Ang, it seems it’s just you and me left here right now – with both Jessica and Renee missing in action. I feel a bit bad about disappearing for the weekend, but my niece is coming tomorrow, so I probably won’t post while she’s here. I’ll try to check in, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to - it all depends on what we do/where we are. She’ll stay from Thursday to Sunday, so I suppose I’ll be back Sunday evening. I’m also really looking forward to seeing her! :D

Jessica – if you’re reading: hope you and Mike have a great weekend, and that you come back refreshed and feeling great!

Ang, of course your family is dealing with a lot of stress! When my brother died very suddenly – one of the worst things was the complete shock – and how the shock just lasted and lasted. I sometimes thought that it would have been easier to be prepared, but as you describe: it’s very stressful to deal with illness and death in the before-phase too. And we probably can’t prepare for death anyway. I don’t know. It’s like you say: you have no choice but to deal with it. My best wishes for you and your family, Ang! :grouphug:

Yeah. You really need to find the original thoughts first. Before you can look into finding alternative ones. And it is really hard, you’re completely right!
As for the thoughts that come before emotions: I don’t look for them often enough and I’m certainly not good enough in finding them. I do think I would feel better; feel more stable emotionally, if I worked harder at figuring out my emotions. But mostly I just follow the flow: going up and down with the emotions.
Journaling is always a good tool for me to register emotions and thoughts though. I always come back to that.

And I agree – it’s not strange that I have some issues with my eating, after all these years of dieting, and eating on and off diets. I have some problems letting go of the black/white, on/off diet-way of thinking. Trying to aim for balancing those – and including both – and think of this as just living life. I sometimes get a bit stressed about not having a goal with how I eat. Adding calories, eating more – it feels unsafe in a way. I don’t know how to explain it better. Just that black or white is the easy way: the middle is sometimes a muddle! :D
Sometimes I deal well with it: talk myself down from the edge, other times I just freak out for a while and then get back to normal when I’m done. It feels safer to see that it’s OK to freak out a bit and that I will get back to normal after.
Sometimes I overeat a little, and scare myself a little – but I sort of keep telling myself that it’s OK to do that now. I can eat 2000 calories a day now.

I have to go and clean this place up before my guest arrives, so I’m off. I’ll try to check in Ang, and I hope that you have a very good weekend if I don’t “see” you during.
And happy Wednesday to everybody!

mette - enjoy your time with your niece. How old is she? You have a great time and don't worry about me. Maybe Jessica or Renee will show up.

Tonight I went to our town's Newcomers meeting (really just a social/community group for women). Everyone except me is married and most have children. It's just the way my town is, which isn't bad but bad for me. I really didn't feel like I fit in there but at least it was a chance to get out for a few hours and socialize a little. Not the most fun thing in the world but not all bad. They had refreshments though and I ate when I shouldn't have. The stuff was good though. Things in my running club are 'falling apart' a little too so I think I need to take stock in my life and what is going to be a priority for me in the months to come. I don't want to sit alone every night and weekend during the winter. I am looking into volunteering at the food pantry in town. It was the first volunteering opportunity that came up so we'll see. I am also looking into getting a part-time job for the holidays. Really it would just be to keep busy, not that the extra money wouldn't be nice for presents.

Anyway, tired of the way things are and trying to figure out what to do to make them better. I have to have something to aim for, not just run from. Find a purpose in life. Do you all have a purpose? Just to live isn't enough for me.

Hi girls,

Sounds like everyone is having a good week!

Ang, I was so glad to read that you were able to get out and do some of the things you enjoy. Your situation with your mom sounds like it would be very stressful for everyone involved. I can't imagine how hard that is on you and your family. The fact that you have a "love/hate" thing with her probably makes it that more difficult. I'm glad you and the bf are fitting in "chats" here and there. It IS a good sign that he's talking about what you two have planned for next year. I wish he was around to spend more time with you, as it doesn't seem right that you have a bf and still have to feel lonely. I'm going through a bit of that again with Mike being gone so much, but I don't have anything to complain about.

mette: I hope you have a really nice weekend with your niece. What do you have planned? It is really good for all of us to read about your food "struggles" and how you talk with yourself when you're close to the edge... again, you are so self aware and observant! Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. And don't worry, I'll give you all the sordid details of my "weekend away" next week. It should be very relaxing and a lot of fun, too.

As for me, I saw my parents several times this past weekend. It was good to spend some time with them. I wish there was a way we could be closer right now, but since our fallout last year our relationship seems a bit stressed. Then there is the Mike issue- I can't seem to bring him up in conversation without getting an "icy" feeling from my mom. It's like I'm developing two separate lives now, one with my parents, and the other part of my life with Mike. I don't really like this feeling but don't really know what to do about it.

Other than that I've been working late almost every night, and Tuesday I even went in early, which I never do. Part of it is because we've been so busy, another part, I hate to say, is that my 1 year review is coming up and I'm hoping to get some leverage to get a raise, or at the least, a really good review. Kiss up, I know!! ha ha ha... I guess because Mike's been gone this week, I'm just not in a huge hurry to come home to an empty house. Well, the cats are here, but it's not the same. Speaking of which, I talked to the "cat lady" accross the hall from me and we've agreed to cat-sit for each other, so she'll be taking care of my babies while we're out of town. How great is that? Not only is she right next door, but I know she'll spend a lot of time with them and take great care of them. It's a relief knowing we can depend on each other for that and I don't have to worry about them.

I'm still eating pretty crappy... I haven't cooked in probably three weeks now. I don't know what happened. Well, we're planning a trip to Las Vegas in November for our birthdays (Mikes is on the 9th, mine on the 21st) so maybe having a tangible goal to lose X amount of weight by then will help me get motivated again. We'll see.

Again, so sorry I was missing again this week. I'm really glad to hear everyone's doing ok! Talk with you all soon.

Hey ladies. Well, work is busy so a quick sum up.
Work - It seems better lately. I don't know if it's because my time off really refueled me, or if my new eating causes less mood spikes from coming on and off the carbs through out the day.
Exercise - Went to the gym on Tuesday. Lifted a bit and did 20 minutes cardio. I was pleasantly surprised that I managed ten minutes on the precor and another ten on the recumbant. My abs are sore too. :)
Diet - I was doing great on South Beach, and still am following it, but my losing has tapered off and that worries me. You are supposed to lose 8-13 in the first two weeks. I am four days shy of that mark and stuck at having lost 6lbs. Not so much that I don't think that's good. But I am worried I'm doing something wrong and I want to do this perfectly.

I noticed that my heart rate seems a bit better already. Wonder if that could be from a simple one week of eating heart healthy?

Today is my rest day. Going to go home and play some video games. Tomorrow I will hit the gym again.

Breakfast today was yogurt, string cheese snack, chicken salad and tomato for lunch, then some pistachios, and flank steak for dinner. :)
The whole family has lost weight so far. My brother in law has lost 6lbs, and my sister is at 8lbs!

Hi Everyone - I am here waiting for all of you to return from your fun weekends. I hope there are great updates. I had a busy weekend on the farm but not much else to report. Last night I found out that my mother was taken to the hospital for a blood infection so I have been very preoccupied with dealing with that for the last 16 hours. She says she is fine but the doctors won't know definitely for a few days. She has almost no white blood cells to fit infections so the only hope are the antibiotics they are pumping into her. Very bad timing since I am supposed to go to a conference next week and I still haven't written the presentation. I have been like a zombie this morning though and don't care. I just can't concentrate on anything. This afternoon I have a subject coming so that will force me to focus on something else. I guess that's a good thing.

Renee - glad work has gotten better for you. It would be interesting to know if the diet has changed your moods enough to affect work.

Jessica - that's great that you have someone close by to help when you are gone. It's great to just know that someone is 'keeping an eye' on things for you. I still need to find help for my cats when I leave. At this point I sometimes make them go 48 hours without a visitor. They have food and water and seem to do ok. I guess it's better than the vet cages.

I anxiously await for you all to come back.

Wow, where is everyone? I hope everyone is alright. I came in to work yesterday all ready to catch up over the weekend and boy did I have an easy time of it. :p

Ang- Oh hon, I hope all goes well with your mom. Is she in good spirits? Hopefully that means she is fighting this off easy as pie. I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

I've had complete success on the South Beach Diet. And while it hasn't been 'hard' for me to ditch the carbs and sweets, I can say that if my sister wasn't doing most of the cooking work on this, I'd never stick to this diet.

Yesterday was my final day on Phase I and this mornings weigh in marked a loss of 9lbs during the first Phase. :dancer: My sister and I have decided to do a very moderated Phase II. We are allowed to add healthy carbs back in, but we are going to limit that to 2-3 meals a week with carbs.

Todays meal plan:
Low carb yogurt.
Ham/lettuce/cheese/pickle roll up for snack (2)
Left over Lemon Pepper Pork and Cabbage.
Pear
Dinner is our first carbs in two weeks. Crab cakes made with whole wheat bread crumbs, and fresh cauliflower.
Dessert is some weird Phase I attempt at cheesecake squares, which I have a really bad feeling about. (I made them hahaha, that's enough to worry the bravest stomach!)

I really need to get the exercise part of things back into this routine. Beh. I always say 'this week' and then it never happens. Between not waking up in the mornings, work, make dinner, eat, clean dinner. It just doesn't leave much time.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

Well, I’m back at least (and at last)!

Ang – so sorry to hear about your mother! I hope she’s doing well, and that she’s well taken care of. At least she sounds as if she’s optimistic, so that's good, right?

My niece finally left late last night – she stayed a couple of days longer than she planned. I think it’s very nice that she enjoys being here with me, but I’m also happy getting back into my normal routines. Mostly it’s about getting my space back – where I live now is really not an ideal place to have guests; it’s incredible small!
We had a nice weekend though; she’s all grown up now (she’ll be 20 in November) and we enjoy much of the same things: we also share much of the same taste in movies, sci-fi novels, and comics. So we watched movies, we read – and I even got some schoolwork done (which I desperately needed to get done!).

Ang – the Newcomer meeting in your town sounds like an interesting concept, but it’s really too bad there’s nobody single there! Maybe you’ll find some friend-materials in your volunteer work or part-time job? The whole ‘trying to figure out how to make things better’ is such an excellent approach to take! And finding a purpose in life – yeah, it constantly changes, doesn’t it? I think right now my purpose is to finish school and get a job I like. I expect my purpose to change after that –
So what is your purpose, Ang? And Jessica and Renee?

Jessica – I’m sorry that your mother doesn’t want to hear about Mike, what do you think will happen when you tell her that you live with him? Will she be angry, and argue with you about it, do you think? In that case, it doesn’t make it any easier to tell, does it?
Hope you get your motivation to eat well back too. I ate crappy this weekend with my niece here – and even though it didn’t show up on the scale yesterday – it still made me feel sluggish and gassy and unwell. I have been looking forward to today all weekend – getting back to normal: getting up early, going to the gym, eating oatmeal for breakfast, real food for lunch and dinner, and no junk. I have insanely busy days right now, and I can’t tell what a difference it is when I’ve exercised in the morning and eat well; I feel so much better – the stress doesn’t bother me all that much. When I start off the day eating lousy, I just want to continue eating chocolate all day!

Renee – congratulations on your 9lbs loss! That’s incredible! :D

Ang – hope you’re having the best day it’s possible for you to have. And that your mother gets better right away, or as soon as possible!

Also: It’s really nice to be back! Have a happy Tuesday everybody!

only have a moment
 

Welcome back ladies. It's so good to have you back.

Congratulations Renee on your weight loss. Awesome job with the SB diet. Next time I can get to the library I think I am going to see if they have a copy of the book. I'd like to look it over before I buy one. I think it's great that your sister is doing it with you.

Subject arrived so gotta go. Mom holding her own today so feeling good about that too.

More later.... :D

Happy Tuesday everybody!

I have concluded that it’s very good to get my life back!
I did manage to go to the gym last Friday, so I went 3 times last week. This week is looking good too – I went yesterday morning and this morning so far, the third time on Friday. No jogging or cardio so far this week though. And I think I’m starting to get a bit ill – sore throat and a bit too warm – so maybe no jogging tomorrow morning. I had to work a bit to get to the gym today; I woke up tired from yesterday and a bit unwell.
But it’s still good to feel a bit sore and stiff – I did lower body yesterday and arms/chest today – and I do feel it all over. :D

Jessica – you need to report in, and tell us if something really interesting happened this weekend… ;)
Ang and Renee – good luck on work stress and the SBD!

Being off restricted eating still feels a bit strange to me, but I think it’s getting better. I probably just need some time – a couple of weeks, a month were my weight is completely constant. Last week doesn’t count as a week I want to use as a standard of how to eat: I do want to eat sweets, but not so much that I make myself unwell.

I have been getting some comments that I’ve lost weight, and I still don’t know what to say when people say things like: “You’ve lost weight!” or “You’re thinner!” - I end up saying: “Yes, I have” or “Yes, I am” – and then go on talking about something else. It’s all very awkward, but I really don’t know what to say. I do sometimes feel like I should explain how it happened, almost defend it – but I’m sure it’s just me feeling awkward…
How do you guys deal with other people’s comments? Ang, when you lost a lot of weight – you must have gotten a lot of them? Jessica, you too? Is it just me that get these strange comments – not really a compliment, not really a question – just stating the fact “you’ve lost weight”?

Anyway. Hope you’re all having a good day!

Just a week after I started the SB Diet, I was out with my friends and someone mentioned, 'Hey Renee, have you lost weight? Your pants look baggier.' And my other friends joked, 'You just made her day.' And I got all smily and said, "Yah! I started the South Beach diet and it seems to be working, I am really excited." They of course wanted to hear a little bit more about it and I obliged. It was a nice boost to the esteem!

Renee – how great that people are noticing your weight loss already! :cheer:
Also nice that it boosted your self-esteem! That’s always a good thing! :D

Renee - I'm so glad people are noticing your weight loss and that you are happy that they are mentioning it to you. If it helps motivate you to keep up the good work then great. mette - maybe your reaction to people noticing your weight loss has more to do with you then what they actually say. I know a lot of people who have trouble phasing comments/compliments. When you are comfortable in your body at this new weight I bet it won't bother you so much when people comment. I think you can infer that everyone is paying you a compliment when they mention your weight loss. I will also admit that when people commented to me I didn't really know how to respond unless they asked questions, which some did. You smile, say 'yes' and move on if thay is all they have to say about it. You lost the weight for yourself and how you feel is all that is important. I think your responses are fine and appropriate.

mette- good job with going to the gym even though you had company. How are you feeling? I hope you are not getting sick.

I had an allergic reaction to something and my eyes swelled up today and I am exhausted. A fine day otherwise. I had dinner with bf's mother. It was nice to chat and have a home cooked meal. I also found out the bf talks about me regularly with her. Everytime I mentioned something about my life she already knew because he had told her. Kind of nice - now if he could just talk to me as much as he talks about me. :)

Goodnight.

Ang – hope your eyes are well again after your allergic reaction. I’m doing well, I think, I’m still hoping I’ll avoid getting sick. I slept in this morning, and I think it helped a bit.

Glad to hear you had a nice dinner with the bf’s mother. And that he talks about you a lot! That’s a good sign, isn’t it? You and the bf will probably (and hopefully) have more time together when the farming season is over, and all the vegetables are picked and sold?

And I’m sure you’re right that my reaction to people noticing my weight loss has to do with me. Somehow it confirms that they actually pay attention to what I look like, you know? (And that they really saw what I looked like at my fattest too! I think I like to think that everybody else ignored my body like I did…. ;) ) Besides, I always wonder what people actually see when they look at me.
It’s good to hear that I’m not the only one who doesn’t know what to say sometimes, Ang… ;)

My plan is to go to the gym tomorrow morning, but I think I’ll consider how I feel. And, I really don’t have time to get ill now! Really! :D

Ang, how is your mother doing? Is she still doing better?

mette - things seem to be on the mend with my reaction. The swelling of my eyes is down and I think one more night of decent sleep should bring my energy level back up. I just wish I knew what I reacted to so I stay away from it. My skin is so dry and peeling - gets sensitive on my face when I react to things. It happens with some medication. I couldn't wear makeup or even use my topical skin medication today for fear of making it worse.

I hope it's a good sign that bf talks to his mother about me. I'm still hanging in hoping that his schedule changes soon and that I get a chance to talk to him. He expects me to be around for a while but not like this. I just need someone more present in my life. I'm making the best of it for now. I actually think the farm has allowed us to see each other more (believe it or not). At least we pick together and have this 'project' to talk about. I think the big culprit is his work and the fact that he hasn't been able to get a grip on his life - not the most organized guy in the world. We're actually planting winter crops now and did I mention that he asked if we could plant seeds in my house over the winter to be ready for spring planting?

Your comments about people noticing weight loss really hit me. It NEVER occurred to me that if someone noticed I lost weight then it meant they noticed that I was fat. Good grief! Maybe this is just the incentive I need to loss more weight. I am actually in the mood to start cooking again (pulled out a recipe book and actually cooked the other night) so I think I will get going with it when I get back from my conference next week. Maybe tonight after work I'll stop at the library to seeif they have the SBD book. I also wonder how people see me since I see myself with biased eyes. I man told me yesterday that I had a nice figure. What does that mean? Maybe he just likes fat women or could it be that I'm not as fat as I think I am. Who knows?

I am terrible with receiving compliments. One day a couple of years ago one of my best friends told me that I was being 'disrespectful' to people who complimented me because I would basically tell them that they were 'wrong'. She told me to shut up, smile and just say thank you. OK, she wasn't rude about it but you get the idea I hope. Since then I make a conscious effort to put my feelings aside and just smile and say thank you and move on. I don't make my problems their problems. It will feel more natural for you to accept such comments/compliments as time goes on but believe me you are not alone. :)

You mention that you are busy. How is school going? Are you enjoying your classes? Let us know if you make it to the gym tomorrow.

My mother is doing as well as can be expected. She is still in the hospital and will be until the weekend. So far so good though - just slow.

Hi Ladies,

I'm getting ready for work and thought I'd finally drop by and say hello. Work has been busier than ever, and my vacation with my parents is this weekend. They want me to ride with them to Cambria (about a 3.5 hour trip by car) and I'm feeling some axiety about that. I'm thinking about driving myself up and meeting them there, but don't want to seem selfish. Briefly scanned everyone's posts and am so happy Renee has lost so much weight and having success; and Ang, the situation with your mom must be very draining. I hope you get good news. I need to get going, but will be back in tonight (I promise!) and will tell you all about my vacation last weekend (very relaxing!)

Hope everyone has a great Friday!