Bonnie didn't come here. Charley is a fright!! People dead and they don't know how many! For some reason, the day before Charley, we got a cold front.Where did it come from??? It pushed Charley off.
Painty, I have a counsellor question for you. Let's say that three people, siblings, in their 60s now, have for years "seen about" and done things for an aunt. Let's say the aunt has one daughter who doesn't do these things and doesn't actually think they need to be done. The aunt was in a very good nursing home situation. So, the aunt dies and the three siblings:
1. call relatives and bad-mouth the daughter, pointing out how wonderful they were in comparison.
2. threaten the funeral home if the funeral is conducted per the daughter's understanding of the aunt's last wishes .. not their understanding.
3. say they are too upset and will not attend the funeral if it's not their way
4. their way involves moving it closer to other relatives so more can attend and they can socialize.
5. never drop by the daughter's house or offer condolences in any way (one sibling's wife did ask the daughter to come over for dinner)
Question: What were their motives?
I want to play Freecell, see Garden State, have a gay governor, lose weight and eat month's worth of sausage sandwiches with peppers and onion.
Don't You Want To Do Anything That I Am Doing???? How About Driving Kids To Work At 6:00 Am And Picking Up Other Kids From Work At Midnight???? That Has Been Great Fun!!!!-=----------as Bad As It Can Be,i Am Tempted To Make Fudge Right This Minute----i Cannot Resist.
Without having talked to them, I can hardly "know" yet..
Let's say the aunt has one daughter who doesn't do these things and doesn't actually think they need to be done. The aunt was in a very good nursing home situation. So, the aunt dies and the three siblings:
1. call relatives and bad-mouth the daughter, pointing out how wonderful they were in comparison.
The aunts are ageist and constantly wonder what is wrong with the younger generation. They are guilty for how badly they treated each other when they were in junior high and think they can make it up now that the difficult one is permanently silent, and (therefore) relatively appreciative. 2. threaten the funeral home if the funeral is conducted per the daughter's understanding of the aunt's last wishes .. not their understanding.
See above. 3. say they are too upset and will not attend the funeral if it's not their way
See above AND add that they are afraid of change, flexibility, driving, other relatives (especially great nieces nephews and people with opinions different than theirs... especially en mass.) 4. their way involves moving it closer to other relatives so more can attend and they can socialize.
They see it as a social function for them, rather than support for ALL of the immediate family. 5. never drop by the daughter's house or offer condolences in any way (one sibling's wife did ask the daughter to come over for dinner)
They think they are the center of the universe (or ought to be) and don't realize that until the older generation is actually incapacitated, the elders should lovingly offer their strength, hope and wisdom to those who are younger.
Notice that none of it really has anything to do with the lovableness of the daughter! Hope you can grieve what you are missing (or what you never got in the first place, and be relieved about the rest!
DH went to the grocery store today. He called and asked if I needed anything. I didn't. He asked if there was a bottle of wine in the house. There was. He went anyway and came home with what I think of as "boat crap" -- wine, doughnuts, potato chips, cookies and chocolate. What the heck is wrong with him? He presented this all like an exciting treat. Is he wired wrong? I'll bet if I asked him if he was trying to undermine my diet, he would either get mad or claim he didn't know I was dieting. Kiwi
Ack! Your dh and mine MUST be twins separated at birth. I deal with that stuff on a regular basis and his response is "Well, you don't HAVE to eat it." Mine is "If I know it's in the house, I WILL eat it, so keep it away from me."
Ahem. The psychic fair was very cheesy but the guy I chose to do my reading was gooooooood and picked up on many things that I already knew and needed to hear from someone else. I was a blubbering idiot by the time he was finished. Too complicated to go into here. Nothing life threatening. Just sad. He had lots of Kleenex. Ho hum. He told Mummy that she and Dad were going to live into their nineties, which is nice. Yesterdy Mummy said "Your father is difficult sometimes." and I said, "Can you imagine how difficult he'll be when he's 95?"
In other news: Mummy's cute Phillipina cleaning lady is flying to Scotland tomorrow to meet her Scottish internet boyfriend for the first time. He re-decorated his whole house just for her. Isn't that sweet?
sugar!!!! you should be sending out private email screenings of your session!!! DID YOU ASK HIM ABOUT US???HAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA------------------i am now making fudge-----------sue me.
someone took pictures of me at a party last night ----OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWD!!!!!!-------------i have been shocked into dieting!!!!!!!!!!!now i must choose my plan of attack ----------------i looked like a dumpy middle aged cow [i probably knew it,but needed the horrible affirmation of a photo}FRIGHTENING.
Bagzie, don't you know the first rule of denial is to stay out of camera range????!!!! Of course there is the random unplanned glance into mirrors, but those are only fleeting glimpses of our middle agedness.
Peach, I can't believe you didn't ask me my opinion of the cousins. The answer to your question is that some ppl just like to build themselves up by tearing other ppl down. It's sad but true. Also, it's because they need to get a life.
Sugar, tell us all about it. We want to hear the source of your blubbering. Nothing is too complicated to go into here. We have all the time in the world.
Bunco was an eating and drinking success. We had yummy drinks consisting of a few raspberries in a glass, with raspberry liquor (Chambourd?) and champagne. Yum. Baked salmon. Pasta salad. Apple crisp w/ ice cream. And I wonder why I'm fat. Well actually I don't wonder. I know.
Hi Cowies. Eight suitcases are packed and we're leaving today and I'll be back in the saddle tomorrow with a nice case of jet lag.
Psychic said that, among other things, there would be MAJOR life changes coming up and that we would be moving. Also something about large amounts of money. Oooooh. We'll see.
Location: the Loralai district in Pakistan's Baluchistan Province
Posts: 273
Move??? Maybe to our hemisphere???? That would be nice. Now you need to pick OUR ocean. I know Wabby is over there..but the rest of us are here and everything important runs on Eastern Standard Time...doesn't it? PLUS....Wabby is social and her husband is too. He will bring her here as soon as he hears how wonderful the Cowtown Rodeo is. It is only a short hop from here and it is a real rodeo....pointy boots, tight boot cut jeans..the whole bit.
I like a kind of fudge that I make. It is mostly pb and marshmallow with a little chocolate. It is yummy if it is frozen. I will not make it because who wants to cause that sort of problem.
I'm tired...from what I don't know. I am sick, sick,sick of kids who just want me to spend money on them. Mine, I mean. Does anyone else think their kids are a tad spoiled? Did I tell you that soccer starts this week? I can't remember....I wrote a message this am but I don't think I posted it....I got halfway through then got distracted. Anyway...that signals the end of summer. We have barely had hot weather...all it does is rain.
whine, whine, whine. I'm going to bed...maybe I'll wake up in a better frame of mind.
Dang!!! This place is eating posts left and right. Wabbo I knew I didn't have to ask you. You just can read my mind. One relative told me their treatment of me is bordering on slander. I think about them far too much. Ruins my day. What can I do? Also, speaking of reading mind, huzzah! Huzzah! that Sugar is moving to Florida. We can go to Starbucks together and pretend it's Timmys. They just said on the radio that the Atkins diet cost about $15 a day.
Location: the Loralai district in Pakistan's Baluchistan Province
Posts: 273
Go into word. Choose a impressive looking font. Make a lawyerly looking letterhead. Send letter threatening action regarding suspicious activity.
OR write them a letter.
OR...I don't know, it took me months to get over the fact that no one spoke to me at my mom's funeral. We went to another funeral a few months ago and no one spoke to me there, either but it only bothered me for a day or so. This is what I'm free of....those nuts living in my head. That doesn't mean that when confronted with it I don't get upset, but I don't think about it when it isn't happening any more.
Also, when people tell you things are said, confront them about letting the remark pass. If they didn't defend you, ask why. This stuff happens in a system and part of being free of the system is being free of people who want to play it both ways. Remember, it takes two people to hurt you, the one who says it and the one who tells you.
On that note, I will get ready to go to the mall to get dd's senior portrait outfit.
bye
Lush, you are so wise. I spent last night's insomnia bout thinking about my parents again. I really would like to get them out of my head and quit wasting so much of my limited mental energy thinking about them. How do you do that? My oldest sister told me that my mother told her that I'd sent a "pretty hurtful" email to my dad. This is the email in which I told him that it really bothered me that I was treated like there was something wrong with me because I kept my nose to the grindstone and did my best to be a decent person. It was not hurtful. I sent this email a year and a half ago. He thinks I owe him an apology because of it. It's the same deal as your cousin situation, Peach. There's nothing you can do to make them see things your way, so you might as well stop trying. That's the point I'm at.
Lovely Lush, kids always want you to spend money on them. They don't realize the stress it causes. My kids always assumed that the money in atm's was endless. If I told them I was out of money, they'd just say "use your debit card." Pennies from heaven. Everyone is whining here because we've had too much summer. It's been nothing but hot, and no rain. Everything is crispy.
DH is working out of town this week. I won't know what to do with myself. I keep thinking I should accomplish something while he's gone, but who am I kidding? I still have to work. I don't have the energy for much else lately. Because, did I mention it??? It's hot here!!!!
it took me months to get over the fact that no one spoke to me at my mom's funeral. We went to another funeral a few months ago and no one spoke to me there, either but it only bothered me for a day or so.
Last summer I went to a funeral and one of DD's friends made me laugh while I was taking a drink of water and I did a giant spit-take. I'm pretty sure the next funeral I go to, people will actively avoid me, don't you think?
Sadly, this still makes me guffaw every time I think about it. I have no class at all. DD was away at music camp at the time, so her friends took great joy in relating the incident to her.
I'm afraid my way of dealing with family slanders and snubbing and criticism is to rant and rave about it at the time and then completely forget what everybody said or did. This early senility is very helpful in keeping me from bursting a blood vessel. I should apply it to more parts of my life I think.
So vent all you want, we are certainly a sympathetic audience. Just don't forget to let it pass eventually and forget about it if possible.
Hugs to Sugar. I'm not sure I approve of strange men making you cry. Hope you are not dead tired from the trip.
Kiwi
P.S. to Bagz: If you are horrified by pics of you, I could send you some of me that will change your mind Hey, I've seen pics of you and I think you are svelt!
Julia Ade
zoom zoom zoom
Hey, I've seen pics of you and I think you are svelt!
