alone in this, Shannon. Here's a hug. Show me a smile. :)

Hi, Red.

Thanks for your words. They were very helpful.

As for what triggered it, no idea. I didn't weigh myself or binge. As a matter of fact, I was sitting here, eating an apple. It just sorta hit me. I didn't really want the apple, it wasn't that good...why was I eating it. Oh, yeah, trying to eat healthier, lose weight, follow the pyramid...yadda, yadda, yadda. I guess I had just had enough at that one point.

Am I trying too hard? Maybe. I have to, though. I can't go half way. For me, its all or nothing. If I don't keep my mind on it at all times, I lose focus and end up eating horrible. Then, all my efforts end up being in vain and I gain. I am sure everyone here knows exactly what I am talking about. You tell yourself you are just going to take a small break for this one meal, this one instance. Next thing you know, its a week later and you have ate out everyday, made terrible food choices, not exercised, and the only water you swallowed was in the shower.

On top of everything else, I am under a small amount of stress at the moment. It's not a lot, compared to some, but for me, it's like an avalanche. So, all in all, I am just stressed, tired, and extremely disallusioned at the moment. I will pull out of it.

Hi everyone!

Well this is usually the time of year that people start breaking their resolutions and getting discouraged. Everyone hang in there!

CG-when you are depressed or need to talk come on in. We will be here! Do you have a countdown of how many days of school you have left?

Shan-it happens to all of us. Eating right is a roller coaster. You are doing fine. You can do it! Do you allow yourself one day to eat what you want to eat? If not, maybe you should so you do not feel so deprived.

How is everyone else doing?

I am doing fine. I have today off and I have major school work today. Plus, I have to run errands. I am a little disappointed. I weighed myself today and I have not lost anything in over two weeks. Oh well. I will keep moving and keep eating as well as I can. I can and will do this!!!

I hope everyone has an excellent day!

Hi, Stormy.

I liked your opening line! And how true it is!!

I do give myself a free day. Plus, I don't really restrict myself all that much. I set a limit on the number of calories I allow myself each day and then eat to that total. I can eat what I want, as long as I count the calories (kinda like Weight Watchers, but using calories instead of points). I do really good on this. It is just lately I find myself wanting to eat the bad stuff--cookies, cupcakes. I rarely indulge in those things b/c they are so high in calories and I can save those and go eat with a friend instead.

I am feeling a lot better today, though. I am not giving up, that is for sure. I have come too far to stop now! Plus, I am really, really close to a mini goal that will get me a free hair cut!

Thansk for the support!

Have a great day.

Hello everyone, I hope that things are going okay. I know that you all are really busy. My son is sick with his third ear infection in four months, so I am taking him to the ENT in two weeks to see about getting tubes put in. I have just been feeling really blah, and by the way it is snowing again :( I guess that I can be thankful that I don't live in the upper pennisula as they get something like 84 inches of snow that doesn't start melting until April or so. I am trying to get motivated to do my walking program today. I have really nice co-workers that do Walk Away the Pounds at work Monday through Thursday. I have been exercising a lot this week, but I have managed to eat some junk food too...I guess it balances out :) Have a great day and I will check in with all of you soon.

Red- I am so sorry to hear about Tetchan...losing a pet is like losing a family member. My dog died Christmas time '03 after I had had her for fifteen years. She was best friends with my cat who still misses her.

CG- You are so close to finishing and you are going to graduate. I have faith in you!

Shan - I am glad to hear that you give yourself a cheat day! My favorite cheat food is Taco Bell...how sick is that?

NBK- I wish you a speedy recovery, and I hope that you feel better soon.

LGH- Are things going okay for you?

Tae- How are you doing?

Stormy- How right you are...but we're all still hanging in there!

Good morning. Quick post here I'm afraid. Too little time, too much to do.

shanberg -- Ok, so nothing really set you off, not outwardly perhaps, but maybe getting a line on this kind of thing that just "hits you" is where your real problem lies. You sound a lot like me. Like there's something inside us, some scenario that we start to play in order to make our life the way we've subconsciously decided it's going to be, the way it IS, as if this is some kind of absolute set in stone. It's NOT. It's us, doing this, this sabotage, probably linked way back to something we wrote as toddlers. We've got to change that. I do it with relationships. I used to think I did it once I got into a relationship but now I'm seeing I do it way before, with my choice of a guy I'm going to HAVE to be unhappy with. Later, my finding fault with him is not as if I didn't know he was a certain way. I think subconsciously I was aware he was a certain way all the time and that's why I choose to obsess over him, so THAT I can find fault with him later, end the relationship and go, "See! Another loser." I probably knew he was a loser all along. Sounds weird, but there is probably something back there in the darkest corners of my mind (you see, my father was right! I am a squarehead!) that has me saying, you can't have it all. You can't have the things you want in a guy who isn't a loser. I've got to change that and say, "To **** I can't!! I most certainly can and will!!" Ok, you're probably wondering what all this has to do with you. Well, I think that with the eating we are doing something of the same thing. And is it strange?! I don't think so. I've never had the body I wanted, well maybe, when I was 8 years old, but so many other things came along and since puberty I guess I haven't. So maybe somewhere I'm thinking I CAN'T ever have it or I can't ever be happy with it. So, when things are going right, I have to start sabotaging myself, if not with food, then with thoughts, like you're doing, asking why you're eating an apple when you don't like it. Well, answer that question! Don't just let it hang there and allow some sneak to come in and answer it. You have to answer. "I'm eating it because this is what is good for me. Of course I don't like it. I'm all screwed up when it comes to eating. I've been thinking all these sweets and junk food are what I like and what comforts me but I've been wrong and until I learn that I'm going to just do a bit of what I don't like!!" Do you want to be fat? No! You can honestly say that. How did you get there? You know. What will get you away from there? You know. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be hard. You're going to feel deprived. You're going to want to cry for your candy. Make the choice! You're not a baby. You can do this shan! You are a strong woman, a powerful woman, a sensitive and caring woman. Take up the reins and show the world what you are made of!

Heh, and I can say this. I just got on the scale, and am up about 3 lbs even though I have been so good with no sugar, no nuts, getting to the gym, damn! but I'm going to have keep at it, crack the whip a bit more. If I have to cry then I'll cry but giving in to the food is just so nothing. Anybody can do that. Anybody at all. And I'm NOT just anybody. Neither are you. We are much, much more. Giving in gives me nothing back, nothing substantial. It's a bauble for a penny. What do you get when you give a lot, lot more. You get diamonds. Baubles don't satisfy, certainly not past the first couple bites. Diamonds, well, they're different.

And look, nothing is "in vain." It's only in vain if you don't have any thoughts about it, if you binge, don't exercise, don't drink water and then just zone out, like some airhead. If you can come here and think about all that as NOT what you want to be doing then you are still way ahead of the game. The goal is not the number on the scale. It's eating right and you know what that means. Maybe you'll never enjoy an apple but you'll eat it anyhow. It's about discipline and discipline is temporarily disassociating yourself from certain emotions, certain indulgences and doing what you've set out to do in spite of them. You will experience things you will never have been able to had you not done this. Do you know what it feels like to say, "I lost 100 friggin pounds! It was a **** of a lot of work and took incredible discipline but I did it. You bet." ???? Well, you WILL. That feeling is like NOTHING you will ever experience while eating a cupcake, like NOTHING you will ever experience if you don't press on with your journey now. Keep on keeping on, Shannon!

*****

Well, I got carried away there again. Sorry, others, Stormy, you too, I haven't lost weight, you haven't lost weight. We're not going to be part of those New Year's resolution losers though, are we? We are going to be winning losers -- WHATEVER it takes! Right?! Easter challenge. Easter bunny. If I can't weigh in a kilo lighter when that rabbit comes around I'm going to skin it alive . . and feed it to my cats. And you know I'd never do that. . so you know what choice that leaves me!

subpremeprincess -- thank you so much for your warm words too. Missing Tetchan still makes me cry. I guess it will always. But I'm kicking on. Good for you for being so good with the exercise. Ok, some junk food. No big deal. It more than balances out even if the scale doesn't show it. This is all about lifestyle changes, about revamping US! I hope your son gets better soon. For you to be exercising despite all this stress is really really commendable. Keep it up kid! :sunny:


Crime girl, grasshopper, NBK, kjk, Jacque, where are you all? I guess I wasn't there much for you this week but your posts and kind words meant so much. I am better now and can connect again. Come in and chat. I'll be looking for you!

Red, I am still up for the challenge. Today is my cheat day. Tonight we are going out to eat with some friends at the Old Spaghetti Factory and then going to an arena football game. Pasta is a weakness of mine so I am looking forward to it. However, I almost feel guilty doing it since I have not dropped anything in a while. My husband said that he thinks I am losing inches so that made me feel a little better. Our nine year anniversary is in May and we are going on a diving trip to Mexico. This means wearing a wetsuit. For those who have not worn a wet suit, I feel like it is almost like being naked. Yes, you are fully covered and yes mine is black, which is supposed to be a "slimming" color, right? Well I think that weight suits show fat rolls and there is no covering up any sags, droops, etc. So now I am really wanting to lose weight before May 12 which is the day we leave. So besides my Easter goal, I now have 11 weeks to lose 20 pounds. This is reasonable if I lose 2 pounds a week. However, I think I hit a plateau. I was losing 2 pounds a week, pretty steadily, for a while. Now I can't drop a thing. So...I guess I have to kick it into gear even harder. The good news today is that my thighs are sore. I always love to be sore b/c I know that I broke down some muscle. In simple terms, when you break down muscle it has to grow, which means increased metabolism and fat burn, woohoo!

For a while I had stopped posting little bits of info for you guys. Well despite the craziness of school, I plan on starting to do this once or twice a week again. So here goes: Eating 250 extra calories a day (beyond the recommended 2000 cals. a day recommended for women who are not trying to lose weight) equals to gaining a half a pound a weeks. That is about 2 pounds a month! Yikes!

A new start!
 

Okay- I have decided that feeling sorry for myself and worrying about whether I will graduate or not is of course not constructive. So- tomorrow I begin anew. I will exercise as many days of the week as I can and I will try my best to eat under 1600 calories a day. I can do this- I know I can. I just need to get up, dust myself off, get over myself, and do this. I don't know why I can't translate my study ethic for school over to my diet efforts. I think I am going to try to see it as a project. Something to work for and will try to set small goals only. I think the pressure of trying to lose so much before graduation just makes it feel hopeless. I do however think that trying for 2 pounds by March 4 and 8 pounds by the end of March is doable. So-I set my sights on that and although I tend to stumble as long as I limp over the line in the end- I will not be hard on myself and I will not quit.

Okay enough about my crap! I am also going to try to get everyone else fired up again and will try to get on the board and direct things a little better. Reinstate the question of the day and get Red her horoscopes. I will also try to focus us on whatever the daily focus is. So- tomorrow I switch us to Battle of the Bugle #13 and we will truck on!

I am not going to try to respond to everyone because I have been so disengage lately that it would take me forever. I promise when we switch over tomorrow I will be around more and I will answer back if you talk to me. I will say that I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement and the understanding that you all give. I know I can get back on the board without having to apologize but I am sorry I abandoned you all. I am feeling better now and am here for anyone who needs me. :D

Thank you everyone for all the support and I hope you are all doing really well! Have a wonderful night everyone and I will talk to you all tomorrow! :sumo: