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Old 06-23-2004, 09:52 AM   #1  
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Default What are your responses to these comments?

Hi,
I'm new to this board and was hoping some of you can help me with some of the challenges that I am facing. I am 32 years old & I recently lost 40 lbs. I've been struggling with my weight for about 4 years, and finally got it together by doing a balanced 1200 calorie a day eating plan - 3 meals & snacks plus unlimited vegetables, sugar free jello & sugarless gum. To maintain my weight I eat 1700 calories. I also walk & try to stay as active as I can. At 5'7", I now weight about 128lbs (about a size 6) which is what I used to weigh prior to this weight gain. I am healthier & am eating better than I ever have. Though a lot of people have been supportive, some are not. It's the ones that aren't that are starting to get to me. My weight always seem to be the topic of conversation with my in-laws (they bring it up) & it makes me uncomfortable. How do you guys respond to the following?

1. "You're too thin"

2. "How much do you weigh/what size are you?"

3. "What do you do, just eat salad all day?"

4. Constant talk about weight/looks in general

Your insights would be greatly appreciated!
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Old 06-23-2004, 10:48 AM   #2  
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Sophie and welcome to 3FC... Firstly, a big CONGRATS on your weight loss Keep posting you'll love it here...We have a great Maintainers forum where you can discuss all these problems... and yes they are a problem and a pain you know where?

Here is a little suggestion just prove to them that you are a healthier person for it now and ignore the comments... at your height and weight you are NOT, I repeat NOT too skinny, they may just be very very envious...or because of the outbreak of anorexia and bulimia they may also worry about you... Just keep up your great work... Join us and talk it out here because WE certainly understand...

Take care and to you...
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:24 AM   #3  
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Welcome, Sophie!

Lanaii is right. If you won't talk about something, generally people tend to give up on bringing up the subject. I, however, have a streak of smart a** in me a mile wide so I'm also normally prepared with comebacks that don't give them a real answer - that way they still give up and I get to have some fun in the meantime.
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:27 AM   #4  
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Bravo for you!

I remem,ber years ago at Weight Watchers...the Leader said when people start telling you that you are toooooo thin.it is a pretty good indication YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD! I agree,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and have never forgot that.

Unkind remarks or sarcastic statements came as a real surprise to me when I lost 42 pounds...........I never dreamed I would have to deal with that!

I would suggest.....stating either:
"I didnt know you had such a PERSONAL interest in me"
"I did this for my health and well being........not just to look better"


Sometimes when we discuss it is for health people encorage us more and do not feel as "threatened" by our success...............I have never had someone push food at me when I talked about health issues...........naturally they arent gonna suggest you do "unhealthy things".

Hope this healps.........it is a surprise........................................an d something to deal with but.........................YOU have done wonderful! Be proud! Kill em with kindness!

Hope this helps
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:34 AM   #5  
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Thumbs up This is how I would respond

First of all, you should be proud of yourself and not let those people bring you down. The answer to all those questions is basically in how you feel about your weight and size. You sound like you are comfortable and that is what matters. To tell you honestly, I'm only 5' 4" and would be very happy at 128 myself, so these people may be a little jealous. If you are small-medium in frame, 128lbs. is probably a very good weight for you--the main thing is that you are comfortable and that your doctor is fine with it. So answering those questions, if I were you I would say:

1) My doctor doesn't think I'm too thin and it's my health that matters here.

2) If I asked you the same question, would you tell me?

3) No, but I do eat salad and vegetables and other healthy food.

4) (I don't really have an answer but you can tell them that the important
thing is how you feel inside and that this may show on the outside if
you are feeling good about yourself.)

Anyway, good for you and keep up the good work...I bet you look great but more important is that you feel great and you should! Congrats!
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Old 06-23-2004, 03:01 PM   #6  
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Thank you, everyone! I am small framed & this weight feels good to me & is a weight that I think I can realistically maintain. Boy, I never heard all of this "concern" when I was overweight & taking medication at age 30 for high blood pressure & cholesterol! I've thought about it, and I don't think anyone who makes these comments to me has an kind of genuine "concern". My mother in law told me the other day that a friend of hers now takes a bigger size than her, and it makes her feel so good. She such a nice lady, but I am seeing now that she has some major body image issues of her own. I've been there, so I know how she feels. Maybe it also bothers me that peoples true colors are coming out. I'm not one to like a lot of attention, I'm basically a private person, so when they all start firing questions at me at family gatherings it makes me feel overwhelmed & anxious. Thank you for making me feel welcome & for all of your ideas & suggestions! I certainly appreciate it!
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Old 06-23-2004, 06:02 PM   #7  
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you know what?? there is always someone that going to ***** or make stupid comments (excuse the french lol) You can be overweight, underwieght, the perfect weight, it dont matter. for some folk, they got nothing better to do with their time than to make other feel crappy. For the people who are like that toward you, just ignore them. There not worth it. You should be proud of your accomplishments and not let these people get to you.

I think you have done an awesome job and I hope one day that I can, someday, say I have accomplished as much as you.
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Old 06-23-2004, 06:55 PM   #8  
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Congratulations on your weight loss and please don't let jealous people spoil it for you!

A few suggested comments:-

1. "You're too thin"
Well I got sick of being 'too fat' and fancied a change.

2. "How much do you weigh/what size are you?"
Are you doing a survey?

3. "What do you do, just eat salad all day?"
No, I don't have time to sit around eating salad all day.

4. Constant talk about weight/looks in general
Grin and bear it/change the subject/take it as a compliment. You must be looking great for people to find you such a hot topic of conversation - enjoy it!
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Old 06-23-2004, 09:51 PM   #9  
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You all have made me feel so much better!!!

Nagsalot - you are so right! Funny thing is, the same people who made hurtful comments towards me when I was heavy seem to be the same ones who can't handle my weight loss now...hmmmmm...

Angel- your responses are great- I especially love the response to "you're too thin". I can say it with humor & it will certainly get my point across!

If anyone else has any other responses, please post! It's great to hear all of your ideas. I am learning something from all of you.
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Old 06-23-2004, 10:35 PM   #10  
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Remember often comments that people make about you are issues they have with themselves.

Take care!

Ali
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Old 06-24-2004, 01:42 PM   #11  
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Congratulations with the loss. You've gotten some great advice.

The one about how much you weigh what size are you..
I'd say My mom taught me it's not polite to ask a lady her age or her weight and out of respect for her I'm going to be polite and not answer.

You could also be catty and say about 40 pounds lighter than I did when I was fat.

As for the you're too thin, I think most people who lose a lot of weight get that comment because everyone is so used to seeing you "fat" it's hard for them to adjust to the new you.

Hopefully as the newness of the new you wears off, so will a lot of the comments and constant attention.
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Old 06-24-2004, 01:47 PM   #12  
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Quote:
As for the you're too thin, I think most people who lose a lot of weight get that comment because everyone is so used to seeing you "fat" it's hard for them to adjust to the new you.

Hopefully as the newness of the new you wears off, so will a lot of the comments and constant attention.
Exactly! It's not always jealousy. As a matter of fact, most of the time, I don't think jealousy has a thing to do with it. Most people have a natural aversion to change. It doesn't matter if it's a good change or not - it's a change. When the change becomes the norm, things will even out again.
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Old 06-24-2004, 02:33 PM   #13  
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Hey all,
When people ask me questions like that /make comments like that I usually am very serious and take them at face value. 9 times out of 10 these are not people who are perfect by any stretch so when they say "You are awefully thin" I will reply "Yeah..I know..Boy I would sure love to have your figure..." They almost always say "Oh well, I'm not perfect...or I could stand to lose some weight.. ...er um.." and I'll say "But at least your not too thin..." I put it right back in their corner and I am so sincere about it that they are uncomfortable. They may say "Don't you think 5 days a week is too much time in the gym?" and I'll say "Gee I certainly feel great.... but maybe it is. I'll follow your work out plan for awhile and see how that works for me. What is your workout schedule like?" Most of the time they don't work out at all and this ends the conversation right there. When people judge me I try to approach it in a way that politley shows them they aren't in a position to judge anybody. I am polite most of the time but have been known to be sarcastic on occassion and have even said "Wow, I wish I was so perfect I could just go around picking out everyone else's flaws! That must feel great. Good for you!"
It isn't always jeolousy but it is still an invasion of your space regardless of the reason. I agree with the idea of asking "Why do you ask?" or "Why are you so concerned?" or "Gee, I'm overwhelmed with all the attention your giving me. Are you sure I'm deserving?"
Put it back on them...
Congrats!! on your weight loss. That's gotta feel good.
XOXO
L2L
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Old 06-24-2004, 02:40 PM   #14  
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" About 40 pounds lighter than I did when I was fat."
heehee...that one will get 'em!!

I have given some thought to everything you all said & have also been trying to figure out what is it about ME that's being triggered by these comments. I have figured out that:

1. I can't stand it when someone tries to control me (or what I perceive to be so)
2. It hurts that when I was heavy, people that I thought had my best interest at heart may have been using my weight problem to make themselves feel better
3. It bothers me that that the kids in the family are listening to all of this & I'm wondering what kind of message they are getting from this constant weight talk- not a positive one, I don't think.
4. I need to listen to myself more & not look to others for validation.

Also, I have narrowed it down to 3 particular people that have been bugging me the most. All 3 have implied that by me planning what I am going to eat & sticking to that plan, it is somehow obsessive & too regimented. This confuses me, since I think that if this is what is working for me & keeping me from binging, than it's a good thing. Since all 3 people are very close to me & have implied this, I was starting to get paranoid. I thought to myself, should I go out & eat spontaneously? Should I have that piece of cake at the next party? These behaviors have gotten me into so much trouble before, I resisted & stuck to my plan. Well guess what? ALL 3 of these people have major body image issues, have no plan of their own & they have absolutely no control over their own eating & binge eat themselves! Maybe by thinking that I am doing something wrong, it makes them feel better?

I also agree that it's going to take some time for people to get used to my new size. Hopefully this will blow over in time.

Thanks for all of your great advise!

Last edited by sophie_kitty; 06-24-2004 at 02:44 PM.
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Old 06-25-2004, 04:47 AM   #15  
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HI,
You've gotten some good suggestions for these types of invasive questions. Don't let these people make you paranoid. You've successfully and healthily lost weight and you know how you did it, so that's all that matters.

1. "You're too thin"
--Another good way to answer, and can be incorporated into many queries, is to say "I am no longer a part of the statistic of 2/3 of Americans being overweight"

2. "How much do you weigh/what size are you?"
-- I like the answer about "its not polite to ask a lady her age or weight" or " would you answer that same question?"

3. "What do you do, just eat salad all day?"
--"No, I don't eat all day" or "I include salad as part of a balanced approach to nutrition" or the other answer asking them if they're taking a survey!! You could also ask them if they're taking dinner reservations!

4. Constant talk about weight/looks in general
--here you could turn it back around to the growing unhealthiness/couch potato/portion control problems in America, OR tell the truth, that you don't care to discuss it/I've told you all before, etc.. If they persist just say there's only one way to lose weight, LESS INPUT & MORE OUTPUT - PERIOD.
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