Bad days all around
 

After having a week off, I'm home this morning with cramps that could kill a cow. :moo: I feel awful for missing even a couple of hours at work. I think I need to see my doctor about all the "female" problems I've been having. It's starting to concern me. :( In fact the pain was so severe this morning that after trying midol and advil, I got my vicodin prescription filled that the dr. at the hospital prescribed me for the cyst. I didn't know what else to do. Does anyone else experience this? Do you have any suggestions? Aaarrrgh. Well, at least startin my period might explain the three lbs. I gained. ha ha...

Ang: I agree with mette that you may be to harsh on yourself, much like I am with the exercise. I don't want to tell anyone they need therapy, I know it's a sensitive subject, but I went to a counsellor about a year ago and it helped a lot to talk with someone detached and unbiased about my life.

Mette: Thank you for the support about the smoking. It IS very difficult to quit, the longest I managed was 1 month and it felt like the longest month of my life! Of course, I wish I'd never started but hindsight is 20/20. And about Mike and if I would say yes if he asked... absolutely. Even though I've been divorced and it was horrible, I never was bitter against marriage because of it. It was just the wrong person at the wrong time. I very much want to settle down and have a family someday and I see Mike as being my partner in life and my best friend in addition to being my bf. I've never felt so loved. Did I ever mention that we met online? Yup. It's a little weird telling people that, because there's a bit of a stigma, but seeing as though we would have never met otherwise, I'm pretty thankful that I did it. In fact if you guys want to see a picture of us, we are on the e-harmony "success" page here: http://www.eharmony.com/core/eharmony?cmd=testimonials2 :D That picture was taken in February when we went to Hearst Castle for Valentine's Day.

You've come up with some pretty creative uses for the protein powder. Sorry they haven't all been tasty, but at least you're experimenting. I usually get vanilla flavored and make shakes or add it to my yogurt. I really think it's trial and error to find one you like. One that I found that's pretty good is "Isis" which is soy protein that is geared toward women. I found it at Trader Joe's and I don't think it was terribly expensive.

Well, I think the vicodin is kicking in. Now I just want to go to sleep. :dz: Feeling "normal" never feels better than after you've felt terrible pain. Ahhh... Getting much better.

Anyway, hope everyone's day improves, too. I hope I can drag myself to the office and salvage the rest of mine. Bye for now.

Oy. I just read Jessica’s post! I just want to clarify that I do not mean that any of you *need* therapy! :foot:
I just meant generally – in life – getting to know oneself – etc – I think journals are a good thing, and I also think therapy is a good thing!
Just want to be 100% clear on that! :^:

And Jessica – how nice to see your face! It’s so nice to have a face to connect the posts to. You both look absolutely adorable! :D Such a nice story too! And I’m glad for you both that you found each other!
Now we all have to look into getting photos of us online too of course... ;)

Sorry to hear about your cramps, and yes – seeing your doctor sounds like a very good idea. I’m sorry to say that I don’t have any good ideas for you – except for hot bottles and hot baths – but that’s for minor cramps and not the kind you need drugs for.

The stigma of meeting online? Really? There’s a stigma? I’ve never actually gotten that impression before, I have friends who met online – and know several more couples, and I’ve never heard anything negative about it. Maybe that says more about my friends, though! :p

Good luck getting to the office!

Jessica that picture is awesome! You can definately see how connected you guys are. And yeah, no Stigma here. The friends coming to visit include one Canadian I met online 10 years ago through a game we both play. We met in person a few times, and a few years after that started dating. While we are not dating currently, there is definately a bond there that will never be broken. :)

As for live journaling, I have one, on, what would you know? The livejournal website. :D It helps on some things, not on others. Like, when the cat had to be put down, I posted there, and it helped me get over that pretty fast. But recurring problems, like work- no amount of journaling or anything seems to help me. Work is definately my biggest hurdle. Nothing about work provides a positive response with me - and food/snack/junkyeating is my stress relief. I really think getting out of here, is going to be the best shot I have at reworking my lifestyle.

Like just two minutes ago, I had to call my boss who is out, to explain that he (the boss) has specifically told me to only sell this customer cast film, and the customer is 100% certain he wants blown film. I am to 'give him cast without saying he is getting cast' - so basically I am lying, and when it comes down and he sees CAST on the boxes, I am going to be the one that gets blamed for it. I need out.

Anyway... sigh. I am happy to announce that as of 1:30pm my meals have included:
Slimfast for breakfast.
Soup and 1/2 of a low carb whole grain tortillla sante fe wrap. No beans, or sourcream. So, the wrap, some cheese, chicken breast and salsa. I forgot to ask for tomato instead of fries, but limited myself to just 10 french fries.
And the biggest, hardest change I did today. I had DIET Coke for lunch. *blech* But I still had it.

Maybe there is hope for me yet! Well work just got real busy all of a sudden, I'll write back and touch on the other topics of today in a bit.

I changed the signature. I really appreciate your support. Unfortunately a lot of times I am a negative person and a pessimist. I try not to be when I can but sometimes I just don't seem to control it. I know it's good I lost the weight but then I put on 15 since I moved here. I guess it's not the full amount, but still bad. I have a presentation at a conference next month and I'm not going to be able to fit into my suit. I'm not sure what I am going to do as I am not going to buy a new suit (I only wear a suit once or twice a year).

To add insult to injury - I am this way with therapy. I actually have a mental illness that I really haven't talked about so I have been in and out of therapy for years. I'm still here so I guess some of it has helped, but I still have a lot of things to work out. Right now I am not on regular medication for my problems but I have been considering going back on something. We'll see. Right now I am being stubborn and saying no.

I was thinking about starting a journal again but in some ways I use posting here as a kind of journal. I don't know if I have enough time for a journal and keeping up with all of you. :lol:

mette - I'm glad I didn't remember to buy the protein powder the other day. Does it have a taste? Right now I am trying to remember to incorporate flax seed meal into my diet. I think it is just a habit I need to get into. It's not easy without cooking so I can only add it to things like cereal. Let us know how it works in the smoothie. It sounds delicious.

Jessica - I'm so sorry to hear about your cramps. I used to get them pretty badly and unfortunately just suffered through them. Have you tried hot water bottles? Stretching? Massage? Sometimes light exercise actually helps. I hope they are better for you soon.

Jessica - I have met a few people online. I think it is getting to be a regular thing. It just depends on your 'crowd' I think. I met my current bf online and my ex-husband. I know what you mean though about being hesitant to mention it to people. There are some people that still think it's a little odd or at least won't admit that there is nothing odd about it. :dizzy: You two make a really great couple. How pretty you are. :) I will keep my fingers crossed that Mike asks you to marry him. You seem really happy - it's wonderful.

I also am glad to put a face to the name. If any of you want to see me (looking professional which is so not me normally) you can check me out on my work page. Just PM me or e-mail me and I'll try to send a url, because I don't want to give my full name on this public forum.

Yeah for Renee! :jig: :bravo: :cb: :dance: Awesome job today with your eating and all this with stress at work. Your boss sounds like a real jerk. Get out and don't look back.

Breakfast - cereal (I can really tell when I skip my fiber for a few days.)
smoked turkey and lf cheese sandwich, banana, soybeans (cahun - yum).
Ready for a snack - peanuts or more soybeans, maybe with an apple
Dinner - no clue yet - not good but I have veggies at home so probably something like that.

Work is almost over - yeah! Jessica - did you make it back to work?

Hi everyone,

I did make it to work, felt doped up but at least I was there. They really needed me there in the afternoon, so I was grateful I felt well enough to be there. I'm still in pain, although it's milder than it was this morning. I have an appt. with my Dr. on Friday, so she may be able to at least give me some advice. I had some errands planned for after work but opted to come home and relax instead. I'll finish posting, read and hit the sack early. I'm tired of always having something wrong with me. People at work think I'm falling apart, and maybe I am. :p

Thank you for all the comments and compliments on my picture with Mike! I was so happy when they posted that on their site; we're "almost" famous! ;) I think you're all right; maybe there used to be more of a stigma about online dating but now it's becomming more of a normal way of meeting people. I had dated others I'd met online, but Mike was the only one on e-harmony. It's a bit more expensive than the other sites but really finds people that are compatable with you, not just on a superficial level. I'd highly reccomend it to anyone looking. :love:

Mette: I'm so sorry about what I said about the therapy; I certainly didn't mean that you were telling anyone they needed therapy. I was just trying to suggest it based on my personal experience and didn't want it to come accross like I was telling Ang what to do. That wasn't directed at you at all! :sorry: We are both in agreement that it can be a good thing for anyone sorting out problems in life, as well as journal writing or even coming to this community and sharing with one another. You were totally clear on what you were saying. Maybe it was I who "misspoke"! :tape:

Renee: Way to go on the food today! :high: You did great. And you felt good doing it? You sound in a much better mood today than last night and I'm really happy for you. The work thing sounds like it just sucks. There is nothing worse than being given contradictory information or being told to do something you know is wrong. What a no-win situation that is. We'll all keep you in our thoughts for finding a new job. :crossed:

Ang: Thank you, again, for the nice compliments on the photo. :D I'll have to get a new picture up somewhere with my thinner face and new hair cut! By the way, I come from a long line of family members with various mental illnesses- depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, so if you ever want to talk about it here or privately, please don't hesitate. The irony of it all is that my mom is a mental health nurse and she married my father (biological father, not step-dad) who turned out to be, from what we can tell, schizophrenic. He's actually homeless now and lives in D.C. I'm very phobic of having a mental illness given my family history, which may be where my interest in psychology comes from. I've been diagnosed with depression in the past but for the most part function fine without medication. I took Prozac for a while but my mom said it made me manic. Of course that was when I was really trying to make choices for myself and get back to school, so maybe it wasn't a bad thing, she just didn't like the choices I was making. Who knows. :?:

And if it's between a journal and us, definitely, pick us!!!! I also didn't know you've been married before. Do you mind sharing that story with us? I'd be interested to hear your opinions and experiences with the marriage thing.

Alright, ladies, time to relax and get ready for bed (at 7 p.m.; I really AM falling apart!) Hope everyone has a great evening and talk to y'all tomorrow.

Morning everyone,

I'm still feeling yucky this morning, plus I got really sick last night from the vicodin. Guess it's back to advil even if it doesn't work as well. August has just been a weird month for me! I'm looking forward to next month, my trips I have planned and hopefully just feeling better in general.

Hope everyone has a great Wednesday! The weekend is almost here... I woke up late so I have to get ready for work. Talk to you all later.

Hello Ladies.

Just a quick check-in as I MUST get some work done today. I keep getting interrupted at work by coworkers who think their issues are more important than mine. I'm ready to get mad in a second but will try to keep my cool. :p

Jessica - I'm sorry that you are not feeling better this morning. Hopefully your doctor will be able to help you. Hopefully work will fly by so you can get home and relax.

Jessica - you are not the only person to recommend eHarmony. If I decide to try again I may go there. I am not proud of my marriage as it was a mistake from the beginning. He was a nice guy but not right for me and me not right for him. We sensed it in the beginning but I think we both thought we should get married and were getting older so we went for it and ignored the nagging feelings. We even went to therapy before and after the marriage. We were just being stupid. The marriage became a disaster as our personalities clashed. We wanted a dream and forgot to realize that you have to have the right person to complete the dream. I think I learned a lot about myself during the process but in some ways I am still finding guys that are not 'right' for me so I guess I am still ignoring my own feelings. I really think there is still a lot more for me to learn about myself and until that is done I'm not sure I can ever be truly happy with a man. I don't talk to my ex anymore. I moved and he moved back in with his parents (does that tell you something about him :lol: ). He is actually getting married again in the spring. He wasted no time finding someone who was more like him and I hope he is happy. I just want to be happy too.

I'm not sure how I feel about getting married again. I had changed my name and REALLY wish I had not. We had merged our money and it was a pain to separate later. I just wanted to get out so I lost/gave up a lot of stuff and money just to make it easier on me. I bad experience all around basically. 7+ years together with 4 in the marriage and only 2+ living together. Yikes.

On to something else...Jessica, I'm sure you are not falling apart. Hang in there and it will get better. btw - I'll pick you ladies over a journal anyday. :D

Hump day again - wow!

Renee – you seem to have identified very well what you’re doing: work is the problem and eating is the symptom. As we learn in psychology: you can treat the symptom – and sometimes we do that – but it’s much better if we can solve the problem. Your boss sounds absolutely horrible! And I agree with you: you need out! And good eating btw!

Ang – I know about being a pessimist, and I always say that some of us have d*** good reasons for being pessimistic too. ;) The positive outlook, looking for the good stuff, looking for coping and success – I have to concentrate to see those. Especially with myself. For some reason it’s easier to be positive toward others. Do you find that too, Ang? Because I think of you as very supportive and positive toward the rest of us here.
For the presentation – could you wear something else, a pair of black pants and a nice shirt, or something like that?
I’m sorry you have been ill Ang, but as long as you’re OK now – at least that’s good.
I have been depressed in periods throughout my teens, twenties and thirties, but I never went into therapy or got diagnosed – I moved around too often, or at least, that was the excuse I made for myself for not doing anything with it.
The depression I got stuck in three-four years ago was really bad, and lasted for a very long time, and when I got through it, and it got a bit easier – I decided that the next time I feel this coming I’ll go into therapy or try medication as soon as I can. I don’t want to go through that again.
And I’m with Jessica: use us instead of a journal!!!! :D
Your eating looks good – do you eat the soybeans as snacks? Just plain? Does it taste good?

Jessica – I’m sure you’re not falling apart. And hopefully the doctor will put you at ease and fix you by Friday!
And I think we’re completely on the same page when it comes to what we meant about the therapy! I was so afraid that anybody would get the wrong idea from what I was saying, but I think I should trust you guys to interpret what I’m saying in the best possible meaning. Because that’s what you all do – and of course, it’s what I intended too! :D

Sorry to hear about your dad, Jessica. It seems we are struggling with some of the same issues - depression. Good to hear you’re doing well now. And I hope you’re feeling better.

Ang, sorry to hear about your bad marriage and breakup, at least it didn’t turn you off men completely. And as you’re saying: you learnt a lot about yourself in the process.

I’ve gotten a bit busy, and have a lot of writing to do.
I have one patient who’s been very ambivalent about coming to therapy – he’s met up for about half of the sessions we had during spring. So as I make a treatment plan for him I have to prepare something in writing about theoretical aspects of ‘ambivalence’ as resistance in therapy. Look into how different psychological theories tries to solve it – the reasoning behind, the methods to try out, etc. It’s always interesting to do this kind of work, when it’s rooted in a specific case or client.
And also – we have an internal newspaper/journal/magazine/whatever at the university and the next issue is going to be about psychology and movies. I want to write a piece about the psychology of heroes and heroines – and why it’s always about the hero and never about the heroine. The only heroines who have carried movies in the 00s, which I can think of, are The Bride (from Kill Bill) and Lara Croft. But the heroes? 20 movies a year!

So I’m looking at websites for information about American movies – how many have leading actresses really? And how many of those are about bona fide heroines?
Any input guys?

And as always: have a great Wednesday!

Profile picture up
 

It’s been so great to get to see pictures of you guys. And I should probably stop calling you “guys” now, and start calling you what you are: beautiful women!!! :yes:
But anyway. To even things out a bit. I took my picture a minute ago while sitting here, and uploaded it as my ‘profile picture’. No preparations, posing or any professionals involved at all – so consider yourselves warned!! :p
And - you probably should look at it while it’s there – it could come down again pretty fast! :lol:

Mette: You're so cute! My hair is almost as short as yours now. I wore it curly today and actually had two guys flirt with me... I'd forgotten what that feels like- it's been awhile! I may have to wear it curly more often. ;) Your projects sound really interesting. And you're right about films; the last several movies I've seen have featured men as the heroes. The only other movie I can think of to come out this year where a woman is the heroine is "Cat Woman". Of course, all of the movies mentioned don't feature the women as "real life" people, but comic book stars, or caracatures of people. Have you thought about movies where the women were strong characters but not necessarily typical "heroines" like maybe "Cold Mountain", "Iris", "Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" for example?

Ang, sounds like we had very similar marriage experiences, although I didn't stick mine out nearly as long as you did. I'm still using my exes last name because it's such a pain to go through changing it again. And combining the money; money was our biggest downfall. Mike and I have very similar ideas about spending and saving money (which is pretty much to just spend it!) and we've been very open about our credit histories, what we owe, what we make, and what our goals are. That's really important. I'm sure we'll still fight about it but I know it won't be a nightmare like it was with my ex. I remember him berrating me for buying my "feminine" products at a drug store instead of a grocery store because he thought they were more expensive. If THAT kind of thing can cause an all-out argument, there's definitely something wrong! :p

I'm feeling better this afternoon. Work has been pretty low-key and my tummy pain is finally subsiding. I'll get my errands done this evening and try to get to bed early again. Talk to you all later! :)

It wonderful to see pictures and put faces to names. Even though I did not consciously try to imagine whay you looked like, I found myself 'surprised' by the pictures. I much prefer the real you though and will let you all know when I get a 'better' picture in my profile.

mette - I am definitely more supportive, understanding and optimistic with other people. Actually supporting friends and loving people is what I live for and it makes me happy to help others. I just don't always listen to my own advice or for some reason I think I don't deserve what other people do. I'm working on it in therapy - maybe someday. For now I am happy to be here for you ladies and for my friends in town when they need me (and bf when he lets me :o ). btw, the jury is still out on whether or not I am OK now. Some days I think yes and some days I say no. When I can't take the nos anymore then I look into medication. That's the plan. I can get suicidal and I need to avoid that if possible.

I eat soybeans as a snack and for a little extra protein, although they don't have nearly the protein I would have thought. I eat the cajun flavored ones like they were popcorn or something. I like the flavor. Eating them plain requires putting them in a salad or something else - gives a little crunch.

I think it's amazing how many people have some sort of "mental illness" in their lives. I can't speak for you, but I know that my mental issues contributed and still contribute to my excess weight. I think it is true for many people. I applaud you (Jessica and mette) for working through your depression and becoming better people and really taking control of your lives and improving them. I learn from you everyday and hope to keep doing so.

mette - You are right that woman get the short end of the stick in movies. The only one that came to mind was Cat Woman but Jessica already beat me to it. I don't envy you the writing, as I have a lot of writing to do too and I don't want to, but it seems that you have very interesting things to write about. Depending on your definition of hero and heroine, are there that many heros to begin with or more like strong characters as Jessica metioned?

mette - I like your picture and I hope you leave it up so we can 'visit' you when we wish. :D

Jessica - even though you have Mike, how nice to have men flirt with you. When I was on the farm Sunday a new 'friend' (friend of farm friend) stopped by and expressed interest in taking me to dinner (told the friend and she told me). He met bf though and knows that I am not available right now so he did not say anything to me. I was flattered, even though he is 56!

No matter what you try, money is always issue between people. I think the relationship just depends on communicating about it, being honest, and being in the same ballpark with your ideas. It sounds like you and Mike have all this. It also sounds like your ex may have been a tad bit of a jerk.

Jessica - so glad you are feeling better. Were you able to get your errands done?

I had major problems at work with equipment and my subject today (don't get me started about how badly I am treated at work because I am female and the 'new kid' at the Institute) so I got out an hour late. Wednesdays are my big day on the farm and I was really upset that I lost half the time I had to spend there. With the sun going down so much earlier it is hard to get a lot of quality time in these days. :( I went anyway and picked a bunch of tiny tomatoes and got a little weeding done. Unfortunately I didn't even put a dent in what needs to be done or even what I wanted to get done. Oh well, I worked well into the dark until I couldn't tell the weeds from the plants and got in about 2 hours. At least it was some exercise. Tomorrow is running again with the club for 30 minutes. I'm hanging in there ladies and trying to stay with it. Needing accountability (since you are all my journal ;) ),

breakfast - cereal
lunch - turkey and lf cheese sandwich, yogurt, banana (couple of small carrots and ~6 little pretzels brought in by coworker)
snack (5pm) - protein bar and apple
dinner (9pm) - 2 slices tomato, green pepper, 2 small eggplant, 1 wedge cow cheese (I don't remember what it is called but it has something to do with cows and it is circular with little individually wrapped cheese wedges), peanutbutter sandwich

At dinner I craved something warm and/or something meat but didn't really have anything that I thought was appropriate so I managed to not eat anything else. I will try to eat something hot for dinner tomorrow night after the pub run.

Wednesday is over - not a great day but definitely not the worst. :)

Good morning!

Jessica, thanks for mentioning the movie Cat Woman – I had actually forgot (repressed? ;) ) it. I do agree with you – that when you go for real life strong characters, there are more women to choose from. Not many, but there are more. But for this I want to look at heroines, because I want to use the French feminist Luce Irigaray. She writes that women are not included as a gender of their own in the symbolic realm, that the only gender that exists is man – and that woman are simply seen as negation of man. Women are what men are not.
I want to use this point in discussing heroes and heroines – when the hero’s story is told so many more times, in so many different ways and repeatedly, and the heroine’s story so seldom – we don’t get strong symbols or archetypes (to use Jung) for heroines – and what a heroine’s journey, story or quest is about.
Oh yes – feminism is poring out! :D
Irigaray is a psychoanalyst and writes from that tradition, Jung is of course also a writer of psychology – so they are my theoretical link to psychology (and not only feminism!). I’m just doing drafts so far, I haven’t sorted it all out in my head yet. But the point of the whole thing is of course that we want more heroines!!! :lol:

Jessica – glad to hear you’re feeling better! Hopefully you got to go to bed early and sleep.

Ang – I know what you mean, I was a bit surprised by the pictures of you guys as well. I don’t know why exactly – and as you I prefer the real you! :D

You are right that an important thing is to avoid becoming suicidal, and one thing I learned through therapy was my own “warning signs”. I know now, that when I get the need to be alone all the time, the need to do nothing, or the need to sleep all the time I have to consider very carefully whether I’m becoming depressed again. It’s not so easy to just monitor emotions and moods – because I still have downs and blues and such – and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with depression.
You seem to have a plan and know what to do about it, so you’ll be able to take care of yourself. And that is a very good thing.
And that the depression is connected to weight gain? Definitely! I gain weight when I’m depressed, there’s no question or uncertainties but a 1:1 relationship. It’s about isolation, no energy, sleeping, trying to numb myself: I eat constantly and I eat only fatty, sweet comfort food.
When you look at the DSM or other manuals to find the symptoms of depression, the only symptom connected to eating is loss of appetite. And frankly, it's just not correct. Sometimes it's about increased appetite!

Sorry your day yesterday wasn’t too good – that you both lost time at the farm, and that they treat you badly at work. No wonder you’re wondering about leaving if that’s the case. Your eating looked really good though.

And just to report in on the protein powder (and yes – I bought unflavored): I put it in a smoothie with banana, kiwi and plain yogurt this morning, and it was actually very tasteful. I didn’t notice it was there at all. :smug:

Hope you’re having a nice day, all of you.

Hey everyone,

Just home for lunch and checking in. Work has been busy yesterday and today, but I got more pats on the back from our manager and supervisor yesterday, which felt really good. I'm very lucky that they don't hold back on the praise in my new department. The front office staff is pretty "clicky" and gossipy, I just try to stay out of that, but at least management recognizes when the employees are doing above and beyond what's expected. Maybe people tend to only do what's expected which is why they notice, I don't know. I seem to come accross a lot of problems that need to be solved; by taking the initiative to solve them, I'm learning a lot and having to go to my bosses and ask for their advice. This is great because they see that I'm catching things that others have missed and that I'm showing "leadership" skills, but I'm also ending up with an increased workload because of all the problems I'm having to fix. Sheesh.

Anyway, enough about that. Yes, isn't it funny how we construct our own mental images of what everyone looks like, even without trying? And Ang, I was really impressed with your "bio" on the site you sent me. What a smart woman you are!! And what beautiful and smart women you ALL are! ;)

I got my errands done last night and went to bed kind of late. I'm sleepy today but it's our "Friday" so it's not so bad. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow morning and then I'm going to detail my car with my step-dad. That's pretty much how he and I bond, so it should be a good thing. Mike is due home Saturday morning, so I'm looking forward to having him back.

Anyway, I'll check in again after work. Hope everyone's having a great day!! :D

This place has been quiet today. Where are Ang and Renee?

I’m so glad to hear you’re having a good time at work Jessica. It’s very good when the management actually notices that you take initiative and solve problems, I’m sure you’re constantly confirming for them that they did a good choice when they gave you your new project. You’ll be boss and run the office in no time! Just wait and see! :D

Hope everything goes well at the doctor too.

As of this morning I have done my introductory 4 weeks at the gym – so on Monday I’ll start increasing weight. I have to read up on Krista and the LWL forum about “lifting to failure” – as far as I understand it’s the only way you get strong: you lift to failure every time! It sounds heavy! ;) I’m a bit excited and a bit anxious. I’ll start Monday with lower body.

I had a very good morning at the gym today; for the first time there was another woman lifting weights. So at least there were two of us there for a while.
I actually think that the muscles in my arms are bigger and more defined already, but I could be fantasizing… ;)

Hope you all have good Fridays.

PS: And yes Jessica, I got very curious as to what you changed your mind about… :p

Hi everyone,

Wow, I can hear the crickets in here, it's so quiet! Hope everyone is having a great Friday!

Mette: You have been so good with the weights! Have you been taking measurements? I bet your muscles are growing and you are getting stronger. I don't think it's your imagination! Let us know how the lifting goes next week. Oh, and what I changed about my post... well, it was about pornography and what you guys feel about men you're with using it... I won't go into the story, but I was able to talk to a friend about it and felt better, didn't think it needed to be discussed here, as I wasn't sure how everyone would feel about it. Anyway, I deleted that part of my post fearing it might be offensive, sort of, or at least way off topic for what we talk about here.

The highlight of my day yesterday was receiving a delivered boquet of flowers from one of my customers! It was a large bouquet with gerber dasies (my favorite flower, in fact), carnations, daisies and snapdragons. It's very lovely. He called right after it was delivered to explain why he sent them, so I wouldn't get the wrong idea. He said that he loves working with people like me and he knew I was going to go the extra mile to help him out (I found someone's mistake and saved his client about $7200). He said that he knows we work a thankless job and never hear how good we are. So, he wanted to make my day. Isn't that awsome? I felt all "warm and fuzzy"!

Went to the doctor this morning. She pretty much said what I thought, which was that I could go back on birth control to prevent the cramps and the cysts. I stopped because I thought it might help me lose weight, but I know the truth is I gained weight because I was eating like a pig, not because I was on birth control. So I think I'll start back up with the patch and see if that helps things. She didn't seem terribly concerned, and that was reassuring. I spent the rest of the late morning and early afternoon hanging out with my step-dad. We washed and waxed my car and had lunch. It was hard work but fun and nice to spend some time with him. And exercise, too!

I'm getting ready to do some cleaning here at home, and then I have plans for dinner with a friend. We're going for sushi, and I tend to overeat at sushi places, so wish me luck with that. I haven't lost weight for two weeks now so I know I need to reign things in and get back on track. I haven't gained, either, so that's good, I just know that with my health problems and my trip to see my family, I haven't been making an effort even with my food. It's time again!

Anyway, would love to hear from Ang and Renee, too. How are you guys doing? Talk with you all later!