Hi, everyone--sorry I haven't been in for a while. I forgot how hard the last few weeks of the school year are--trying to wrap things up, deciding what needs to get done and what can be skipped, starting to get grades ready. I've learned there is a whole lot of paperwork involved in teaching elementary that I never had in high school--administrative stuff, that is. Not to mention the stacks of papers I'm trying to get graded before the end. I still have an end-of-the-year reading test to give and grade. I just graded the recent unit test--took me a week!
And there are still the five or so discipline problems in my class that I'm trying to keep under control, plus dealing with the usual parents. There also are end-of-the-year activities that my older daughter is involved in that also bring more traveling, time usage, etc. All in all, I'm pretty stressed out
--not making very good food choices as a result. Last weigh-in was last week. I was one pound up--159 lbs. I tend to pick cookies as a snack.
The stress is also causing me to have a bit of trouble with my obsessive-compulsive disorder. Stress worsens the symptoms of that condition. I tend to get very unsure of myself and very perfectionistic, checking to be sure that I filled out forms correctly and imagining that I have made a mistake on this project or that one, rechecking to be sure I did it right, and imagining catastrophe if I didn't
--stuff like that--basically ruminating on details and feeling quite anxious a good part of the time. I tend to find a possible mistake to dwell/obsess on,
which will stick in my mind for an extended period. In addition to my prozac, to deal with it, I use a type of behavior therapy which I was taught--because my brain is basically physically stuck in an anxious mode when I get like this--because of too much stress. I look for an activity that makes me feel good,
and I focus on it as fully as I can for a solid period of time--and then the anxiety and rumination usually fade, at least for the time being. I may have to repeat the process often if the rumination and worry come back. The worst thing I can do is to buy into my anxiety, because then I just get more and more anxious. Believe me, when my last day at work--June 15--comes, I'll be a happy girl. Then it's two months off!!!
I'm going to take good care of myself, and get my food and brain back in order. I get concerned about myself when I have an OCD attack, because I have been very sick in the past with it, even disabled a couple of times. I've come a long way with this disease--had it since I was 8 but only diagnosed when I was 28--nearly 20 years ago, and it usually doesn't play much of an active role in my life, but it still worries me when I have symptoms because I remember the difficult times.
Cyan, I am so thrilled at your success these days. What you are doing is helping me remember that I can get back to it--that I am just going through a difficult time right now.
Lisa, I hope everything with your grades works out for you. I know how hard it is when you have worked so hard for something, and you are short of your goal. Don't be too hard on yourself, though. I never could have coped with going to school AND having a new baby at the same time. You're amazing to even be able to fit the two in. Don't sell yourself short. You are doing great.
Well, I've got to go. I cut the grass this morning--good body and mind therapy--while hubby did the grocery shopping and mailed the bills. I messed up our state income tax this year and had to send amended returns to the states of Illinois and Indiana--remember I used to work in Indiana?--so he mailed those too. I also have graded 4 sets of papers today and taken a nap. Hubby and girls are going to the movies and dinner tonight. I am going to church and have the evening to myself. I will probably grade a few more papers and then find something mindless but interesting on TV. That is one of my OCD focusing activities. After school is out, we are going to get satellite TV. Right now we don't even have cable, but hubby wants to watch NASCAR every weekend, not just what is on the network. I'm sure I'll like what's on it too.
Well, I'm really going now. See you all later.
