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Old 02-28-2004, 08:25 AM   #106  
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Happy Saturday!!!!

Another sunny day with the temps in the 60's today and tomorrow!! This weather will give me more opportunities this weekend to get out and keep moving. Today I'm going to do a few things in the house then I'm going to go out and plant some tulips.

Okay Happy, are you sure you want to be nagged everyday because we can do it Here it goes....are you behaving yourself ATTENTION!!! I SAID, ARE YOU BEHAVING YOURSELF? There, that sounded a little more forceful didn't it The grilled veggies sound really good but when I went to the grocery yesterday there wasn't a squash anywhere. Pretty soon it will be time to put out the garden and I will have so many I won't know what to do with them. Maybe I will eat them! I am really hopeing that I love the grilled veggies. Thanks for the tips. I hope you have a lovely wedding anniversary! You have accomplished alot of years together! Our anniversary is in April and I get excited every year when we celebrate! Our marriage was tough for about the first 2 or 3 years and sometimes I thought we just weren't going to make it. We grew up and learned alot and are working on 14 years.

Raven, What's going on with you? I tried to post again yesterday to congrat you on the loss and meeting your goal again but it didn't go through. Anyway, I'm so happy for you Keep it up and you will be lookin fine by summertime!

Jordan is a big cooked carrot eater. I hate them, imagine that. He likes for me to cook a can and he will most of the time eat the whole can. Anyway, I tries cooking frozen carrots. I really liked them. To me they taste different than canned ones. I was really excited because I found something else to eat that Jordan will eat to. Well, he hated the frozen ones. I just find it funny we can like one kind but not another.

I weighed this morning and was a little sad to see that I hadn't lost any weight I know now that I will just have to work harder this week. Eat a little less bread or fruit or something. I have a feeling it will have to be bread.

Better get started on this day. Enjoy and keep moving forward!
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Old 02-28-2004, 09:37 AM   #107  
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Hey ladies...

Pardon me today.. I'm having a bit of a hard time. I'm staying OP foodwise, which I'm thankful for, and I figure I'll work out alright. But my ex has done it again, and I'm just .. very disappointed, very sad for my kids, and I think I've reached the end of my rope with him.

I put most of the sordid story (there's always more when you're talking so many years, isn't there?) in my journal, if you want to read it.

I just keep seeing in my mind my kids' faces as they were talking to me last night. The hardness over my daughter's, the incredible pain on my son's. I just don't get it. I don't understand how a person can just walk away from their kids. I can't fathom turning your back on your children. I just feel so helpless. I'll be ok.. I hope my kids will be ok. I think they will. You know last night they both told me that they think Richard has been more of a father to them than their father ever has. You'd have to know Richard to know what a stretch that is. But I told him that. I could see in his eyes that the appreciation was important to him. The last time I was angry like this at my ex-husband was when I decided to divorce him. It's that cold, detached kind of anger. He's hurt my kids... again. And I'm sick of it.

Anyway.. I'm sorry I'm not much help today. I hate the thought of having to talk to him, but I know I need to. I need to make sure he understands what he's done. Past that, I can do everything through a lawyer. I don't know how to do this, I have no clue. I never believed I'd have to. I always wanted to believe that he would finally shape up and really be a father. But I guess I have to draw the line somewhere. I feel bad in a way, because I tried to encourage my children to believe in him too. I never wanted them to hate him. But I guess he's blowing that all to bits all by himself. He doesn't need my help. God, I'm sorry.. I'm just babbling on. This has really hurt us all.

I need to get myself together and stop thinking for a little while and get some laundry done, get a workout of some sort in.

I hope you all are having a beautiful day!
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Old 02-28-2004, 09:50 PM   #108  
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Oh man Raven, just when things were starting to look up. I am soooo sorry for the anger you are going through and the pain your children are feeling. I too have seen my share of fractured father/children relationships and I know too well the pain of loving the man because he was my dad yet hating what the beer did to a man who was lovable yet weak.

It sounds as if your ex is one of those weak willed, selfish people who never grew up to accept responsibility or consequences. The kind who expects someone to dig him out of the hole he puts himself in and gets defensive when expected to stand up and take some responsibility. I totally understand your anger, dissapointment and the fierceness you must feel to protect your children most of all. It must be hard for your daughter as she is reaching the age where you look at boys and when you can't trust the first boy relationship you have with your dad, then how are you influenced about men the rest of your life? And your son as well.

Let me ask you though, if he can't seem to be regular in the pittance of support payments you agreed to now, will he do any better if he is told to give more? Don't get me wrong, I totally support you that he is obligated - legally and morally to support these children he had a part of bringing into this world. Do you have the time and the money to pursue this? I say this because my mom had my father jailed for non support and that was traumatic to me. After a few stints in the cell, he did finally join AA and quit drinking which to this day I consider a miracle and he did clean his act up. The drinking did catch up with him eventually and he passed away prematurely tho he did spend his last years trying to make up (in his own way) for his wrong doing. My mother however, could not let go of the anger and bitterness and resentment for what he did to her and us (they were divorced when I was 17). My dad's been gone for 13 years now and she periodically will go on a tangent, get herself all worked up and my sister and I will have to listen to her go on and on about how horrible he was, what a crappy life she had, how we as the children were "cheated" out of what we deserved. While the alcoholism did terrible things one thing we did get from him was unconditional love and support - which in a way, made it all the more harder to deal with him when things got bad. I guess it would be easier if we could have just hated him but then I look at the life my husband had with his father who should have never had children and see how the anger and hatred of that man's cruelty affected my husband up to the day the man died. Anyway my mom's rants only opened old wounds for both my sister and I. We had to gently tell her several times that we understood her anger but we did not feel the same way about our father and it became more and more disturbing to us to listen to her. He's dead, those times are past. Go on.

I can't tell you what to do, I can only try and explain from the point of view of the child caught in the middle between an angry mother and a father who was the baby of the family and never learned how to live up to his responsibilities. If I were you, I would have some long talks with your kids - well actually let them talk and you listen. At their ages it is hard for them to understand that not all dads are perfect and people don't always act like they should. They will form their own opinions and I don't think it's your responsibility to hide that he's a schmuck. I can see this going the route of my father in law. The kids grow up without his support and being the self centered me me what about me person that he was, one day in the future he starts to feel sorry for himself and regret that he let his kids grow up without him. Then he tries to make amends. By then they will be adults and have to decide for themselves how they will deal with things.

If you can get a settlement out of him, go for it. I know that there are more avenues to go after dead beat dads than when I was growing up and I hope you can get him to provide financial support. No matter what, he has a duty however reality doesn't always match with moral obligations. It is also not fair that you have to bear the burden of this yourself, but again, this sometimes happens. The best you can do is to help your children grow to be strong and understand through you what love and support is all about. And I don't even have the slightest clue as to how to explain to them that sometimes the people closest to you that you trust the most are the ones that hurt you the most.

Again - hope you find some guidance and strength within you. Just don't let this tear you apart - you need to be the rock for them.

Last edited by happy2bme; 02-28-2004 at 09:55 PM.
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Old 03-01-2004, 12:22 PM   #109  
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Happy Monday, Happy March, happy happy happy. Yep.

I started the new thread, and I'll respond to your posts over there as soon as I get time cards and month end stuff done here. Hope everyone is doing well!
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